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One Hundred and One
My first poetry posted here. Any opinions? Negative or positive is welcome.
One Hundred and One A joy has taken me again I pine to hold someone within My arms and feel her hold me back And hope my soul shall never lack Again but then, that’s nothing new In time I’d surely fall for you Just like a hundred times before When I set free my heart to soar And threw my love at Helen’s feet Compelled to sail my am’rous fleet To bring fair maiden back to me And share for all eternity My love which never shall grow weak Or ‘til at least another week When I shall fall in love once more Just like those hundred times before |
I really like this one good job. Care to share your inspiration for it?
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I love how it flows with the rythm!
Here's a tip of advice I learned late during last semester when getting constructive criticism for my work: Quote:
Now for that particular sentence, I would either break that syllible pattern and have: "My love which never shall grow weak Or until at least another week When I shall fall in love once more" or get rid of the "Or" and have: "My love which never shall grow weak until at least another week When I shall fall in love once more" Then also to help the flow I would use the full word amorous rather than abriviating it as "am’rous." Overall, great work! Please keep it up!:thumbsup::thumbsup: |
I do like the flow of it with just "until." That is sooem sound advice. I also used am'rous instead of amorous, again to get the syllables to match up. Maybe I will look in to changing that one, too.
-------------------- The inspiration came during English 102. I found myself attracted to the woman I was sitting next to. Then I started thinking about how that happens in pretty much every class, every semester, so I wrote a poem about it. |
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