Literature CHALLENGE! (elegiacal)
 

Can you write an elegiacal poem?

------- A poem in couplets (pairs of rhyming lines). Each line has 6 syllables (hexameter). The first and fourth syllables are long, with the rest short (dactylic). The third and six syllables are unstressed.

Poetic haven't-beens
Struggling as it seems

All are of dire afflict
Dactylic verse is strict

(even I cant do it)

Pornography is why
beauty is in the eye

Viewers will gaze at it
their pants will rise from tits.

this one was done quickly, so ignore it :)
I'm working on another.

the third line is good, analog, but the rest have inconsistant stresses

just once i'd like to be
more than a memory

fading away to black
i will never come back


did i do that right?!

Wanting to live forever
Needing much more Liquor

Dancing fast in moonlight
Missing her much tonight

How's that.

nah guys, watch the stresses. tekno came real close, but the stresses in the last line are out of place. Great attempt though.

Pan, watch the number of syllables too.

Ok, I think I did harribly, but I tried :)
I posted it so I can see where I went wrong a little mmore clearly.
It was fun to write though.


Strangely we stagger in
False and unattended sin

stench of a spoiled pen
cornered bleeding men

false we ignore them all
crazed uncouth and small

Re: Literature CHALLENGE! (elegiacal)
 

Deeply felt, Dismal days
Broken mind, Tortured haze

Insight lost, Knowledge fades
Highscool classes, Failing grades

Aging helps, Timeless curve
Taking more, Increased Nerve

Spending Hours, Learning facts
Fixing holes, Sealing cracks

Current state, Growing strong
Power play, Never wrong

Chauncey, among other things, spoiled is one syllable

Tecoyah, the issue with your poem is that every third syllable is long.

ok I made that line 6 syllables
any better?

Strangely we stagger in
False and unattended sin

stench of a spoiled ink pen
cornered bleeding men

false we ignore them all
crazed uncouth and small

Perhaps I misunderstand the term long, as I am not a poet.

Please define that I may try again.

utter to yourself 'toc tik tik'
the first syllable 'sounds' longer, doesn't it?
It has to do with the tense of the vowel.

Got it....hmmm. bit drunk tonight.

Deeply felt pain, Remourse
Broken mind, no recourse

more along the lines?

nah, your first line has the stresses mixed up and your second line has a long 3rd and 6th syllable

Damn....ain't this a bitch

Not within, Gone again
Swallow thought,Force my pen
Lines of dots,Blank in ink
Cramping mind, Forced to think.

Your first line is good.. that's it.