lazyaznguy

Hi

Paradise Lost

Heh, I wasn't all that thrilled to want to go back home, but I didn't meet ANYBODY till basically November... Which had it's ups and downs. No one to bug me while I settled in, but the bad thing was, that there was no one to talk to or hangout with.
Basically every break I had, or 3-day weekend, and whatnot, I wanted to go home and hang out with my buddies (they all went to local state college, I went out of state).

Turns out after meeting people on my dorm floor, my friends at home looked like douchebags and I ended up having a great time at school (minus roomate, who was an ass, same with his even-more-asshole-ish-buddy). If your RA is holding some kind of get together early this September, GO, RIGHT THEN. Be the first there, and hopefully everyone else on the floor shows up, you guys become friends and live happily ever after.

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"Marino could do it."

kurty[B]

Everyone's probably going what you're going through their. Most are strangers surrounded by strangers, and don't have any/many old friends to feel connected with. Those first few weeks can be rather awkward. Just leaving your dorm room door open while you are there you'll find you'll probably get invites to various activites "Hey, who wants to play ultimate frisbee?", or "Who wants to check out a free movie at the school theater, play, etc..." and so on... If you close your door it makes it a little bit harder for people to get you involved.

and remember, if you don't feel like dealing with people, or need to study, do what you need to for your necessary "selftime".

hiredgun

Try to meet the people on your floor. You'll probably find a few that you connect with. At the very least, say hi to them.

Leave your door open. Seriously, a closed door is infinitely intimidating, but an open one can be very inviting.

Beyond people in your dorm, wait till classes start. You'll meet lots of people to study with, exchange notes with, trash-talk profs or TA's with. Beyond classes, there are clubs. Get involved! It's a lot of fun, and sooner or later the people that you're forcibly thrust together with for club activities will end up becoming your friends.

Give school another chance. It's a great experience if you put in a little effort and don't get discouraged!

djtestudo

The guys above are absolutely correct.

Always keep your door open. When I was in the dorms, our door was only closed at night and when privacy was needed (sometimes not even then ). If you walk down the hall and hear something interesting in one of the rooms, knock and ask if you can come in and look, then introduce yourself. If you try and meet people, you will.

A lot of schools will have some sort of organization fair where all the student groups will set up a table and try to recruit students. Look around there, and most likely you will find something that interests you.

Also, talk to the people in your classes, especially the ones for your major. Since you will have at least one thing in commen with them, you might be able to befriend them.

I am a very shy person, and didn't actively try and meet people, but I still managed to get a bunch of friends just through doing those things. You should be able to as well

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"Final thought: I just rented Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. Frankly, it was the worst sports movie I've ever seen."
--Peter Schmuck, The (Baltimore) Sun

maleficent

My first semester at school was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, I hated the school, I hated the location, I hated the classrooms, I hated the people, there was nothing redeeming about it except for the Ivy league label -- screw that -- after settling down and deciding that I'd ride out the semester, and then see how I felt, I opted to look into transferring...

and started looking at other schools... January I was at a different school, and so much happier, I liked the people better, I liked being outside of Boston instead of BFE New York, it was just a better situation. Took me about 2 weeks to get really adjusted - and really settled him - -but it was a much better experience.

Don't look at leaving because you are homesick, that's a natural reaction for many many people. Being best friends with your roommate? Doesn't have to be, in fact it's probably better if you aren't, because then the squabbles are kept to a minimum. The school may not be the right place for you, but you won't know that after a couple of days, give it a few weeks, and look at transferring if you need to. But in a very short time, you will settle into classes and a routine, and it will get much better.

If you can get going away to school as part of the college experience, you should definitely, it's harder than living at home, but it's a rewarding experience, and it's a growth experience.

Was talking to a friend this morning, who's daughter left for school last week and is dealing with roommates for the first time. he was so proud of her that she resolved some roommate issues on her own, without running to mom and dad for help, and just dealt with the situation. Don't run away...

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Averett

Yup, keep that door open. Walk down your hall and see what's going on. Go to school events. Football games, soccer games and such. Even if you don't like sports, it's a good way to meet people.

