Pegging the Gross! meter. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cyrnel · 08-20-2005, 11:57 AM

"All the way to eleven."

So it's dark. It's still a warm evening so I'm in shorts & sandals. I'm walking to my pickup, crossing the parking strip, when I feel something strange & pliable under my right sandal and immediately feel the spray/squirt of something up to the knee on my left. We're not talking a spattering of morning dew, but as if a heavy squirt gun had let loose, also drooling onto my stepping foot. Being old enough to know the handling of gross things, I do not touch but first go for the visual. Peering down in the semi-dark I see a big dark blotch some 5 inches long where my foot had been. Dog crap doesn't squirt. What is it? Closer inspection. A slug. We'll call him SluggaSquirtus, now flat, having unloaded his entire reservoir of slime onto my lower extremeties. May he rest on a salt-pile in hell.

I'd rather change a dozen fully loaded diapers.

Charlatan · 08-20-2005, 12:30 PM

mmmmm.... did you save any for later?

Elphaba · 08-20-2005, 01:10 PM

My sisters and I were camping once, and one rolled over on her pillow. Yep, Slugus Maximas was now stuck to the side of her face. ewwwww.

Sue · 08-20-2005, 01:10 PM

I'm so sorry, I laughed so hard when I read this. Now I'll probably get buzzard poop in my eyes for laughing at you.

thatoneguy · 08-20-2005, 01:11 PM

Hahaha, that sucks. You gotta love the "random stepping in things" that happens to all of us every once in a while, but I think the "stepping on gross creature than then explodes all over you" is a little bit worse.

maleficent · 08-21-2005, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

mmmmm.... did you save any for later?

I don't think that'd taste the same as escargot...

all i can say is -- ewwwww...

Redlemon · 08-21-2005, 07:35 AM

I think I remember that feeling back in elementary school, but in my case, it was a well-cooked gypsy moth caterpillar on the sidewalk. I thought I'd successfully suppressed that memory; thanks anyway.

f6twister · 08-21-2005, 10:27 AM

I went for a walk with my wife around 10 p.m. I wasn't watching the sidewalk because we were talking. Suddenly, I heard a loud pop and felt a spray up the back of my leg. I had stepped on a frog and it basically exploded it's guts everywhere. I didn't have anything to wipe it off with so I had to walk all the way home with the guts on my leg.

maleficent · 08-21-2005, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by f6twister

I went for a walk with my wife around 10 p.m. I wasn't watching the sidewalk because we were talking. Suddenly, I heard a loud pop and felt a spray up the back of my leg. I had stepped on a frog and it basically exploded it's guts everywhere. I didn't have anything to wipe it off with so I had to walk all the way home with the guts on my leg.

so that's what happened to my prince charming...

Ambient1 · 08-21-2005, 11:38 AM

Hehe.. I was taking a nice evening stroll along the river one day wearing my sandals. The grass was fairly long, and slightly damp with dew.

When I got back to my car, I realized that it was just more than dew on my toes. My sandals had scooped up several slugs and they had been crushed under (and in between) my toes!

My cats loved smelling my sandals after that... When I got home they immediately started acting like I had given them catnip and rolling on my shoes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by f6twister

I went for a walk with my wife around 10 p.m. I wasn't watching the sidewalk because we were talking. Suddenly, I heard a loud pop and felt a spray up the back of my leg. I had stepped on a frog and it basically exploded it's guts everywhere. I didn't have anything to wipe it off with so I had to walk all the way home with the guts on my leg.

Now THAT is gross!

Zephyr66 · 08-21-2005, 11:54 AM

I'm so glad I don't have a story for this thread.
Those stories really give me the jibblies.

ngdawg · 08-21-2005, 12:30 PM

We had a vegetable garden. Tomatoes, peppers, peas, corn...several times a week I would go pick weeds, check the plants, etc. One saturday afternoon, I decided to be quite diligent in the cleaning of this patch. I went in barefoot, but in jeans(rather rinse mud off the feet than get it all over shoes). I weeded, i straightened, I picked whatever was ready. And I itched. From the ankles up to my thighs, I itched. Spouse was working in the garage/worskhop and, scratching, I made my way over there. I picked up the hem of my jeans and saw....ANTS!!! in my pants! Up to to my thighs I am covered in these things!! I went into the garage, instructed the spouse to run inside and get some shorts and I closed the garage door and stripped down....
Excuse me....I'm itchy again....

shesus · 08-21-2005, 02:44 PM

I have stepped on a slug before and I agree that it is one of the grossest things I have ever felt.

/me shivers just thinking about it

Marvelous Marv · 08-26-2005, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ngdawg

I picked up the hem of my jeans and saw....ANTS!!! in my pants!

Did you need to dance?

Marvelous Marv · 08-26-2005, 06:10 AM

You guys are minor leaguers.

Two nights ago my wife and I had to wash my cat's ass (don't ask).

So I've got this 20 lb behemoth wrapped up in a towel with his butt sticking out, and my wife has on her gloves and is washing away. Liquified cat poop is dribbling down his tail.

The only part of his body he can move (besides his mouth) is his tail. So he starts lashing it. Right across my mouth.

Bleehh.

cyrnel · 09-10-2005, 03:46 PM

Time for an update.

Just tried the Crest Citrus toothpaste I bought last week. KILLMENOW!

Making it worse, it seems the shock to my tongue nerves has caused temporary blindness. It's either that or there really isn't a "100% satisfaction refund 800 number" anywhere on the package. The horror.

Marv, I might prefer your toothbrushing to this stuff.

calvin88 · 09-10-2005, 09:03 PM

At first I thought it was going to be a skunk or something and it sprayed you. I don't think iv'e ever seen such a larg slug though. haha

aberkok · 09-11-2005, 02:31 AM

....and then it got mixed in with your soup!!!

Seriously I think I'll order some food of this room service menu here...mmm....let's see. What have we got that might go with slug? Hmmm.... I think the roasted pigeon looks good. Oh! How about the eel?

cyrnel · 09-11-2005, 02:57 AM

Oh, sheez. Hong Kong? Yah, you gotta pay extra fer those slugs down there. Yah, they're delicacies ya'know.

Gotta have a breakfast. <font size=1>(very tiny prize for barely american movie reference)</font>

Reminds me of an authentic Chinese family restaurant I once patronized in S.F. with a new date. The hamster hordes were squeaking loudly behind the counter and I'm sure I caught a glimpse of Lancelot Link mocking me from a slab in the kitchen. The menu had none of the usual Americanized food but was instead loaded with prized fare of brains, genitals, eyes... of various hapless creatures. Oh yah, they're delicacies ya'know.

Waiter, can we get the noodles and rice on the side? Completely on the side?

An important lesson from my 20's: always pack an extra protein bar.

denim · 09-11-2005, 06:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cyrnel

Time for an update.

Just tried the Crest Citrus toothpaste I bought last week. KILLMENOW!

Making it worse, it seems the shock to my tongue nerves has caused temporary blindness. It's either that or there really isn't a "100% satisfaction refund 800 number" anywhere on the package. The horror.

Wow, that made me laugh for a few minutes. Thanks!

I prefer the green (mint) one.

08-20-2005, 11:57 AM	#1 (permalink)
cyrnel Adequate Location: In my angry-dome.	Pegging the Gross! meter. "All the way to eleven." So it's dark. It's still a warm evening so I'm in shorts & sandals. I'm walking to my pickup, crossing the parking strip, when I feel something strange & pliable under my right sandal and immediately feel the spray/squirt of something up to the knee on my left. We're not talking a spattering of morning dew, but as if a heavy squirt gun had let loose, also drooling onto my stepping foot. Being old enough to know the handling of gross things, I do not touch but first go for the visual. Peering down in the semi-dark I see a big dark blotch some 5 inches long where my foot had been. Dog crap doesn't squirt. What is it? Closer inspection. A slug. We'll call him SluggaSquirtus, now flat, having unloaded his entire reservoir of slime onto my lower extremeties. May he rest on a salt-pile in hell. I'd rather change a dozen fully loaded diapers. __________________ There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

08-20-2005, 12:30 PM	#2 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	mmmmm.... did you save any for later? __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

08-20-2005, 01:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
Sue Teufel Hunden's Freundin Location: Westminster, CO	I'm so sorry, I laughed so hard when I read this. Now I'll probably get buzzard poop in my eyes for laughing at you. __________________ Teg yw edrych tuag adref.

08-20-2005, 01:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
thatoneguy Crazy Location: Omaha, NE	Hahaha, that sucks. You gotta love the "random stepping in things" that happens to all of us every once in a while, but I think the "stepping on gross creature than then explodes all over you" is a little bit worse. __________________ "Thank you for flying Church of England, cake or death?"

08-21-2005, 07:35 AM	#7 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	I think I remember that feeling back in elementary school, but in my case, it was a well-cooked gypsy moth caterpillar on the sidewalk. I thought I'd successfully suppressed that memory; thanks anyway. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

08-20-2005, 01:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
Elphaba Deja Moo Location: Olympic Peninsula, WA	My sisters and I were camping once, and one rolled over on her pillow. Yep, Slugus Maximas was now stuck to the side of her face. ewwwww.

08-21-2005, 10:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	I went for a walk with my wife around 10 p.m. I wasn't watching the sidewalk because we were talking. Suddenly, I heard a loud pop and felt a spray up the back of my leg. I had stepped on a frog and it basically exploded it's guts everywhere. I didn't have anything to wipe it off with so I had to walk all the way home with the guts on my leg. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

08-21-2005, 11:54 AM	#11 (permalink)
Zephyr66 My custom title's the shit! Location: Canada	I'm so glad I don't have a story for this thread. Those stories really give me the jibblies.

08-21-2005, 12:30 PM	#12 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	We had a vegetable garden. Tomatoes, peppers, peas, corn...several times a week I would go pick weeds, check the plants, etc. One saturday afternoon, I decided to be quite diligent in the cleaning of this patch. I went in barefoot, but in jeans(rather rinse mud off the feet than get it all over shoes). I weeded, i straightened, I picked whatever was ready. And I itched. From the ankles up to my thighs, I itched. Spouse was working in the garage/worskhop and, scratching, I made my way over there. I picked up the hem of my jeans and saw....ANTS!!! in my pants! Up to to my thighs I am covered in these things!! I went into the garage, instructed the spouse to run inside and get some shorts and I closed the garage door and stripped down.... Excuse me....I'm itchy again.... __________________ Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

08-21-2005, 02:44 PM	#13 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	I have stepped on a slug before and I agree that it is one of the grossest things I have ever felt. /me shivers just thinking about it __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

08-26-2005, 06:10 AM	#15 (permalink)
Marvelous Marv Cunning Runt Location: Taking a mulligan	You guys are minor leaguers. Two nights ago my wife and I had to wash my cat's ass (don't ask). So I've got this 20 lb behemoth wrapped up in a towel with his butt sticking out, and my wife has on her gloves and is washing away. Liquified cat poop is dribbling down his tail. The only part of his body he can move (besides his mouth) is his tail. So he starts lashing it. Right across my mouth. Bleehh. __________________ "The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money." Margaret Thatcher

09-10-2005, 03:46 PM	#16 (permalink)
cyrnel Adequate Location: In my angry-dome.	Time for an update. Just tried the Crest Citrus toothpaste I bought last week. KILLMENOW! Making it worse, it seems the shock to my tongue nerves has caused temporary blindness. It's either that or there really isn't a "100% satisfaction refund 800 number" anywhere on the package. The horror. Marv, I might prefer your toothbrushing to this stuff. __________________ There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

09-10-2005, 09:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
calvin88 Tilted Location: socal	At first I thought it was going to be a skunk or something and it sprayed you. I don't think iv'e ever seen such a larg slug though. haha

09-11-2005, 02:31 AM	#18 (permalink)
aberkok “Wrong is right.” Location: toronto	....and then it got mixed in with your soup!!! Seriously I think I'll order some food of this room service menu here...mmm....let's see. What have we got that might go with slug? Hmmm.... I think the roasted pigeon looks good. Oh! How about the eel? __________________ !check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."

09-11-2005, 02:57 AM	#19 (permalink)
cyrnel Adequate Location: In my angry-dome.	Oh, sheez. Hong Kong? Yah, you gotta pay extra fer those slugs down there. Yah, they're delicacies ya'know. Gotta have a breakfast. <font size=1>(very tiny prize for barely american movie reference)</font> Reminds me of an authentic Chinese family restaurant I once patronized in S.F. with a new date. The hamster hordes were squeaking loudly behind the counter and I'm sure I caught a glimpse of Lancelot Link mocking me from a slab in the kitchen. The menu had none of the usual Americanized food but was instead loaded with prized fare of brains, genitals, eyes... of various hapless creatures. Oh yah, they're delicacies ya'know. Waiter, can we get the noodles and rice on the side? Completely on the side? An important lesson from my 20's: always pack an extra protein bar. __________________ There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195