'Flailing butterflies' & 'Scars'
 

Flailing Butterflies

Hidden from the watchful eyes
Within a blind mans gaze
We've lost ourselves
Twisting from the voices
Running from the hounds
Somewhere deep inside we've lied
To ourselves we have betrayed
The life we thought was ours
Has fled like butterflies in rain
Our dusty wings have failed thier flight
We are falling towards the ground
The mighty thud that should end our life
Was only a puddle of mud . . . .



Scars

The light has not shown here for days
Eyes cloud with unshed moisture
Another angry, bleeding scar
Marking my defects for all to see
Like I need more
One more thing for people to stare at
One more thing for them to question
One more constant, numbing pain
They can never be hidden
Never be left behind, like dirty clothes
Constant reminders of my makers will


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Please post some kind of remark

I like the tone of flailing Butterflies a lot, although personally, 'scars' misses my mark a tad.

I enjoyed the use of butterflies to convey the sentiment though, and the final rhyme was quite evocative indeed.

Very deep I liked them alot...

Scars is dead on.. I wish I could get rid of mine all the time.. Half my head is a scar.... Makes people think it ok to ask what happend to you... They make you live that story over and over never being able to move on..

Excellent:)

Very Good!:thumbsup:

You write beautifully

The two almost tie into each other...as if there is a thin web connecting them together.....well done.