riptide4070

I've seen her guitar
standin up lonely in the living room
I can see her strum
I can hear her sing
but the words to be displayed
never come to mind
she's different from other women
in her I see a rainbow
colors filled with femininity
a glare of masculinity
rising through a sky of love and independence

her eyes sometimes
hold me in their stare
it never lasts long
but I see things that aren't there
she probably looks to me
for friendship and for kindness
I wish for her to want me
in my encompassing blindness

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"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

vonstalhein

The second stanza, i thought, was immeasurably better than the first. Some clever wordplay and the imagery of her 'eyes' enthralled me...but i nearly passed it over after seeing
'in her I see a rainbow
colors filled with femininity'

Overall, i enjoyed it, but i think the 1st stanza could be improved?

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No Win No Fee

ForgottenKnight

Nice! I really like that second stanza! The first one is good too.

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"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

riptide4070

thanks for the constructive criticism vonstalhein, it is always appreciated!

__________________
"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'