Just shy or something else? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

joemc91 · 09-28-2005, 05:40 PM

Simply put, I've started seeing a girl who I really like and we've gone out at least 7 times, maybe more. She seems to like me as she almost always has time to do something together at the last minute (that's just how I operate) and gives me that look sometimes, you know the one when looking into someone else's eyes. The thing is, there are a few things that just feel "off" to me. One is that I am the only one to ever call and getting some plans together to meet. I suspect that this is because she knows my schedule varies constantly whereas I know hers, so this doesn't bother me very much. But at the same time, it would be nice if she showed some interest in getting together beyond just going along with what I suggest.

The other thing is a feeling I get when with her. She has only reached for my hand twice I think and I am the only one to ever make a move to kiss. The weird thing is that when I do make a move to kiss she REALLY goes for it, which I appreciate of course. Same goes for if I take her hand, she squeezes mine if I take hers. It's just very confusing because most girls I know will show affection without any "prompting".

So my big question is, just shy/not totally comfortable with me yet or something else?

ryfo · 09-28-2005, 06:09 PM

shy would be my guess, and maybe she doesn't want to come across as pushy

Evil Milkman · 09-28-2005, 07:22 PM

From what you've said, it simply sounds like she doesn't want to be overbearing. Give it some more time and see how it goes from there.

Rodney · 09-28-2005, 09:54 PM

This is kind of the old fashioned way. Before 20 years ago or so, the guy was supposed to take the initiative on almost everything in dating. Of course the woman would let him know what she wanted, but indirectly. Unless she is totally passive to everything you say and do, there's no mental weirdness here. Shyness, maybe. Or maybe she's not very experienced with dating or guys before you, and isn't sure when it's "her turn to drive" and is still a little leery about taking the lead.

Dungeon_Shade · 09-28-2005, 10:32 PM

She likes you, I just think she wants you to take the initiative. There is no problem with that, but I do admit, it can be confusing. Good luck with her

Redlemon · 09-29-2005, 06:33 AM

She's passive. She doesn't want to seem like a slut. She likes you. When she is more comfortable, perhaps she'll open up more.

lindalove · 09-29-2005, 02:19 PM

All I can say is that I was like that when I was young. It was because I was shy and easily intimidated and thought to much about when was the "right" time to do the "right" thing.
It ended when I met that boy even more shy and easily intimidated than me, after a month of very emotionally hard for both shyness contest, I had to learned to be the brave one.

It can be the princess syndrome too though, hard to tell without knowing her.

What age is she?

irishlass54 · 09-29-2005, 02:40 PM

She sounds like a lady. The problem is that a lot of women today think that they have to be aggressive to get what they want. It sounds to me like she is letting the relationship with you find its own direction. Hang in there and see where it goes.

joemc91 · 09-29-2005, 05:26 PM

Seems like the general consensus is that she's sort of old fashioned (not that that's bad) and sort of shy. I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing then. My only problem is that I too am pretty shy around women I like since I have not dated much at all (once before this, and I am 22, so you see the issue), so I am sort of winging it. I suppose that just means everything will take longer. But that should be ok since I'm not in a rush!

joemc91 · 10-09-2005, 03:21 PM

Well, it appears I fucked up somewhere along the way. Called to ask if she would like to go out last week and was told "I'm busy those days". It was understandable since I could only go out on a weeknight. So I called back at the end of last week to see if she would like to go out again. No answer, left a message, never got a call back. Called back two days later and got ahold on the second try (a few hours after the first). Again got the "I'm really busy this week" and when asked if she would like to go out again I received very hesitant "maybe", which definitely sounded like a no. This is after about 6 dates and a nice kiss after each one. I was even asked when we'd get together again on the last one! What the fuck?

analog · 10-09-2005, 09:43 PM

If she squeezes your hand when you volunteer it, and really goes in for a kiss when you initiate it, i think she's expecting more from you and thinks either you're not interested in her because you're moving so slow, or she is unhappy that you're moving so slow. Just because she doesn't make her own moves has NOTHING to do with how willing she may be for a lot more. I'd say you should step it up next time you talk to her, suggest a quiet night in, rent a movie and "just be alone and close". See how that works.

