CoachAlan

My first poetry posted here. Any opinions? Negative or positive is welcome.

One Hundred and One

A joy
has taken me again
I pine
to hold someone within
My arms
and feel her hold me back
And hope
my soul shall never lack
Again
but then, that’s nothing new
In time
I’d surely fall for you
Just like
a hundred times before
When I
set free my heart to soar
And threw
my love at Helen’s feet
Compelled
to sail my am’rous fleet
To bring
fair maiden back to me
And share
for all eternity
My love
which never shall grow weak
Or ‘til
at least another week
When I
shall fall in love once more
Just like
those hundred times before

__________________
"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"
- Mark Twain

Ryan

I really like this one good job. Care to share your inspiration for it?

ForgottenKnight

I love how it flows with the rythm!

Here's a tip of advice I learned late during last semester when getting constructive criticism for my work:
One should not use abreviations like 'til, 'tis, etc, but instead "until" and "it is," even if it breaks the pattern for number of syllibles. Instead it is okay to break the syllibles pattern, especially when it will help smooth out the flow and rythm. Using those is a common beginers mistake made in an effort to make one's writing sound as if it were written by a professional from another time. This is a mistake that even I have made many times, so don't feel bad about it.
Now for that particular sentence, I would either break that syllible pattern and have:
"My love
which never shall grow weak
Or until
at least another week
When I
shall fall in love once more"
or get rid of the "Or" and have:
"My love
which never shall grow weak
until
at least another week
When I
shall fall in love once more"
Then also to help the flow I would use the full word amorous rather than abriviating it as "am’rous."

Overall, great work! Please keep it up!

__________________
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

CoachAlan

I do like the flow of it with just "until." That is sooem sound advice. I also used am'rous instead of amorous, again to get the syllables to match up. Maybe I will look in to changing that one, too.

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The inspiration came during English 102. I found myself attracted to the woman I was sitting next to. Then I started thinking about how that happens in pretty much every class, every semester, so I wrote a poem about it.

__________________
"If I cannot smoke cigars in heaven, I shall not go!"
- Mark Twain