Alone vs. Lonely - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Meditrina · 09-29-2005, 06:59 AM

I tried searching the boards for this, but I could not find anything. I am trying to figure out my feelings today. What is the difference between alone and lonely? Here are the definitions from dictionary.com. I don't feel that this helps me at all. Maybe neither one of these words describe how I feel.

alone (adj.)
Being apart from others; solitary.
Being without anyone or anything else; only.
Considered separately from all others of the same class.
Being without equal; unique.

lonely (adj.)
Without companions; lone.
Characterized by aloneness; solitary.
Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads.
Dejected by the awareness of being alone.
Producing such dejection: the loneliest night of the week.

What do you think is the difference between alone and lonely?

Redlemon · 09-29-2005, 07:17 AM

Alone is objective. Lonely is subjective.

Jinn · 09-29-2005, 07:27 AM

You can be alone and happy. You can't really be lonely and happy. The connontation of lonely is a bad one, whereas some people LIKE to be alone.

That said, maybe you're looking for .."ignored" or "abandoned" or "left behind.." ?

Bill O'Rights · 09-29-2005, 07:30 AM

Easy.
If I'm in...say a stadium, with 10,000 other people, certainly I'm not "alone". Yet, I can still feel lonely.
I am somewhat of a loner. So, it's not uncommon at all for me to be physicaly alone, and yet not feel lonely.

Make any sense?

abaya · 09-29-2005, 07:39 AM

I think one can be content being alone. That is, comfortable without the company or intimacy of others.

Being lonely, however, carries a meaning of discontent with one's current level of companionship OR "alone"ness... I mean, I think it's obvious that people can be dissatisfied with living alone, sleeping alone, etc. But a related, and more hidden loneliness happens even when surrounded by a marriage and kids, because one becomes even more self-conscious of the lack of intimacy in a situation that is supposed to be intimate.

f6twister · 09-29-2005, 07:48 AM

My simplistic view of it...

Alone is a physical state of being. Lonely is an emotional state of being.

Jinn · 09-29-2005, 07:49 AM

^ hooo hoooo ! touche.. well said.

captobvious · 09-29-2005, 09:28 AM

Alone has three vowels. Lonely has two.

Meditrina · 09-29-2005, 12:41 PM

Thank you all so much for your responses. Even yours, CaptObvious. You made me laugh. I think JinnKai hit the nail on the head

Quote:

Originally Posted by JinnKai

maybe you're looking for .."ignored" or "abandoned" or "left behind.." ?

abaya · 09-29-2005, 01:06 PM

sportswidow, if you feel like it, why don't you tell us how you're really feeling? I know your question goes beyond a surface interest in semantics/etymology... tell us what's up, girl.

tecoyah · 09-29-2005, 03:01 PM

Alone, and myself a friend
Thought in my heart of those I love
Help me see alone will end

Lonely makes for weeping mind
A thousand friends cannot remove
This stained emotion that I find

Solitude does not feel so bad....as this abandoned soul crys

Supple Cow · 09-29-2005, 03:19 PM

This is something I have thought about a lot. It came up at a time when I was feeling simultaneously lonely and anti-social. For a long time I thought that the two should be mutually exclusive -- that by choosing to be anti-social, I deserved to be lonely. Then a friend cleared it up for me with a simple statement. Being lonely is not having anybody who resonates with you, and that being anti-social is not wanting to be around people who don't. That said, being alone just is.

My dear widow, it is perfectly normal to feel lonely even when surrounded by people who should care for you. It happens most often when those people don't know how to relate to you in all the ways you need to relate. Maybe this helps and maybe it doesn't. Either way, you might feel better if you tell us a little more about what you're experiencing.

777 · 09-29-2005, 03:42 PM

You can be alone, and not be lonely until you want to be with other people, but can't.
You can be with people, yet still be lonely because you want to be with other people. (example, "She's leaving home after living alone/ For so many years/ Bye bye")

Coppertop · 09-29-2005, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redlemon

Alone is objective. Lonely is subjective.

Kudos once again to Redlemon.

Kostya · 09-29-2005, 03:58 PM

When it's all said and done, they're merely words. I for one do not think that semantics will get you any closer to your objectives at all.

Is there a difference between say sitting in a crowded area and feeling isolated, and say being stranded in an abandoned piece of pristine wilderness in northern Borneo? Yes I think that there is, what's important is what your situation is and how you feel about that, not the terms we use to talk about them.

Gilda · 09-29-2005, 10:36 PM

Just to add one more thought.

Alone means merely not being around others. However, you can feel as if you're alone, regardless of the actual situation. That feeling of disconnectedness is lonelieness.

The opposite is when you feel connected, despite being alone, when the bonds you have are strong enough to fulfill you even when the people you're connected to aren't with you. That's solitude.

I've never felt more lonely than when eating in restaurant or going to a movie alone just after having ended a relationship. I don't mind those activities nearly as much now because they aren't a reminder that I don't have anyone. The connection is still there, even when I am by myself.

Gilda

Redlemon · 09-30-2005, 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

sportswidow, if you feel like it, why don't you tell us how you're really feeling? I know your question goes beyond a surface interest in semantics/etymology... tell us what's up, girl.

Have you read her journal?

ngdawg · 09-30-2005, 04:55 AM

Gilda basically hit it best. Feeling lonely is feeling a loss of connection. You know you aren't physically alone, yet feel you are? That's being disconnected...been there, done that, can't afford the tshirt.
Sometimes (most times, really), we get so wrapped up in the immediacy of our family and work lives, and we begin to cocoon ourselves, eventually cutting off our connections to what used to bring us joy. Then the worry starts because we know we lost something, but we're not sure what. We prioritize the wrong things thinking it will help-making ourselves busier with family and home, which just makes things worse. It's a cycle and before you know it, the loneliness has pervaded, taken over.
Call a friend you haven't spoken with in ages...leave the toys out a day or two and do something joyful...delegate so that you don't feel everything must be done by you or it won't get done. And if things don't get done around the house, fine...if tomorrow were the last day you could walk around freely, what is it that you'd regret not having done? Do it....

Suave · 10-01-2005, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kostya

When it's all said and done, they're merely words. I for one do not think that semantics will get you any closer to your objectives at all.

Is there a difference between say sitting in a crowded area and feeling isolated, and say being stranded in an abandoned piece of pristine wilderness in northern Borneo? Yes I think that there is, what's important is what your situation is and how you feel about that, not the terms we use to talk about them.

Finding the word you most associate with the feeling can help in figuring out what exactly the feeling is.

analog · 10-01-2005, 01:14 AM

For me, I feel that alone is when you simply don't have anyone around you, or if you do, you are not actually associated with anyone around you, and you are wherever it is you are by yourself. I can have 500 people around me, but I can still be there alone. That, by itself, can be positive or negative. If you like being alone, which sometimes I do, then that's fine. If you crave the presence of another person, that's lonely. Lonely can happen anywhere, at any time, whether you're by yourself or in a packed stadium- lonely is more about feeling that there's no one in your life to be with, even if it means you're at home and wish you could go do something with a friend, or wish you had a friend, it's not always about an SO.

I'm having a bout of that, myself, recently, and I need a girlfriend. lol I'm just such a relationship guy that if i'm not in a relationship, i'm unhappy. Currently, I am alone at my computer, but i'm lonely in general, wherever I go.

Kostya · 10-01-2005, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Suave

Finding the word you most associate with the feeling can help in figuring out what exactly the feeling is.

I've never had this difficulty before myself. I love my Mum. You can call that feeling humbring, fiitrickoth, hate, it doesn't change a thing about what I feel for my mother. The sequence of letters you use to describe that feeling is irrelevant to me, you can say 'You hate your mother', and I will still feel the same feeling. Calling it hate, ain't gonna make it hatred.

09-29-2005, 06:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
Meditrina Junkie Location: LI,NY	Alone vs. Lonely I tried searching the boards for this, but I could not find anything. I am trying to figure out my feelings today. What is the difference between alone and lonely? Here are the definitions from dictionary.com. I don't feel that this helps me at all. Maybe neither one of these words describe how I feel. alone (adj.) Being apart from others; solitary. Being without anyone or anything else; only. Considered separately from all others of the same class. Being without equal; unique. lonely (adj.) Without companions; lone. Characterized by aloneness; solitary. Unfrequented by people; desolate: a lonely crossroads. Dejected by the awareness of being alone. Producing such dejection: the loneliest night of the week. What do you think is the difference between alone and lonely? __________________ "Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

09-29-2005, 07:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Alone is objective. Lonely is subjective. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

09-29-2005, 07:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	You can be alone and happy. You can't really be lonely and happy. The connontation of lonely is a bad one, whereas some people LIKE to be alone. That said, maybe you're looking for .."ignored" or "abandoned" or "left behind.." ? __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

09-29-2005, 07:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	Easy. If I'm in...say a stadium, with 10,000 other people, certainly I'm not "alone". Yet, I can still feel lonely. I am somewhat of a loner. So, it's not uncommon at all for me to be physicaly alone, and yet not feel lonely. Make any sense? __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

09-29-2005, 07:39 AM	#5 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	I think one can be content being alone. That is, comfortable without the company or intimacy of others. Being lonely, however, carries a meaning of discontent with one's current level of companionship OR "alone"ness... I mean, I think it's obvious that people can be dissatisfied with living alone, sleeping alone, etc. But a related, and more hidden loneliness happens even when surrounded by a marriage and kids, because one becomes even more self-conscious of the lack of intimacy in a situation that is supposed to be intimate. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

09-29-2005, 07:48 AM	#6 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	My simplistic view of it... Alone is a physical state of being. Lonely is an emotional state of being. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

09-29-2005, 07:49 AM	#7 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	^ hooo hoooo ! touche.. well said. __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

09-29-2005, 09:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
captobvious Insane Location: Somewhere	Alone has three vowels. Lonely has two.