I was generally shy in school, but I got along really well with my roommate and made friends easily. We'd keep our doors open and after awhile people would stop by and say hi, or we'd see people in the hallway doing stuff so we'd go out there too. See what's going on. I met my good friend Mikki when she came into my room to offer help getting the lock off of my cable cord.


Edit: I was glad to be away from home. I saw it as a new start. Maybe look at it that way too Good luck, and have fun!

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

wilbjammin

Anyone can make friends in the dorms. My neighbor played Rent and Toni Braxton really loud and he sang along with it REALLY LOUD... all of the time... and he had lots of friends. You too can make friends. Just open your door, play music, Nintendo, find someone playing music or Nintendo, or whatever those new games are, or whatever...

I lived in a wild dorm, and I'm not the boisterous type. Just find the people that match your personality, and hang out. I think that everyone in our dorm ended up having friends.

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Innominate.

sailor

Ill just echo what everyone else said: leave the door open and roll with it. People will wander in for the first couple of weeks. And once class starts, there are plenty more people to meet.

Maleficient, out of curiosity, where did you go to school?

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

Corneo

Definately leave the door open. If you have a poster hang it some way so people passing by can see it. That will attract anyone who is interested. Just try to talk to a few people because most everyone is in the same boat.

maleficent

One semester at Cornell, graduated from Tufts...

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Journeyman

My first semester at a university, I spent a week in my room before classes reading the Iliad cause I didn't know anyone. Then my room mate showed up and seemed like a kickass party boy. Well, we partied too much and ended up throwing fists at eachother. The RA's didn't like that, but were sympathetic by the fact that he was blabbing his mouth off whilst I just let him talk shit without going at him, so they cut me into another room with a really fun guy (non-liquored up kind of fun). So it sucked, but then it was all good.

My second semester here, my old room mate has moved in to another set of dorms (2 minute walking distance) with a senior RA for a suite mate. Turns out the senior RA doesn't like me or some shit, and has banned me from his room. I went to talk to him about it, and he happened to be drunk when I did (he's 19, btw...). He ended up just being a stupid ass mouthing off and not answering my questions, so I stood up to leave and told him I wasn't going to forget this. The guy sitting next to him, a new RA, asked my name. I gave it to him and he told me "I'm not gonna forget that." So that's an RA and a SRA that're holding personal grudges against me that I fear may slip into professional misconduct on their part. The upside: I've decided to quit drinking untill I turn 21 in February, to cut their legs out from under them (aside from underage drinking, they'd never have anything to write me up for).

So ummm... yeah. I'm sure you're having a hard go at it, but sticking to your guns is rarely regrettable, especially when it comes to education.

Locobot

here's an idea, turn off the computer and go try to meet the 1000s of other people in the same boat as you!

sailor

Usually there is a head RA for the building. Go to them and tell them that RA was drunk and being an ass. If he is the head RA, go over his head. The same thing happened to my RA last year.

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"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

powerclown

I had a rough time my first semester, total and complete culture shock. My car got broken into. I slept in and cut classes. I became withdrawn and lost all the friends I initially made. Didn't know which way was up; didn't know what the hell to do with myself. Met some bad people, started doing drugs. I ran back to mommy like a pansy after my the first semester, huge mistake, both for practical reasons and self-esteem reasons. It sort of, uh, set a pattern for me that lasted years. Plus a ticket straight to the 6 year graduation plan.

My advice: tough it out, everyone's in the same boat. There will be someone there to hook up with. But you gotta go look, it won't come to you.

Tulkinghorn

All the above advice should work well, but keep one thing in mind. When you go out of your way to meet people you will be taking chances making new friends, and some will not work out. Just get to know people, being aware that your buddy this week may be someone you talk to on a daily basis for six weeks and then never again.

But as your social network expands you will soon meet people that you like to be with a lot more. You will meet many of them through the 'short-term' friends you make in the next few days.

And remember that you will never again be able to make so many friends, so quickly, as you are able to make in your first year of college. If after Halloween it is still not happening, rethink your choice of schools.

