Czernobog

I told myself a long time ago I didn't need love. It was a waste, just more pain to add to my life. I had friends, and a goal, and my hobby. What else did I need? Sure someone to share it with might be nice, but thats what friends are for, right? And sex can be gotten as just sex, no attachment.
But I still feel a longing. I see damn near everyone I know with someone, and they're happy. Hell, they're damn near euphoric. And I wonder. I wonder what it would be like to hold someone just because she's near, to laugh in the rain with her and hear her laugh with me, for no other reason than that she's there. To feel her body next to mine on cold nights, and her lips sending sparks through mine. To know, absoloutly KNOW that there's going to be someone there for me, no matter how bad everything is and how fucking horrible my day is, I can talk to her and see a brighter side to it. And it just keeps hurting more and more, and all I can hear is my own heart beating alone and all I can feel are the tears streaming down my face and all I feel is empty . Is this normal? Does anyone else know how it feels to want someone to make you feel like your the only person on earth that matters? I keep telling myself that I don't need someone, that its unhealthy to keep doing this to myself.
But I still feel it. And now I'm done and I'm probably going to go cry myself to sleep and get up tomorrow and god I can't face another damn day like this. I think I'm starting to have a breakdown from all the shit I've had to put up with in the last few months. It all just builds up and builds up and then I remember what it WAS like and it just hurts more. Somebody tell me I'm dreaming and it'll all be over soon.....please.
It's funny how you can tell things to strangers that you can't even tell to your own friends.

__________________
Embrace the flame

tecoyah

We all "need" someone, sometimes.
And "someone" will be there, sometimes.
Just not right now.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha