Sleepin with your SO a problem?
 

I love my wife dearly. We just got married after living together for a year. I love making love to my wife and I enjoy holding her and cuddling with her. However....trying to sleep in the same bed with her is driving me crazy. The woman is an unconcious gymnast. Almost every night while sleeping she tosses and turns. At times she actually lifts up off the bed and sort of forcefully crashes back down on it bouncing me all around. I'll almost be asleep, just about to drift off when WHAM, TURN - TUMBLE-KICK! I"m bounced around and jerked back to wide awake land. I haven't slept for more than two hours in a row in a year now. I thought I'd get used to it but I haven't. I'm admittedly a light sleeper but this amount of rolling around would IMO wake anyone. I am really of the opinion that there is "sleeping together" ie: making whoopee and "SLEEPING" which only involves being comfy and getting shut eye. I proposed separate beds to my wife and got a definate no, hell no from her. She seemed a bit hurt that I would suggest it but I GOTTA get some sleep! Anyone else run into this problem? Any suggestions? I've thought of getting one of those Temper-Pedic foam mattresses but they're quite expensive so thats at least a year away. Anybody sleep on one of those? We have queen size bed so maybe a king would help but I don't know, shes quite mobile. Any and all thoughts appreciated.

lurkette and ratbastid could maybe give advice :) I remember reading about their sleepign battles and the result of a king sized bed.


As for me and my boyfriend, haven't had any huge problems with sleeping arraingements. There have been a couple of times where I've had to get him to move over a bit, and I'm sure there have been times where I've crushed his poor arm. But I don't think either of us lose sleep when we're together.

Has your wife ever talked to her doctor about her being so restless when she sleeps? (I'm going to slightly geek out here) There was an episode of Everwood where this guy was getting mysterious bruises, so Doc. Brown figured he might be sleepwalking. So they did a sleep clinic, and the guy couldn't sleep without his wife. Wife is brought in, and in her sleep she beat the living shit out of the guy. Turns out she was subconsiciously pissed at her husband cause he was going to go to Alaska for work.

Long story short, maybe there's something on your wife's mind that is causing her nightly gymnastic session.

I don't have any suggestions really, other than get it figured out right away. You don't want anything to come in between the two of you as silly as sleep habits. My wife was the same way. I'm a real light sleeper and she seems to think it's time for aerobics after she falls asleep. We actually went to the doctor and was forwarded to a "sleep specialist". Their recomendation for us was a different bed. They thought the bed wasn't comfortable enough for my wife, so her body would be constantly moving. We bought one of those sponge-like tops for the bed we already have, and that first night when she layed down, she was out like a light, and no movement.

Unlike you, we didn't live together before we were married. And had only on occasion slept in the same bed at night. So after the honeymoon the first week was a shock. I decided to act on it right away, and it was a great choice.

Oh yeah, and I don't think the whole lets sleep in different beds has ever worked ;)

Haha nice Averett. I would consider seeing a real doctor before trusting Doctor Brown of the WB show Everwood. Don't go thinking your new wife is mad at you just yet.

Sadly, I too watch Everwood, I used to say my wife made me, but now I like it.

Hmm...Never watched Everwood but I do watch Smallville, maybe green kryptonite has something to do with it. :D The bed not being comfy might have some validity. She says she loves her bed but maybe she's just never had a real comfy bed. Personally I think the beds just a tad too soft but I can sleep pretty well on it when Nadia Komenic over there isn't in it. I think I'll try the sleep topper thing and go from there. I still don't get the necessity of sleeping in the same bed. I mean, I understand the togetherness aspect and the cuddling and all but Christ when you're asleep you're just asleep. Not to mention waking up with morning breath and that gunk in your eyes, sometimes a little space can be a good thing. I think Rob and Laura Petrie of the Dick Van Dyke Show had a good thing going. You have two seperate beds, when you want to be touchy good time you crawl in one together and when you want to sleep you go to your separate corners! It'll never happen though so hopefully other measures can come through.

Eh, I always get blamed for stealing the covers, which I don't. And I'm always on her side of the bed, which I'm not. We need a king size, esp. when any of the kids join us.

We discussed Tempur-Pedic a bit over in this thread; I like it a lot. I don't think a larger bed would be of a help; the bed will move either way. You might want to think about moving this forward on your purchase list; you do spend a third of your life in your bed.

Does she realize how much she moves at night? Perhaps you could set up a cam in the room and show her the highlights. Especially if you have sex before sleep that night... :D

If either one of us is feeling like it might be a restless night, we just jump ship and sleep in the spare bed. No hard feelings, no problems, at least one person gets a nice nights sleep.

