Tex

A couple of weeks ago one of my good friends introduced me to this adorable girl at a party. We talked a bit...but nothing seemed to come out of it that night. I had the impression that I liked her more than she liked me. A week or so later, I get a call from my friend telling me that the girl she introduced me to was interested in seeing me again. So I give her a call and we agree to hang out some more.

Fast forward to last week.

Me and her are hanging out at a little get together when my ex g/f shows up. Drama ensues. Nothing too bad. However, a few hours later, my ex g/f calls me - apparently she and the girl used to be friends. She goes on to explain to me how the girl I was currently with is an ex-drug user. For a naive college student like myserlf, suffice to say, I was a bit shocked.

Fast forward to earlier tonight.

The topic of her past history with drugs comes up in our conversation. Apparently it's true - she had a pretty bad experience with some pretty bad substances. However, she has been 100% clean for a year now. Her life is "finally going in the right direction", according to her.

So here's the situation...

I'm a pretty clean-cut, straight-forward college kid. I've never had experience with drugs or the type of shady background that she comes from. I don't want to discriminate against this girl because of her background. She is incredibly adorable, and I like being with her. However, there is definately a wall there that's keeping me from taking my feelings for her to another level. I have to admit that her past scares me.

On the other hand, however, I also have to admit that I am quite excited at the notion that I can open up a completely different world to her.

This is a tough call for me. I honestly don't know what to do.

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Xazy

That is up to you, for any relationship there has to be trust. Her personal past experiences are no longer relevant, since they are no longer a part of her life. You have to realize that she comes with baggage but every relationship tends to come with some form of baggage.

A question I would consider asking yourself, is your concern because of you being judgmental of her past. Or is your concern she might go back into that lifestyle?

dogzilla

I was in a sort of similar situation. I didn't approve of drugs at all, though I did try pot once after a few too many drinks. My wife had used drugs when she was in her teens and had some bad experiences. By the time I met her, she had given up drugs and said they were behind her. She says she is still tempted sometimes, especially when listening to some late 60's music. We've been married 25 years and she has not used drugs at all in those years.

If drug use is the only issue, and she says that's behind her, then don't let that stop you. Be supportive and encouraging to her and find positive things to do together.

tecoyah

Give it a chance, be on guard, and let her know your worries. I had a drug addiction in my youth, and now have no temptation at all to go back to it. People change and grow, become part of that growth and enjoy it.

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jwoody

There are many different types of ex-drug-users out there.

What sort of bad substance?

maleficent

The thing with addicts that would make me nervous, is from my own experience with them (and I know entirely too many former addicts) they trade in one addiction for another... An addictive personality has that as part of their DNA - they may not be addicted to drugs anymore, but there will be something else that replaces it...

if she wasnt an addict, and just someone who had some bad episodes with experimentation, it might not be a worry -but if she had an actual addiction problem... then keep your eyes open.

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ratbastid

Keep your eyes open, but give her every chance. If she's got herself cleaned up and appears to be staying cleaned up, there's no reason you shouldn't go ahead and get involved.

BonesCPA

Other than what everyone else has said, keep protected when the relationship moves to the next step. Not to suggest that she has anything, but the possibility increases based on her past. Better safe than sorry.

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william

If you really think she is all that, then cut her some slack. People aren't perfect, no matter how much some may think so. She put the drug use behind her, so let it go. The longer she is in a better environment, the easier it will be for her to keep it behind her.

Sugarmouse

I can open up a completely different world to her.


yes an her to you as well in a good way i mean of course..she is now clean -i do not approve of drugs one bit-in fact they have caused me problems in certainways-but for someoen to have had a past wth them and made a conscious decision to become clean, thats pretty tough and she sounds like a determined and strong person.you shall probably be abble to do her some good as you say and if you like each other i dont see the problem, ill clarify so long as she does not get back into it,be careful of signs, and so long as it wasnt an injected type of drug, as this would be risky to your health.but you would have to just grow to trust her as time goes along, as with any relationships

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yournamehere

Hey, everyone - How did "she had a pretty bad experience with some pretty bad substances." turn into addiction?

People tend to act like the people they hang out with. If you and your friends (and I assume they'll become her friends, too) are not using drugs, chances are very good that she won't, either. Now - I should also add this to be fair - does she still hang out with the same people she did during the "bad experience" days? If so, then she's got incentive to go back to that lifestyle. If not, it looks like she's looking to change her life.

In any case, I'd say give her a chance to put her past behind her - nobody's perfect. Just remember, though, if she goes back to her old ways - you weren't put on this planet to be her savior - move on.

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777

People drink. People smoke. And there's other stuff too. Sometimes it gets in their way and hampers their lives. Other times, it's no big deal.

Since she's been clean for a year, be proud of her. Celebrate. Get cake and ice cream. And don't let it get in the way of something great.

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la petite moi

Just because she made some bad choices in the past doesn't mean that is who she is in this moment.

Example- I was taking ephedra pills, overdosing on meds, and drinking cough syrup in high school for around a year. I finally wisened up, and I am a completely happy person who only occasionally gets drunk and smokes a little.

Give her a little credit. I'm sure there are things in your past that you aren't proud of either. If she seems adorable, why not let her prove it to you? You always have the power to break things off if she seems to be getting back into drugs...

pattycakes

when you guys decide to get sexually active, with condoms or not, suggest that you each get tested at the same time in a clinic to see what the risks are. if she cares she will understand

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Rodney

Go with it and see where it leads. The only thing I'd question is your ex's motives for passing the news. Was she really doing you a favor, or just dredging up some old news out of jealosy and spite?

The only thing I'd say to you is to do what everybody should do in relationships, but doesn't. Be true to yourself. Don't let yourself get sucked into situations you're uncomfortable with "for the good of the relationship," and don't ignore anything she does that you think is wrong or harmful, even if it doesn't affect you. (Nor should she, in your case.) Keep lines of communication open and don't be afraid to discuss anything that bothers either of you -- tactfully and sensitively, but firmly. If the two of you can't do that -- if there are too many taboo subjects -- then the relationship isn't healthy.

But do give her the same full chance you'd give anyone. Believe me, there are about as many people out there with as "past" as those without. You just know about this girl's.

guthmund

How is this a hard call at all?

Is she doing drugs...at all?

Sounds to me like you're just making excuses. She's got a past? Who doesn't?

Do you like her? Do you love hanging out with her? Do you shake in anticipation of touching her...her touching you?

Sounds like she was upfront about when you asked, sounds like you like her a lot and it sounds like she likes you....so, what's the problem?

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analog

She's clean now. She's been clean for a while (a year is a good amount of time to be clean, that's commitment). That means it shouldn't be any of your business. It's in the past. If it bothers you that much, then that's on you, and not her fault. She sounds like a good girl, if your only issue is her past.

In short, don't let this effect your feelings about her. If you do, you're being petty. That might not sound great, but it's not up to you to judge her past experiences.

SIDE-NOTE FOR ALL: I've never done anything but pot, and that I did only sporadically. My above argument would go for pretty much anything in a person's past being brought up in present relationships. If it doesn't truly effect you, you have no right to judge.