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Ockhams_razor 07-16-2004 07:52 PM
antitoxin
 
I see the reason,
I'm faultering now
but not forever
you've strenghtened me
I still hate you
the bitterness does not subside
but I should thank you
for the vaccine of distrust
you've given me the sight
and now I see my faults

tecoyah 07-18-2004 07:18 AM
Bitter...but strong in emotion.
I would change one of the "Nows" in the first two lines, other than that....well done.

ForgottenKnight 07-23-2004 09:51 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by tecoyah
Bitter...but strong in emotion.
I would change one of the "Nows" in the first two lines, other than that....well done.
Agreed. I'd suggest just scratching the "now" in the first line. Bitterness is a strong emotion, and you've used it to create a good poem. Good job!


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