If she won't agree to seperate beds, videotape the bed when you're both sleeping. Edit out the boring bits and let her watch her acrobatic sleep.

Maybe try getting more comfortable bed as well. Though tossing and turning sounds less extreme than what you're getting.

I solved this same problem with a king size tempur-pedic. Now he can move and wiggle and bounce all around and I don't get disturbed at all. :D

Sounds like the Temper-pedic is the way to go if I can convince her to go for it. She probably would but after just paying for the wedding, reception, and three week honeymoon we're pretty tapped out for a while. Maybe in about 6 months or so. In the meantime maybe a thick bed topper would deaden at least a little of the bed movement. For the longest she wouldn't believe she was tossing around that much but about a week ago she told me she had woken herself up doing it. She must have woken up in mid-leap or something! I mean really, the girl tosses violently in bed. I like the video camera idea but our room is pitch black at night so I don't think much would show up. She won't LET me tape our bedroom other activities....

Dave says I sometimes sleep like I lay on the floor...on my stomach with my legs up in the air (bent at the knees) and my legs going back and forth... it only bothers him when its cold cause that kind of movement usually takes the covers off him hehehe

Since he's cut out the mountain dew though he sleeps much sounder and doesnt wake up very easily.

most of the time though we sleep "spooned" with my chest against his back and kinda up under him


oh...and I didnt believe it either til he took pictures of me doing it hehehe

I have a similar problem (albeit, not with such a violent issue). I'm a very light sleeper and getting to sleep can be very difficult. My wife, on the otherhand, can sleep in nearly any conditions. I need my space (Cal-King bed) but she'll, in her sleep, reach out and brush her foot up my leg. After peeling myself off the ceiling, getting back to sleep takes another half hour. Snores are bad, too. On those nights, I usually get up and go sleep in the guest room. She's asleep and doesn't realize until the next morning that I'm gone. I make no apologies - my sleep is very important.

Oh, yes, my friend, I know what you're talking about. lurkette chases bunnies in her sleep all night long.

It's either a big KICK-KICK-KICK motion or a slow, sort of flexing-the-knee-and-ankle movement. Sometimes it alternates. Either way, it's SOME sort of motion... every eight to twelve seconds... all... night... long......

We did end up in a King-size bed, which helped a lot. I also find that if I make a "blanket dam", a sort of slack area in the covers, then her movements aren't transmitted to me in the covers. She does occasionally make the bed itself move, but only when she's encroaching on my side of the bed. I can usually kick her back over to the edge on her side, where she can thrash to her little hearts' content.

With my wife the covers aren't a problem, its the major bed movement so I don't think a blanket dam would work in that regard but I have done that to try to keep her on her side. She tends to drift closer and closer to me as she gets cold (I'm quite a heat generator) and I tend to move away until finally one of my arms is hanging off the edge and I have to force her back to her side. She sleeps through all of this, even when I roll her back to her side. I must say I envy her ability to sleep. Me, I wake up at the slightest sound, movement or hint of light. Sometimes its cute watching her thrash around when she's sleeping but on work-nights at three in the morning its just exasperating. Its nice though to read some other couple's experiences. Somewhat theraputic that I don't suffer alone. I guess misery loves company!

Has she been checked out for nocturnal myoclonus, periodic limb movement disorder, or restless leg syndrome?

I second and third it on the larger, king-size bed. My SO is the flip-flopper in the family and I'm the light sleeper, so the larger bed has made a huge difference for me.

I'd get a bigger bed. And if the problem persists, due to the fact that you're sleeping on thesame matress, and you still feel her motion, get the matress divided into two seperate parts (it can be done).

I wonder if this would help - it's a long shot but you never know.

A california King is equivalent to two extra long twin mattresses. When I was an RA, I would put two mattresses together, and put pillows in the little gap to hold the mattresses together. They have actual space fillers at Linen n things and other places, and that might give you a chance to be completely on your own mattress when you're on your side of the bed, but still keep the closness your wife wants for the night.

We quite sleeping together about three years after getting married. Separate Beds separate rooms works great for us. I might get get up and go in and be with her in her bed for awhile or vice versa but sleeping just seems impossible. So we get all the comforts of being with each other, but when it comes to sleeping we go back to neutral corners.

Bottom line is if a new mattress, or some kind of therapy does not work, and your wife still says no to seperate sleeping of some kind, do the video tape thing, and then explain that this is not that you don't love her, but it has to be done, if she is not selfish and does love you too!

Bottom line, your health is on the line, and indirectly I would have to think your marriage could be from this too, in so many ways!

While in Scotland we stayed at a hotel where they had taken two twin beds and connected them in the middle with device that kept them tight and covered up the gap. Similar to what amonkie suggested above. I thought that was a great solution but she is really attached to her big four poster bed so I doubt I can talk her into it. Probably I'll go with the Temper-pedic though I will offer her a multitude of options before we decide. Thanks for all the suggestions!

You should be able to swap out the mattresses and keep them in the big poster bed frame, unless it's only a queen or something?

Yeah, the beds a Queen. I'm toying with the idea of suggesting she give the bed to her daughter (shes's 12) and buying us a new one utilizing the twin beds connected idea. It's a long shot but its just one of many options I shall proffer!

My wife and I have separate doonas - because I would often wake up with none whatsoever, and her cocooned on her side of the bed. Maybe her movement is related to being too warm/not warm enough.

Either way, you could go to the doctor.

RE the video - in the dark it might look like those night vision google things :)

Get a king sized foam bed. It doesn't have to be a Tempurpedic - every local mattress store has their own version. Just make sure it's at least 5" of latex topped by at least 3" of memory foam. And tell them (because they'll have a price tag of approx. $1600 or higher) you can order one online for $800, get free shipping and pay no tax. I guarantee you'll walk out of there with an $800 bed. The markup is ridiculous - they'll still make a profit.

Make sure you have a solid foundation to put it on, or you're wasting your money.

The foam will keep your wife more comfortable, and eliminate a lot of the tossing and turning. The size will just keep you out of the way of the rest :).

iamnormal has a good point. Going to the doctor and getting checked out for restless legs syndrome will address the cause of the tossing and turning, which will probably solve the problem better than getting different beds.

This topic seems pretty much covered, just thought i'd share a little....

The part of the UK i live in has just had a bit of a flu bug go about and both me and my partner had it. she's still got a hideous cough. last night (friday night) i went to bed at 9pm as i work saturdays and have to be up at 5:50am. Her coughing, litterally every 2 minutes meant i got to sleep sometime around 1am (last saw the clock at 12:45am). 4-5 hours sleep and a day at work aint going down too well.

I so sympathise with you dude if you get this every night!

She may need to be convinced of how serious the situation actually is. I think the best way to convince her of change in beds or sleeping situations is to invest in a camera. Show her what you go through every night as she bounces around in her sleep while robbing you of rest. Or you could just be grumpy for a week and complain of mysterious bruises that weren't there when you went to sleep but were there when you woke up.

Damn, from the topic I thought this was going to be a bunch o' amusing stories kind of thread.
Well, since the problem seems to be solved, I'll say it could be worse.

One of the girls I train with (ninjutsu), was telling me about one time she was asleep and her husband was reading in bed next to her. At one point he reached over and stroked her hair, and WHAM, next thing he knows he's face down on the bed with one arm twisted behind his back. Then she woke up.

I dont know your wifes past but most people when they have somthing in there past that has meesed them up they will never sleep that well... Also if she is a person who just goes and goes, the only time she stops is when she sleep and her body dont knwo how to relax..

I have to sleep diagonally across a king mattress in order to get my feet on the bed. Good luck fitting in there with me.

Heh my girlfriend has the opposite problem of many of you here, she gets too hot in bed and gets mad when the covers are touching her. She gets mad at night thinking i'm putting the covers on her, even though she just had them on her and throw them all onto me! I dont mind though since i like alot of covers. Also she eats in her sleep, like if she leaves candy or something on the night stand she'll wake up in the morning and it'll be gone. I should put something that'll wake her up there on day, like those really spicy wasabi peas :D

If not seperate beds, why not two beds joined together as one like in the 50s? :P That way, at least you're not sharing mattresses.

Dude, how tall are you? That's huge. :eek:

I have found the larger bed helps. But when the kids and the dog jump up there. There is hardly room to roll over.

As mentioned by previous posters. Try and get to the root cause of the sleeping problems. (sleep studies) She will appreciate your concern, as much as you will appreciate a good nights sleep.

Until then... to maintain your sanity. Get her to sleep. Then try the sofa.

Good luck....

Tall? That's just for his penis.

Actually, I bet a lot of people have this problem. I'm only 6'3" and my feet hang off of every bed I'm every on unless I lie diagonally.

:lol:
I suppose, even with a california king, it's 7 feet tall, but it's too easy to have appendages hanging off the side. Can't relate, I'm only 5'6".