Should I bother dating a smoker?
 

I have always avoided dating girls who smoke for obvious reasons, but recently I have been interested in this girl who smokes. She's really cute and intrigues me. Should I bother asking her out and starting a serious relationship with her or leave her be and just be friends?

Who is to say a date is going to lead to a serious relationship? You may find that you are better off friends or that it is worth keeping the breath mints handy, whatever you do do not try to hassle her about it. If she is old enuff to smoke she is old enuff to make her own mind up about it. Although if you take her to a lot of no smoking venues it may help to save on the breath mints!!

It's gonna be tricky, but it might work.
Who knows, give it a go?
Couldn't do it myself though...

Everyone has a deal breaker in a relationship.... if smoking is one of yours, don't bother asking her out. You know up front that she's a smoker, and if she quits, it's her decision to do for her.

The question to ask yourself, does it really matter that much if you like everything else that you know, but she is a smoker.

Is she a 3 pack a day, camel unfiltered smoker, or just an occassional cigarette when she has a drink smoker?

No matter how much a person brushes their teeth or pops a breath mint, the smell of cigarette smoke still will be in their hair, their clothes, their car, their apartment.... it's a smell that not easily gotten rid of.

What Maleficent said and...if it works out and you move in together, all your clothes will smell like smoke, and more than likely you will not notice.

And don't expect her to stop just because you don't smoke.

Why don't you start smoking? You'll never be able to tell she smokes. :lol:

I'm opposite, its a turnoff if a girl doesn't smoke because I smoke like a chimney. I prefer girls who smoke because I tend to cut down when I'm with her. If it really bothers you, then don't go for her. Some people (who obviously don't smoke) think smoking is disgusting, where I think its sexy.

Just consider smoking to be part of the package with her. Which it is. If you like her but the smoke turns you off, then it's not going to work. If she's willing to tone it down for you, that's something else. But you shouldn't expect it.

I'd say, hang out a bit more, short of dating -- you know, some coffee together, something like that -- and see how it plays out. If it really feels like smoking is going to be the deal breaker, back off and no harm done. But DO NOT go ahead because you harbor a secret hope that you can somehow down the line talk her out of it. That's unrealistic, and frankly unfair to her.

I think everyone else has pretty much summed up how I feel, but this is definitely something I've thought about before. I dated one girl who smoked, although not very heavily, it just always bothered me.

Smoking is definitely a dealbreaker for me, I just don't see how things would ever work out with someone who smoked regularly, it's just how I am, I guess.

I can't add much more than what has already been said. Except I would like to reinforce that you shouldn't go into the situation thinking that you can make her quit. If you decide to go with her, you're going to have to keep your opinions of smoking to yourself. If you can't do that then don't waste your time and hers.

Well, I wouldn't do it, but you may not abhor smoking as much as I do.

I just got out of a relationship with a smoker. She smoked a decent amount but not once did I notice unless she actually lit up the cigarette. I couldnt smell it on her, I couldnt taste it, nothing. I never even smelled it in her room unless she actually lit the cigarette and started smoking right there. I would get home and notice my clothes reeked of it but never while I was with her. You may get lucky and not be able to notice it on her either.

So unless you absolutely dispise smoking, it may be in your interest to at least hang out with her more.

I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't be able to help myself and I'd worry and beg him/her to stop. Also oral sex - YUCK! with a guy OR a girl who smokes. Both men and women taste quite bitter if they are smokers. The more the smoke the worse it is. I met one woman who smoked a lot and oral with her made me literally gag - I had to stop.

If you're not into the oral sex, don't care that the kissing tastes bad, don't mind the smell too much. Go ahead. Otherwise don't bother.

Well, most of you know what I think. I side with Carn. Only with more... improvised weapons...

*twitch*

well, my bf hates smoking. can't stand the smell at all. but, he loves me and he knew going in that i'm a smoker. i've always said i'd quit when i started having kids--since i won't be doing that, i'm free to smoke till i feel like quitting.

there have been a few bumps in the road regarding my smoking. primarily, he worries about me and wants me to quit because of what smoking does to your health. i'm aware of what smoking does, but i choose not to quit. i'm a big girl and i accept the consequences of what smoking does to my body. he can choose to not like it, but i will not allow him to nag me about it. he knows better than to bring it up--i will quit when i am ready to quit, not when he's ready for it. cheeseburgers aren't healthy for him, but i don't bitch when he eats one ;)

if you want to ask her out, then be prepared to deal with her smoking. and that means accepting she is a smoker. you can negotiate about sitting in non-smoking sections when you go out to eat (she can smoke outside when you are done), you can ask her not to smoke in your car or your home. but she is a smoker, and if you ask her out, do it knowing that you are accepting that part of her too. i promise you, explaining the health risks or why you find it disgusting is not going to make her quit--and bringing it up is only going to piss her off. if you can't tolerate the smoking, don't ask her out.

I just started dating a girl who smoked and i told her from the get go that i wouldnt date her or anyone else seriously who smokes. After a month or so, she's wanting to get serious, but she's smoking now so more than ever, and she's fairly rude about it (smoking in my car even though she knows how much i hate it). She asked if i would consider her to be my girlfriend and i told her that as long as she smoked, then no. I'm happy with just hanging out and continuing to see her, but im not gonna get serious about it until she quits and i've told her that. I guess my question is should i even continue seeing her or just break it off. I really like her, but i think smoking is disgusting and i've lost several close family members at relatively young ages do to cancer from smoking, so i'm really just not interested in anything long term while the smoking continues.

That's interesting that you think smoking is sexy. How do you see it that way? What, specifically, makes it sexy to you? And do you ever see yourself stopping intentionally? Do you ever see a point when it isn't sexy?

i want to know this aswell..i havent ever heard of a man finding women smoking sexy.

i find men smoking sexy.i have always gone for the rebellious carefree guy..and i guess a cigarrette dangling shows the rebel...the confidence to do thwat he wants against the odds...dont get me wrong iknow this is a silly way to tink realy!but then i think in a silly way about a lot of things! :lol:

id say weigh up pros and cons..is it worth sacrificing one prerequisite to gain others?shhe may be fantastic in other ways..and if you get serious..then she may even stop when she realises you feel so strongly about it. :thumbsup:

I used to smoke cuban cigars after school during high school (no joke). It was the cool thing to do with my rich friend at the time. I soon realized how stupid it was and didn't turn it into a habit. It did nothing for me. I don't find girls who smoke sexy at all. It's actually a big turn-off. People who smoke are human exhaust pipes. For some reason this girl is different. I'm not attracted to her smoking but her personality and her incredibly sexy body (she's a dancer and actress :thumbsup: ).

I have yet to meet a person who "chooses not to quit." They were all UNABLE to quit. Including the ones who could "quit whenever they want to, but don't want to."

The "choice" is lung damage, yellow teeth, gum disease, greatly increased risk of cancer, large financial drain, decreased bone density, decreased endurance, coughing like a fiend in the morning, and eventual emphysema, to name a few.

I'd really like to know what a person gets from smoking that justifies choosing the above.

(Not intended as a nag--I just can't fathom the choice.)

Based on my personal experience this is untrue.

Raeanna is a swinger, so she has lots of data-points to back up her statement; what are your qualifications?

I'd never date a smoker. Not because something is morally wrong with them, but I just think it's a HUGE turn-off and I'd see them as not being strong enough to get off an unhealthy addiction. Plus, it's just gross to me.

I dated a smoker one time, and she ended up becoming my wife. I didn't know she smoked when I started dating her, and when I found out I told her I couldn't date a smoker. She knew it was bad for her, and ended up quitting smoking to stay with me. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but anything is possible.

Smoking is a deal breaker to me, not only does it disgust me (like the actual smell, it would still disgust me even if it was good for you), but it shows 1 to all 4 of these: ignorance, lack of will power, disregard for others, and sheep mentality.

She's not the only one then. My wife and I were swingers for two years. Good times. :thumbsup:

I'm the same as Johnny - I like girls that smoke. Perhaps it's the "fuck the consequences, I'll do what I want" attitude. Perhaps that it's just I feel more comfortable around a person who is willing to buck the trend in society. Most likely, it's just because I abhor "perfect" little princesses who think that they're so much better than everyone else and they despise anyone who doesn't follow the same rules that they do.



Yeah, the last one.

Smoking is social, it's relaxing, and is a clutch device that can make you feel better and/or more comfortable in a situation. Yeah, so, you may die a little earlier. So what? You're just going to lose the senile-in-a-home wheelchair-bedpan-aches-and-pain stages of life. I may die when I'm 60, but I really don't want to live longer than that, anyway. I want to enjoy all of the pleasures that life offers, while I can.

"Large financial drain" - smoking isn't that expensive, unless you do it constantly. $5 a week for me isn't going to break the bank. Even if someone is a two-pack-a-dayer, many spend more than that on lunch. The health risks? My uncle was a nutritional nut. He ran a mile a day on his lunch break. The constantly studied health charts and facts. He was 65 and looked twenty years younger. One day, he suddendly developed bladder cancer - had to have chemo, wear a bag, all of that wonderful shit that accompinies the removal of a vital organ. How is that better than a little coughing and wheezing...?

I've been a non-smoker for almost five years, and before that I smoked a pack a day for 10 years. One of my best friends recently said to me, "It's a good thing you don't smoke anymore, because we'd never be friends! I don't like smokers."

I looked at her for a second, and said, "That's like saying, 'It's a good thing you're not black anymore, because we'd never be friends! I don't like blacks!'" There's all this prejudice out there about smokers and the Kinds of People they are, and frankly, I find it offensive. You can dislike the behavior and its side effects (in fact, please do) but to dislike the people is just backward-thinking.

Besides, you know what they say... If she smokes, she pokes. ;)

Youre acting like cancer/euphawhatever is fast and painless, sure you won't go through what some do when theyre old because you probably wont live that long, but you'll have a whole host of other painful things to see you on your way out. And what if, what you would naturally have died from if you hadnt smoked, we get a cure for? What if we invent some huge thing that helps quality of life a lot? It's not super likely that we will but look at how much progresss we've made, who knows what the future holds? You make the same mistake that most youth make, you assume an old person is basically worthless and not worth living/keeping alive.

that all depends on your values and boundaries. I would prefer a non-smoker myself but I don't think I would completely rule it out. Way the pros and cons, does this person have good qualities that would 'override' the smoking? I find it easier to be around respectful smokers... the ones who only smoke outside, or away from non-smokers.

well, congrats--you've just met your first person who chooses not to quit :) in fact, i completely disagree with your assesment saying people can't quit. i have yet to meet someone who really tried to quit smoking and didn't. it's not easy but it is far from impossible. if what you say is true, that i'm simply unable--then why bother trying at all?

i'm aware of all the health risks and i'm willing to accept them. i'm blessed with good genetics that grant me nice teeth despite my smoking :) and with gas costing more than a pack of smokes these days--financially it's a better choice than driving lol

as to why i smoke--it isn't like i have some great reason, i simply want to. i find it relaxing and since several of my closest friends are smokers, it can be social at times i suppose.

i'm not advocating smoking--i'm just saying it is a choice. i've made mine and refuse to hide behind the term "addicted" to justify why i do it. i do not want to quit. smoking is not addictive from the first puff--you choose to keep doing it. and while plenty choose to stop, i don't. if someone doesn't want to be around me because they don't like it, that is their choice. but until the day comes that i decide i want to quit, it's not going to happen.

That's very funny, BadJane. Something tells me that if I were to meet you, I'd probably not agree much.

I don't consider dating smokers. Period, end of story. Not that I don't have my own issues, but I like being able to BREATHE.

It's just as likely that we may figure out the secret that there's a way to grow tobacco or add a chemical to cigarettes that prevents tar from binding to the lungs, and/or create a treatment for lung cancer. Anything is possible with science.

That's exactly why I do it. Life should be enjoyable.


The decision to smoke does not equate a political and/or constructual viewpoint on life. You're telling us that someone might be the most amazing person you ever met, can make you laugh, think, keep you riveted for hours and make you feel more at peace than anyone ever has before - but if she smokes a little cigarette once in a while, then it's all over? There are some things in life that are simply more important than others.

I've only dated one smoker. I never made that mistake again. If she likes you, she might quit.

It doesn't look like it's going to happen. I waited too long. She seems to be becoming good friends with this other guy.

disagree that i enjoy smoking? :rolleyes:

or disagree and tell me i have bad teeth? lmao i suppose you could do that. but since i actually get compliments on my teeth, i kinda doubt it ;) then again, if you just don't like people with discolored teeth, that rules out more than smokers--coffee and tea stain the teeth really bad and genetics play a role as well.

I just got out of a relationship w/ a smoker - I would say she was between recreational and chain (probably 1/2 a pack a day normally; more if she was stressed) - in the future I'll probably try to avoid a smoker unless it's basically an 'only-when-drinking' situation... This is a little odd I suppose because I will occasionally smoke cigars (1 per month or less), but I haven't much lately and I reckon I could quit them altogether w/o much difficulty.

Just go for her. If you really like her, just ask her out. I'm the same way with smoking, I don't like it and I rather date someone who didn't smoke, but hey, feelings are feelings. You can't help it. Maybe she'll stop smoking once she's around you, but you can't expect her to though.

I think it's funny how being a smoker is suddenly a defining quality of a person. I know that I always told myself I didn't want to date a smoker, for my health and his. But here I am today, and my boyfriend is a smoker. I don't think it's a choice, either you like the person or you don't. Once you do, how can you say no because of a cigarette? Smoking does not define who a person is. And I hate smoking lol

It's a lifestyle choice someone has made. If you're really sincere about your interest in the person, you will take the person as they are - faults/flaws (in your opinion) along with the good. If you think "oh they will quit if they want to stay with me" or "I will get them to quit if it's the last thing I do" you'll save everyone time and grief to just step out of it.

in my case, I've voiced my personal choice regarding smoking, and have accepted the other's. They know that if they choose to quit, they will have my full support in whatever way they ask. In the meantime, we are who we are, and focus on the bigger things in life.

I'll let you know if I ever run into such a person who also smokes. It hasn't happened yet. If I encounter someone I'm attracted to like that they, w/o exception so far, don't smoke. At this time, I value being able to breathe more than I do the company of smoke. I'll grant you that I might change my mind on that, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Nope, disagree with the attitude.

Discolored teeth as such don't bother me. The smell of smoke does. In my world, it's not about you. It's about me. If you enjoy smoking, go for it. I won't be around, because I don't. I have enough issues w/o that, thank you very much.

Dating a chemical dependent person that stinks all the time, tastes disgusting, has yellow teeth, shrivelled wrinkly lips and skin, stinky yellow fingers, talks with a hoarse voice, coughs up a brown tar ball once in a while, drives a car that stinks, lives in a house that stinks, needs to sit in the smoking section at a restaurant, breaks out in a cold sweat while flying on an aircraft, bitches about how non-smokers don't want to put up with her smoking and how they should be the one's to leave the room if they don't want to smell her smoke, dies slowly at a young age from a painful disease...yup, that's sexy alright..no thanks.
( you may notice I don't like smoking :p )

Bleh..I dated a smoker years ago and would never do that again. She said she would quit, but never did. Kiss a non-smoker and you'll never go back. ;)

Ask her out on a date, if you get on ask her if she could cut down on her smoking and give up one day soon as you want her to live for as long as possible and not deny the world her beauty and talents through slow suicide with a stupid toxic substance :)

OR

if she's hot and you really want her. Then well, there are mints and if she's sitting up on top you won't smell her too much/ from behind, face down.
Just don't kiss her too much :D

I don't think I got your drift, Splck. :D

wow splck you took the words outta my mouth.

A girl could have a wonderful, engaging personality and a killer body but if everytime I kiss her I feel like I ate an ashtray it just wouldn't work out.

Well, speaking for myself, I don't have the greatest lungs in the world - my parents both smoked a lot when I was a baby, and I subsequently got severe pneumonia when I was about 18 months old, and then asthma for most of my childhood thru junior highschool - smoking would be an even worse idea for me than most people, and I really don't need to be around clouds of second hand smoke.

I think what's getting lost in the vehemence here is that there are degrees of it. I'm a half a pack a day smoker. My apartment does not stink (I smoke on my balcony) nor does my car. All the restaurants and bars in the area are non-smoking and I'm okay with that; it's my choice to smoke, if I want to that badly I can take it outside. If not I'll wait.

There's a difference between being a smoker and being an ass; let's not lose sight of that fact.

Of course you're right. While still unhealthy for you, that is probably not enough to significanly affect a significant other.

Agreed. OTOH, have you had a non-smoker friend in your place or your car recently? You might ask them if your place smells of smoke. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that you might not be able to smell it yourself.

The girl I dated years ago didn't smoke a whole lot either, but it was still noticeable. She ate breath mints and kept herself nice and clean, but she still tasted and smelled like an ashtray. You might think you don't smell, but rest assured, to a non-smoker, you probably do.
Truer words were never spoken :thumbsup:

smoking about as much as you do about 7 years ago.. I'd agree with you. Now that I'm no longer a smoker... I'm disagreeing with you.

My wife can smell a mouse fart in the next room. She's got a sensitive nose, but I don't. I can smell smoke inside a hotel room, rental car, and even inside some of my friends who smoke about as much as you do.

pffftttt who deleted my post?

anyway go 4 it m8, all that smoking ciggies they should be able to give a good Blow Job, just don't kiss them unless you like the stench of the little cancer sticks

you have me thoroughly confused then :lol: i understand some people don't want to be around smokers, and that's 100% acceptable (said as much in my first post). i smoke, content with the knowledge that there are people who aren't going to want to associate with me because of it. personally, i don't feel i'm missing out--just as i'm sure those anonymous people don't feel they are missing out. everybody wins :)

the original poster doesn't date smokers as a general rule--but now he's thinking maybe he should make an exception. because i'm a smoker, i warned him that if he doesn't want to date her as a smoker, then he shouldn't date her. the chances that she'll quit because he asked her out are not that high (unless she's young and just started smoking or planning to quit anyway).

so what is it that you are not in agreement with?

Just a clarifying question: what makes someone a "smoker?"

To me, it's someone who has to (or chooses to, in bad jane's case) smoke every day, or at most social occasions. Smoking a "little cigarette once in a while" does not make someone a smoker in my book. I still don't like smoking, but if my bf chooses to smoke one rarely (he's smoked 2-3 times, if not less than that, in a year), I've decided that it's okay with me.

But I couldn't date a smoker, because that would be part of their lifestyle and personality that I couldn't live with. I guess I had a roommate who smoked once every night, but she did go outside to do it, and it was just one cigarette each day... that was tolerable, but I wasn't kissing her! :lol:

You said

And I don't appreciate the attitude I see there. You claim that people "hide" behind the term "addicted". I say it's a good description, and has nothing to do with "hiding". To me, you're in denial. P'raps you'll be fine, like those rare people who live to be centenarians and smoke cigars daily. I can't say. I surely won't be around to hear you tell me "I told you so", but playing the odds, I expect you'll be on oxygen and drowning in your own fluids due to your habit in your final days. And that those will be well short of your centenary birthday.

But it's not my problem. And that's not my point. (I came here to talk about Alice. Remember Alice? It's a song about Alice.)


True. And I don't claim personal perfection either. I had a friend who died a few weeks ago at age 45 from heart failure. He was (likely) still overweight and (definitely) diabetic. I expect that I've got another five years, similarly.

But I can breathe. Maybe I value my lungs more than my heart?

ahhh, kk, i understand now :)

i'd like to clarify what i mean, but i'm not sure it will help because there is still a difference of opinion. the majority of smokers are addicted to smoking (and i say the majority because as i said earlier, it doesn't happen with one puff--you have to choose to keep doing it until you finally become addicted). i do not deny that i am addicted to smoking, i've been smoking for years so i'm quite confident that i am! what i mean by "hiding" behind the term addicted, is that being addicted in no way justifies my choice to smoke. if i were trying to quit and struggling, then yes--it explains why i would be struggling. but if there were a magic pill that would allow me to quit smoking instantly, i wouldn't take it.

i don't smoke because i'm addicted, i became addicted because i choose to smoke. i enjoy it. i continue to enjoy it as much now as i did way back when i started--for that reason, i continue to smoke. i can go a complete weekend (and do so regularly) without smoking--i don't get nic fits or feel that if i don't have a smoke i'm gonna explode. i get along just fine, except i do tend to drink more when i'm not smoking (liquids in general, not talking booze binge lol). but i'm quite happy to come home and resume my habit because i like it.

you may continue to say it is denial and there's really no way for me to argue against that. if i quit today and picked it back up 5 years from now--those who feel strongly that smoking is an addiction and no one would do it if they could help it, would just say i'd fallen off the wagon. but addiction or no, i'm still making the choice to do it--that is why i won't say i smoke simply because i am addicted. plenty of people quit smoking, if i chose to quit, i have no doubt that i could do so as well--but until i decide i want to quit, it isn't going to happen. denial? if you insist--but it isn't a matter of denying i'm addicted, just denying that i have any desire to quit.

I have reconsidered and going to ask her out. Some things happened last night that got me intrigued with her again.

Well, I certainly can't argue with that! In that case, more power to you, and I hope you continue to enjoy it while you can.

denim - Not everyone who smokes is a lifelong smoker. I've smoked for three years now and will until my first child is born. That's my deadline; I'll need to quit for the nine months prior anyway, because there's no way I'm smoking around a pregnant wife. Hell, I once had a pregnant roomate and cut back severely just for that (I refused to even smoke on the balcony, because she was an ex-smoker and I didn't want to tempt her). Could it kill me by my late 20's? It could. So could owning a car or going out in the sun every day or any number of other things. I view it in terms of risk management and the risk of smoking having any real long term effects is minimized if I quit while I'm still young.

I think that's sort of what bad jane is getting at. There coes a point when the some factor in your life causes you to want to give them up. Sometimes it's something like a child or a signifigant other, sometimes it's just being sick of having to miss part of the baseball game. Until that something comes along you're not going to quit successfully and it's pointless to attempt to do so because other people say it's bad for you. Like bad jane, I don't want to quit yet, so I'm not going to attempt to stay off it. When the time comes that I do want to quit, I will and at that point it'll probably be as simple as never smoking another cigarette. It's all about motivation and at this point in my life I don't have any.

EDIT - also I'd like to point out that I frequently have non-smokers in my apartment and my car. Since I smoke on my balcony there's no reason for my apartment to smell bad and when I smoke in the car I roll down all the windows. The leather upholstery has a stronger smell than the smoke does. So yeah, I can say with confidence that neither smells bad.

Have you ASKED a NON-smoker or NOT? You're used to that scent and might well not detect it no matter what.

It wouldn't work for me. I grew up in a house of smokers. After I moved away, I noticed the smell every time I visited.

On the other hand, remember the words of the philosophers of yore: If she's a smoker, then you can poke her.