challenge me
 

The intent of this thread is threefold:

1) Add a bit of activity to our beloved Lit board.

2) Help me to better my writing.

3) Give me what every poet wants....people to read my stuff.


So...challenge me by giving me material to compose around.....anything at all.
Then...help me make the work even better by critique.

Might be fun, but will certainly make me a better poet.

subject, phrase or line or word to use?

let's try a word to incorporate: consequence

How about a subject: Honor and/or Loyalty?

with a nautical theme... :D


three directions to choose from, or three forms to integrate

Freedom slips down my flesh
blood from patriot veins
there is no remorse in my passion
no regret holding death at bay
Consequence can wait

Hair held in a sweaty hand
your knowing gaze beats a loyal heart
wherever you go this shadows stands
small minded devotion
he seems to know, to understand
comfortable fellow from the start
smiling through your reprimands
Love his only emotion
tongue on cheek as rough as sand
only in death depart
laid to rest in hallowed land
still you remember the beauty, of watching your dog in motion

devotion and dominance

A mariners tears of salted regret
Traded love blows liquid creases into leather
There can be no more fitting place
For tears
A mariners heart beats in weakness
Pumping little warmth for flesh
Scorching a loyal flame instead
for canvas skin

Do not see me, taste instead my attention
this tingling sense of what awaits
defy the hand at your throat, not knowing the caress it holds
such power in the eyes for me to ignore
Do not feel me, in place of blind devotion
tempting me as if the fates
your passions don't inspire as you cower under my control
submission what your life is for

Phrase: beautiful intents lost

3:10

Pitch held in her shadowed locks
moonlight in her skin
heaven found in midnight talks
nirvana deep within
it didn't matter what the cost
in who I meant to be
all my beautiful intents lost
to make her part of me

3:13

write something about this picture

http://photos-921.ll.facebook.com/ph...70311_6467.jpg

Hope you do not mind if I take a stab at this one Tec.

Forlorn shadows, drift across shifting sands,
the tracks of the living, and the damned,
slowly moving, toward a last stand,
in the memory of a sacrifice so grand.

As the water flows, through the veins of the earth,
rolling eternally by, singing the melodies so sweet,
of gifts given, by those who died,
in embrace with the life, which was denied.

As the dreary clouds flow across the sky,
and eons of existence float wearily by,
the answers and questions, have no truth, nor lie,
in resolve of memories, sacrificed by time.

Here is a challenge I would like to make.

A poem about "rapture" in whatever context the meaning rapture comes to your mind.

6:56

Lighting a dark path
hiding my doubt in blind devotion
a slave to fears of wrath
faith the only emotion
knowing you, my only need
holding out my soul to capture
in my mind I watched you bleed
and from your sacrifice comes my rapture

7:01

Excellent job cybersharp...I like it very much

Nice Tec, that brought a smile to my face haha. Very nice, you managed to convey some very symbolic meanings, and it kinda went along with the one I just wrote before it too.

8:42

I laid to rest your hold on me
faded lord of my ignorant ways
seeing in your grave what hid behind glory words
eyes wide finally, to view your absence
only now in the grain of a wooden cross
does a path become clear
I make your hole deeper than required
the mound of stones higher than your heaven
that my memories have a place to rest
with you

8:57

You need a rougher challenge, methinks....

Think of someone you know and take the worst of their idiosyncrasies and make them desirable traits.

What is desirable is subjective though.. :\

Such pity you need, cry me deep rivers
want as you do to be seen
tempting a fate that always delivers
suprised when your life becomes mean
I look at your path to see the next fall
you brush off the rubble to live
rise from your knees before you stand tall
you're failures allow me to give

I love that you cry
some see it as weak
a fear you will die
to others is meek
I note when you lie
to get what you seek
and yet when you dry
the tear on my cheek
I know that you try
and that...is enough

I see, very tricky you be!

Write a poem about a couple going through a breakup, with the following criteria:

• Must be non-rhyming free verse written in the third-person objective;
• You cannot mention the breakup directly (i.e. no wording about love, relationships, etc.);
• The scene must be in a public place;
• It must be realistic.

This window, like the one into the heart
frosted glass and dusty corners
picking at the chilled food on plates used by thousands before
its easy to see the wall they made
sweaty hand reaching for another
left in hover above sprinkled crumbs
almost shaking, anticipating a lonely cold retreat
easy enough to see the wall, even if they don't

After a moment of joy..

I don't know why my face is damp
makes no sense to cry my happiness away
seeing you again
gone in a day like times before
only to bring back my tears with your bags
so much loving pain
after a moment of joy..

I like this! It was not the ending I expected, which is awesome!

A few suggestions:
that little place in the sky between the clouds
a room with your every desire but no escape
spinning so fast that you see every side at once
natural theme, maybe a tree or a creepy crawly
the cracking of a whip
a favorite unusual smell, leather, cut grass, etc.
a reversal poem, start dark end light or vice versa
the rediculous amount of advertising in the U.S.
-specific example might be nice, mountain dew?
God in an inconspicuous place

Hopefully you'll like at least one of those.

that little place in the sky between the clouds

Some blue is peeking through
cotton
like my moms old robe just before she burned it
dont know why, stained perhaps like her love for Dad
worn out and no longer needed
used, and loved while it lasted

a room with your every desire but no escape

I cant hide anymore, desires find me anyway
Locked in this red walled home I made
I love this place, but it hates me being here
I created my own hell...and its fully furnished

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

mmm. i should mention i hate rhyming poems.

*grin*

What I get to see, of you
is never a whole vision from here
hiding the black heart in your chest and wishing it would die
the darkness is beautiful to me
glimpses though I get when you slip
you keep yourself from my jaded eyes
mistaken it seems, that I wont understand such pain
yet my own knows yours all too well
blind fingertips touching the canvas of painted souls

OOOOooooOOOooooOOOooooo!

I like!

Just poetry, or any format? (short story?)

Any format would be fine....keeps me on my toes.

Short story...

(it's not that i'm hung up on them, but this place is always filled with poetry and the like... I see it as a good change of pace :) )

Story:

A diner. A man sits down next to a woman, already seated at the counter. The female is 32, the male is 23. You need not mention it outright, but that's the age of the characters. They are both alone, and strangers. There is a woman tending the counter, taking orders and such.

Rules:

They do not leave the diner.

Narration can be from the perspective of any person in the diner, or omnipresent/omniscient, but not any of the 3 characters outlined.

The man and woman are only allowed dialog (no inner monologue)... the waitress is only allowed inner monologue (no dialog... and if you go with anything other than omniscient narration, you obviously can't use inner monologue).

The man or woman (not the waitress) must use a pen to write something at some point. Who/what it's for, if we see what they write, etc., is up to you.

Have fun. :)

A balloon floating over some kind of water, reminding you of...something.