09-28-2005, 05:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
joemc91 Insane Location: Chicago	Just shy or something else? Simply put, I've started seeing a girl who I really like and we've gone out at least 7 times, maybe more. She seems to like me as she almost always has time to do something together at the last minute (that's just how I operate) and gives me that look sometimes, you know the one when looking into someone else's eyes. The thing is, there are a few things that just feel "off" to me. One is that I am the only one to ever call and getting some plans together to meet. I suspect that this is because she knows my schedule varies constantly whereas I know hers, so this doesn't bother me very much. But at the same time, it would be nice if she showed some interest in getting together beyond just going along with what I suggest. The other thing is a feeling I get when with her. She has only reached for my hand twice I think and I am the only one to ever make a move to kiss. The weird thing is that when I do make a move to kiss she REALLY goes for it, which I appreciate of course. Same goes for if I take her hand, she squeezes mine if I take hers. It's just very confusing because most girls I know will show affection without any "prompting". So my big question is, just shy/not totally comfortable with me yet or something else?

09-28-2005, 10:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
Dungeon_Shade Crazy Location: Grand Junction, CO	She likes you, I just think she wants you to take the initiative. There is no problem with that, but I do admit, it can be confusing. Good luck with her __________________ "If you can hear this whispering you are dying."- Pink Floyd

09-29-2005, 06:33 AM	#6 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	She's passive. She doesn't want to seem like a slut. She likes you. When she is more comfortable, perhaps she'll open up more. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

09-28-2005, 06:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
ryfo Psycho Location: melbourne australia	shy would be my guess, and maybe she doesn't want to come across as pushy

09-28-2005, 07:22 PM	#3 (permalink)
Evil Milkman Addict Location: Illinois	From what you've said, it simply sounds like she doesn't want to be overbearing. Give it some more time and see how it goes from there.

09-28-2005, 09:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	This is kind of the old fashioned way. Before 20 years ago or so, the guy was supposed to take the initiative on almost everything in dating. Of course the woman would let him know what she wanted, but indirectly. Unless she is totally passive to everything you say and do, there's no mental weirdness here. Shyness, maybe. Or maybe she's not very experienced with dating or guys before you, and isn't sure when it's "her turn to drive" and is still a little leery about taking the lead.

09-29-2005, 02:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
lindalove Registered User	All I can say is that I was like that when I was young. It was because I was shy and easily intimidated and thought to much about when was the "right" time to do the "right" thing. It ended when I met that boy even more shy and easily intimidated than me, after a month of very emotionally hard for both shyness contest, I had to learned to be the brave one. It can be the princess syndrome too though, hard to tell without knowing her. What age is she?

09-29-2005, 02:40 PM	#8 (permalink)
irishlass54 Upright Location: California	She sounds like a lady. The problem is that a lot of women today think that they have to be aggressive to get what they want. It sounds to me like she is letting the relationship with you find its own direction. Hang in there and see where it goes.

09-29-2005, 05:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
joemc91 Insane Location: Chicago	Seems like the general consensus is that she's sort of old fashioned (not that that's bad) and sort of shy. I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing then. My only problem is that I too am pretty shy around women I like since I have not dated much at all (once before this, and I am 22, so you see the issue), so I am sort of winging it. I suppose that just means everything will take longer. But that should be ok since I'm not in a rush!

10-09-2005, 03:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
joemc91 Insane Location: Chicago	Well, it appears I fucked up somewhere along the way. Called to ask if she would like to go out last week and was told "I'm busy those days". It was understandable since I could only go out on a weeknight. So I called back at the end of last week to see if she would like to go out again. No answer, left a message, never got a call back. Called back two days later and got ahold on the second try (a few hours after the first). Again got the "I'm really busy this week" and when asked if she would like to go out again I received very hesitant "maybe", which definitely sounded like a no. This is after about 6 dates and a nice kiss after each one. I was even asked when we'd get together again on the last one! What the fuck?

10-09-2005, 09:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
analog Banned	If she squeezes your hand when you volunteer it, and really goes in for a kiss when you initiate it, i think she's expecting more from you and thinks either you're not interested in her because you're moving so slow, or she is unhappy that you're moving so slow. Just because she doesn't make her own moves has NOTHING to do with how willing she may be for a lot more. I'd say you should step it up next time you talk to her, suggest a quiet night in, rent a movie and "just be alone and close". See how that works.