sticky situation concerning living arrangements - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

klep · 11-14-2004, 03:55 PM

hi

i'm just throwing this out there to see if anyone has any suggestions.

i'm at uni. have been for 8 weeks now. i'm in uni accommodation until hune, then i move out in to ahouse with housemates that we have to find ourselves, pay for etc. well apparently all the decent houses go soon after christmas so i've been looking at who i'd like to live with next year. i have a group of 3 other guys who i've made decent friends with and i'd be happy living with them. the problem is this, however:

a few weeks ago i was at a pub with my housemate and he was just like "yeah well we'll have to start looking for houses soon, you and me, make sure we gtet the best one". i was foolish enough not to say "well i havent decided who i'm moving in with now". i DO NOT want to live with this guy. he's a complete slob. his room is a trie mess but that's his business. the kitchen is mine though and he never ever washes up unless another housemate tells him to. he also takes my cooking things without asking and either doesnt rreturn them or leaves them for me to wash up, and he takes peoples food. i'm not about to spend more years living with him.

now the guys i do want to move in with are all "yeah i dont care if he moves in with us or not". i'm positive they do mind but as they know im so against the idea they are saying they dont mind so as to make me be the one to get rid of him and they can all be the "well we wanted you in our house but that bastard was dead against it" guys.

i dont know how to make him look elsewhere. the subject was brought up today and i kept saying "well i havent decidded who i want to move in with yet" but he just seems to ignore it.

It's early days yet but if anyone has any suggestions on how i can make him look elsewhere or how i can somehow get a house without him. So far the only way i can think of is going "i dont want to live with you" but that isnt really going to allow us to be friends afterwards...

Cheers

maleficent · 11-14-2004, 04:18 PM

Tell him the truth, give him your reasons.

If you don't tell someone what they do that bothers you, it doesn't give them the opportunity to change. If you haven't said anything to him, then you are accepting his behavior and he doesn't realize he's doing anything that bugs you.

bal8664 · 11-14-2004, 06:03 PM

If you don't want to confront him with the situation (which i would recommend doign for the reasons maleficent stated) then you can always say you decided to move in with a few guys who already have a house and arrangements are all set up, and its full.

denim · 11-14-2004, 06:15 PM

People aren't good mindreaders, Klep. If you don't tell them there's a problem, they don't know.

st33lr4t · 11-15-2004, 06:06 AM

first off your a guy so drop the drama and just tell him your gonna live somewhere else.

WillyPete · 11-15-2004, 06:35 AM

Mention that for the sake of sanity you never brought it up whilst living as a group. Now that you have a choice, you CHOOSE to live with people who are more neat. If he doesn't get it and change his habits, just find another bunch to move in with.

That and lace your food with laxative. Teach the bastard.

f6twister · 11-15-2004, 10:14 AM

You have a few options....

Tell the others exactly what you posted here about his cleanliness and desire to assist in household chores. See if they still want him around. If they do, make sure you set rules that everyone must follow or face eviction from the apartment by a majority vote of the other people. Tell him up front that unless he cleans, buys his own food (and doesn't steal others), and generally helps out everywhere, he will be on the street.

11-14-2004, 03:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
klep Upright Location: England	sticky situation concerning living arrangements hi i'm just throwing this out there to see if anyone has any suggestions. i'm at uni. have been for 8 weeks now. i'm in uni accommodation until hune, then i move out in to ahouse with housemates that we have to find ourselves, pay for etc. well apparently all the decent houses go soon after christmas so i've been looking at who i'd like to live with next year. i have a group of 3 other guys who i've made decent friends with and i'd be happy living with them. the problem is this, however: a few weeks ago i was at a pub with my housemate and he was just like "yeah well we'll have to start looking for houses soon, you and me, make sure we gtet the best one". i was foolish enough not to say "well i havent decided who i'm moving in with now". i DO NOT want to live with this guy. he's a complete slob. his room is a trie mess but that's his business. the kitchen is mine though and he never ever washes up unless another housemate tells him to. he also takes my cooking things without asking and either doesnt rreturn them or leaves them for me to wash up, and he takes peoples food. i'm not about to spend more years living with him. now the guys i do want to move in with are all "yeah i dont care if he moves in with us or not". i'm positive they do mind but as they know im so against the idea they are saying they dont mind so as to make me be the one to get rid of him and they can all be the "well we wanted you in our house but that bastard was dead against it" guys. i dont know how to make him look elsewhere. the subject was brought up today and i kept saying "well i havent decidded who i want to move in with yet" but he just seems to ignore it. It's early days yet but if anyone has any suggestions on how i can make him look elsewhere or how i can somehow get a house without him. So far the only way i can think of is going "i dont want to live with you" but that isnt really going to allow us to be friends afterwards... Cheers

11-14-2004, 04:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Tell him the truth, give him your reasons. If you don't tell someone what they do that bothers you, it doesn't give them the opportunity to change. If you haven't said anything to him, then you are accepting his behavior and he doesn't realize he's doing anything that bugs you. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

11-15-2004, 10:14 AM	#7 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	You have a few options.... Tell the others exactly what you posted here about his cleanliness and desire to assist in household chores. See if they still want him around. If they do, make sure you set rules that everyone must follow or face eviction from the apartment by a majority vote of the other people. Tell him up front that unless he cleans, buys his own food (and doesn't steal others), and generally helps out everywhere, he will be on the street. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

11-14-2004, 06:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
bal8664 Crazy Location: Rochester, NY	If you don't want to confront him with the situation (which i would recommend doign for the reasons maleficent stated) then you can always say you decided to move in with a few guys who already have a house and arrangements are all set up, and its full.

11-14-2004, 06:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
denim Banned Location: Massachusetts, USA	People aren't good mindreaders, Klep. If you don't tell them there's a problem, they don't know.

11-15-2004, 06:06 AM	#5 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	first off your a guy so drop the drama and just tell him your gonna live somewhere else.

11-15-2004, 06:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
WillyPete Addict	Mention that for the sake of sanity you never brought it up whilst living as a group. Now that you have a choice, you CHOOSE to live with people who are more neat. If he doesn't get it and change his habits, just find another bunch to move in with. That and lace your food with laxative. Teach the bastard.