Anyone have social anxiety?
 

Anyone here have social anxiety? I tend to get nervous and anxious when I'm in social situations. No matter how hard I try to be social I just feel anxious and uneasy. What are some ways to get around this?

I'm shy. Social anxiety is something that they have pills for, I don't do pills.

I can stand up in front of a room of 100 people and talk about my company's software, I can train a group of 25 people on our software and not break a sweat.

But going to a social event where I don't know anyone, that's so far out of my comfort zone it's not funny. I am not good at small talk, it's just lately that I will actually not ignore the person seated next to me on the plane, I might actually say hello, so I figure that's a step - and by the time I'm 80 -- I'll actually be comfortable at a party, though too old to care.

I've heard the approach, picture people naked, that just makes me laugh.

Now for the do as I say not as I do advice...

I tell other people to just be themselves, that people will either like them or not like them -- if they do -- great - -if they don't -- well it's on them - not you.

Same here. Except that I can't even stand up in front of coworkers. I have gotten a little better but have a long way to go. This even makes it difficult for me to meet friends. To damn shy. I will talk the hell out of people I know but with people I do not know I have no clue how to start a conversation.
No pills for me. Maybe I should try a shot of liquor?

I am not sure if what I feel is social anxeity, or just an anti-social attitude.

If I need to go to the grocery store, I will go out of my way to go at a time where there will not be as many people. If I see that a place I plan on going is packed, I will have to fight myself to actually go there and get what I wanted to accomplish done.

I much prefer an empty diner to a full diner, even if it means sacrificing quality.

It could just be that I hate people, but I am starting to become more and more like my father, who has not been to a movie theatre my entire lifetime because he hates crowds.

maleficent, I feel your pain. I am a very good public speaker. I've never had a problem getting in front of a room, or even an auditorium, full of people. But when it comes to the one on one thing....I spaz out. I can always be counted upon to say, or do, the wrong thing out of simple nervousness.

I am...not...an...idiot.
/elephantman impression

I get pretty nervous about being around a crowd of people I don't know, to the point that I often bail on parties and stuff. It's not paralyzing, or something I can't deal with, just shyness and dread of being the only one in a room not talking to someone. I'm fine talking in front of groups, fine one-on-one, but I guess I'm "mingling-challenged"

I definitely get anxious at social gatherings. I start stuttering, and can't get a grip on what I really wanted to say. Sigh...Because I suffer from this too, all I can say for advice is to force yourself to stay in the social light sometimes, and maybe you might become more comfortable.

i've always wondered if i have some sort of social anxiety. i know they have pills but i don't like that. so i'm getting no treatment.. just my own push and shove into things i want to try that i might be nervous about. recently, i called my career services to ask for information on how to get an intership and they were really helpful. that was a big step for me because i've put it off for two terms now over how intimidating it all seemed! i don't do good in big social situations or in-class discussions. talking in front of the class is ok for me (even though i prefer to be one of the last ones.. but never the *last* one) because i'm more prepared about it and rehearsed what to say.. but in-class discussions are intimidating because i feel as if i can't articulate myself and am afraid of sounding stupid. this "stupid" block gets me all the time and stops me (or slows me down) from doing things like internships, building up a network of helpful contacts, or even putting my portfolio site online! i think i was told to shut up one too many times in my childhood ;P but i'm paying for it because i can be a pretty insecure, shy little thing. >_< i hate it.. and i used to hate myself because of it. but at least i'm past that.. i don't see it as debilatating as it used to be. i had it *much* worse in middle school and highschool.

I too get like this at times. I just try and think to myself that there is no reason to be anxious around whomever I'm around because if its a stranger theres a good chance I'll never see these people again, and if its not a stranger then they are either already my friend or I probably dont' want that person as a friend.

When I'm able to let those anxious feeling go, I usually have a great time in social situations.

i too, am painfully shy, and spent most of young life in the house, avoiding parties and social situations. then i got a serving job...that will take you out of your shell in no time, at first it was awful, i thought i would die..but, now...i am the party queen.i think that constantly affirming that the only opinion about you, that matters, is your own helped me a lot..and one day u just start to beleive it

Its kinda weird for me, and this may sound really strange...but im in Radio....i can talk to 10's of thousands of people, but when I get around them at events I have the problem of feeling isolated even though their there to see me....And sometimes as much as I love my family I feel akward being around alot of them all at the same time.....

I have no real problems talking to most people, but whenever I talk to authority figures one-on-one in an office, even if I haven't done something wrong, I just freak out. It's weird.

I have some form of social anxiety. I don't have a problem being in crowds or talking to people, but I have a hard time motivating myself to go out into those kinds of situations.

I'm similar to whocarz. On airplanes, if I don't pass-out immediately, I'll say hello to the person next to me, and if they have something to talk about (usually the book either of us brought on the plane), then go with that, when the conversation starts dying off, I'll say "K, I'm gonna try and passout".

I'm more of the type where uncomfortable silences get to me, and I'm horrible at ending conversations without coming across as an inconsiderate jerk (especially at parties), if I'm at a social event where no one I know is there I get real uncomfortable. I'll go find where the alcohol is, and drink, see if anyone has interest in talking, if not, make a round around the place, go back for another drink, if I don't find someone to talk to by then, I bail.

I'm much more comfortable with a one-v-one conversation with a stranger, or a stranger and their one friend, but when you get groups of people who know each other, and their nice cliques forming, I'd rather just get my drinks, and go find someone I sort of know, or some stranger to talk to.

Funny thing, I feel more comfortable after I make a jackass out of my self (trip over myself, or something that would usually embarrass most people) and people laugh (even if it's a "we're-laughing-at-you laugh). Guess it's an ice-breaker and I don't feel I have to put up a perfect-facade.

*raises hand*

I have it.

I have to get comfortable with people before I really talk to them. I'm better at one and one than public speaking. I just don't like people staring at me expecting me to say something. It weirds me out, even if it's friends I'm all talking to.

I have a pretty bad form of general anxienty disorder with traces of social anxiety disorder. Mostly I get nervous if I get into social situations without an immediate objective. Completing a task with someone has a goal and sharing an interest going on at the moment is ok, but parties are not for me at all. I tend not to talk a lot anyways, even when am perfectly comfortable, which is coming more often. I notice people don't react well to quite individuals. They must think they're boring or snoobish I suppose. I find giving myself a measure of power over a situation can lessen anxiety. I fixate on the failings and shortcomings of people around me to remind myself how temporary and mortal people are. My own seem less awful afterwards. Anxiety has little to do with reality in any event. It's a throwback to times when people needed fear for survival. In ancient times, I would be the last person to be eaten by a dinosaur. Oddly enough, I just feel more secure also when I'm in a shield of anonymity and fugue. I can do my best when everything seems like it doesn't matter. I don't know if any of that would help you, but just remember that anxiety is placing too much emphasis on something which doesn't warrant it.

I'm social phobic.
*runs and hides*

i used to get social anxiety. i used to think it was because i was shy. that was a total lie. i now know it wasnt social because i was shy...it was because i didnt have any confidence in myself.

now all i think is who cares what this person thinks of me. im fine with myself and if they dont like me it really doesnt matter. i always thought i would have nothing interesting to say or of value to add to the conversation. now i say what ever is on my mind. this new attitude for myself has surrounded me with many more people then my anti social behaviour ever did. there is no pressure which leads to a conversation that takes no effort what so ever. over time it gets very easy because your just being yourself without the stress.

maybe something to think about for you shy people?

When I was in middle school, I used to have this terrible problem where I'd blush horribly every time I had to speak in front of class. I always had opinions and I was always participating so this was a problem. Sometimes people would actually ask me about it and then I'd blush some more and stutter some answer. It was so embaressing that I eventually mastered it (I'm still not quite sure how)....so now I can usually talk perfectly fine in front of groups of people.