Church

Honestly, I haven't read all the responses, so maybe this has been said already. But my suggestion; stay. Look at it more as a growing experience instead. You say you have trouble meeting people, well you have the perfect chance the change this now! Force yourself to get out there because you KNOW you're not the only one there in your shoes. And trust me, you won't feel any better if you go home.

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Through counter-intelligence, it should be possible to pinpoint potential trouble makers, and neutralize them.

Kurtz

I moved into my dorm just over a week ago, also hate it. People suck. They're loud and stupid and they don't wash. Yep, It can suck. Not much that can be done other than learning to live with it.

tiltedbc

I had a great time at College. Lived in a big old house renting a small room and shared the kitchen, livingroom, bathroom and everything else with 8 other people. First day I met one of my roommates he pulled out a garbage bag full of weed. I did well at school despite all the distractions.

My advice to anyone going to school is to act gregarious even if you really aren't, and force yourself to meet anyone you can. Be sure to pick out the quiet ones and let them know you're a nice guy/girl and don't bite (much). The worst they can do is ignore you, and chances are they would've done that anyway. Eventually you'll find a few people who don't threaten to call security and you may become friends.

The weird thing about getting into new social situations is that most people will automatically make the same mistakes they've done in the past - they'll be shy and quiet even though they desperately want to break out of that after being ignored all through highschool for example. You have to be like George (on Seinfeld) and do the opposite of what you'd normally do. 75% of people are waiting for someone else to make the first move, so do something memorable and joke about it later - i.e. "hey, you're that guy who threwup in my shoe!".

After about the first 2 weeks, the dust has settled and it's tougher to meet people. So you have to go for it early or wait until you graduate and enter the workforce to come out of your shell.

Time to live it up is NOW!

denim

What they all said, but here's another one.

My first year was at Northeastern, in 1982-1983. First place I was located was known as "Roach Villa" by its residents, across from the Museum of Fine Arts. It was a small apartment, and I was placed with three other guys who were, like me, away from home for the first time. The building had a lot of "character". Besides the roaches, it had an old-style open elevator, which even worked at times.

The first week, before classes started, was party time, especially for two of my roommates. They partied to all hours, insisting that I and the remaining roommate party with them. This sucked ass. Sleep was difficult to get before 04:00.

After classes started, they didn't calm down and the RA was no help (tried to prevent us from leaving), so I and the only other sane roommate went to to Housing and got ourselves relocated. We were given a room of our own in one of the larger dorms. This worked out pretty well, and led to some interesting learning experiences. For instance, the dorm was coed by floor, but the first time a girl went into our floor's bathroom was a bit of a surprise. I got over it pretty quick, though. It was all stalls, after all.

Later, one of the other two roommates appeared to clean up his act. The remaining one disappeared, apparently not making the adjustment successfully. but not my problem. Note: no one here was a true asshole (well, maybe the RA), it was more a matter of there are some people you can be buddies with but you just can't live with 'em.

radioguy

Attend any and all athletic events!! You will start to notice the same people there and they may even live in the same dorm as you. This would be a starting point for you to meet people with the same interests as you. Also, join the dorm association. I think that it's called RHA. Just get involved somehow, someway. You'll be fine. Enjoy yourself....you're only a college freshman once.

MageB420666

I have just two words for you, porn and masturbation.

I am a sophomore right now and I can tell you those two things will help keep you relaxed, and relieve the stress of being away from home. Oh, yeah, and attending the various events around campus helps too. Another good way to meet new people is just talk to people in your classes, even if its just to find someone to study with.

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Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

soccerchamp76

Everybody is in the same boat as you!

Keep your door open and people will walk in, just watch TV, play music, or play games.

Attend sports, join clubs, and say hi to people.

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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.

rayray

Man, you just gotta grin and bear it. My freshman year I was pretty recalcitrant to talk to people... but I learned that (and I know this sounds stupid) smiling and saying hi is the best way to meet people. If they are not threatened by you, you can make much more progress.

As for the RAs, I eventually became one. While being nice to the RA will definitely get you points, don't rely on them for your social cues. Chances are, they have their own friends (likely the other RAs) and have a sort of authority vs underling mentality. You kinda have to in that situation. So go out and do stuff.

talk to people. The best way to get a friend, or a date, is to say 'hey, what's up?' and go from there. If you look like an ass, that's ok, there are 20,000 other people there.

All in all, just hang in there, and remember that the first group you hang out with will almost definitely not be the one you end up comfortable in.

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"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K, Ted"
-Bill

exizldelfuego

Whatever you do, don't move back home and go to a community college. Worst possible thing you can do in the long run. My first year going away to school was really rough for me and all I wanted to do was go back home for school (of note is I'm talking about high school and not college; I went to a boarding school. But the point is still valid). Luckily, my parents would have nothing of it and forced me to be there for at least a full year. After that one year all was golden, I finally found myself and the ground upon which I stood. And from my experience, I've decided that the most important thing about going off to school isn't the school itself (because a community college, or a local highschool in my case, will still offer an education), it's about putting yourself in a situation where you are totally undefined. You can no longer define yourself by your family; no one knows of your family. You can no longer define yourself by your friends; no one knows your friends. You have to work on defining yourself by not only who you are at the moment, but who you want to become. And that's what's key here. You are at a pivotal junction in your life and it is absolutely necessary that you "broaden your horizons."

soma

NEW ISSUE: Hello. I am a first year student and I didn't get dorm housing for the first semester. I've been at school for 4 days now and haven't met up with many people yet. Is there much hope for the commuter when it comes to making friends at college? Also, what are my chances of making friends when 2nd sememster rolls around when I do have on campus housing? Will the cliques be chisseled in stone by that time reducing my chances of making friends to a much lower level?

Please help. I'm seriously worried about the next 4 years. Thanks!

pocon1

you should do like I did and go to a military college. Then all of you freshmen are forced to do things together, the upperclassmen keep you moving, and you even have required study hall until you prove that you can maintain a passing gpa.
Just don't get caught masturbating. At least, thats what I've heard.

punx1325

Want to meet people, go greek. You will know more people and make more friends than you know what to do with.

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If something seems too good to be true, then it probably is....

metalgeek

It's not so bad for the commuter student, but it is harder, just talk to people from tyour classes, hang out, shoot pool, whatever.
In my first year we had a guy on our floor start in the second semester and we accepted him just fine.
just be friendly and all will be good.
(ohh confidence helps to)

Glava

I live at home, and college for me is basically like high school, except for the hours. I never did anything with my friends in high school, nor am I doing anything in college. I just come to classes and leave. The difference is that in high school, I hung out with friends during school breaks and talked to them online, but while in college, I just talk to my HS friends online and never see them.

Redlemon

Join a student group or three, preferably one with a history behind it and one that draws its alumni back to campus. This is where you will make your closest, strongest friends. I was in the marching band and the glee club; I met my wife in the band and my best man in the glee club. I'm 13 years out of college now, and I see people from these groups up to four times a year, even though none live in my state.

Y2KDREAD

Here is a good tip, I go to Texas A&M and I people around here are friendly. I have meet many people who I sit with in classes just from introducing myself or the other way around. It may seem like a weird thing to do at first, but eventually you get used to it and it is always nice knowing people in your classes.

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Signatures are for chumps.

dumbnutofak

I gotta say leave your door open. My apt I live in is actually one of the coolest ones on campus. My roommates lived here over the summer and the place is all decked out. We have a big screen tv from like the 80's. We just play Halo with the blinds open as well as the window and people always pop there head in.

Seriously just make a lotta noise during descent hours with your door open and im sure people will pop in.

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If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is a man who has so much as to be out of danger?

ptownsean

Well, I met a lot of people in those first few weeks when I was invited to play poker with some of the other guys in the dorm. If people invite you to do something, don't turn them down for anything. What else are you going to do but watch tv or play on your computer. I also found out a lot of people had game consoles. You can really get to know your neighbors by just walking around and saying hi to the one's who leave their door open. Plus, if you see people in your classes that also live in your dorm, sit down and say hi because you already have something in common. I met a lot of great girls that way.

