Where are you?
 

I look out into the misty night
But you are nowhere within my sight
I need you to comfort me
And tell me that we'll always be
I wait in wonder for the day
When you will look at me and say
That your love will last forever
And that we'll always be together
I need you to help me through this strife
I can not make it alone in this life

When will you reveal yourself
And show me that you're not a dream
When will I find where you are
And show you that I'm not what I seem

How will I find you, my beautiful dove
Where are you, my one true love?



This is basically my first real attempt at any form of poetry... ever... let me know what you think.

The Wall
 

The wall beside me seems so bare
It's missing your picture, where I used to stare
I used to dream of feeling your touch
Now I dream of nothing much
I think of how we could have been
But you couldn't stay and try to win
You gave up on what we had
And all you told me was "too bad"
The wall between us was too strong
The wait was lasting far too long
If only we could have broken that wall
Then we never would have taken the fall
I think of what you did to me
You told me we were meant to be
You fed me all your perfect lies
If only I had been more wise
I wouldn't have let you suck me in
I shouldn't have let you make me want in
The wall is still standing but I don't care
You put me through my worst nightmare
I lay awake with a broken heart
You made me into your work of art
I feel so difigured and lost
It was no where near worth the cost
If that wall had never been there
Would I still end up here
The wall beside me now so cold
It matches your heart, but mine you sold.



My second horrible attempt. I'm just finding this is a good way to say some things I've been thinking. Go ahead and rip 'em to shreds if you want.

Nice work, Thanks for sharing it with us.

you're off to a good start.

two suggestions:

add vivid imagery. a good poem utilizes fresh metaphors. try to stay away from cliches. in thise way you can create something that will penetrate into peoples minds and hearts and they'll remember your work.

another is simple. try to keep away from forced sounding rhyme. i myself am at fault for the same thing .. but try to use rhymes words that are fresh and that people aren't expecting.

what you have here is great in the fact that i can read it and easily feel what you are trying to say. good sense of feeling.

just my 2¢
share more if you'd like, please ^_^

-Paul

Nefarious, I'm well aware of those 2 faults in my poems. That is something that I want to get away from, but like I said, I'm new at writing poetry, so I'm hoping I'll get better at it as I keep going.

Kyp.. I am no literary genious, but I loved them! Thanks for sharing!

Thank you for sharing! Nice work.
It is all a matter of what is inside of us in my opinion. We each have a different style driven by different emotions.
I don't feel there is a right or wrong, simply unique to ourselves.
Keep it up and I hope you keep posting! :D

Kyp

snif... thanks for making me cry. AUGH... most of your lines are ringing true for me right now.

Lost in Life
 

I don't know which path to take
I can't tell if what I see is fake
I wander 'round this life alone
All I know to do is roam
I don't recognize anything
I can't tell what I'm feeling
There's no one here to guide me along
I've been lost for far too long
When I found a path to follow
It didn't work and left me hollow
I hope to find the path someday
And I will walk all the way
Trapped in a jungle with no knife,
I can't help but feel lost in life

I like this poem, it's very emotional