HOWEVER, I hate being around groups of people I don't know. Especially if they know each other already. I always feel so out of place. Over time, I've sort of developed a defense mechanism where I either find reasons not to like everyone else around me or I'll just stand there with a nasty expression on my face. I've heard that I look at people like they have 8 eyes or like I want to kill them. Some people just say I look like I think I'm better than them. As a result, it's incredibely hard for me to meet people in new environments. They always just assume the worst about me and I don't try to change their minds until it's too late.

Oh yeah...and I always feel like people are looking at me. /shifty eyes
So yes, I think I do have something of a problem with that.

just go into the scene with a fuck it attitude. who cares what others think of you. if your happy about the person you are then WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK? then you will start to attract people that are similiar to you which makes the whole social thing real easy.

I get some social anxiety nowadays, I think its after effects of my run in with pharmaceutical speed. Ahh the dopamine was great, but I wish I had never done so much.
I'm enjoying my life as a techno-hermit nowadays though and my bandwidth addiction.

I'm very bad in social situations, i get incredibly nervous and anxious, often meaning that by the end of a night out or something similar i'm staring off into the distance trying to calm myself down in my own little world.

I'm never really been good where people are concerned, which sucks because my mind is always working overtime with ideas and all kinds of social-relating stuff. It's just in getting from my mind to my body that everything just gets fucked over thanks to several social phobias and other dealys.


On the plus side though, you get alot of thinking done, even if you don't do anything about it.

Ha! All too true :T

That's kind of the whole point, I'm not happy about the person I am.

I have this. I considered writing a post describing the many situations I find myself uncormfortable in and the disasterous results this has had on my professional and social life but then I realized that such venting wouldn't do any good and would only be perceived as a pity-party. So instead; yes, I have social anxiety disorder and I am glad of it. It has helped prevent me from falling victim to acts of sheer stupidity (such a drinking and driving) in high school and college. It has helped keep me healthy by preventing the transmission of viruses and germs because I interact with so few people. It has even allowed me to keep most of my depressingly low income because I am too frightened of women to start a relationship, get married, have kids, then get divorced and have to pay spousal or child support.

Hooray for social anxiety disorder!!

Yeah. I can do one-on-one situations ok, but if there are more than a few people involved, my anxiety kicks in. I often find myself just listening to other people talk, and while I think about the subject and what I'd say about it, I never say anything. So I end up looking like a fool just sitting/standing there and being quiet.

It might have to do with the fact that I have a slight speech problem. I often find it difficult to articulate and while in a conversation I may start thinking about this problem and it often blocks me from saying what I'd want to say. Lately this has bothered me a lot, but I just try to cope with it and learn to speak more slowly so I could some day overcome it.

All this has affected my self confidence quite a bit or maybe previous lack of it has made me like this, I don't know. Sometimes I get angry with myself just thinking about how things that others do so naturally require such huge effort from myself.. why the hell do I have to be so difficult?

Re: Anyone have social anxiety?
 

Yes I do. Have no solutions.

I have it pretty bad at times, and used to take quite a variety of sedatives just so I could get out of the house.

I've no real solutions as of yet, outside of heavy medication. But finding a job that I enjoy that forces me to interact with people has helped a lot.

I have such a problem. One of the things that helps me is, assuming I have prior notice to a gathering, I'll have a small dessert glass of port. It's not enough to get buzzed, but it does help ease the nerves. And I feel a lot better about a glass of port than I do about popping anxiety pills.

The "Fuck it" attitude does help, too. And you'd be amazed at how well "Hi, I'm [myname]" works.

.

LOL I love liquor! I lose all my inhibitions when I'm drunk. I totally become a social pimp and comedian.

Hah! Well, the idea is to have enough to grease the hinges, so to speak, while not being too far ahead of the alcohol game of those around you. It might just work!

Uhh...I've known someone who used alcohol to ease their social anxiety. It turned into a real alcohol problem, where he *had* to get drunk every time he was around people. People notice. They can tell that you're *too* outgoing, acting like a dumbass, smell like alcohol and making bad jokes. Yeah, maybe to *you*, you're a real comedian but to all the other sober people, you're not that amusing.
Sorry to sound harsh. But it's never good to use mind-altering substances as a crutch for every-day activities.

