Another jealousy thread, kinda

[Gatorade Frost]

I normally would talk about this to my girlfriend or something, but right now it would just cause more problems. I want commentary, but I just want to complain for a minute. Sometimes bitching and sul king does a body good when you've pent it up for long enough, so bear with me.

My girlfriend moved up north with her family about three months ago and it's thus far been very rough for her. She's had to leave her parents and moved in with her brother. She had lived in that area before she moved, so she still had friends up there, though she only rarely saw them whenever she went up there over the summers occasionally

But now she's moved up there, and there's a friend of hers that she's hanging out with occasionally.

My girlfriend's a mormon. She's very mormonly. She doesn't drink. She doesn't smoke. And when I say she doesn't drink, I mean the whole time I've known her she has been very vocal in how anti-alcohol she is. She'll never drink, she has no desire to, she thinks it's an awful habit, it hurts instead of he lping, etc. But yesterday she called me up saying she was going to her friend's house.

That didn't bother me too much, she went over there a few weeks back and I just shrugged it off and said "Sure, but be sure to have fun and buck up babe".

Now, though, she called yesterday saying she was going to go over to her friend's house for the night and she's staying over there because it's an hour drive. And he's going to be drinking. A lot. To get seriously wasted. Now she's saying she'll you know, have a drink or two.

This rubs me all kinds of the wrong way.

They've never dated or anything but over the last summer before me and her dated they kissed for the first time, and made out some. But now she claims that they don't like each other, she's madly in love with me, and that they've worked it all out that nothing'll happen.

She's had a guy friend that she went and saw over the Christmas break and he practically molested her because of some friendship they had five years ago that wasn't too serious, and now she's going to be drinking possibly at her friend's house and she's going to be spending the night there.

That bothers me a whole lot, but whenever I say something she just says "You're not the boss of me" or she tells me not to be so controlling.

I just feel kind of helpless because I think it's blatantly obvious why I'm bothered that she's going to go drink possibly at her friend's house where they've had feelings in the past and they joke about having sex even today.

I dont' know what to do. I love this girl so much and I don't want to break up with her over something so stupid, but what if somethign does happen? What if they end up having sex?

It just scares the hell out of me and I'm really lost in it. I've tried talking to her, but it just causes a fight.

[StormBerlin]

If she can't respect you enough to have an adult conversation ("You're not the boss of me"? Come on....) then maybe you should re evaluate the relationship. That sounds really harsh, but I'm big on communicating. Lack of communication destroys a relationship, not your girlfriends habits or who she chooses to spend her time with.

[Manuel Hong]

Oooof. From your perspective, it looks as though you have every right to be a bit suspicious or jealous. I would be. Her defensive posture only makes me wonder more. It's kind of hard for you to know what's really going on, being so far away, but she does seem to be dropping some clues to get a rise out of you. Kinda immature.
I could be totally off-base here, I don't know. If it were me, I'd be hurt but I'd start thinking as a single person again.
Good luck, man.

[jhkayakr]

If you can't talk to each other the relationship is doomed. Sorry, I think you should move on.

[Gatorade Frost]

We can talk about things, she was just in a crabby mood. She just got back from doing stuff and we sorted through it all and she said that if I wasn't comfortable with her staying the night over there then she'd respect that and come home. I guess having some time to think makes everyone a little more open minded, so she saw my side of it and how it does make me uncomfortable.

So, awesome. Thanks for the commentary, though.

[thatoneguy]

Well, it's good to hear you got that resolved, I definitely would have felt a bit uncomfortable with that situation as well, so I don't think you were in the wrong having a problem with it. Hope things work out in the future for you!

[ironmaiden7o7]

Communication is really important in a relationship. I am glad that she can understand why you would feel bad. You shouldn't have to ever compromise yourself, you're worth a lot more. Good luck.