Poyzun_Ivy

This is the second version of a play I had to write that's going to be produced March 26 & 27 at my university. In the original version, the couple was throwing their baby into a dumpster... my playwrighting class didn't like it, since a girl at a college near us basically did the same thing last spring (oops). Here's the re-write, gimme a critique. Be harsh, it's all good... if you want to see the original, just ask for it. I have it in txt form rather than doc like most of my writings.

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DIRTY DEEDS
by Heathyr Hoffman

Characters:
ABBY – age 19
NOAH – age 22

Lights up. A dark and dirty alleyway in an unnamed city, littered with trash and refuse from the surrounding homes and businesses.

Abby and Noah burst onto the scene, running and ducking as if hiding, or trying to avoid something. Abby carries a lumpy, full backpack. They are both breathing hard. Glancing around momentarily to check their surroundings they slam back-up against the alley wall.

ABBY: We okay?

NOAH: We okay… shit…

ABBY: What?

NOAH: Just… shit.

ABBY: (laughing a little) We did it… we fuckin’ did it!

NOAH: Yeah, yeah we did.

ABBY: I didn’t think we’d… goddamn, did you see that guy’s face? I mean, you’d think we were gonna kill him or somethin.

NOAH: (weakly smiling) Yeah… it was pretty funny.

ABBY: But we did it… how much did we get?

NOAH: I dunno… count it?

Abby pulls the backpack around to her chest and pulls open the zipper. Crumpled bills -- $5’s, $10’s, and $20’s –- pour from the bag.

ABBY: There’s too much! Oh my god…

NOAH: I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much money in my life…

ABBY: We’re rich… we’re rich!

NOAH: (laughing) No shit… Baby, you’re gonna live like a queen.

Noah leans over, kissing Abby soundly on the lips.

ABBY: You promise?

NOAH: Promise. First thing we do is gettin you that ring. The one you were lookin at the other day in the mall. With all the shiny diamonds and everything.

ABBY: Oh honey!

Abby ‘pounces’ on Noah, kissing him hard on the mouth. Noah doesn’t really seem to want to, but he pushes her away.

NOAH: Easy, easy!!! We’ll get you the ring. Then we’ll fly to… to Hawaii. Get married on the beach… barefoot in the sand, jus’ you and me. You still gonna marry me, Abby?

ABBY: Oh sweetie, you’re such the romantic. Of course I will.

NOAH: I’m just gettin started. We’ll get married and buy a house, right there on the beach, overlookin the spot where we got married. I’ll get a job.

ABBY: Doin’ what, deliverin pizza?

NOAH: Shaddup. I’ll get a job makin big bucks at some business… a law firm or some shit.

ABBY: What if we get caught?

NOAH: We ain’t gonna get caught.

ABBY: But that guy was lookin right at us. We’re gonna get caught.

NOAH: Shut the fuck up, we AIN’T gonna get CAUGHT.

ABBY: Fine, we ain’t gettin caught…

NOAH: Right… I’ll get my job, and we can… fuck, what’s that all them millionaire’s do?

ABBY: Invest?

NOAH: Yeah, invest… the motherfuckin stock market. Buy in, Mattel or Folgers or somethin. Just keep makin more money. You can just sit at home.

ABBY: In front of the TV, eatin bonbons.

NOAH: You serious?

ABBY: Naah. I was thinking more along the lines of ‘barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen’…

NOAH: Smart-ass… but kids. We can have kids. Little versions of us runnin around all over the place.

ABBY: (sarcastic) Oh great, more of YOU.

NOAH: And more of YOU. Just what the world needs now is more of you.

ABBY: Oh, now who’s the smart-ass?

NOAH: I learned from the best.

ABBY: Your momma?

Noah dives at her, grabbing her in his arms and biting at her neck. Abby laughs, struggling and trying to get out of his grasp.

ABBY: What the fu--… why are your hands all sticky? And my shirt’s gettin wet.

Abby reaches out, grabbing the front of Noah’s shirt.

ABBY: You’re fuckin soaked! What is this?

NOAH: Sweat. I was gettin all worked up from the runnin.

ABBY: It’s fuckin sticky. Sweat ain’t sticky, Noah.

Abby grabs his hands, pulling them up to her face in the dim light and examining them.

ABBY: For FUCK’S SAKE, you’re covered in BLOOD! What did you do? What the FUCK did you DO?

NOAH: The guy at the pawn shop… after you ran. I told you to run so you wouldn’t get hurt.

ABBY: What was he gonna do, stab me with his eyes?

NOAH: After you left, after I fuckin told you to run... he had a gun under the desk, or… or somethin. He was reachin for it. So I—

ABBY: You stabbed him. You fuckin stabbed him! I can’t fuckin believe this!

