Coming out.
 

(I don't where exactly this fits, sexuality, coming together maybe? feel free to move it. Also, I searched for this, but I could have missed it if there was already a thread on this.)

Well, this is pretty hard for me, but during the past week or so I've began coming to terms with myself, and I've realised that I'm bisexual. I havent told anyone but a couple of close friends yet, and I dunno if I want to tell my family, but the big part is that I'm really afraid of my girlfriends response.

I've caught myself looking at guys in the past, A LOT, but I always shrugged it off and told myself that I just happened to be looking in the direction and that it was all a coincidence. But now that I've come to terms with it, I've been looking at the Full Monty sometimes after I'm done with the titty board, so Nancy and everyone else that frequents it, you might see me commenting from now on.

In the long run, I don't think this will really affect me that much in the future, since I do not plan on ever pursuing a homosexual relationship. but for sanities sake i felt like posting this.

I don't know if theres much of a GLBT population on the TFP, but I know there are some. I would love to hear any experiences with coming out and how people have reacted.

I can't give you my experience, but I can tell you that I'm glad that you have come to terms with yourself. I hope this can be a burden lifted from you. I also hope that your gf will be supportive and positive about your realization, after all you're the same person now that you were when she fell for you. You'd be surprised how incredibly common bisexuality really is in both genders.

It takes a truly unique individual to feel comfortable enough to open up to others. I have a lot of respect for my friends and acquaintances who have been able to "come out".

Zephyr66,

there is alot larger GLBT here on tfp than you would assume and in society than you would assume ;)

coming to terms with yourself is a big step and i congratulate you on having reached this milestone with yourself !! :icare: That is truly wonderful :D

coming out is an interesting thing . . . you will feel a Great weight has been lifted off your shoulders and a sense of freedom. Some reactions will be good and some will be bad. It takes courage to be yourself Zephyr66 and i applaud you :)

coming out for me has been very recent . . . of course, my husband and my girlfriend know ;)

But i have been quietly telling people in my life that i can trust and it has been a positive experience. Some people i haven't told, just because i know they won't accept it or understand it, so those people, don't bother to let them in. Some may disagree with me on this and say you have to tell everyone . . . but i say just tell those close to you and those that matter in your life :)

If you're worried about your girlfriends reaction . . if she doesn't accept who you really are, then she isn't the one for you. And she probably will be cool with it anyway :) Alot of woman think guys checking out guys is hot . . . :)

Good luck to you :) And feel free to comment on the full monty ANYTIME . . . we need some guys in there :icare:

Sweetpea

I'm sure she'll be okay with it, as long as you make sure she understands that you still want to be with her. Just explain it the way you did here, that you're finally coming to terms with who you are, and that includes checking out guys, but that you don't want a homosexual relationship. I mean, she probably puts up with you checking out chicks, what's the other half of the population... ;) j/k
I actually think my b/f is wierd because he's SOOOOO hetero. He always says he doesn't see why all women aren't lesbians, since chicks are so hot and guys just aren't. :p

welcome to yourself, get comfortable :) throughout life you never really change, you only discover new things about yourself.

as to whether you want to tell your family, that really depends on what kind of people they are and whether you think they're comfortable with it. your sexuality is, however, very much your girlfriend's business, and there is nothing right about keeping this from her. How you break this to her is another story. How do you think she'll respond?

I remember going through the process of realizing that I was bi and struggling with the decision to tell (or not to tell) people about it. It seemed like a very big deal then and now I almost never even think about it, it's just a part of who I am. I guess telling my mom was tough but she made it easy on me by being such an open-minded person. The hardest part was telling my friends who I had crushes on and yes, I did have to go through some rejection and awkwardness. These days it's such a non-issue, I really don't much care. But then I know bisexuality is much more accepted among women - it's harder if you're male, so I inevitably have had an easier time with this than you probably will. I personally have no problem with a guy being bi - actually I think it's normal. It's the heterosexuals I wonder about - I don't get shutting the door on half the human race like that...it seems so arbitrary. I much more prefer to think in terms of tendencies and likelihoods, and I'm pretty sure if you took those staunchly heterosexual men and stranded them on an island somewhere with another (hopefully attractive) man, it would just be a matter of time before they at least thought about it. Good for you for at least being honest with yourself! Who knows, maybe your girlfriend is bi too? Maybe she will understand. After all, she is attracted to guys, right? I personally find the thought of two men being together to be pretty exciting. Possibly this could open the door to increased communication and a new level of honesty in your relationship. Frankly I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't accept as fundamental a part of me as my sexuality. I guess if my boyfriend told me he was bi, the only thing I would really need from him would be reassurance that he was attracted to me and I'm sure you can give your girlfriend that. I hope this has the most positive possible outcome for you. :)

Just be you.....that is all it takes to be happy......