Yeah that's why I'm not an alcoholic.

I am very bad with people I don’t know. I don’t like going to bars or parties because I am not an outgoing person and I sure am not a conversationalist. I usually end up finding a seat somewhere and I sit there thinking about when I can leave without my friends getting mad at me for not hanging with them. I am more of a listener than a talker and don’t always have a lot to say. To me, trying to make small talk with someone I don’t know is trying and stressful and I usually don’t end up doing it.

Wow. More people than I would have guessed. I've got this problem too, though I try to push myself to stretch my little envelope a bit. For me the worse situation is when I go with a friend to meet a group of his that I don't know. I'm not only thrust into a group of people that I don't know but also have had no chance to observe. Strange as it sounds I find that I always watch people I want to make some kind of contact with for a little while before I do so. You would be surprised how many things and how accurately you can infer bits and pieces about what sort of person they are. At least at a party I can sit with my drink and scan the room a bit till some one catches my eye. Usually there has to be something I find interesting or admirable in my mind for me to want to talk to someone. Could be any little thing I notice that sets me off...but anyway...yeah. heh.

Oh yeah. Since going to college in Seattle, I've developed an irrevocable association between coffee and homework. I can no longer do homework without coffee. And I feel really strange drinking coffee without doing homework.

Granted, this is a fair bit more minor than alcoholism, but that same association certainly can be made. But to continue with my example, I also only allow myself to have one coffee beverage a day (unless I'm taking a road trip or in the midst of finals). I also HATE being hung over and stupid, so when it comes to drinking, I have a tight control over how far I actually go.

Although I'm not sure I would identify this as a speech problem in the traditional sense, I have a similar problem. I find I like to actually see what I'm going to say in my head as text. I'm very self-conscious about proper speech but what comes out of my mouth is often disjointed and incomprehensible. Part of this can be attributed to the fact that I start thinking about something and absent-mindedly assume that the other person has a window into my thought process. It's frustrating but I'd like to think that practice can somewhat correct this problem.

I have a sort of speech-related thing. I tend to talk low but anxiety can make my tone even lower, so sometimes people have a hard time understanding me. I have moments when I'll talk too loud and overcompensate for it. I find thinking through what I'm going to say good for the uneasy moments. That can lead to a new problem of hesitating before speaking. It's nuts.

I have it too! yay! Go crazies!!

I'm one of them people who used to think that being outgoing was equivalent to acting stupid. I always felt that those who were outgoing were people of lesser intelligence and were probably gonna end up jobless, pregnant, in jail, or just poor, after highschool. Because of this I refused to "lower" myself to the level of being an outgoing person. This is not really my fault though, because most of the family on my dad's side believe that outgoing=stupid and that you should concentrate all of your life's efforts on improving your intelligence. There's a lot of engineers in my family (yes, this is relevant). Well once I hit college I met tons of people who are actually smarter than me and who were outgoing, so I was shown the light in a sense.
Well anyway, I've pretty much shucked off the beliefs given to me by my family and I've started exploring social situations a whole lot more than I ever have in my life.
I've also found that being forced to read and write about <u>The Electric Acid Kool-Aid Test</u> and <u>One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest</u> has helped me, because I find Ken Kesey to be such an inspiration :thumbsup:

I had some trouble with something like this after I broke up with my abusive boyfriend. I even ended up getting sick to my stomach any time my family went to visit anyone, or to church, or anything where people normally get into conversations. I remember spending almost the whole evening in the bathroom at one family friends house with diarrea and nausea SIMPLY because we were at their house. Within minutes or maybe an hour of leaving, I was fine. What helped me is just forcing myself to go to the situations that upset me like that. Mostly starting with smaller groups that didn't upset me as much. Eventually I got over the fear. My situation was triggered by something that had recently happened so may not relate as much to yours. I do understand the overwhelming feelings and the lack of ability to really reason them away. My Grandma was a good advisor and confidant during that time. Find yourself a friend who can give you the moral support that you need.

WebMD
Tips To Help You Get Started

* Identify sources of stress: Try keeping a journal and note stressful as well as positive events.
* Restructure priorities: Emphasize positive, effective behavior.
* Make time for recreational and pleasurable activities.
* Communicate: Explain and assert your needs to someone you trust; write in a journal to express your feelings.
* Try to focus on positive outcomes and finding methods for reducing and managing stress.

I think most people have some degree of social anxiety.

I used to be super shy around people I didn't know, but at the end of my freshman year of high school I realized that I had only a few friends in my entire school. I then made a conscious effort to be more friendly and outgoing, and even though most people thought I was kinda wierd all throughout my sophpomore year, I was a lot better by my junior and senior years. I pretty much realized that I'm only going to go through this once, so I might as well try to get as many friends as I can in the time I have.

Now that I've ben through two years of college, I just don't give a fuck and I act however I want. I still get kinda nervous when I go to a party where I don't know anyone, but once I get a few drinks in me I have the courage to put myself out there.

I used to. Went to counselling for it and everything. Kinda helped but not really. Started meditating, combined with just making an effort to talk to people (even if I wasn't particularly interested in doing so), and it is now pretty much gone on some days.

I used to have this problem around everyone, now my problem is just with my wife's friends. The solution to this seems to be the solution I fould when I recognized that my problem happened mostly around women. That solution turned out to be actually realizing that I was a pretty damn great guy, and if they don't see it, so be it. when they say tht women are attracted to confidance, it isn't a joke. After I fnally got over worried about being rejected, I wasn't rejected anymore.

I'm sure finishing puberty helped matters a bit too.

Now my only problem is with mingling in a crowd, but I'm working on that too. I've found the best way for me to get over that is to hang around with outgoing people who I'm comfortable with. Surely you know one or two people who can strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. Hang out with them a few times, just to learn how they strike up the conversations, and you'll feel much better. Seems the only think that keeps me from doing it, is actually doing it. Again, it seems to all stem from confidence.

That and beer. As much as I hate being the center of attention, b33r makes me want to try out for American Idol (if I were young enough).

This being an internet forum I think half the people probably have it :)

But ya I can get it too, I think a lot of people get it though, or alcohol wouldn't be so popular. I've found doing a bunch of small things like just saying Hi to passing strangers (when I go hiking) can help.

Edit: Oh I forgot to add this great quote. "I get very tense around apples... Well, I get very tense generally. I think I’ve fallen into the trap of blaming fruit."

I really don't like to make small talk at parties and similar gatherings. You know the kind of chatter that neither of the parties really cares about. I can never find anything to say. I just end up the quiet husband behind and to the right of the social butterfly wife. I guess what would help is having some sort of common ground. I don't mind talking to strangers when I feel both of us are vaguely interested it the conversation.
That said, I honestly dread the thought of having to go to Christmas parties with my wife. I would rather skip the whole holiday. Do other people actually enjoy these things?

I definitely have this. I've become better over the years, I think because I've had jobs with the public that force me to interact with people, but because I make myself do things that I don't want to. I've noticed a lot of people say they don't like pills...but they definitely help me with this. I actually started taking them for depression but they've helped me in this area as well.

I go out of my way to avoid social situations. Sometimes I come back from work meetings and have to change my shirt because I've pitted it out with sweat and stink. Conversations with me always end up with uncomfortable silences. I have always envied those guys who could talk to anyone about anything. My daughter and I went to a store one day, and for some odd reason I struck up a chat with another person in line. When we got to the car, my kid told me she was amazed by what I had done. I do not want her to be like me.

Yeah, I have this too. And I work with people (mall job). People persons don't seem to understand shy people. I leave early from the company party and I got the cold shoulder for 2 months from 80% of the people I chat with. I didn't ditch the party because I can't stand them, but because I couldn't stand myself (being there).

But the worst part is this one gal I have/had a crush on. I'm fine if it's just the two of us chatting, but as soon as I'm out numbered, I'd run for cover or just clam up. I wonder if any one else has noticed.

For some reason, I better at chatting with strangers than with co-workers.

Reminds me of a conversation after leaving a party..

Friend: "How come you never talk to anybody?"

