Jesus Pimp

Anyone here have social anxiety? I tend to get nervous and anxious when I'm in social situations. No matter how hard I try to be social I just feel anxious and uneasy. What are some ways to get around this?

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maleficent

I'm shy. Social anxiety is something that they have pills for, I don't do pills.

I can stand up in front of a room of 100 people and talk about my company's software, I can train a group of 25 people on our software and not break a sweat.

But going to a social event where I don't know anyone, that's so far out of my comfort zone it's not funny. I am not good at small talk, it's just lately that I will actually not ignore the person seated next to me on the plane, I might actually say hello, so I figure that's a step - and by the time I'm 80 -- I'll actually be comfortable at a party, though too old to care.

I've heard the approach, picture people naked, that just makes me laugh.

Now for the do as I say not as I do advice...

I tell other people to just be themselves, that people will either like them or not like them -- if they do -- great - -if they don't -- well it's on them - not you.

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Polyphobic

Same here. Except that I can't even stand up in front of coworkers. I have gotten a little better but have a long way to go. This even makes it difficult for me to meet friends. To damn shy. I will talk the hell out of people I know but with people I do not know I have no clue how to start a conversation.
No pills for me. Maybe I should try a shot of liquor?

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Rubyee

I am not sure if what I feel is social anxeity, or just an anti-social attitude.

If I need to go to the grocery store, I will go out of my way to go at a time where there will not be as many people. If I see that a place I plan on going is packed, I will have to fight myself to actually go there and get what I wanted to accomplish done.

I much prefer an empty diner to a full diner, even if it means sacrificing quality.

It could just be that I hate people, but I am starting to become more and more like my father, who has not been to a movie theatre my entire lifetime because he hates crowds.

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Bill O'Rights

maleficent, I feel your pain. I am a very good public speaker. I've never had a problem getting in front of a room, or even an auditorium, full of people. But when it comes to the one on one thing....I spaz out. I can always be counted upon to say, or do, the wrong thing out of simple nervousness.

I am...not...an...idiot.
/elephantman impression

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lurkette

I get pretty nervous about being around a crowd of people I don't know, to the point that I often bail on parties and stuff. It's not paralyzing, or something I can't deal with, just shyness and dread of being the only one in a room not talking to someone. I'm fine talking in front of groups, fine one-on-one, but I guess I'm "mingling-challenged"

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la petite moi

I definitely get anxious at social gatherings. I start stuttering, and can't get a grip on what I really wanted to say. Sigh...Because I suffer from this too, all I can say for advice is to force yourself to stay in the social light sometimes, and maybe you might become more comfortable.

anti fishstick

i've always wondered if i have some sort of social anxiety. i know they have pills but i don't like that. so i'm getting no treatment.. just my own push and shove into things i want to try that i might be nervous about. recently, i called my career services to ask for information on how to get an intership and they were really helpful. that was a big step for me because i've put it off for two terms now over how intimidating it all seemed! i don't do good in big social situations or in-class discussions. talking in front of the class is ok for me (even though i prefer to be one of the last ones.. but never the *last* one) because i'm more prepared about it and rehearsed what to say.. but in-class discussions are intimidating because i feel as if i can't articulate myself and am afraid of sounding stupid. this "stupid" block gets me all the time and stops me (or slows me down) from doing things like internships, building up a network of helpful contacts, or even putting my portfolio site online! i think i was told to shut up one too many times in my childhood ;P but i'm paying for it because i can be a pretty insecure, shy little thing. >_< i hate it.. and i used to hate myself because of it. but at least i'm past that.. i don't see it as debilatating as it used to be. i had it *much* worse in middle school and highschool.

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The_wall

I too get like this at times. I just try and think to myself that there is no reason to be anxious around whomever I'm around because if its a stranger theres a good chance I'll never see these people again, and if its not a stranger then they are either already my friend or I probably dont' want that person as a friend.

When I'm able to let those anxious feeling go, I usually have a great time in social situations.

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veruca

i too, am painfully shy, and spent most of young life in the house, avoiding parties and social situations. then i got a serving job...that will take you out of your shell in no time, at first it was awful, i thought i would die..but, now...i am the party queen.i think that constantly affirming that the only opinion about you, that matters, is your own helped me a lot..and one day u just start to beleive it

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thebeat

Its kinda weird for me, and this may sound really strange...but im in Radio....i can talk to 10's of thousands of people, but when I get around them at events I have the problem of feeling isolated even though their there to see me....And sometimes as much as I love my family I feel akward being around alot of them all at the same time.....

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braindamage351

I have no real problems talking to most people, but whenever I talk to authority figures one-on-one in an office, even if I haven't done something wrong, I just freak out. It's weird.

whocarz

I have some form of social anxiety. I don't have a problem being in crowds or talking to people, but I have a hard time motivating myself to go out into those kinds of situations.

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kurty[B]

I'm similar to whocarz. On airplanes, if I don't pass-out immediately, I'll say hello to the person next to me, and if they have something to talk about (usually the book either of us brought on the plane), then go with that, when the conversation starts dying off, I'll say "K, I'm gonna try and passout".

