Meditrina

Did you ever have so much to do that you don't know where to start? so you don't start anything? What do you do about it? How do you handle it all?

I am feeling very overwhelmed today. I have a tv/vcr stand to put together, the kitchen both up and downstairs needs to be cleaned, the living room has toys all over the place, the fence needs to be weatherproofed, etc. etc. I am sure there are tons more things on my list. and what do I do? I sit here. I don't know where to start, so I don't. How can I get out of this funk? I have given up hope that my spouse will take ownership of anything other than laundry, which leaves it all up to me. Plus entertaining the kids. Right now they are in the playroom. I should be doing something more productive. But I am not. What is wrong with me?

I would love to hear how all of you handle the every day stuff amongst other things. I just cannot get a grip on it.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

tecoyah

One thing at a time babe......and start with that which will "Look" the best when done

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

kramus

What is important to you? What, if it gets pushed to the back of the list won't break you? What is it about your family situation that you find makes this worthwhile? You are so busy being a whirlwind - with the occassional collapse (which most of the rest of us would call recharging, time-out, your time, quality self time, whatever) that you are losing a lot of joy.

The key is the hubby. Can you really live this way for the next 15-20 years? Is he really so important in the world that cleaning a kitchen or weatherproofing a fence would cause some horrific chain of events to unfold? Is his family and homelife so second-rate that he can let things go to hell in order to watch that next game on the tube or whatever it is he's doing?

I was Mr. Everything when the ex took ill, and I can tell you my marriage did not recover. Your husband has to carry some of the load, and you need to get your own space/time/whatever where a time-out does not create anguish and guilt.

My 2 cents

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And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ...
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ngdawg

I insist on NOT doing it all. There's more than one able-bodied person in this house. There is more than one in yours.
Without meaning to be harsh, you allow this to happen and are being taken advantage of.
My therapist once called me a perfectionist, much to my protests. Her explanation-I wanted things done to MY specifications and, in my eyes, perfectly. Since I couldn't handle it all, thinking no one else could, I shut down and did nothing instead.
You NEED to insist on help and if you don't get any-don't do it. An 8 year old can clean her room, carry her clothes to the washer and/or take her clean ones to her room.
A grown man and he doesn't even trim a bush??? Bet me...Hand him a brush, a hammer, whatever and tell him to get busy-you've had it doing it yourself.
And if he argues, your response SHOULD be, "fine-fork over the money and I'll hire a handyman".
Be assertive now before you sink lower or implode, please. Been there, done that and didn't get the tshirt...

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Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

maleficent

What's wrong with you? Not a darned thing, you are just doing too much. Stuff you don't have to be doing yourself.

Why can't the children pick up their own toys.... they brought them out. You are their mother, not their maid, they can pick up after themselves.

Entertaining the kids? The older one can entertain the younger one for a while to give you a break.

What's the worst thing that will happen if the tv stand isn't put together? The world will not fall off it's axis.. it will continue to spin... The fence doesn't get weatherproofed today? It can wait a few days. If it's just painting stuff on a fence, have the 8 year old do it, maybe she'd want to earn a few bucks... or turn her into a little Tom Sawyer...

You don't have to do everything yourself, and it it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done... Don't fret about it.

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doodlebird

go play with your kids. take them out somewhere if your list of to dos is bothering you.

here are some options for getting work done...

- later in the day, bring them out to play in the yard while you do a little work on the fence.

- do the kitchen stuff after they go to bed

- have them help with picking up the toys. (this should go pretty fast)

- and i don't want to sound mean, but get off the tfp for now. i bet it's a nice day outside!

/takes his own advice and goes.../

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xoxo
doodle

Meditrina

You are all right. Sometimes I just need to hear the truth. The kids and I did a craft this afternoon, it was alot of fun. My husband helped cooked dinner and then while he did the dishes, my daughter and I straightened up the kitchen. They both got baths and now the dishwasher is on. I had a bit of a problem with the younger one when the older was in the bath. I asked my husband to help more with the older one next time, and he agreed. I guess I have to stop expecting the help to come without me asking. Maybe the more I ask, the more he will just do. I feel a bit better now and tomorrow is a new day, and I am home tomorrow. Oh - and I told my daughter she needs to start helping more around the house, with dishes, laundry, whatever she can help with. She was more than agreeable.

on a side note - I guess the Sarafem is working, because these feelings usually last a week, this time it was less than a day.

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"Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

amonkie

Good to hear everyone is chipping in Sometimes you've just gotta have even 5-10 minutes every day as YOUR time. Sometimes, that seems to give the extra push that makes it seem ok and the rest of the "work" manageable.

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Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

StanT

Same problem in my house, it's not that I won't do the dishes, sweep the floors and the rest. It's that I don't do it to my wife's satisfaction. Nothing like helping out around the house and getting criticized for it. You can't have it both ways, if you want help around the house, you have to accept other people's idea of clean.

Sage

Man, communication once again comes through and solves a problem! sportswidow- I hope you can read your last post again and see that once you communicated effectively with those around you, everything ended up turning out great! Once you tell people how you feel and what you need, they will respond in turn and you can both map out the best way to handle a problem. You're not alone in anything- you're got kids and husband, and they all seem amicable towards helping out! Just remember that when you feel overwhelmed, you should try to calmly figure out what's overwhelming you, and perhaps how to involve your kids/husband so they can help and you all can spend time together while things get done!

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Lead543

Getting the family to chip in will help immensely. When you have a lot of projects you have to do yourself I find it helps to create a schedule. A lot of people, including myself, freak out when they have a lot to do,and then do nothing. Break everything down, finish the most important thing first, take a break, onto the next thing.

Now, I'm off to finish my homework, clean my room, clean out my clothes, study, make cards for my ex employer... hehe

raeanna74

This happens a lot to me. When it does I make myself a list and then prioritize by putting numbers by the things I need done most or first. For example if I need to dust and vacuum I'll prioritize with dusting coming before vacuuming so I vacuum up the dust that gets pushed onto the floor. Just stuff like that. Often I'll revise my priorities but at least I have it all laid out before me so that I can stop worrying about forgetting things. I think the fear of getting into a job and forgetting what else needs to be done is one thing that prevents me from even getting started. Or something once I do get started I'll fly from one thing to another getting everything started but nothing finished.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

streak_56

When you feel overwhelmed, you usually look at what can be done rather than what needs to be done. Prioritize what you have to do and go from there. If someone can help then that'll help. Lists are a great thing to have... *cough* I am the king of creating lists. And if everything is becoming too much for you, just take some time off for yourself. Take a break, a walk, listen to music...etc. There are many things that you can do, so just be sure that the list you create is what you want to do, and that you have time for yourself.

anti fishstick

make a to do list and number their importance? There's a four part quadrant I made as part of a stress management technique. Quadrant A, quadrant B, C and D. Quadrant A are things that are very important and very urgent. Things you MUST do right now. Things of urgency because you've put it off to the very last minute. Quadrant B are things that are important, but not urgent. You have some leisure time with this stuff to do it in a comfortable pace. Quadrant C are things that AREN'T important, but "urgent" (to you)... things like you *have* to call your friend back, or write so and so an email, check tfp, etc. Things that you could really put aside but feel like you HAVE to do now, and end up losing 20 or more minutes. Quadrant D is unimportant and not urgent. Relaxing things that don't really matter or help out at all towards the things that have to be done (like watching tv).

Anyway, consider this when you make a to-do list and think of where everything would fit in.

Also, I'd start with the easier things first because that seems like a good way to at least get started on something. And it's ok to take short breaks, as long as they're SHORT (15-20 minutes) so you get back on task. Short breaks actually help as long as you don't get completely distracted and carried away for hours

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin