Schwan

(I really need Titled Relationships)

Ah, where to begin. I’ve read a dozen of these posts on TFP, and made suggestions in them, but it’s always easier when you’re sitting comfortably and view things from an observer’s position. But then these things happen to you and it’s not so easy to handle it. So… here’s the deal. There’s this girl, right? Ah, screw it.

Story mode on. Flahback to University days. I started my life with a clean slate, so to speak. I met new people, started studying and managed to change my life completely. Now, the girl in questions was always very pretty and very very smart. So smart, in fact, she was the best student in our group. We were all snotty19 year old’s, but she led a different life. Her boyfriends were 30 year old professional musicians. She finally decided to move in with one of them and had a relationship that lasted three years – almost like man and wife, he vene bought a flat just to live with her.

I always considered her to be excellent in every sense, but, you know, completely out of reach, because I was an absolute no one at that time. We liked each other a lot, because we were very similar – top students and smart people, all in all (yay for self-righteousness). Things moved on and we graduated. She got a good paying job at the school, and I started working as a freelancer in the ad and PR market. I decided to continue studying in a different school in our city.

She dumped her boyfriend and decided to leave for the UK. Before that she want back to her home town for a few months and got together with a boy with whom she was friends since childhood. She said that she needed a someone to love, because she might end up very lonely abroad, and besides, she was sure they were meant for each other. After two months, she left for the UK and discovered a new lifestyle. She forgot about the guy back at home, as it turned out that childhood friends do not always make good boyfriends, and started dating different people.

Eventually, she finished her school, and got a very good paying job there. In the mean time, I was also finishing school and got pulled in into the whole corporate doodah and ended up as a manager for a startup creative agency and an editor in chief for a new web portal.

I’ve always been here for here and helped out (and there were occasions when I had to) but never really got around to saying what I feel, because, at that time, I was hopelessly in love with someone else. But here we are now – some time down the road, a few thousand kilometers apart, staring to develop something.

I’ve talked to her a few times recently over the net, and these conversations come down to us telling each other how much he/she appreciates the other person. She has a boyfriend and all that, but it’s a temporal thing, I guess. Something to keep her occupied. She considers me the best guy ever, I consider her the smartest and nicest person I knew and that’s that, really. She’s mentioned she’ll never find a husband for herself, so I volunteered I can be a back-up, to which she said “I don’t want a back up, I want the real thing”. We’re sociologists, we know how to talk with each other, and we admire each other, too.

So here we are – our conversations are getting more and more touchy-feely all the time, and I’ve got THAT sensation in my spine every time I talk to her. I’d really love to push this thing along somehow. I’m a romantic at heart, though my heart has been steamrolled twice in the last four years and I feel incapable of doing anything absolutely bold and cunning.

I’d like to make this happen, I just have no idea how. I could save up, tough it could be hard, as I’m not earning that much yet, and drive down to the UK for a few days, but that would be awkward. Besides, I tried that before with someone else, and it turned out really, really bad (Birmingham is awful, BTW – don’t go there). I could send her something. I don’t have the cash – not yet, though things are looking up and in 6 months it probably won’t be a problem (though, of course, everything might get screwed up – who knows). There was this nice plush toy I have sitting around in my apartment, and she loved it (went bonkers over it, I tell you), and I think I’ll send it to her.

That might be a start, but I honestly have no clue how to tell her how I feel without coming of as either creepy or depressed for attention. The distance is tough and there is no good way of saying it – either through the phone, or (gack) email.

Any ideas, good folk of TFP?

tecoyah

In this case.....you may consider writting down what you feel, and try....Dare I say it......Snail Mail. It sounds as if you would really like this to work, and from experience I will tell you now, starting Long Distance is one hell of a lot of work. More importantly,it takes away part of the very personal aspect of creating a loving relationship. You will only have ONE (1) beginning to this .....dont rush it, and dont be ruined by the Tingle in your spine.
There is nothing wrong with allowing emotions to grow slowly, and "Using" the experiences that occur in the Build Up Time to make the underlying bond stronger, before becoming a couple. In fact, I have found patience to be the #1 key, to allowing someone to Love you.

Just My Take

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Schwan

As obvious as it might seem, I never thought of that. Me likey.

Update: Well, I thought about, and the idea with snail mail is good, but, alas, the problem is more of what to write. I mean I'm not so sure if writing to someone about his/her feelings actually ever worked. It certainly didn't for me. I agree that the strategy of working strongly towards the goal seems to be the most sensitive, though it's easy to jump the gun on that one.

little_tippler

I think writing is a good way to start...how about you write her what you posted here, with some bits snipped out and some others added in? You were able to write your feelings here quite well, I'm sure you could do it especially for her.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

Schwan

That sounds sensible, I guess