I'm more of the type where uncomfortable silences get to me, and I'm horrible at ending conversations without coming across as an inconsiderate jerk (especially at parties), if I'm at a social event where no one I know is there I get real uncomfortable. I'll go find where the alcohol is, and drink, see if anyone has interest in talking, if not, make a round around the place, go back for another drink, if I don't find someone to talk to by then, I bail.

I'm much more comfortable with a one-v-one conversation with a stranger, or a stranger and their one friend, but when you get groups of people who know each other, and their nice cliques forming, I'd rather just get my drinks, and go find someone I sort of know, or some stranger to talk to.

Funny thing, I feel more comfortable after I make a jackass out of my self (trip over myself, or something that would usually embarrass most people) and people laugh (even if it's a "we're-laughing-at-you laugh). Guess it's an ice-breaker and I don't feel I have to put up a perfect-facade.

*Nikki*

*raises hand*

I have it.

Jesus Pimp

I have to get comfortable with people before I really talk to them. I'm better at one and one than public speaking. I just don't like people staring at me expecting me to say something. It weirds me out, even if it's friends I'm all talking to.

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gondath

I have a pretty bad form of general anxienty disorder with traces of social anxiety disorder. Mostly I get nervous if I get into social situations without an immediate objective. Completing a task with someone has a goal and sharing an interest going on at the moment is ok, but parties are not for me at all. I tend not to talk a lot anyways, even when am perfectly comfortable, which is coming more often. I notice people don't react well to quite individuals. They must think they're boring or snoobish I suppose. I find giving myself a measure of power over a situation can lessen anxiety. I fixate on the failings and shortcomings of people around me to remind myself how temporary and mortal people are. My own seem less awful afterwards. Anxiety has little to do with reality in any event. It's a throwback to times when people needed fear for survival. In ancient times, I would be the last person to be eaten by a dinosaur. Oddly enough, I just feel more secure also when I'm in a shield of anonymity and fugue. I can do my best when everything seems like it doesn't matter. I don't know if any of that would help you, but just remember that anxiety is placing too much emphasis on something which doesn't warrant it.

iamnormal

I'm social phobic.
*runs and hides*

st33lr4t

i used to get social anxiety. i used to think it was because i was shy. that was a total lie. i now know it wasnt social because i was shy...it was because i didnt have any confidence in myself.

now all i think is who cares what this person thinks of me. im fine with myself and if they dont like me it really doesnt matter. i always thought i would have nothing interesting to say or of value to add to the conversation. now i say what ever is on my mind. this new attitude for myself has surrounded me with many more people then my anti social behaviour ever did. there is no pressure which leads to a conversation that takes no effort what so ever. over time it gets very easy because your just being yourself without the stress.

maybe something to think about for you shy people?

Trisk

When I was in middle school, I used to have this terrible problem where I'd blush horribly every time I had to speak in front of class. I always had opinions and I was always participating so this was a problem. Sometimes people would actually ask me about it and then I'd blush some more and stutter some answer. It was so embaressing that I eventually mastered it (I'm still not quite sure how)....so now I can usually talk perfectly fine in front of groups of people.

HOWEVER, I hate being around groups of people I don't know. Especially if they know each other already. I always feel so out of place. Over time, I've sort of developed a defense mechanism where I either find reasons not to like everyone else around me or I'll just stand there with a nasty expression on my face. I've heard that I look at people like they have 8 eyes or like I want to kill them. Some people just say I look like I think I'm better than them. As a result, it's incredibely hard for me to meet people in new environments. They always just assume the worst about me and I don't try to change their minds until it's too late.

Oh yeah...and I always feel like people are looking at me. /shifty eyes
So yes, I think I do have something of a problem with that.

st33lr4t

just go into the scene with a fuck it attitude. who cares what others think of you. if your happy about the person you are then WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINK? then you will start to attract people that are similiar to you which makes the whole social thing real easy.

iliketoast

I get some social anxiety nowadays, I think its after effects of my run in with pharmaceutical speed. Ahh the dopamine was great, but I wish I had never done so much.
I'm enjoying my life as a techno-hermit nowadays though and my bandwidth addiction.

stevie667

I'm very bad in social situations, i get incredibly nervous and anxious, often meaning that by the end of a night out or something similar i'm staring off into the distance trying to calm myself down in my own little world.

I'm never really been good where people are concerned, which sucks because my mind is always working overtime with ideas and all kinds of social-relating stuff. It's just in getting from my mind to my body that everything just gets fucked over thanks to several social phobias and other dealys.


On the plus side though, you get alot of thinking done, even if you don't do anything about it.

anti fishstick

Ha! All too true :T

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~Anais Nin

Master_Shake

That's kind of the whole point, I'm not happy about the person I am.

I have this. I considered writing a post describing the many situations I find myself uncormfortable in and the disasterous results this has had on my professional and social life but then I realized that such venting wouldn't do any good and would only be perceived as a pity-party. So instead; yes, I have social anxiety disorder and I am glad of it. It has helped prevent me from falling victim to acts of sheer stupidity (such a drinking and driving) in high school and college. It has helped keep me healthy by preventing the transmission of viruses and germs because I interact with so few people. It has even allowed me to keep most of my depressingly low income because I am too frightened of women to start a relationship, get married, have kids, then get divorced and have to pay spousal or child support.

Hooray for social anxiety disorder!!

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alpha

Yeah. I can do one-on-one situations ok, but if there are more than a few people involved, my anxiety kicks in. I often find myself just listening to other people talk, and while I think about the subject and what I'd say about it, I never say anything. So I end up looking like a fool just sitting/standing there and being quiet.

It might have to do with the fact that I have a slight speech problem. I often find it difficult to articulate and while in a conversation I may start thinking about this problem and it often blocks me from saying what I'd want to say. Lately this has bothered me a lot, but I just try to cope with it and learn to speak more slowly so I could some day overcome it.

All this has affected my self confidence quite a bit or maybe previous lack of it has made me like this, I don't know. Sometimes I get angry with myself just thinking about how things that others do so naturally require such huge effort from myself.. why the hell do I have to be so difficult?

The Phenomenon

Yes I do. Have no solutions.

Prince

I have it pretty bad at times, and used to take quite a variety of sedatives just so I could get out of the house.

I've no real solutions as of yet, outside of heavy medication. But finding a job that I enjoy that forces me to interact with people has helped a lot.

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exizldelfuego

I have such a problem. One of the things that helps me is, assuming I have prior notice to a gathering, I'll have a small dessert glass of port. It's not enough to get buzzed, but it does help ease the nerves. And I feel a lot better about a glass of port than I do about popping anxiety pills.

The "Fuck it" attitude does help, too. And you'd be amazed at how well "Hi, I'm [myname]" works.

World's King

.

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Jesus Pimp

LOL I love liquor! I lose all my inhibitions when I'm drunk. I totally become a social pimp and comedian.

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exizldelfuego

Hah! Well, the idea is to have enough to grease the hinges, so to speak, while not being too far ahead of the alcohol game of those around you. It might just work!

Trisk

Uhh...I've known someone who used alcohol to ease their social anxiety. It turned into a real alcohol problem, where he *had* to get drunk every time he was around people. People notice. They can tell that you're *too* outgoing, acting like a dumbass, smell like alcohol and making bad jokes. Yeah, maybe to *you*, you're a real comedian but to all the other sober people, you're not that amusing.
Sorry to sound harsh. But it's never good to use mind-altering substances as a crutch for every-day activities.

Jesus Pimp

Yeah that's why I'm not an alcoholic.

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jobu

I am very bad with people I don’t know. I don’t like going to bars or parties because I am not an outgoing person and I sure am not a conversationalist. I usually end up finding a seat somewhere and I sit there thinking about when I can leave without my friends getting mad at me for not hanging with them. I am more of a listener than a talker and don’t always have a lot to say. To me, trying to make small talk with someone I don’t know is trying and stressful and I usually don’t end up doing it.

roofles

Wow. More people than I would have guessed. I've got this problem too, though I try to push myself to stretch my little envelope a bit. For me the worse situation is when I go with a friend to meet a group of his that I don't know. I'm not only thrust into a group of people that I don't know but also have had no chance to observe. Strange as it sounds I find that I always watch people I want to make some kind of contact with for a little while before I do so. You would be surprised how many things and how accurately you can infer bits and pieces about what sort of person they are. At least at a party I can sit with my drink and scan the room a bit till some one catches my eye. Usually there has to be something I find interesting or admirable in my mind for me to want to talk to someone. Could be any little thing I notice that sets me off...but anyway...yeah. heh.

exizldelfuego

Oh yeah. Since going to college in Seattle, I've developed an irrevocable association between coffee and homework. I can no longer do homework without coffee. And I feel really strange drinking coffee without doing homework.

Granted, this is a fair bit more minor than alcoholism, but that same association certainly can be made. But to continue with my example, I also only allow myself to have one coffee beverage a day (unless I'm taking a road trip or in the midst of finals). I also HATE being hung over and stupid, so when it comes to drinking, I have a tight control over how far I actually go.

Anomaly_

Although I'm not sure I would identify this as a speech problem in the traditional sense, I have a similar problem. I find I like to actually see what I'm going to say in my head as text. I'm very self-conscious about proper speech but what comes out of my mouth is often disjointed and incomprehensible. Part of this can be attributed to the fact that I start thinking about something and absent-mindedly assume that the other person has a window into my thought process. It's frustrating but I'd like to think that practice can somewhat correct this problem.

gondath

I have a sort of speech-related thing. I tend to talk low but anxiety can make my tone even lower, so sometimes people have a hard time understanding me. I have moments when I'll talk too loud and overcompensate for it. I find thinking through what I'm going to say good for the uneasy moments. That can lead to a new problem of hesitating before speaking. It's nuts.

woOt?

I have it too! yay! Go crazies!!