Painted

Why do fathers blame their sons for stuff that they themselves did?
For instance I was visiting my pa for thanksgiving, and he was trying to get snow chains on the tires for the car, but they broke. He went inside and I overheard him saying to my stepmom "George was trying to put on snow chains on the tires and he broke them. So now we're stuck."

A similar incident, when we were fishing on his boat, and we were sitting around drinking beer and we got a hit on one of the rods. He ran to get the rod but the cheap rod holder on the boat broke off and the rod went out into the drink.
A few days later, on a fishing message board I know he posts at, I found his post for when we went fishing, and he wrote "My son lost a 20 pounder at the boat. He let it go slack.. etc". I know for sure I didnt lose a 20 pounder.

I also saw a guitar amp on eBay "I got this for my son to play, he played for 3 days then never touched again, so here it is" some guy wrote (not my dad).

Thats not to say my pa doesnt blame himself for stuff, and that I dont blame myself, but I was just wonder why he did that.

Blackthorn

I guess everybody deals with situations differently. My Dad never really blamed me for anything similar to what you are talking about but he did always think someone was responsible for what ever happened. He is a total paranoid blame-stormer that way. The car would come back from the shop and if there was a funny noise three months later it's "BECAUSE THEY DID SOMETHING TO IT TO CAUSE THAT DAMN IT!"

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Cynthetiq

I dunno... my father doesn't blame me for anything, and I wouldn't want to hang out with my father if he scapegoated me all the time. I get tired of when my friends try to put blame on me for shit, I don't put up with it from them, let alone from him.

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Mango

Shoulda called him on that one right then and there.

martinguerre

i've taken falls for my dad, but he's sure taken some for me too. whoever is in better standing with my mother at the time usually does the honors. works better that way...

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braindamage351

My dad is one of the fairest people in the world. I never had to deal with anything like this.

FL8ME

Wow, Painted, your dad sounds like an ass. Funny you should say fathers always blame their sons. I always blamed mine.

whocarz

I have to agree with FL8ME. Your dad sounds like a prick.

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Rodney

I don't know about prick, but there are certain people he doesn't care to look bad in front of, mainly peers, so he sometimes explains away embarassing things by making it your fault, _if_ you're not around.

My dad never blamed me for anything he did, but sometimes he took the credit in front of his friends for things he never did for me. Like, I was in a sports league and hadn't done well at first, but then started to do better. Heard him talking to a friend about it on the phone, and he made it sound like he'd been responsible. He hadn't been involved at all.

In short, your dad hasn't completely grown up (few of us do). Somewhat like my dad, he's still the kid who exaggerates all the cool stuff he did when telling his friends (when he can get away with it), and explains away his screwups as somebody else's fault to deflect the blame. You've met guys your age who do that, right? Well, your dad never quite got past that stage, although he might be vulnerable in other ways. In front of people he wants to impress or is a little wary of, he tries to make himself look good. Sometimes it's at your expense.

FL8ME

I don't get that Rodney. I agree he sounds like a little kid, but then again he's a grown ass man. I know I don't keep the company of people who feel like they need to exagerrate trivialities to look cool in front of their friends. That shit was passe in high school. Do you do that? Am I the only one who doesn't?

Antikarma

My dad was BIG on personal responsibility. No matter what you did, no matter what the reason, you take the fall for your own actions. Thats that.

May be wrong, may be right, but its one of the things that I thank God my dad taught me

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Rodney

I don't do that, nor do people I care to have as friends; but I've seen plenty of middle-aged men that do. A whole lot of people just never grow up all the way. You ask most 50-year-old men how old they feel they are, internally, and for a great number the answer's going to be somewhere between 18 and 25. When Painted's dad blamed him for breaking the snow chains, he was basically avoiding looking bad in front of his wife. Maybe guys like this don't do it all the time, but when they're feeling pushed or defensive or want to feel important -- they do. They fall back on childish ways.

FL8ME

Rodney

That's a shame crap like that happens into adult years. By the way, sorry my last post sounded kind of aggresive. I wasn't trying to be a jerk.

EULA

I wouldn't be surprised if your grandfather blamed things on your father, too.

bal8664

I can sort of understand him blaming you for the tires thing, It's something that was going to be found out by his wife and he wanted an excuse. but the fishing thing? No one onthat message board would've ever klnown if he lost a rod or not. Why would he tell the story and just say you did it? Why not just not mention that part of the fishing trip at all?

theusername

Humans don't like blaming things on themselves. They like to make themselves look good. Humans also make mistakes. Don't be so quick to call the guy an "asshole." A little immature in this situation? Maybe. General assumptions about people you don't know are usually wrong. I would say just talk with your dad about it in private and see what he says. It's not that big of a deal.

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