Mr Scorcex

I have a friend who is pretty depressed, and can't seem to find out what he wants to do with his life. I know a number of people feel that same way, including myself, but I'm counting on college for that direction.

The problem is my friend lives a thousand miles from any us (his friends), and has a rather unsupportive home situation. His mother allows him to do anything, including dropping out of high school. His father is far too overbearing for him to live with. So when his father told him he'd have to get a job or get out, he went to his mother's house. So now he's thousands of miles away from everyone he knows, can't or won't get a job, and is very depressed and can't figure out what to do with his life.

He's already gotten his G.E.D, but then dropped out of Community College. Its obvious he's depressed, but his mother won't make him take pills and his father sees him as using depression as a crutch. (I wish I could tell his father that depression is what's crippling him and that as a father he needs to be the crutch, but that's neither here nor there) What I really would like is some advice on how to encourage him to figure out what he wants to do, and what exactly he should do to find out what it is he should try or do to figure out what path he should start down in his life. Thanks for helping a friend who's all out of ideas.

tiltedbc

I love giving advice.

Tell your friend to get into crime. It pays well, there's no taxes and you don't need to go to school. Women like the outlaw biker type from what I've heard, so it'll be an endless sex parade to boot.

Or social work. Helping other people overcome difficulties, but I'm still partial to the crime angle.

little_tippler

weird angle there tilted bc...don't think that's quite what Mr. Scorcex wanted to hear lol

I think that it'll be difficult for you to really help your friend. You're so far away. He probably needs someone to get him out of the house and active. When you're busy there's less time to be depressed. And it's always easier to see the brighter side of things if you're doing something simple but enjoyable, like going to the movies with a friend, going for a walk in the park, outdoor things usually help me out.

It sounds like he needs to get out of this terrible family life of his, and move on. Maybe if you keep talking to him, not pushing it but letting him know he has a good friend he can talk to, and trying slowly to make him see things clearer.

As long as he can't get away from his parents, he should find something he enjoys doing. If his mom doesn't care whether he gets a job or studies, why doesn't he join a club or start a class, an activity that's not work oriented and that he does for enjoyment. He might not get it right first choice round, but if he perseveres, a hobby could turn into a life-long passion and give him that much needed direction. I reckon he needs to start small and move from there. It's very hard to pull out of a depression. So maybe he doesn't have to go to college or get a job just yet. He probably needs to like himself a lot more first.

Hope I didn't rant too much...good luck with your friend. Just be there for him is all I can say.

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

analog

Awesome. I second it.

Mr Scorcex

Thanks tippler. There's some sound stuff in there. One problem is that with his depression is a severe anti-social disorder that goes along with it. So basically, he feels as though he can't get out. He's got nowhere to go outside his family, as its just not financially possible my family or any of our other friends to allow him to stay with us. So he's stuck in his situtation by a number of things, and can't really meet new people to try and find that needed direction. Seems hopeless. Maybe I posted this more to get it off my chest than think there was any feasible advice.

Manic_Skafe

Your friend is the only one who can get him out of his present situation - at one point or another he'll have to make the decision to do what it takes to improve his life - whether that means taking the medication he needs or building up the drive to do something with his life.

Be there for him and let him know that you'll stand by him as long as you can but all of your actions will be for nothing if he doesn't make the decision to turn his life around and/or get the help he needs.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Mr Scorcex

Thanks to those with serious answers. I suppose I'll just continue to try and guide him towards doing something when I talk to him. Any suggestions on how to broach the topic of meds? That is bound to be a hairy subject.

cj2112

why can't you talk to his father?

I am a parent, and i can only hope that my childrens friends would be able to approach me when they see a serious issue w/ my child. I suggest asking his dad to go out for lunch and to talk about your friend. I would approach the subject gently, but i would have a discussion with him.
As far as the meds go, urge your friend to at least talk to a doctor, try to help him understand that you are concerned about him, that there is no harm in at least trying it.
best of luck.

Mr Scorcex

Thanks Chris. For now, Other parents have tried to speak to his Father, and had little success. Also the fact that I'm in Colorado, my friend is in Florida, and everyone else is back home in MA keeps me from being able to talk seriously with him, for the time being.