greyeyes

For the past 21 years of my life I have been trying to understand the opposite sex. Sadly, I still haven't even come close. I haven't had a girlfriend since, shit, highschool and I'm really not a bad looking guy; people usually like me when they meet me too. I just recently have given up on being a 'nice guy' (sorry ladies you've killed another one) because it hasn't gotten me anywhere, ever. Right now I'm frustrated and kind of bitter (it might have to do with the fact that I haven't been laid in fucking forever). I'm frustrated because I just don't really know what to do now, and I'm bitter because, well, because of some past experiences and failed attempts. This is mostly a pissed off blog but I would like to hear any suggestions that anyone here might have.

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I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.
- Zach Braff

Coppertop

I went without sex from the age of 19-24. I was bitter too, but then I got better. Realize that you are not alone.

And no, I don't understand women. Doubt I ever will.

ironmaiden7o7

It's so hard to understand a woman, no matter how much a man tries, there will be so much more that he will never understand. The secret is to leave us alone, stop trying to figure us out and instead of trying to monitor our every move, try to sit back and let us be, it works out better that way. You also have to understand that we have specific needs, and there are very minor things which we require from you guys and never get them and at those moments, we become frustrated also and that's when the devil comes out. I can only advice you to take it easy and if finding someone new isn't in your agenda, masterbate! hehe. Sexual frustration could be a dog at times, I'm a female and it gets to me after a while, you should definitely try to get laid, that would help a lot. And as to being a nice guy, I am sure there are women out there that likes the nice guy more than the bitter guy, you do not need to change who you are for anyone. Most of the time we develop this nasty side to use as a defense mechanism, and most of the time, we hurt noone but ourselves, so just be you, the you that YOU are most comfortable with and I am sure things will flow your way. And one more thing as a reminder, a girl will only treat you the way you treat her, so good luck with this and be sure to give yourself a hug for being a man! Hoorayyy for men! You guys are awesome, without you, we are lonely, pissed off, horney and a million other things that we can incapable of dealing with.

Carno

Yeah, being nice is for losers. Make women feel like shit and they will love you for it.

The women on the TFP will tell you that there are nice girls out there who aren't stuck up, but I think they're lying

Kostya

Yeah, I used to think I had problems understanding the opposite sex...

Then I discovered I have problems understanding the human species...

Then I decided they have problems understanding me...

MEAD

I dont think you can really give up being a nice guy, i think its just inate in you, you might go for a while with the opposite but after a bit its going to even out and your true self will come back up. I think you are in a place where you are done trying adamantly to attract women, just revel in that and wait for the right one to click.

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Here are some phrases I'd like to be able to say, in all honesty, before I die.
"That's it, send out the ninjas!"
"So then I had to kill my way to the second floor."

ratbastid

Guess what. I'm 30 years old. I've been married for nearly 10 years. I still don't understand women.

I fully expect that at 40, when I've been married for half my life, I still won't understand them. At 60, when I'll have been married 2/3 of my life, I won't understand them. And at 80, when I'll have been married for 3/4 of my life, I won't understand them.

Gilda

I don't understand women, either.

Then again, I don't understand men, either.

Teenagers are a real mystery, too, and I work with them every day.

There are days I don't even have a good handle on myself.

However, I am developing a growing understanding of my SO, and every new thing I learn about her forms a new connection that delights me no end. I don't need to understand women in general, just this one particular woman, and the process of learning about her delights me.

lurkette

I don't mean to jump on you, but I'm getting a little tired of this "women don't like nice guys" crap. And don't go blaming the female population because the women you have pursued didn't want a relationship for whatever reason. I didn't kill off anything, thank you very much. I happen to be married to a "nice guy" and I like him that way.

I'm not saying this applies to you because I don't know your situation, but half the time a "nice guy" is really just a dishrag who tries to be what he thinks a woman wants instead of just being himself and asking for what HE wants. Or he's a horndog who thinks he can get into women's pants by being their friend. The other half of the time, men throw themselves after unsuitable women and then when it doesn't work out they blame it on the woman for not wanting a "nice guy." Sorry, it's not that they don't want a nice guy, it's that they don't want YOU. (Women totally do the same thing, by the way - throw themselves after men who are completely wrong for what they really want and then bitch about men when it doesn't work out.)

If all you want is to get laid, being a nice guy isn't going to get you there. If you want a relationship that's going to last, be yourself and go hunting for someone who appreciates that. If you want to have a happy life, quit waiting for someone else to fulfill you and go live your life like you don't give a damn.

Also, go read this thread: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=73197

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Lin

I have seen threads like this on loads of different boards .The 'im done with being a nice guy cos all women want is to be treated badly.'Thread.

And I can safely say this is the best reply Ive read to it Lurkette. i agree with everything you've said only i couldnt say it as well , so Ill just say I agree

snowy

And that is when you will attract the opposite sex...as perverse as it sounds, it's true. If you live your life for you, do the things you want to do--others are attracted by that kind of self-confidence.

It's all in the self-presentation. If you come across as a funny, charming, self-confident, easy-going guy, women dig that. If you come off as needy or desperate--you couldn't scare them away fast enough. If you come across as an asshole, you won't attract the kind of women you want. Trust me.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Coppertop

astrahl

As a woman, I ask, you want to attract the right women? Maybe you are in the wrong places, looking at the wrong women. Arrogant looking, self-absorbed-looking bitches are probably arrogant, self-absorbed bitches. Don't focus on the bottom of the barrel, but be realistic in what you are looking for. If she looks preened and pampered, that is what she is going to be like.

I say do your own thing. Women are like cats that way...if you are interested in them they will have nothing to do with you. If you ignore them and go about your business that pu**y will be all over you.

If you are out biking or hiking or skiing, etc, women will look and may approach you. Be aware of subtle looks and gestures that indicate interest. Men are often blind to the subtlety of female gestures and behavior. Pay attention. There is probably a female friend of yours you is head over heels for you and you don't even know it.

Best of luck

lordpoopshank

Couldn't agree with you more. From personal experience, I've probably missed out on a lot of great relationships with different women, simply because I was completely ignorant to their interest. It sucks, and I guess I just look in all the wrong places too. I say just continue to try to meet people, and if they want nothing to do with you, then consider it their loss.

skysooner

You have to put yourself in the place where you can meet many women that might have something in common with you. Bars never worked for me at all. Parties never worked for me. That was because I get overwhelmed by the activity at bars and parties. Yes, I sometimes ended up with someone, but it was never someone I dated for very long. The best relationships I ever had prior to meeting my wife were women I met in class at college. I was very good at school and relaxed in the classroom. Thus, I was able to be myself. Find things that you enjoy doing and go out and join clubs or social groups that do them. When you are happy, you are going to project your best self and ultimately meet someone that is into you as you rather than how you look physically or any line you throw at them.

Saying that women are not into nice guys is a crock. Lurkette was completely correct in her post. Being a nice guy means being a nice person but not to be so accomodating that you are not who you are. If you meet a woman who doesn't seem to like you because you treat her nice, then that is a woman you wouldn't want to be with anyway. There were times I felt just like you years ago when I went through a fairly long dry spell at the end of college. Then I met my wife and everything changed. It only takes one.

pinkie

Lurkette said it.

Only mental chicks like to be treated like shit, Carn.

Cool girls like nice guys.

Carno

I was joking

pinkie

I know...

Tbone12345

I have also been alone for a long time, probably longer then you have, but you have to just keep on trucking. Maybe you just need to date an older woman. As I age, I find that a nice guy is exactly what I want. We don't understand your gender either, so your not alone.

pig

re : nice guys get no ladies, assholes get all the chicks. it's simple.

be as nice as you want to be, but set your boundaries. never extend yourself beyond your boundaries, which are presumably based on some principles that might even resemble something like ye olde Golden Rule. You get to be the nice guy you want to be, but you don't have any of these ridiculous feelings that someone (une little female, for instance) owes you shit since you were only doing what you wanted to do anyways. I might also suggest you more or less treat everyone the same, using the same boundaries - only that when girls start giving you frisky vibes, you can maybe get all birds and the bees with her, etc.

Aside from that - follow the advice of lurkette,onesnowy et al and you may find you'll be fine with the ladies.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

st33lr4t

..........

st33lr4t

so you're being a nice guy because you think its going to get you somewhere...which obviously means you have expectations. now your expectations arent being met so you assume its because you're a nice guy...well you're really not a nice guy...you're just acting like one to get some. and by the sounds of things you arent a very good actor.

pinkie

That's some sound solid advice.

pig

yeah, if it puts it in any perspective, the word i heard is that the guy who said it is a single 30 year old nerd who lives alone with a cat.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Amnesia620

His cat? I heard it was his mom.

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For example, I find that a lot of college girls are barbie doll carbon copies with few differences...Sadly, they're dumb, ditzy, immature, snotty, fake, or they are the gravitational center to orbiting drama. - Amnesia620

pig

oh no, this guy already did the live with parents while finding a place to live thing. and it was, like, the basement - so it was totally like he had his own place...just close to his parents. Because his parents are, like, totally cool - you know, more like roommates than parents. you know? i'll tell you this much, the ladies couldn't get enough of that action. Big selling point...

/some embellishment, some truth. Like all great lies. We call them stories in the South. They could have happened...

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

lindseylatch

I think the comic says it all...
My b/f is a nice guy...
My brother is an ass, but he's got a girl.
We've all got different tastes, boys. Live with it. It's like sex, some of us like the oral, some of use don't, some of us orgasm during sex, some of us don't (yeah, I listen to TOO MUCH LoveLine). We're not a good group to generalize about.

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