NOAH: Self-defense, bitch! You wanted me to die in there? He was gonna shoot me. I did the smartest thing to do and killed his sleazy ass before he could get me. I just… I got carried away. I was worried about you.

ABBY: (sobering) He’s dead. He’s dead, isn’t he?

NOAH: Prob’ly… I mean, I lost it… I didn’t want him to get either of us. I love you, I did it for you.

ABBY: You didn’t do it for me. We fuckin agreed there’d be none of that shit. We didn’t want that shit.

NOAH: I know, but we’re okay. It’s okay. Nobody was around, and we know the guy ain’t got no video cameras. We ain’t gonna get caught, it’s over and we got the money.

ABBY: You don’t get it. You don’t fuckin get it. We agreed. We fuckin agreed.

NOAH: I woulda died in there!

ABBY: Where’s the knife… where’s the knife, asshole!?

NOAH: Jeesus! Over here, I dropped it after we got back here. What the fuck crawled up your crotch alla-sudden?

Abby walks over to where Noah indicated, picking up the knife and staring at it.

ABBY: I can’t believe this… I just… I can’t fuckin believe this. You ruined everything!

NOAH: What, we got the money and we got away, what the fuck did I ruin?

ABBY: When I was little, I used to play with all the kids in my neighborhood… you know what we played?

NOAH: Jacks?

ABBY: No, smart-ass. Bonnie & Clyde. Motherfuckin Bonnie & Clyde. It was great. That whole ‘life of crime’ thing… so glamorous. It was beautiful. No cares, no worries, just gettin what you want. Takin it. Nobody can tell you no.

NOAH: Well you got it, didn’t you? You got your money, we can go be happy in Hawaii or Fiji or somethin.

ABBY: You still don’t get it.

NOAH: Get what?! What the fuck am I supposed to get?

ABBY: Killin wasn’t part of it. Just the glamour. There’s no glamour in killin people. And there was no reason for it. You can’t kill people unless you got a reason for it! When I was little I wanted that glamour, all that fame and wonderful shit that came along with the game… you wanna know somethin?

NOAH: What?

ABBY: You’re not my fuckin’ Clyde.

NOAH: Not your Clyde? Not your FUCKIN Clyde? What kind of shit is that? I did everythin you wanted me to do.

ABBY: YOU DIDN’T. You did what we decided we WEREN’T gonna do. My dream’s over. It’s fuckin’ over… all because I had a Clyde that couldn’t cut it.

NOAH: Bullshit. This is total fuckin bullshit.

ABBY: Shut up, Noah.

NOAH: No! This is ri-god-damn-diculous! You got your fuckin money, your fuckin fame… you got everything you could possibly want.

ABBY: I didn’t. Because I have no Clyde. I have no fuckin Clyde. You can’t play Bonnie & Clyde without a MOTHERFUCKIN CLYDE.

NOAH: And what’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why ain’t I Clyde anymore, huh? I was fine five minutes ago.

ABBY: But you blew it. You just up and fuckin blew it.

Abby has been playing with the knife idly as she speaks.

ABBY: My Clyde can’t do that. He can’t fuck up. He can’t…

Abby moves towards Noah, who starts to back away until he realizes he’s hit the wall. The wail of police sirens can be heard in the distance, slowly drawing closer.

NOAH: Baby, I’m sorry… I won’t fuck up again… I won’t do it next time… we gotta go, we’re gonna get caught.

ABBY: We ain’t gonna get caught. You said so…

Abby dives at NOAH, stabbing him in the chest. He falls down and she follows, stabbing him repeatedly. After a few times, Noah slumps down against the wall and she drops the knife.

ABBY: You’re not my fuckin Clyde… and you ain’t gonna fuck up again…

Abby leans down, grabbing the backpack, and runs off.

BLACKOUT

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She's pretty as a daisy
But look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin

Giltwist

Yay! Finally got one into Brave New Plays? It's about time they accepted your genius :-D

pan6467

Very interesting..... definately shows brilliance. I truly wish you the best and hope to be informed on how well it is recieved. Maintain a positive attitude ALWAYS with your work.

Maybe I can say I knew her when ......... as I go to see a 3 act you write on Broadway.

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I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

redneckdude

Very nice, well written. Great plot

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Just think 6 feet above the ground is better than 6 feet below ground!

cyclone

wow, thats very good, keep up the good work

Stare At The Sun

Kept me reading, looking forward to the next line, great stuff!

thejoker130

Teachers suck.

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WHAT MORE CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
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I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless.

Memnoch

I really, really, really enjoyed this. I absolutely love the way you bring the true colors out in each character. It made me shiver.

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Doing my best not to end up like Kathleen Chang.