Charge of thunder - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Esen · 08-05-2003, 03:46 PM

Scoured is the intimidation that falls timidly upon my lips
broken open upon the sores of enlightenment
sputtering and softened
Speaking through droplets of purity
our words are still stained
irredecent and still needing light.
No thoughts to ponder, no need to slow down
just little bits of curiosity swimming from your lips
Poison me
take away my laugter filter it with sorrow
leave me keeping hidden your own desires
ravish me
throw thunder around me
dripping spike of pain
radiant it all seems singing within a lightening storm
tripping over fallen vowels
gasping from the true ligthness of rain
and still I fell the tightness of the wind
fueling me, suffocating me
shallow comes the gasps now
vacant lays the son
breaking
clouds are still running dodging convulsing
come down the thunder of my poems
come down the tunder of my fear
come down the thunder of the unforgettable clap
charge
charges still revolting from the volt that has tired me.
Sing and sing and sing
for we are all damned.

Ok, I know its kind of dumpy, but everything i write comes from the top of my head and i dont rewrite it.
Usually i do it writing on paper, but I fugured i would just drip a few on to the keyboard instead.

J.R.V.A. · 08-07-2003, 09:30 PM

That first line almost made me fall off my chair. I reread it five times before I went on. Very good. I write the way you do. I enjoyed this,thanks

Jonsgirl · 08-13-2003, 11:28 PM

Very nice. I can't believe you haven't gotten more feedback for this. I especially liked the "Come down the thunder..." part.

Esen · 08-15-2003, 12:32 PM

Thanks a lot guys, it is cool that you got a kick out of it

Stillborn · 08-19-2003, 08:28 AM

Scoured is the intimidation that falls timidly upon my lips
broken open upon the sores of enlightenment

There's only one thing that can describe those lines:

chavos · 08-20-2003, 07:21 PM

Quote:

come down the thunder of my poems
come down the tunder of my fear

love it...the conflict, the emotion...it's very authentic, and there is a part of me that knows EXACTLY what that storm of poety is like when it comes out of raw hurt...

fallen_angel · 09-15-2003, 08:34 PM

I love your writing style, and deeply wish i could transform my poetry like you do. this is a masterpeice and i wish you the best of luck in the future.

08-05-2003, 03:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Esen TFPer formaly known as Chauncey Location: North East	Charge of thunder Scoured is the intimidation that falls timidly upon my lips broken open upon the sores of enlightenment sputtering and softened Speaking through droplets of purity our words are still stained irredecent and still needing light. No thoughts to ponder, no need to slow down just little bits of curiosity swimming from your lips Poison me take away my laugter filter it with sorrow leave me keeping hidden your own desires ravish me throw thunder around me dripping spike of pain radiant it all seems singing within a lightening storm tripping over fallen vowels gasping from the true ligthness of rain and still I fell the tightness of the wind fueling me, suffocating me shallow comes the gasps now vacant lays the son breaking clouds are still running dodging convulsing come down the thunder of my poems come down the tunder of my fear come down the thunder of the unforgettable clap charge charges still revolting from the volt that has tired me. Sing and sing and sing for we are all damned. Ok, I know its kind of dumpy, but everything i write comes from the top of my head and i dont rewrite it. Usually i do it writing on paper, but I fugured i would just drip a few on to the keyboard instead. __________________ ~Esen What is everyone doing in my room?

08-07-2003, 09:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
J.R.V.A. Junkie Location: Utah	That first line almost made me fall off my chair. I reread it five times before I went on. Very good. I write the way you do. I enjoyed this,thanks __________________ And as she plays, her sweet song of laughter floats through the air and warms my heart

08-13-2003, 11:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jonsgirl Semi-Atomic Location: Home.	Very nice. I can't believe you haven't gotten more feedback for this. I especially liked the "Come down the thunder..." part. __________________ Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

08-15-2003, 12:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
Esen TFPer formaly known as Chauncey Location: North East	Thanks a lot guys, it is cool that you got a kick out of it __________________ ~Esen What is everyone doing in my room?

08-19-2003, 08:28 AM	#5 (permalink)
Stillborn Tilted Location: Dingden, DE / Centennial, CO	Scoured is the intimidation that falls timidly upon my lips broken open upon the sores of enlightenment There's only one thing that can describe those lines: __________________ Waiting... to be born again Wanting... the saddest kind of pain Waiting for the day when I will crawl away

09-15-2003, 08:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
fallen_angel Psycho Location: Somewhere between the Havens and the Earth	I love your writing style, and deeply wish i could transform my poetry like you do. this is a masterpeice and i wish you the best of luck in the future. __________________ from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel