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Old 08-19-2005, 01:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Should I bother dating a smoker?

I have always avoided dating girls who smoke for obvious reasons, but recently I have been interested in this girl who smokes. She's really cute and intrigues me. Should I bother asking her out and starting a serious relationship with her or leave her be and just be friends?
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Old 08-19-2005, 02:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Who is to say a date is going to lead to a serious relationship? You may find that you are better off friends or that it is worth keeping the breath mints handy, whatever you do do not try to hassle her about it. If she is old enuff to smoke she is old enuff to make her own mind up about it. Although if you take her to a lot of no smoking venues it may help to save on the breath mints!!
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Old 08-19-2005, 02:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 08-19-2005, 03:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Everyone has a deal breaker in a relationship.... if smoking is one of yours, don't bother asking her out. You know up front that she's a smoker, and if she quits, it's her decision to do for her.

The question to ask yourself, does it really matter that much if you like everything else that you know, but she is a smoker.

Is she a 3 pack a day, camel unfiltered smoker, or just an occassional cigarette when she has a drink smoker?

No matter how much a person brushes their teeth or pops a breath mint, the smell of cigarette smoke still will be in their hair, their clothes, their car, their apartment.... it's a smell that not easily gotten rid of.
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Old 08-19-2005, 03:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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What Maleficent said and...if it works out and you move in together, all your clothes will smell like smoke, and more than likely you will not notice.

And don't expect her to stop just because you don't smoke.
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Old 08-19-2005, 05:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Why don't you start smoking? You'll never be able to tell she smokes.

I'm opposite, its a turnoff if a girl doesn't smoke because I smoke like a chimney. I prefer girls who smoke because I tend to cut down when I'm with her. If it really bothers you, then don't go for her. Some people (who obviously don't smoke) think smoking is disgusting, where I think its sexy.
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Old 08-19-2005, 07:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Just consider smoking to be part of the package with her. Which it is. If you like her but the smoke turns you off, then it's not going to work. If she's willing to tone it down for you, that's something else. But you shouldn't expect it.

I'd say, hang out a bit more, short of dating -- you know, some coffee together, something like that -- and see how it plays out. If it really feels like smoking is going to be the deal breaker, back off and no harm done. But DO NOT go ahead because you harbor a secret hope that you can somehow down the line talk her out of it. That's unrealistic, and frankly unfair to her.
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Old 08-19-2005, 07:29 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I think everyone else has pretty much summed up how I feel, but this is definitely something I've thought about before. I dated one girl who smoked, although not very heavily, it just always bothered me.

Smoking is definitely a dealbreaker for me, I just don't see how things would ever work out with someone who smoked regularly, it's just how I am, I guess.
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Old 08-19-2005, 07:30 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I can't add much more than what has already been said. Except I would like to reinforce that you shouldn't go into the situation thinking that you can make her quit. If you decide to go with her, you're going to have to keep your opinions of smoking to yourself. If you can't do that then don't waste your time and hers.
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Old 08-19-2005, 03:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, I wouldn't do it, but you may not abhor smoking as much as I do.
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Old 08-19-2005, 04:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I just got out of a relationship with a smoker. She smoked a decent amount but not once did I notice unless she actually lit up the cigarette. I couldnt smell it on her, I couldnt taste it, nothing. I never even smelled it in her room unless she actually lit the cigarette and started smoking right there. I would get home and notice my clothes reeked of it but never while I was with her. You may get lucky and not be able to notice it on her either.

So unless you absolutely dispise smoking, it may be in your interest to at least hang out with her more.
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Old 08-19-2005, 04:25 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't be able to help myself and I'd worry and beg him/her to stop. Also oral sex - YUCK! with a guy OR a girl who smokes. Both men and women taste quite bitter if they are smokers. The more the smoke the worse it is. I met one woman who smoked a lot and oral with her made me literally gag - I had to stop.

If you're not into the oral sex, don't care that the kissing tastes bad, don't mind the smell too much. Go ahead. Otherwise don't bother.
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Old 08-20-2005, 02:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Well, most of you know what I think. I side with Carn. Only with more... improvised weapons...

*twitch*
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Old 08-21-2005, 06:13 PM   #14 (permalink)
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well, my bf hates smoking. can't stand the smell at all. but, he loves me and he knew going in that i'm a smoker. i've always said i'd quit when i started having kids--since i won't be doing that, i'm free to smoke till i feel like quitting.

there have been a few bumps in the road regarding my smoking. primarily, he worries about me and wants me to quit because of what smoking does to your health. i'm aware of what smoking does, but i choose not to quit. i'm a big girl and i accept the consequences of what smoking does to my body. he can choose to not like it, but i will not allow him to nag me about it. he knows better than to bring it up--i will quit when i am ready to quit, not when he's ready for it. cheeseburgers aren't healthy for him, but i don't bitch when he eats one

if you want to ask her out, then be prepared to deal with her smoking. and that means accepting she is a smoker. you can negotiate about sitting in non-smoking sections when you go out to eat (she can smoke outside when you are done), you can ask her not to smoke in your car or your home. but she is a smoker, and if you ask her out, do it knowing that you are accepting that part of her too. i promise you, explaining the health risks or why you find it disgusting is not going to make her quit--and bringing it up is only going to piss her off. if you can't tolerate the smoking, don't ask her out.
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Old 08-25-2005, 02:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I just started dating a girl who smoked and i told her from the get go that i wouldnt date her or anyone else seriously who smokes. After a month or so, she's wanting to get serious, but she's smoking now so more than ever, and she's fairly rude about it (smoking in my car even though she knows how much i hate it). She asked if i would consider her to be my girlfriend and i told her that as long as she smoked, then no. I'm happy with just hanging out and continuing to see her, but im not gonna get serious about it until she quits and i've told her that. I guess my question is should i even continue seeing her or just break it off. I really like her, but i think smoking is disgusting and i've lost several close family members at relatively young ages do to cancer from smoking, so i'm really just not interested in anything long term while the smoking continues.
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Old 08-25-2005, 04:10 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Pyro
Why don't you start smoking? You'll never be able to tell she smokes.

I'm opposite, its a turnoff if a girl doesn't smoke because I smoke like a chimney. I prefer girls who smoke because I tend to cut down when I'm with her. If it really bothers you, then don't go for her. Some people (who obviously don't smoke) think smoking is disgusting, where I think its sexy.
That's interesting that you think smoking is sexy. How do you see it that way? What, specifically, makes it sexy to you? And do you ever see yourself stopping intentionally? Do you ever see a point when it isn't sexy?
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Old 08-25-2005, 06:08 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thingstodo
That's interesting that you think smoking is sexy. How do you see it that way? What, specifically, makes it sexy to you? And do you ever see yourself stopping intentionally? Do you ever see a point when it isn't sexy?

i want to know this aswell..i havent ever heard of a man finding women smoking sexy.

i find men smoking sexy.i have always gone for the rebellious carefree guy..and i guess a cigarrette dangling shows the rebel...the confidence to do thwat he wants against the odds...dont get me wrong iknow this is a silly way to tink realy!but then i think in a silly way about a lot of things!

id say weigh up pros and cons..is it worth sacrificing one prerequisite to gain others?shhe may be fantastic in other ways..and if you get serious..then she may even stop when she realises you feel so strongly about it.
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Old 08-25-2005, 06:44 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Pyro
Why don't you start smoking? You'll never be able to tell she smokes.

I'm opposite, its a turnoff if a girl doesn't smoke because I smoke like a chimney. I prefer girls who smoke because I tend to cut down when I'm with her. If it really bothers you, then don't go for her. Some people (who obviously don't smoke) think smoking is disgusting, where I think its sexy.
I used to smoke cuban cigars after school during high school (no joke). It was the cool thing to do with my rich friend at the time. I soon realized how stupid it was and didn't turn it into a habit. It did nothing for me. I don't find girls who smoke sexy at all. It's actually a big turn-off. People who smoke are human exhaust pipes. For some reason this girl is different. I'm not attracted to her smoking but her personality and her incredibly sexy body (she's a dancer and actress ).
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Old 08-26-2005, 05:15 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bad jane
there have been a few bumps in the road regarding my smoking. primarily, he worries about me and wants me to quit because of what smoking does to your health. i'm aware of what smoking does, but i choose not to quit. i'm a big girl and i accept the consequences of what smoking does to my body. he can choose to not like it, but i will not allow him to nag me about it. he knows better than to bring it up--i will quit when i am ready to quit, not when he's ready for it. cheeseburgers aren't healthy for him, but i don't bitch when he eats one
I have yet to meet a person who "chooses not to quit." They were all UNABLE to quit. Including the ones who could "quit whenever they want to, but don't want to."

The "choice" is lung damage, yellow teeth, gum disease, greatly increased risk of cancer, large financial drain, decreased bone density, decreased endurance, coughing like a fiend in the morning, and eventual emphysema, to name a few.

I'd really like to know what a person gets from smoking that justifies choosing the above.

(Not intended as a nag--I just can't fathom the choice.)
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Old 08-26-2005, 08:49 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raeanna74
I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't be able to help myself and I'd worry and beg him/her to stop. Also oral sex - YUCK! with a guy OR a girl who smokes. Both men and women taste quite bitter if they are smokers. The more the smoke the worse it is. I met one woman who smoked a lot and oral with her made me literally gag - I had to stop.

If you're not into the oral sex, don't care that the kissing tastes bad, don't mind the smell too much. Go ahead. Otherwise don't bother.
Based on my personal experience this is untrue.
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Old 08-26-2005, 09:31 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Based on my personal experience this is untrue.
Raeanna is a swinger, so she has lots of data-points to back up her statement; what are your qualifications?
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Old 08-26-2005, 09:52 AM   #22 (permalink)
 
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I'd never date a smoker. Not because something is morally wrong with them, but I just think it's a HUGE turn-off and I'd see them as not being strong enough to get off an unhealthy addiction. Plus, it's just gross to me.
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Old 08-26-2005, 10:05 AM   #23 (permalink)
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I dated a smoker one time, and she ended up becoming my wife. I didn't know she smoked when I started dating her, and when I found out I told her I couldn't date a smoker. She knew it was bad for her, and ended up quitting smoking to stay with me. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but anything is possible.
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Old 08-26-2005, 10:14 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Smoking is a deal breaker to me, not only does it disgust me (like the actual smell, it would still disgust me even if it was good for you), but it shows 1 to all 4 of these: ignorance, lack of will power, disregard for others, and sheep mentality.
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Old 08-26-2005, 06:49 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Raeanna is a swinger, so she has lots of data-points to back up her statement; what are your qualifications?
She's not the only one then. My wife and I were swingers for two years. Good times.
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Old 08-27-2005, 07:42 AM   #26 (permalink)
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That's interesting that you think smoking is sexy. How do you see it that way? What, specifically, makes it sexy to you? And do you ever see yourself stopping intentionally? Do you ever see a point when it isn't sexy?
I'm the same as Johnny - I like girls that smoke. Perhaps it's the "fuck the consequences, I'll do what I want" attitude. Perhaps that it's just I feel more comfortable around a person who is willing to buck the trend in society. Most likely, it's just because I abhor "perfect" little princesses who think that they're so much better than everyone else and they despise anyone who doesn't follow the same rules that they do.



Yeah, the last one.
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Old 08-27-2005, 07:47 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Marvelous Marv
The "choice" is lung damage, yellow teeth, gum disease, greatly increased risk of cancer, large financial drain, decreased bone density, decreased endurance, coughing like a fiend in the morning, and eventual emphysema, to name a few.

I'd really like to know what a person gets from smoking that justifies choosing the above.

(Not intended as a nag--I just can't fathom the choice.)

Smoking is social, it's relaxing, and is a clutch device that can make you feel better and/or more comfortable in a situation. Yeah, so, you may die a little earlier. So what? You're just going to lose the senile-in-a-home wheelchair-bedpan-aches-and-pain stages of life. I may die when I'm 60, but I really don't want to live longer than that, anyway. I want to enjoy all of the pleasures that life offers, while I can.

"Large financial drain" - smoking isn't that expensive, unless you do it constantly. $5 a week for me isn't going to break the bank. Even if someone is a two-pack-a-dayer, many spend more than that on lunch. The health risks? My uncle was a nutritional nut. He ran a mile a day on his lunch break. The constantly studied health charts and facts. He was 65 and looked twenty years younger. One day, he suddendly developed bladder cancer - had to have chemo, wear a bag, all of that wonderful shit that accompinies the removal of a vital organ. How is that better than a little coughing and wheezing...?
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Old 08-27-2005, 08:53 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I've been a non-smoker for almost five years, and before that I smoked a pack a day for 10 years. One of my best friends recently said to me, "It's a good thing you don't smoke anymore, because we'd never be friends! I don't like smokers."

I looked at her for a second, and said, "That's like saying, 'It's a good thing you're not black anymore, because we'd never be friends! I don't like blacks!'" There's all this prejudice out there about smokers and the Kinds of People they are, and frankly, I find it offensive. You can dislike the behavior and its side effects (in fact, please do) but to dislike the people is just backward-thinking.

Besides, you know what they say... If she smokes, she pokes.
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Old 08-27-2005, 11:02 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TM875
Smoking is social, it's relaxing, and is a clutch device that can make you feel better and/or more comfortable in a situation. Yeah, so, you may die a little earlier. So what? You're just going to lose the senile-in-a-home wheelchair-bedpan-aches-and-pain stages of life. I may die when I'm 60, but I really don't want to live longer than that, anyway. I want to enjoy all of the pleasures that life offers, while I can.
Youre acting like cancer/euphawhatever is fast and painless, sure you won't go through what some do when theyre old because you probably wont live that long, but you'll have a whole host of other painful things to see you on your way out. And what if, what you would naturally have died from if you hadnt smoked, we get a cure for? What if we invent some huge thing that helps quality of life a lot? It's not super likely that we will but look at how much progresss we've made, who knows what the future holds? You make the same mistake that most youth make, you assume an old person is basically worthless and not worth living/keeping alive.
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Old 08-31-2005, 11:29 PM   #30 (permalink)
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that all depends on your values and boundaries. I would prefer a non-smoker myself but I don't think I would completely rule it out. Way the pros and cons, does this person have good qualities that would 'override' the smoking? I find it easier to be around respectful smokers... the ones who only smoke outside, or away from non-smokers.
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Old 09-05-2005, 03:49 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marvelous Marv
I have yet to meet a person who "chooses not to quit." They were all UNABLE to quit. Including the ones who could "quit whenever they want to, but don't want to."

The "choice" is lung damage, yellow teeth, gum disease, greatly increased risk of cancer, large financial drain, decreased bone density, decreased endurance, coughing like a fiend in the morning, and eventual emphysema, to name a few.

I'd really like to know what a person gets from smoking that justifies choosing the above.

(Not intended as a nag--I just can't fathom the choice.)
well, congrats--you've just met your first person who chooses not to quit in fact, i completely disagree with your assesment saying people can't quit. i have yet to meet someone who really tried to quit smoking and didn't. it's not easy but it is far from impossible. if what you say is true, that i'm simply unable--then why bother trying at all?

i'm aware of all the health risks and i'm willing to accept them. i'm blessed with good genetics that grant me nice teeth despite my smoking and with gas costing more than a pack of smokes these days--financially it's a better choice than driving lol

as to why i smoke--it isn't like i have some great reason, i simply want to. i find it relaxing and since several of my closest friends are smokers, it can be social at times i suppose.

i'm not advocating smoking--i'm just saying it is a choice. i've made mine and refuse to hide behind the term "addicted" to justify why i do it. i do not want to quit. smoking is not addictive from the first puff--you choose to keep doing it. and while plenty choose to stop, i don't. if someone doesn't want to be around me because they don't like it, that is their choice. but until the day comes that i decide i want to quit, it's not going to happen.
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Old 09-05-2005, 06:37 AM   #32 (permalink)
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That's very funny, BadJane. Something tells me that if I were to meet you, I'd probably not agree much.

I don't consider dating smokers. Period, end of story. Not that I don't have my own issues, but I like being able to BREATHE.
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Old 09-05-2005, 10:55 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeraph
What if we invent some huge thing that helps quality of life a lot? It's not super likely that we will but look at how much progresss we've made, who knows what the future holds? You make the same mistake that most youth make, you assume an old person is basically worthless and not worth living/keeping alive.
It's just as likely that we may figure out the secret that there's a way to grow tobacco or add a chemical to cigarettes that prevents tar from binding to the lungs, and/or create a treatment for lung cancer. Anything is possible with science.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bad jane
as to why i smoke--it isn't like i have some great reason, i simply want to. i find it relaxing and since several of my closest friends are smokers, it can be social at times i suppose.
That's exactly why I do it. Life should be enjoyable.


Quote:
Originally Posted by denim
I don't consider dating smokers. Period, end of story. Not that I don't have my own issues, but I like being able to BREATHE.
The decision to smoke does not equate a political and/or constructual viewpoint on life. You're telling us that someone might be the most amazing person you ever met, can make you laugh, think, keep you riveted for hours and make you feel more at peace than anyone ever has before - but if she smokes a little cigarette once in a while, then it's all over? There are some things in life that are simply more important than others.
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Old 09-05-2005, 11:11 AM   #34 (permalink)
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I've only dated one smoker. I never made that mistake again. If she likes you, she might quit.
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Old 09-05-2005, 04:51 PM   #35 (permalink)
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It doesn't look like it's going to happen. I waited too long. She seems to be becoming good friends with this other guy.
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Old 09-05-2005, 05:21 PM   #36 (permalink)
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That's very funny, BadJane. Something tells me that if I were to meet you, I'd probably not agree much.
disagree that i enjoy smoking?

or disagree and tell me i have bad teeth? lmao i suppose you could do that. but since i actually get compliments on my teeth, i kinda doubt it then again, if you just don't like people with discolored teeth, that rules out more than smokers--coffee and tea stain the teeth really bad and genetics play a role as well.
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Old 09-05-2005, 08:36 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I just got out of a relationship w/ a smoker - I would say she was between recreational and chain (probably 1/2 a pack a day normally; more if she was stressed) - in the future I'll probably try to avoid a smoker unless it's basically an 'only-when-drinking' situation... This is a little odd I suppose because I will occasionally smoke cigars (1 per month or less), but I haven't much lately and I reckon I could quit them altogether w/o much difficulty.
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Old 09-06-2005, 05:38 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Just go for her. If you really like her, just ask her out. I'm the same way with smoking, I don't like it and I rather date someone who didn't smoke, but hey, feelings are feelings. You can't help it. Maybe she'll stop smoking once she's around you, but you can't expect her to though.
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:09 AM   #39 (permalink)
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I think it's funny how being a smoker is suddenly a defining quality of a person. I know that I always told myself I didn't want to date a smoker, for my health and his. But here I am today, and my boyfriend is a smoker. I don't think it's a choice, either you like the person or you don't. Once you do, how can you say no because of a cigarette? Smoking does not define who a person is. And I hate smoking lol
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Old 09-06-2005, 06:53 AM   #40 (permalink)
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It's a lifestyle choice someone has made. If you're really sincere about your interest in the person, you will take the person as they are - faults/flaws (in your opinion) along with the good. If you think "oh they will quit if they want to stay with me" or "I will get them to quit if it's the last thing I do" you'll save everyone time and grief to just step out of it.

in my case, I've voiced my personal choice regarding smoking, and have accepted the other's. They know that if they choose to quit, they will have my full support in whatever way they ask. In the meantime, we are who we are, and focus on the bigger things in life.
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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna
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