Unsettled - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Memnoch · 06-20-2004, 03:20 PM

[Note: I write a lot of "scenes," and I'm going to start posting them here. They're not short stories, so much as they're just quick snippets of the movies that are constantly playing in my head.]

"No," he said quietly, his eyes focused squarely on his rough-and-tumble shoes. "No, I'm not alright. I don't think I'm ever really alright."

She looked at him with concern, wishing he'd raise his head and talk to her instead of at her. Through her.

"I just -" he broke off, the words held in his throat. What could he say? "What can I say?" he asked no-one in specific.

She was either oblivious or apathetic to the rhetorical nature of his question; she put her hand on his and squeezed softly. "Say whatever it is you need to say. Tell me what's going on. I want to help you." Tears glistened in the eyes that he refused to look into. "I want you to be happy."

"There is no happiness." His voice sounded flat and lifeless; inhuman. "There is only pain and release. Happiness is just a brief reprieve from the constant ache and throb of our wayward souls. Maybe you can slave yourself to comfort; I can't." And then he did look at her. She flinched at the look; in it were the very words he's spoken, true to form. His eyes seemed to search. Search her, search the room...ever intent, constantly seeking out clues to some puzzle that he tried to solve in his mind. He canted his head just a bit to the left, words tumbling out of his mouth. "One can't find the solution within the problem itself, I suppose. Where does that leave us?"

Lifeless, still. She dared not breathe for fear he might turn to dust and blow away. A sob was caught in her throat. Who was this man in front of her?

ForgottenKnight · 06-20-2004, 05:06 PM

If that's the small part that gets one interested, it works. Nice Job.

*Nikki* · 06-20-2004, 05:41 PM

Excellent

SixEdxMia · 06-20-2004, 06:00 PM

That was beautifully written,Took me somewhere else for two full minutes.

Thank you.

Memnoch · 06-20-2004, 08:16 PM

Thank you all very much. I'm glad my writing can find a good audience.

Mia: your comment touched me deeply; I can't tell you how good it is to know that I can bring you to my world.

06-20-2004, 03:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Memnoch Insane Location: Land of milk and honey - Wisconsin	Unsettled [Note: I write a lot of "scenes," and I'm going to start posting them here. They're not short stories, so much as they're just quick snippets of the movies that are constantly playing in my head.] "No," he said quietly, his eyes focused squarely on his rough-and-tumble shoes. "No, I'm not alright. I don't think I'm ever really alright." She looked at him with concern, wishing he'd raise his head and talk to her instead of at her. Through her. "I just -" he broke off, the words held in his throat. What could he say? "What can I say?" he asked no-one in specific. She was either oblivious or apathetic to the rhetorical nature of his question; she put her hand on his and squeezed softly. "Say whatever it is you need to say. Tell me what's going on. I want to help you." Tears glistened in the eyes that he refused to look into. "I want you to be happy." "There is no happiness." His voice sounded flat and lifeless; inhuman. "There is only pain and release. Happiness is just a brief reprieve from the constant ache and throb of our wayward souls. Maybe you can slave yourself to comfort; I can't." And then he did look at her. She flinched at the look; in it were the very words he's spoken, true to form. His eyes seemed to search. Search her, search the room...ever intent, constantly seeking out clues to some puzzle that he tried to solve in his mind. He canted his head just a bit to the left, words tumbling out of his mouth. "One can't find the solution within the problem itself, I suppose. Where does that leave us?" Lifeless, still. She dared not breathe for fear he might turn to dust and blow away. A sob was caught in her throat. Who was this man in front of her? __________________ Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

06-20-2004, 05:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	If that's the small part that gets one interested, it works. Nice Job. __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

06-20-2004, 06:00 PM	#4 (permalink)
SixEdxMia <3 Peetster Location: Peetster's house.	That was beautifully written,Took me somewhere else for two full minutes. Thank you. __________________ Honey,We're home.

06-20-2004, 08:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
Memnoch Insane Location: Land of milk and honey - Wisconsin	Thank you all very much. I'm glad my writing can find a good audience. Mia: your comment touched me deeply; I can't tell you how good it is to know that I can bring you to my world. __________________ Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.

06-20-2004, 05:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	Excellent