09-29-2005, 01:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	sportswidow, if you feel like it, why don't you tell us how you're really feeling? I know your question goes beyond a surface interest in semantics/etymology... tell us what's up, girl. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

09-29-2005, 03:01 PM	#11 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	Alone, and myself a friend Thought in my heart of those I love Help me see alone will end Lonely makes for weeping mind A thousand friends cannot remove This stained emotion that I find Solitude does not feel so bad....as this abandoned soul crys __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

09-29-2005, 03:19 PM	#12 (permalink)
Supple Cow Americow, the Beautiful Location: Washington, D.C.	This is something I have thought about a lot. It came up at a time when I was feeling simultaneously lonely and anti-social. For a long time I thought that the two should be mutually exclusive -- that by choosing to be anti-social, I deserved to be lonely. Then a friend cleared it up for me with a simple statement. Being lonely is not having anybody who resonates with you, and that being anti-social is not wanting to be around people who don't. That said, being alone just is. My dear widow, it is perfectly normal to feel lonely even when surrounded by people who should care for you. It happens most often when those people don't know how to relate to you in all the ways you need to relate. Maybe this helps and maybe it doesn't. Either way, you might feel better if you tell us a little more about what you're experiencing. __________________ "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan)

09-29-2005, 03:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
777 drawn and redrawn Location: Some where in Southern California	You can be alone, and not be lonely until you want to be with other people, but can't. You can be with people, yet still be lonely because you want to be with other people. (example, "She's leaving home after living alone/ For so many years/ Bye bye") __________________ "I don't know that I ever wanted greatness, on its own. It seems rather like wanting to be an engineer, rather than wanting to design something - or wanting to be a writer, rather than wanting to write. It should be a by-product, not a thing in itself. Otherwise, it's just an ego trip." Roger Zelazny

09-29-2005, 03:58 PM	#15 (permalink)
Kostya Little known... Location: Brisbane, Australia	When it's all said and done, they're merely words. I for one do not think that semantics will get you any closer to your objectives at all. Is there a difference between say sitting in a crowded area and feeling isolated, and say being stranded in an abandoned piece of pristine wilderness in northern Borneo? Yes I think that there is, what's important is what your situation is and how you feel about that, not the terms we use to talk about them.

09-29-2005, 10:36 PM	#16 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	Just to add one more thought. Alone means merely not being around others. However, you can feel as if you're alone, regardless of the actual situation. That feeling of disconnectedness is lonelieness. The opposite is when you feel connected, despite being alone, when the bonds you have are strong enough to fulfill you even when the people you're connected to aren't with you. That's solitude. I've never felt more lonely than when eating in restaurant or going to a movie alone just after having ended a relationship. I don't mind those activities nearly as much now because they aren't a reminder that I don't have anyone. The connection is still there, even when I am by myself. Gilda __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

09-30-2005, 04:55 AM	#18 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	Gilda basically hit it best. Feeling lonely is feeling a loss of connection. You know you aren't physically alone, yet feel you are? That's being disconnected...been there, done that, can't afford the tshirt. Sometimes (most times, really), we get so wrapped up in the immediacy of our family and work lives, and we begin to cocoon ourselves, eventually cutting off our connections to what used to bring us joy. Then the worry starts because we know we lost something, but we're not sure what. We prioritize the wrong things thinking it will help-making ourselves busier with family and home, which just makes things worse. It's a cycle and before you know it, the loneliness has pervaded, taken over. Call a friend you haven't spoken with in ages...leave the toys out a day or two and do something joyful...delegate so that you don't feel everything must be done by you or it won't get done. And if things don't get done around the house, fine...if tomorrow were the last day you could walk around freely, what is it that you'd regret not having done? Do it.... __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

10-01-2005, 01:14 AM	#20 (permalink)
analog Banned	For me, I feel that alone is when you simply don't have anyone around you, or if you do, you are not actually associated with anyone around you, and you are wherever it is you are by yourself. I can have 500 people around me, but I can still be there alone. That, by itself, can be positive or negative. If you like being alone, which sometimes I do, then that's fine. If you crave the presence of another person, that's lonely. Lonely can happen anywhere, at any time, whether you're by yourself or in a packed stadium- lonely is more about feeling that there's no one in your life to be with, even if it means you're at home and wish you could go do something with a friend, or wish you had a friend, it's not always about an SO. I'm having a bout of that, myself, recently, and I need a girlfriend. lol I'm just such a relationship guy that if i'm not in a relationship, i'm unhappy. Currently, I am alone at my computer, but i'm lonely in general, wherever I go.