notthebeachball

I'm new around these parts, but here's a poem I wrote recently.


Lighting fire to palm trees
I'm torching the fuck out of them
the same way Angela burned me
and average days crash with
the cacophony of another Monday
a Tuesday
a Wednesday through Friday
all falling behind you
like dead tree branches in storms
across your driveway
making a mess and
there's no going back
before you can clean it up.

This Saturday is all about
free drinks
from a non-alcoholic bar
on your retarded-ass wedding day
where I sat in the back
barely able to see
not close enough to throw up
as you kissed what's his face
the butch fireman
the way you used to kiss me
with lips half parted
a hint of tongue.
I stared at him, not you
a larger than life dude
a douche-ass who doused my love
that's why I'm outside
with clenched fists
with a lighter
with a bottle of gin I stole
from the bartender's secret stash
Plymouth Original, I think
extra dry.

Lighting fires for no apparent reason
just attention, I guess
trying to squash this feeling
of always being black or white
and today I'm nothing, if not grey
a foot on either side of the isle
there's no party to belong to here
that's why I'm torching palm tress
they're so beautiful
just like you were
not at all like me
I'm ugly without you.

But the thing that still
smokes me into a rage
is the way you screwed
a George Costanza look-a-like
because he drove a fire truck
for a living
I write
for nothing
and still can't pay the bills.
Sweetie, you killed me
pounded me
at all the wrong times
times when I thought
I was in love with love itself
but you waved goodbye
goodbye
goodbye
these recollections scurried
away from our feet
they're gone
like rodents you had come to love
but have since
been put to sleep.

Our love was like
Assisted suicide
Easy
But not painless
not painless
not painless
not painless.

As for
these Memories?
Blaow! Shot free from
the most powerful weapon on earth
your heart
through my mind
that will now undergo
electric shock treatment
trying to forget
you and the dizziness
you made me feel
at 4:00 in the morning
in cold Decembers
when you rolled over on top of me
and said hello
barely audible
but I knew what you meant.

Christ.

I want to be resting
with eyes closed
and noses touching
your breath tickling my face
but all those times
I never said a damn thing
because
you looked so fucking gorgeous
with your eyes shut
and your face wrinkled
it was the way we used to be
that I'll miss
that I'll always latch onto
but all the things I keep losing
are new sensations
it's like clutching at straws
that have been through the ringer
too tied up and twisted
to suck anymore.

Goodbye
goodbye to the lips
against the window
that used to separate
the tiny distances
between you and her
when it was raining
and you were playing games
locking me outside in downpours
just burn it all
I don't care
my walls are down
I'm defenseless
I'm useless
I'm moving on to cars next
maybe they'll explode
wouldn't that be fun?
Fire is cathartic.

You never would have expected
I was always quiet
you could slip so much past me
and think I never knew
but I do now
and how's it feel
now that I am
leveling the playing field?
These sorts of days
are supposed to be perfect
a perfect day for a perfect girl
but you have the audacity
some sort of courage
some balls to wear white
in front of all these people
especially me
but, oh
you're Lutheran
I forgot
pink would give grandma
a heart attack
and grandpa an ulcer
you're still an angel in their eyes
but a whore in my own.

The trees are falling now
onto cars already engulfed
no one's noticed yet
no one's noticed
it's always the same old story
today's still about you and
your recognition
not mine
never mine
never mine
oh fuck it. Never mind.

I'm walking away
in more ways than one
across this black-topped church parking lot
with freshly painted yellow lines
places for wealthy Christians
to park their bullshit SUV's
and it's strange
I can see her eyes
in the headlights of parked cars
sad and droopy
but capable of instant illumination
if only I could package them to sell
it'd be instant happiness in a box
I'd be a millionaire
and the world would align in peace
at the sight
of Angela's maddening beauty.

I'm a big boy, I think
I can handle this
I read between the lines and I-
"Oh shit!"
a parishioner is screaming:
"What have you done!?"
I slam a mouthful of gin
"Ooooh, harsh, harsh, harsh" I say
police in the distance
they're coming for me, I'm afraid
I'm afraid
suddenly I'm fucking terrified and
for a brief moment I think
maybe it's the fireman's crew
Costanza's people arriving
Fire trucks and sirens
wailing
wailing
wailing.

I turn around right into a left hook
George's punch packs a wallop
and from the ground
flat on my back
all I see
are palm trees pressed against the blue sky
embers eloquently scattering
such an amazing contrast
and then it happens
Angela's face
hovers above my own and asks
"why?"
but I don't know
I don't know
and it kills me
I cannot answer.

I try and kiss her, but come up short
not by more than an inch
six policemen yank me away
"It's been fun, Angel…
it's been a blast, and for what's it's worth
I loved you
I loved you
I loved you more than I could ever love myself."
and that's saying a lot.

tecoyah

Damn......just fucking Damn.

That was great, I loved this.
Hell of a story, well placed into poetic verse.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha