Sage

there was a chick where i work (i say there was because she FINALLY got fired a few weeks ago) who used the following excuses to miss more total days than she worked last year:
--she had strep throat (this went on for quite some time- apparently her tonsils were the issue)
--she had her tonsils out (causing her to call out for the next two weeks, but she went to the beach on vacation with her BF right after the surgery. oh yeah honey, you were really miserable sitting around in the hotel at Myrtle Beach- where did that tan come from?)
--she had a pinched nerve in her back
--she had a car wreck and the car flipped down an embankment and her hand was pinned and she was trapped for a whole night (interestingly, it was raining... why was the window down?)
--she had to have "surgery" oh her hand (interestingly, she wasn't beaten up at all from this accident)
--her husband went psycho at their wedding reception and had to be admitted to the ER and to the Psych unit for eval (yes, this was really true i work at said hospital. was quite the scandal)
--she was admitted to the ER for depression following said husband scandal

for the last month and a half of her employment, she wasn't missing days but was just coming up with really shitty excuses why she had to leave early. like "i'm having an MRI tomorrow at 7am" "oh man i just came down with bad dirreah" "oh im nauseous"

craziest excuse i've ever used.. well, it wasn't a lie really... my HB and I tried Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds and didn't take the husks off.. had a night of exhausting mind blowing heavy tripping and barfing and basically being really really sick (more so than i have ever been in my life but i think some of it was mental). i told work that we had eaten at taco bell the day before and had gotten sick from that. i called them as we were coming down from tripping and hope that i didn't sound too fucked up when i talked to them

bad jane

i don't have any really creative excuses. i stick with being sick. though once i did have my roommate call for me and tell my boss i'd called her from a payphone--that i'd been visiting family out of town and the roads were closed due to snow so i was stuck.

my favorite a co-worker used (she swears it is true and she's so stupid i believe it), she locked herself in her garage and couldn't get out. apparently, she went in the garage and locked the door behind her but forgot her keys inside. since the gargage door opener is in her car, she couldn't get out. another co-worker tried explaining how to open the door manually but apparently, the girl just didn't understand.

isis

This guy I used to work with used a bunch of excuses from The Simpsons:

"I got my beard stuck in a pencil sharpener"
or
"I got stuck between two vending machines"

I wish my bosses had the sense of humor that I could use those when I really truly was sick, for a laugh at least!

Hardknock

I can't walk cause I'm bullegged!!

PDOUBLEOP

One morning my wife said "if you stay home a little longer, I'll give you a BJ." Needless to say, I was late for work. My boss had a serious attitude when I told him...maybe he was jealous.

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ef you-you effing ef

vector_1979

I guy in my office said he did not make it into work yesterday because his son hid his car keys in his sisters lunchbox!!! Therefore he could not get into work! I laughed!!!!

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Tip: Never do your shoe lace up in a revolving door

squirrelyburt

killer chinchilla...have to remember that one!! Fishing has made me sick more than once, I just call in to say ''mark me down for a sick day'', they say ok...so long as they dont ask if I'm actually sick, I feel like I'm not lying!!

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If you've ever felt there was a reason to be afraid of the dark, you were right.

larny

i fell of a sledge when i was drunk and had to get an operation on my knee so i was off for a few months. They didnt seem to miss me.

stevie667

I lost my clothes, and my shoes, and i'm not too sure where i am.

Heard someone give that excuse, turns out he'd been taken out by the boys on his stag night and dumped in a field 50 miles away with his phone and a tenner. Amusing.

Edit: He worked nights.