98107

hey, guys, fort it might help if i get some ideas from some guys i dont know, recently my girlfriend has broken up with me, and i just cant get her out of my head, one minute i will be soo happy then the thought pops back into my head and brings me right back down!! anyone got any ideas of how to move on???

do you think i should still try to talk to her and become friends (thats what she wants) or should i delete all her numbers from my phone, msn conatact etc and try to not make contact at college? i know it sounds pathetic, but i am at the moment!! lol
thanks guys

Charlatan

The only thing that will help is time.

Don't worry about being friends right now... Right now you need some time and distance to "get her out of your system". I speak from experience. I have become friends with former lovers but it took time... Right affer the break you want to relate to them like you did... intimate, passionate, etc. But that isn't what you have anymore.

Keep your distance. Occupy yourself with other things. You will see her around and when you are ready to just be her friend, you will know it (one way or another).

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
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Rodney

I agree with Charlatan. It fades with time. Keep your distance for now; you can't be friends while you're making the adjustment. Later, it's possible. The fact that you're doing well at least part of the time right now is very good. A lot of guys don't do nearly that well after a breakup. At least, not if the relationship really meant anything to them.

98107

thanks guys, thats what ive been thinking just needed to hear it off someone else i think!

TrevDigital

Indeed, I am not friends with any of my exs, I dont ever talk to them and avoid them. They disgust me. Not that the breakups were bad, I just have no use for them any more. So if you dont feel like being friends with her, dont talk to her when she calls just because she says she wants to be friends.

Pick something you REALLY like, such as seeing movies or going to concerts or something, then do it a whole bunch with your best male buddies. This can be good for being a big testosterone laden pig.

kramus

You've heard it and it is true. You just need to have time go by - accrete the day-to-day and your thoughts will travel that path less and less. Don't eliminate all addresses permanently but possibly save the keys in a text file and dump the ones sitting in your address book. If in time one or two make their way back that is ok. As for the friend thing, be nice and polite but firmly distant in manner no matter if you feel like (or get the impression from her/her buds) that you are being a bit of a dick. Tell them if asked that you ask for a decent space between you to allow the change to settle in. If they persist in that particular attitude you can politely suggest they fuck off untill their attitude becomes less harsh/more mature. Avoid the harsh judgemental actions and speech. Just create opportunity for other things to take her place in your mind. And don't get all weak and fuzzy. I speak as a man separated from his wife after 24 years of marriage so I do have some idea of what I'm talking about, ok?

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Biscuit Buns

Try to occupy your time with things that don't leave any room for her. It'll help pass the time. I always fall back on a good book or recoding one of my websites. Somthing that'll take a while and use a lot of brain power. Or, just get out and do things. Just don't sit around and think, think, think.

Here's hoping this passes soon for you.

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A hard man is good to find. ~Mae West

Amnesia620

I just wanted to let you know that I can totally empathize with you. It's a hard thing to deal with.
The reality of the situation - as mine is almost identical to yours - is that if you choose to delete her completely it may set you into a spiral where you cannot get her out of your head - at all. I made the decision to keep my guy on my contact lists and keep the links to his profiles (we had a 2 1/2 year relationship online), etc. and soon I was able to surround myself with other things and as of the last 6-10 weeks I've noticed that he's been out of my head and I've pretty much forgotten about him...he still pops in now and then, in my head and online, but it doesn't make me upset or sad anymore (which is totally nice). We've been able to remain civil (even though this has taken some effort on my part), and I miss him but it's easier to get over him because I have other things to keep me occupied - work, TFP, writing (poetry, stories, letters, etc), and so on.
Give it time...talk it out if you feel it's necessary (we're all here to help eachother). Take care and keep a smile on your face.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

Blasphemy.

It's been almost good six months since my ex broke up with me and the only thing that has helped was to lose all contact with her. Any contact that is made with her makes me remember her and hurts/misses her.

cinnles

Yeah, I tried being friends with my last ex straight after the breakup. It just doesn't work, and doesn't help you resolve any issues really.

I think we'd actually be better friends now if we'd have kept away from each other for a while. Thankfully between her and I moving of late I haven't had to see her much, as our friendship is still a bit weird and maladjusted.

Redjake

I'm not an expert in the subject but I have witnessed a lot of the same situation and I can say is "cut all strings attached."

If you try to be her friend right now you are just kidding yourself. You will use "being her friend" as an excuse to keep seeing her.

Find another girl, another friend, anyone to hang out with. Keep yourself occupied with as many tasks as possible. Then, months down the line, you might be able to see her without getting emotional. Also, this sounds bad, but finding something you don't like about her or something that irritates you about her and concentrating on it sometimes help, as sick as that sounds. Good luck.

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98107

cool thanks for advice every1, it has actuallt helped, especially the just keep busy and try to take interst in other ppl, its good now im getting to know my friends a whole lot better again gusiing we kinda drew apart..
THANKS EVERY!

StarCrossed

I am going through the same thing you are. I would have good days, and bad days, when it was bad, it was bad; feelings of loneliness, being lost, and complete confusion. But the other day it hit me, lets say, i was paralyzed from the waste down. Then i would have something to be depressed and sad about. In the whole scheme of things, a relationship not working is nothing. Anyways, her leaving you, should be used as a motivation for life, not deprivation of life. Set goal for yourself and achieve them, and on your journey to success, new relationships are just a plus.

Oh yeah, just another metaphor for your situation. Where i work, there is a little diner across the street. I order from there a lot. I used to get the hot beef all the time. I was obsessed with it. "The hot beef is shit, i love it." Then i had this Texas steak sandwich, and now i am like, "steak sandwich is the shit." The hot beef what?

__________________
"Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

hrandani

The whole thing of not being able to continue friendships when you get into a relationship thing is so weird, and dysfunctional. I'm a victim of it myself, but it just always struck me as odd. I wonder if it's a cultural deficiency, or compensating for something.

TroutKind

Grab your friends and go have a good time. If you have any hobbies, this is the time to focus in on them. Anything to grasp your thoughts away from her. Been there done that and easier said than done, but you have to focus on not thinking about her. Going to the same school makes it even harder, I was in the same situation. What you need is a good one night stand to ease the pain.

StarCrossed

^

A one night stand? Is that gonna really ease the pain? In my opinion, this guy is still in love with her, and sleeping with a girl is the last thing on his mind. Meaningless sex for me at least, wouldnt fill the void.

__________________
"Everybody plays the fool sometimes"

Amnesia620

I would hope that taking an interest in other people really means not getting involved with another person immediately, as this is known to be unhealthy and can set you in a pattern of always going from relationship to relationship...never giving yourself time to think, learn and grow. Each experience is an opportunity for you to learn from it, and that is very important.

__________________
For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

RCR

Good advice, entering a relationship whilst on the rebound is a bad idea.

Take your time, pause for thought. And then move on, good luck!

tuner

I can only echo what everyone else has said. Just wait for the wave of sadness to pass. I'll have to give you my 2c though... while on the rebound phase, DON'T start listening to sad music like Radiohead etc. This will only make matters worse. Last year I lived a similar situation and I'm glad that I didn't turn to sad music to make me feel mellow. Instead, I opted to start listening to relatively heavy stuff to take my mind off things and it actually worked. In 2 weeks I was past the whole denial phase and forgetting the situation.

Not that I don't get pangs of lust when I occasionally see my ex-gf, but at least there's almost no emotional attachment involved anymore.

MSD

Once again: Silly kids, thread closed

tuner

Excuse me, what?