Me: "Dunno, there wasn't really anybody worth talking to. They all seemed pretty dumb and uninteresting."

Friend: "Yeah you say that, but actually you would like to talk to them, except you have a lack of confidence in social situations so you get nervous and clam up."

Me: ".....yep."

It's really a combination of the two.

I hate making small talk. Yeah Sherlock you're right, it HAS been raining a lot lately. I don't follow sports, but hey, it's cool that your team won, way to go. Yes, it sucks that those ex-Pantera guys got shot. blah blah blah blah fucking blah...

Since I don't really want to socialize or know how to deal with that kind of stuff, it makes me less confident in those situations, so I tend to avoid them. Interacting with other people who I don't know well is a very draining experience for me, after a few minutes I just want to get out of there and spend some time alone.

I have gotten somewhat better from being forced to interact with people in my job, and from friends who would drag me out of the house periodically. Also, I know people who have almost no friends, and put off going to the supermarket or even having pizza delivered because that means dealing with other people. That inspires me to be somewhat more outgoing since being *that* sheltered would be pretty depressing.

I wouldn't say that I have social anxiety. I just don't give a shit about socializing. Like irseg, I hate small talk and don't really understand what purpose it serves.

Something that really helped me gain more understanding of my personality is taking the personality tests like http://www.keirsey.com/

I came out as being INTJ. It's amazing how accurate the descriptions are, at least in my case. At least I know I'm not alone in the world if somebody else can get the same test results that I did.

I don't really have any advice for people like us. Just force yourself to go out and do shit with people every once in a while. It sucks, but you'd probably find that you don't have many friends if you didn't participate in their bullshit every now and then.

What would happen if all of us gathered in a room? hehe. But yes, I've got it too. And it basically ruined my life. Flunked/dropped out of college last year because it was all too much, and now I'm unemployed because I'm too chicken shit to find a real job. (My last job I grit my teeth through, but now I have to get a "big girl" job.)

I have that weird speech thing too, where I know what I want to say, but my mouth does a "porky pig" and because of that I stay away from the phone because then I might just come off as a blubbering idiot. The only places I feel okay going are stores, and even in there I think that every guy in the place thinks I'm ugly and all of that.

One of my sort of friends invited me to go to the bar with her boyfriend and her this Friday and I couldn't say no because then I would just sound boring and mean to turn down an invitation when I haven't seen her for 2 months.

What's weird is I have an outgoing comedic personality, but I just don't feel comfortable sharing that for some reason. I think evil High School kids back in the day killed the laughter.

Social anxiety here too. I've considering taking something for it in the past, but the idea of messing with my brain chemistry scared me so I didn't. These days it doesn't really bother me, I just do my own thing most of the time.

I feel kinda the same, I have kind of a quirky, weird sense of humour that I'll only bring out if I feel somebody is as odd as I am. Once I get to know someone well we usually have a blast together.

I don't like watching TV, I can't stand it, it's too fake. I think this contributes to my SA somehow.

This is one of the reasons I like boards like this. I actually have time to compose a coherent thought. It's amazing how my mind tends to go blank when I'm put on the spot. My boss is not real happy about that. She wants me to be able to sit in a room of 20 people and give snappy answers to point blank questions. Well, it ain't gonna happen. I've become the master of "I'll get back to you on that."

I remember the group interview I was in last year. I'm fine with one or no more than four people, but a crowded room full of strangers and 4 managers, ouch. I came out sounding rude. Luckily, it was the Christmas season and they hired everyone in the room. :)

Thanks to retail, I can walk up to people and start a conversation, but I still have trouble with co-workers. Just wasn't born with the "chit-chat" gene. And they think I don't like them when I'm quiet. It's not that I don't have anything to say to Them, I just have Nothing to say.

I have social anxiety issues.

It doesn't help when you sit there and think, "people are talkin shit about me.."

It's even worse when it's true!

I have it. Very much so.

The funny part is that I ended up with a BA in sociology and I'm doing a MA in mass communication. I've also landed a job at the main desk of a huge company, with dozens of people wanting something all the time, and numerous rude folks on the phone. Then, for a while, I worked at a newspaper as a reporter. Both of these jobs were horrible, and each day I went to work mortified, and ended up exhausted when I came back home. And yet, somehow, I was good at it. I quit those jobs anyhow, and did some freelance PR stuff. Now I'm looking to get into the corporate environment, and I'm really looking forward to doing away with all this shyness crap. It's extremely hard for me, let me tell you. But I'm getting there. I’ve only realized a few days ago that I ended up doing the thing that always scared me the most – talking to people you don’t know.

Well, fine. I could have ended up as a science teacher. I was terrified of that in school, so I guess it could’ve been worse.

Anyone here get frustrated when you try to be social but no one responds or cares about you trying to be social? I just don't get it sometimes.

no sir you are a what i like to call a professional

Lewis Black

yea i have this problem to and i am very shy around new people or figures of authority (boss, police, people i suits) I am from a big family 50 aunts, uncles, cousins, i can talk to them one to one or in small groups fine but when they all have my attention i freak. last christmas we were praying the rosery and it was my turn and i had a panic attack and had to leave the room and let someone else finish. anyways thats me!!!!!!

I do indeed have a case of social anxiety. Actually, it's not that much of a problem because I hardly ever go out... (yes, that's bad)

My background:
- I have only a few (3 or 4) friends, and I only see them once every two weeks at most.
- I go shopping once or twice a week. Apart from work, and friends, those are the only times I go out. I spend most of my time at home, alone. I'm basically a hermit...
- Even if I wanted to get out - where the hell would I go? Where does everyone else go? What do other people do with their free time?
- I know for a fact that I'm a nice guy (everyone I know says so), and I even accept that I'm not ugly (that took me quite a while, though. high school bullying sucks).
- I don't feel comfortable talking "socially" to strangers. I wouldn't even know what to talk about in the first place.
- It goes without saying that social/romantic encounters with women aren't happening. After all, where to begin? How to begin? What if she's not single? What if she's not interested? What if the sky falls down, etc... The few semi-romantic encounters I had with women (two) were initiated by them, not me; they also didn't go anywhere romantic.
- At parties, if by some chance I *have* to be there, I'm the one standing in the corner waiting for people to talk to me. Something as advanced as dancing is a definite no-no; I'm afraid I'd look like a fool.
- I have worked as a computer lab assistant for four years, and have been in sales for 18 months - both jobs involved lots of talking. I had no problems there, but I knew exactly what the discussion was about, and what I needed to say. In fact, during the latter job, I was pretty much always the one going to the customer, starting the conversation, etc.
- The few times I had a hard time at work were during high-emotion episodes; trying to reason with an angry client, dealing with annoying co-worker, etc. I'll get *really* nervous, occasionally my legs start shaking, I sweat like a pig, and I really have a hard time talking *and* thinking at the same time. I also tend to remain angry for a loooong time afterwards; I have trouble letting go of that anger.
- Telephones are bad. I *really* don't like calling people. This probably goes back to my childhood, with the endless "what if I dial the wrong number" problem...
- In general, dealing with humans tends to be kinda hard. I'm a typical geek, and expect people to make sense... I also expect them to talk rationally, and to mean what they say. I'm pretty much oblivious to non-verbal communication. (Another problem with women...)

(About non-verbal comms: I just read a book about body language, and it had pages upon pages about something as simple as "shaking hands". Apparently, people use that to convey their social standing. If your hand is on top, you're supposed to be superior... WTF? Are humans truly that silly??? Why didn't anyone tell ME about that?)

Yep, I'm bad... On the other hand, I am getting better. Talking 9 to 5 tends to force you to become more social. Growing (a bit) older also helps; I learn something new every day. :)

Yep, I'm in this miserable club.
I think I have it worse when I'm going to see friends I haven't seen in a while. I go to the Netherlands every 2 or 3 years. Usually someone has a party so I can see all my Dutch friends and they can see me. At those gatherings I feel that everyone wants to talk to me, so I'm kinda the center of attention. I feel really nervous at these parties. I do better in a room full of people i don't know, I think. Or maybe not. I'm also a very decisive individual.

Tremendous social anxiety when it comes to one on one conversations with people I don't know, or with women. Especially with women; I practically break down and die.

This is truly one of the most helpful & interesting posts I've seen here in a long time. The beauty in it is that once you admit that you have a phobia as such, you are well on your way to conquering this personality habit. It will be interesting to see who decides to conquer this first. It only takes one time.

And then you are empowered.

Anyone afraid of that?

Hunnychile,
I'm attempting to conquer it day by day but it's tough when some people don't take you seriously.

I try to get past this because I don't want my daughter to end up the same way. It may already be too late. She's a pretty quiet kid. The biggest drawback to my attempts to be talkative is that I overanalyze everything that comes out of my mouth. The majority of the time I am telling myself that I've said stupid stuff that makes me look like an idiot. I then spend days worrying about it.

Today was one of those weird episodes for me... I went to a job interview, said hi to people there I didn't know (even joked to the secretary), had a pleasant conversation with the representative, without me being really very nervous, and chatted with an intern when he gave me a lift to the train station...

In short: not a sign of the usual social problems today. Go me. :)

(Oh, and I can come back in a week for a second interview. A very good sign indeed.)

This is good news indeed! Seriously, There are probably people there who would absolutely love to have you join the team and be a new friend. No fear!! Bravo for You! Keep us posted.

Dear Jesus,
Perhaps you just need to relax & take it all "a bit less" seriously. That is a very effective way to disarm those who seem too intense. Day by day is the only way. I've been there, too. You Are moving forward into a place of comfort and well-being. Really. Fear not. Remember, it's all a silly game.

Best wishes,
Hunnychile

Okay, just had the second interview... It was probably one of the weirdest interviews I've *ever* been to.

12:25, I arrive, the secretary directs me to a room, where I get something to drink; someone will come over shortly.
12:30, my interview should start.
12:40, an older man (60-ish) with a dog (!) walks past the office, and asks me to follow him. That's the head and owner of the company...

We talk about my resume, and he notices my (Jewish) name. We go into a 10-minute discussion about my Jewish roots, Jewish customs, and Jewish history and such. Then we go into my education and job history. He asks me what I earned in previous jobs, and how much I'd like to earn now.

...and then he suddenly asks "can you start tomorrow?"

So I'm hired, and have to be there at 9:00 tomorrow morning. WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! :)

(I do have to get a drivers licence ASAP. And I MEAN asap! I don't have one yet, and it will become a big problem in this job.)

After that it's mostly a blur... going to the administration to get a contract printed, going my new department for a meet-and-greet, and then I'm out again... still thinking "WTF just happened????" :)

Congratulations...this is great good news!! You will be fine and after the first days you will feel fine and it will get easier. Those first days are freaky and hard because you are the "new guy"... I am So pleased for you. Find the people who smile & enjoy this company. Don't worry about pretending about a "personna". Be yourself. Obviously you are the man for the job. Remember not to listen to all the weird stories or make snap judgements about your co-workers, that never helps. Do your job the best you can. Ask a lot of questions - new people do that. :) Take it step by step.

If you stay open minded - you'll do well. Again, Bravo for YOU !!!!

I hear you, I can debate the rest of my class (I like to argue) but as soon as it’s a social event I string together sentences that would make an English teacher cringe in horror, not to mention half of the room.

\shy

Dear Dil, Shy can be extremely sexy.

Work it. What have you got to loose?

i'm not shy at all, but i don't talk much. is that weird?

I do. I was on some pills for a while, stopped taking those and went through withdrawals, now I don't take anything (that's prescribed for it). If I'm going to a party or something, I'll have a couple shots of [insert liquor here] before I go out or take a few hydrocodone to loosen up and improve my mood a bit.

Me.

And yeah, I've read about the medication for it, but I hate medication. I don't even like taking aspirin. I'm shy, but it's also more than that in that I do actually feel anxious among people I don't know. Makes it difficult for me to meet new people in situations where I'm not closely involved with people over time (work, school, dorm life).