Just get out, live, and enjoy the experience because it only last for four years (for most of us that is) and then it's over.... and trust me, those four years go by QUICK!

kcme

I guess I'm in the same boat. I've been here for a month now, people are all starting to click, and I'm in the exact same position as when I started - I still don't know anybody. I have a few people that I talk to on the hall but nothing beyond the occasional eating together. I feel like I already missed my chance to get to know the people on the floor and now it's gone. I don't drink, but I smoke a lot of pot, which seems to be kind of taboo around here (Southern school with conservative rep). My roommate is a nice guy and all, but we really don't have too much in common. Of course, I did make the ultimate mistake. Choosing the school I'm at because of my girlfriend, not where I wanted to go. Don't you sometimes wish you actually listened to people when they give you advice =\. I'm going to give it a shot tonight and go to a party at the alternative/weird/philosophy dorm, I guess I will see how that goes. I'm going to see how this semester goes but still put in some transfer applications for my sophmore years, and see how things turn out. The schools I wanted to go to were just so radically different from this - small, intense, midwestern, liberal arts colleges versus a "prestigious" southern university.

I guess I should go open my door now...

edit - actually you know i think im on the right track. ive been playing disc golf with these guys and have been having a good time. ive met a few other freshman who play through the juniors who "run" the "club." i suppose i can only echo the comments of others to get involved in anything that interests you.

n0nsensical

I would definitely recommend to anyone following this thread's advice. I sure wish I had been able to read it before I started; I had and have no friends from my freshman dorm. Not an understatement. Stay and meet people; you're probably less likely to regret doing that than anything else.

mosha

Hey man i was in the same boat too. After about a week I was ready to pack my shit and go home. But you HAVE to get out and meet people. Like everone said, leaving your door open is the best start. We all had tiny rooms my freshman year so EVERYONE did this and within a week my entire floor was hanging out together.

hokieian

I know this is late to the thread, but here is my advice regardless:

I would give a shit load of money to be in some of your situations again. Trust me, you will look back at your college years as some of the best in your life.

1. As money others have said - LEAVE YOUR DOOR OPEN. This is how you meet people on your hall. And don't be afraid to just walk into other people's rooms and introduce yourself, ask what classes they are taking, etc.

2. Also, JOIN A CLUB AND STAY INVOLVED. At most colleges there are thousands of clubs. Find something that interests you no matter what it is and look up that club. I joined the yearbook staff at Va Tech and some of my best friends in college I met there. Plus, the experience you get as an officer in a club looks great on a resume. But just joining a club and never showing up for meetings/activities won't work. you have to stay involved.

3. The first few weeks of class are the most important. TALK TO THE PEOPLE YOU SIT BESIDE IN CLASS/LABS. Especially if they are members of the opposite sex. The people in your class probably just sat through the last hour of class totally clueless just like you did. Again, one of my best friends in college was an extrememly hot girl who I asked if she wanted to study for a test together. She said she and we ended up hanging out for the next 3 years (and we were the same major, so we had many other classes together which meant much more study time/hangout time).

shyguy

I'm a month into school and I haven't met anyone new really. I live in a single room that's in a closed off section. I wanted come here and ask this exact kind of advice.

I really don't know what's weird and what's OK. I've talked to my 3 other section mates somewhat but nothing major.

Leaving my door open doesn't help much 'cause there isn't a whole lot of traffic in our section. Plus, I'm not a freshmen and neither is anyone else here.

I really just don't know what to do. How do I just walk up to someone and just start talking? What if I want to talk to specific people? How do I go about initiating conversation? I've thought about e-mail and asking if they want lunch but that seems really desperate and weird. I just want it to be normal.

mosha

Try to get involved with some kind of club on campus. I met a ton of friends just by joining an auto club. We all had something in commen that we loved and from there other topics came up and before you knew it you were hanging with these people all the time. If your just going to class then back to your dorm you will never meet anyone.