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Old 04-23-2003, 01:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
Think about it
 
Atropos4's Avatar
 
Location: North Carolina
You

You

She opens her curtains
and lets the sun-shine through
The sun rays warm her body
While she thinks of you
The crystal near the window
forms rainbows on her wall
The overwhelming feeling
Does she know you at all?

The sun is setting
and the day is dieing
Where were you
when she was crying?

It begins to rain
The sky turns dark
She tries to hide
Her broken heart
Her room is dark
The light down low
She wonders if
You even know

The sun is setting
and the day is dieing
Where were you
when she was crying?
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Old 04-23-2003, 01:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: in a deep, dark hole where rainbow creatures attack me to eat my fingernails.
wow, thats really touching. it made me cry. great stuff man.
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Old 04-23-2003, 03:56 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Location: Utah
Very good
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And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart
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Old 04-23-2003, 04:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
*Nikki*'s Avatar
 
Location: Charleston, SC
I liked that a lot......you have a way of writing a lot like my own. Great work
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Old 04-23-2003, 05:44 PM   #5 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Location: Room Nineteen
I like how the room reflects her emotions
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Old 04-24-2003, 03:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
Naughty Just Right
 
Angel's Avatar
 
Location: Euphoria
"The crystal near the window forms rainbows on her wall"

I love this line! It grabs me and pulls me through.

Nice work.
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Old 04-24-2003, 11:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: This side of heaven.
I wish I had something better to say than amazing... but I don't. Your stuff is really good, your meter is beautiful and your presence is undeniable, keep writing.
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Old 04-25-2003, 12:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
The way you repeat the refrain really pulls the reader into it... it makes me feel almost anxious. Excellent stuff.
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Old 04-25-2003, 05:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
King Knave
 
QuasiMojo's Avatar
 
Location: Lancaster
Those first six lines pulled me in...very hopeful.
then...
the regret.

keep on
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Think about it
 
Atropos4's Avatar
 
Location: North Carolina
Thank you all for your kind comments.

*Nikki*
I've noticed the same thing
__________________
Minds are like parachutes.
They work better open.

"If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."
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Old 04-27-2003, 09:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Upright
 
Great poem, I like the rhyme, it doesn't seem forced.

Cheers,
JD
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Old 05-09-2003, 05:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
Insane
 
Eowyn_Vala's Avatar
 
Location: There's no place like home..
I love this one. This poem is one of my favorites probably because I've been there. It is so insightful and I feel like you have found a way to tell others in such beautiful words. Whenever I try to express feeling like that I turn bitter and I just can't.
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