a couple of really short poems - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

scarebearjinx · 05-03-2003, 04:21 PM

black as night
cold as stone
gnarlled feet
break the bone

eternal sleep
sweet as life
sorrows deep
burn like ice

J.R.V.A. · 05-06-2003, 06:53 AM

Nice, short and to the point

Angel · 05-07-2003, 06:37 PM

A lot spoken in those eight short lines.

HiThereDear · 05-09-2003, 05:09 PM

nice, the form fits the sentiment. One suggestion, maybe change eternal to 'ternal, or change the whole line to something with 3 syllables since you were strict with the meter everywhere else.

05-03-2003, 04:21 PM	#1 (permalink)
scarebearjinx Psycho Location: in a deep, dark hole where rainbow creatures attack me to eat my fingernails.	a couple of really short poems black as night cold as stone gnarlled feet break the bone eternal sleep sweet as life sorrows deep burn like ice

05-06-2003, 06:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	Nice, short and to the point __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

05-07-2003, 06:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	A lot spoken in those eight short lines. __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

05-09-2003, 05:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
HiThereDear Insane	nice, the form fits the sentiment. One suggestion, maybe change eternal to 'ternal, or change the whole line to something with 3 syllables since you were strict with the meter everywhere else.