I'll just give a "w00t" here for getting to know and love oneself. :)

Way to go with the self-acceptance!

I came to terms with being bi a couple of years ago. Most of my friends know, and I'll tell most anyone who asks, but I still haven't told my parents.

It's hard to be bi sometimes. It's not as "mainstream" as being gay or lesbian, especially for guys. If you decide to come out publiclly, you'll be doing it for the rest of your life, and bisexuals get a lot of questions. "So, you like them equally? No? You like girls/boys better? Then you're not bi!" :rollseyes:

Well, good luck.

I can tell you that I'm glad that you have come to terms with yourself. I hope this can be a burden lifted from you.

Thanks everybody, and yes, it feels a lot better, I think I'm a lot closer to the hetero side. I can't really imagine being in a sexual relationship with another guy, i could kiss a guy, but I think thats about as far as I'm willing to go. The thing about telling my girlfriend is that our relationships really just starting, it's only been about a month, but I'm really into her. I'm pretty sure she's really into me too. I guess it's less that I'm afraid of her response, and more that I'm afraid of telling her. But I'm planning on doing it soon, i just keep putting it off.

Your girlfriend may react well or not, but it's important that you don't hide who you are from her. I told ratbastid in college when we were still dating that I'm bisexual. He knew this about me when we got married, and was thus prepared when it became an "issue" for me ten years later. If I had just sprung it on him now I can't imagine what kind of trouble we'd have.

As for telling other people, I've really only told close friends, my sister, and my mom. They've all been incredibly supportive and positive, but I pretty much expected that. People I don't know how they'd react, I don't tell. I only tell people I trust with everything and need to talk to about the things that are issues in my life.

congrats on coming out to yourself. wasn't so easy for me...but its been worth it. there are already enough things pulling me in all directions to not be able to be honest inside.

there are a lot of misconceptions about being bi, and you may have to work through some of them with your GF. but i think it's something that you have a right to be honest about with the people who are close to you.

be sure to give a holla if you have any more questions, or just want to share. as sweatpea said...there's GLBT presence on this board, and we tend to be a pretty helpful bunch.

I'm wondering if it's even necessary to tell anyone other than your gf at this point? Seems like she'd be the most important one who needs to know. My bf and I talked about where we were on the "continuum" about 4 months after we started dating, and I think we were the only people either of us had ever told that to. Neither of us is entirely straight, though we're both more on the hetero side.

I felt so relieved once I finally told him, and also honored that he told me about himself, too. Made me feel much more normal and at ease with my inclinations.

Well, you've done the hardest part, and that's figuring it out for yourself. I shut that part of myself off for a long time and tried to deny it, and it had only bad consequences. Your girlfriend is going to either accept it or not, but she's going to need to know eventually.

I think there are a lot more people who are bi than will admit it to themselves, or who don't really understand what it means. I'm much more attracted to women than men, and I can't see myself ever having a sexual relationship with a man ever again, but I do derive a certain satisfaction from looking at certian men, so we're actually quite a bit alike in that way.

Sexuality is a contiuum. Some of us are all the way to one side--my wife is way over at the gay end--some of us are in the middle, and some of us are on the border. It's ok to look at and like guys, or girls and enjoy them both.

There's no need to tell your family unless they need to know, and if you never intend to have a romantic relationship with a man, there's really no need. It was a disaster when my family found out, but my wife's family accepts her just as she is. There's a whole range in between. Basically, though, your sexuality is your business, and that of intimate partners, and not really anyone else's.

I guess you're right, there really is no need to tell my family, I'm sure they wouldn't care anyway. My mom's family took in a teenager who was kicked out at 14 because he was gay. So I'm sure they wouldnt't care, I just would feel uncomfortable telling them.

Well, don't tell them! Especially if you're not planning on having a sexual relationship with a guy. It'd be along the lines of telling your mom "hey mom, I like looking at tall women with long legs and big knockers." You wouldn't tell your checking out preference to your mother right? So, if all you're doing is checking out other guys cause you think they're attractive, or perhaps even looking at gay porn, why tell your mom? If you got a boyfriend, that'd be different!

I'm bi- I have recently realized this about myself and Martel LOVES it, loves the idea of us having a girlfriend one day. Perhaps if we wanted to have a MFF marriage, I'd have to tell my parents, but for now, it's my sexuality and while I'll tell anyone about it if the conversation is right, I'm not gonna tell my parents!

About the girlfriend thing... well, think about why you'd want to tell her- do you think this will have any bearing on your relationship at all? Do you think she'd freak out? List the pros and cons of telling her, and then decide. Be honest!

as the girlfriend of a bisexual man...I can say that it really meant a lot to me when Dave told me....and it was almost a year into the relationship that he did. He had never really told anyone he was close to and it really helped him to know that I had no problem with it. I dont know why he'd think I would...he knew most of my friends were gay men and that I consider myself bisexual.

It was nice to know that while we may never do anything about it....that he isnt opposed to something if a situation with someone else might come up.

Kudos to you, and I do understand you being scared about your g/f. I dont know how long you've been with her...but I can tell you from my experience I thought it was kinda sexy.

Glad you were able to figure it all out for yourself! It must have been hard wondering how your girl would react. When it comes to telling your parrents: even if they are as open minded as you tell us, I wouldn't tell it either esp. since you'r not planning to start a relationship with a man.

Hope you discover lots of new and exciting people and things to do :thumbsup:

Just an update, i told my girlfriend, and she's into it, in fact, she seems to be more bi than I am, but she was too worried to tell me. So it all worked out in the end. And I'm glad it did, cause I would hate losing her to something like this. so hooray for happy endings!

I might have to let you in on a little secret I learned from reading about bisexuality: you will question it for the rest of your life. You will have days where you think, "What was I thinking? I'm really straight." Then you'll have days, "Maybe I am really gay?" and then you'll have days, "Yep, I'm hopelessly bisexual."

It's hard to shake of the idea that you have to be one or the other, and this kind of dialogue I face everyday, but now I just say I'm "sexual". That's vague enough to fit me perfectly. FYI everyone knows but my family. If I ever decided to bring a guy home for Christmas, I'll tell them.

Thats really nothing new to me, I've been experiencing it all my life. I used to think I had to be either gay or straight, so i could never decide.
And for the record, the only reason I was gonna tell my family is because I'm only 19 and my family is still a big part of my life.

YAY! :thumbsup:

Everybody is bisexual. I may not ever want to take it up the butt, but I find other men attractive. There's nothing wrong with it. I also find women attractive, believe it or not. People are hot.

cheers on it all turning out. honesty is a beautiful thing. :)

That's so wonderful, Zephyr!!! I'm in the same boat - I consider myself bi, but I'm married to a man (being a woman), and I generally end up with men. I love women, I think they're beautiful, but I doubt I'd ever end up in a long-term relationship with one... well, unless maybe they were bi too. :)
I haven't made a big deal about it with my mom, because it's not affecting my lifestyle in any way she would need to know about. My sister and brother know and are just fine (where do you think I learned about such deviant behavior?? :p). Mom prob'ly knows, but it doesn't matter.
Tell who you want, you're under no obligation to unless you feel like it!!
I'm so happy for you!!!

Congrats man!! I know how hard it is to finally come to terms. Like others have mentioned, it's not as "mainstream" for a guy to be bi so it makes it that much tougher. I have yet to understand why as I really believe most people are bisexual in some way. Just because you admit you're bi doesn't mean you'll pursue actual relationships with a person of the same sex. There's nothing wrong with thinking "Hey, that guy is pretty hot!" Anyways, I don't want to get long winded but I'm really happy that you've come to terms and even more so that your girlfriend is cool with it. It may still be difficult at times but guess what.. you've taken the first and hardest step already!! :thumbsup: :D :D

that's the most important thing... not if one if gay, bi, or lesbian.

good on you for being true to yourself and finding your true self.

That's fantastic to hear!! :)

I love good endings . . . i'm glad it was a positive experience for you! :)

sweetpea

I love happy endings, thanks for sharing with us.

I struggle with the labels every day, though it's just the "am I bi, or just gay" question, and I don't know that I'll ever resolve it.

Glad to hear it. I've not come out about my bi-sexuality to any family or friends except my brother. He and I have been open discussing tastes and sex problems before though and so this wasn't a big deal for us. Come to find out he's considering his preferrence quite seriously and isn't against a homosexual relationship at all.

I find it interesting that we're BOTH wired a little that way.