do you believe - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

taboo · 12-04-2005, 12:58 PM

that some people are not meant to get married?

Suave · 12-04-2005, 01:09 PM

"Meant" to get married? Marriage is a social convention created to preserve class power, create political alliances, and increase economic security. It is a traditionally patriarchal practice symbolizing the passing of property (the bride) from her father to her husband. It is, by all accounts, the absolute antithesis of women's rights and endures today only because it has been so strongly ingrained into our collective consciousness. No one is meant to get married; they are just told that they must because that is what has been done for thousands of years.

In its defence, marriage has been recently romanticized and become much more gender equal than in the past. Marriage, like most other things though, is a choice. It is one that some people are not suited to, yet pursue anyway, and that some people choose not to pursue at all.

longbough · 12-04-2005, 01:27 PM

I think some people don't desire to get married ... so it's probably true for them.

abaya · 12-04-2005, 02:27 PM

Taboo, remember that it's proper etiquette around here to give background information on why you are asking a question. Can you please elaborate or give personal insight into why you are asking us this? Many people won't feel inclined to share with you unless you share more with us first.

taboo · 12-04-2005, 03:47 PM

well, the only reason I asked is because I know a lot of people in their mid thirties and up that aren't married, and for some reason I can't seem to picture them being married. And also because there is so much social pressure to get married, do this, do that, follow a certain patternin life, that you begin to wonder about other possibilities, and not getting married at around a certain age ect..

maleficent · 12-04-2005, 04:19 PM

Gee sounds like someone has been talking to my mother...

Kostya · 12-04-2005, 05:15 PM

Do I believe in destiny?

No...

william · 12-04-2005, 06:15 PM

It's not always a question of whether people are destined to be married as is it is to be married to each other. So you're [30] and not married? WTFC? I have friends that married right out of high school that are still married, and those that aren't. Don't focus on the destiny part. Destiny doesn't always answer right away. Sometimes destiny is like the will it/won't it happen - NOT YOUR CALL. And when you least expect it, it happens.

Comprehend · 12-06-2005, 01:05 AM

I've found some people that simply I could not tolerate them, no matter what the situation. Chemistry is odd that way, for every person that you cannot stand living with, there's another you could never live without.

That said, I think some people are meant not to be married if they come into it with the wrong attitudes and expectations. Marriage is exactly what you want to make of it, the difficulty can be in finding that person who shares your belief in what your relationship together exactly should be.

Toaster126 · 12-06-2005, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suave

"Meant" to get married? Marriage is a social convention created to preserve class power, create political alliances, and increase economic security. It is a traditionally patriarchal practice symbolizing the passing of property (the bride) from her father to her husband. It is, by all accounts, the absolute antithesis of women's rights and endures today only because it has been so strongly ingrained into our collective consciousness. No one is meant to get married; they are just told that they must because that is what has been done for thousands of years.

In its defence, marriage has been recently romanticized and become much more gender equal than in the past. Marriage, like most other things though, is a choice. It is one that some people are not suited to, yet pursue anyway, and that some people choose not to pursue at all.

This was a really insightful post, Suave.

I happen to agree with everything you've said. So let me add this instead: In my English class, we read a dissertation on the institution of marriage and how it has been changing from something of a buisness arrangement into a ceremony of romance. The dissertation also argued that this reason is why more marriages are failing than before. I think this viewpoint makes a lot of sense.

Rodney · 12-06-2005, 10:49 PM

Marriage confers certain rights and certain responsibilities. What if, to you, the rights conferred by marriage seemed trivial, while the responsibilities seemed onerous? You would see no good reason to get married, even if society was pushing you to do so. We are all free to follow our personal preferences, _and of course those preferences can change over time, sometimes abruptly._

Women who want to stay single get a lot more flak about it than men, for reasons that deserve a whole separate thread.

Suave · 12-06-2005, 11:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Toaster126

This was a really insightful post, Suave.

I happen to agree with everything you've said. So let me add this instead: In my English class, we read a dissertation on the institution of marriage and how it has been changing from something of a buisness arrangement into a ceremony of romance. The dissertation also argued that this reason is why more marriages are failing than before. I think this viewpoint makes a lot of sense.

Thank you.

And yeah, divorce rates are always a fun topic of discussion and research as well; it's amazing how many layers there are to it.

12-04-2005, 12:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
taboo Crazy	do you believe that some people are not meant to get married? Last edited by taboo; 12-04-2005 at 12:58 PM.. Reason: typo

12-04-2005, 01:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	"Meant" to get married? Marriage is a social convention created to preserve class power, create political alliances, and increase economic security. It is a traditionally patriarchal practice symbolizing the passing of property (the bride) from her father to her husband. It is, by all accounts, the absolute antithesis of women's rights and endures today only because it has been so strongly ingrained into our collective consciousness. No one is meant to get married; they are just told that they must because that is what has been done for thousands of years. In its defence, marriage has been recently romanticized and become much more gender equal than in the past. Marriage, like most other things though, is a choice. It is one that some people are not suited to, yet pursue anyway, and that some people choose not to pursue at all. __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

12-04-2005, 02:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Taboo, remember that it's proper etiquette around here to give background information on why you are asking a question. Can you please elaborate or give personal insight into why you are asking us this? Many people won't feel inclined to share with you unless you share more with us first. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

12-04-2005, 04:19 PM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Gee sounds like someone has been talking to my mother... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-06-2005, 01:05 AM	#9 (permalink)
Comprehend Upright	I've found some people that simply I could not tolerate them, no matter what the situation. Chemistry is odd that way, for every person that you cannot stand living with, there's another you could never live without. That said, I think some people are meant not to be married if they come into it with the wrong attitudes and expectations. Marriage is exactly what you want to make of it, the difficulty can be in finding that person who shares your belief in what your relationship together exactly should be. __________________ believe your truth is not my truth that God can exist with many faces at one time

12-04-2005, 01:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
longbough Soylent Green is people. Location: Northern California	I think some people don't desire to get married ... so it's probably true for them.

12-04-2005, 03:47 PM	#5 (permalink)
taboo Crazy	well, the only reason I asked is because I know a lot of people in their mid thirties and up that aren't married, and for some reason I can't seem to picture them being married. And also because there is so much social pressure to get married, do this, do that, follow a certain patternin life, that you begin to wonder about other possibilities, and not getting married at around a certain age ect..

12-04-2005, 05:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
Kostya Little known... Location: Brisbane, Australia	Do I believe in destiny? No...

12-04-2005, 06:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
william Psycho	It's not always a question of whether people are destined to be married as is it is to be married to each other. So you're [30] and not married? WTFC? I have friends that married right out of high school that are still married, and those that aren't. Don't focus on the destiny part. Destiny doesn't always answer right away. Sometimes destiny is like the will it/won't it happen - NOT YOUR CALL. And when you least expect it, it happens.

12-06-2005, 10:49 PM	#11 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Marriage confers certain rights and certain responsibilities. What if, to you, the rights conferred by marriage seemed trivial, while the responsibilities seemed onerous? You would see no good reason to get married, even if society was pushing you to do so. We are all free to follow our personal preferences, _and of course those preferences can change over time, sometimes abruptly._ Women who want to stay single get a lot more flak about it than men, for reasons that deserve a whole separate thread.