thebeat

Well, my girl and I have recently got back together, we've technically been together for close to 5 years.

The talk of marriage has been up in the air, although it would probably be another year or so before we actually would get engaged, I would personally like to be more financially stable and for her to graduate from college.

Now to my question, about 3 years ago, sure pointed out an engagment ring to me online, its made by a company called Tacori, she wants a platnium ring and some sort of diamond cut. Apparently this company is very expensive, basically cause I learned along time ago, if the price isn't on there, you probably can't afford it.

I guess the main dillema is, I personally think an engagement ring means something no matter what kind it is nor what the price is. Obviously I would want something she can be proud of? I also dont want to spend several thousand dollars for a ring she might wear for a year or so, just seems like a bad investment and poor financial judgement.

She has constantly talked about one specific ring, and i've explained to her that financially it just wouldn't make sense and she understands yet still has her heart set on it...

What should i do?

sapiens

You might as well still check what the price is. If you don't know how much it is, you don't really know whether or not you can afford it.
Why would she only wear it for a year or so? Most people I know try to find engagement rings that they will feel comfortable wearing for the rest of their lives.
Have you looked at rings together? Spend some time visiting different jewelers. Try on some rings. See if there are any other rings in which she is interested. If she has only looked at rings online, she may have a very narrow view of what is available to her. You can also look at wedding bands for both of you while you are there.

yatzr

http://www.bridaltips.com/diamond.htm

this is a really good thing to read when looking for a diamond for an engagement ring. There is a lot of really good info in there. I recommend reading it all (I too am soon to be in the market).

also, I guess most people use the same stone for engagement/wedding, but put it on a different ring? That's kind of the vibe I got. I'm sure it's not unusual to just use the same ring though.

edit: it's a tutorial by an independant guy, so it's not biased towards any certain stores.

edit again: I like this guys thinking too. He has a very simple formula to determine how much you should spend:
"Your love for your fiancé has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the diamond engagement ring"

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la petite moi

Personally, I think your fiance should get real. If she wants a good life, she shouldn't want to waste a TON of money on a huge rock she can flash around on her finger. [/rant]

Okay, seriously, I think you should talk to her about your problem. If she is ready for marriage, she'll be able to compromise. Promise her a big pretty ring when you're able to pay for it. But for now, you guys are just trying to get out in the world...that's not the best time to blow a bunch of money and any financially sane person should know that.

Sorry...I know that didn't help. Just talk to her. KEEP talking to her. And Good Luck.

amonkie

My cousin ended up waiting to propose until he could afford the wedding rings, since his fiancee's engagement ring is part of the wedding band- it's almost like two rings intertwined. He was able to spend his money on the ring(s) and be assured that they'd fit and match each other, and both would get to be shown off.

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Rubyee

Let me tell you how I feel.


If my boyfriend tried his damndest and could only afford a plastic ring from WalMart, I would still love him. It isn't the price that matters.

I am sure that deep down, she may want an expensive, but if you explain to her that what you get her is all you can afford, she will probably be happy with it. I could be wrong, but in an ideal world, she would be so happy with the proposal that she may not even know it.

I just hate when some women think more of the ring than the actual act of proposing.

Why not ask her if a different stone would work? I know that I want a ruby engagement ring- ruby on silver. She may think about it and change her mind.

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THGL

Dude, she's marrying you not the rock. She should be happy even if you got it out of a gumball machine.

There was a study done where married women were asked if they'd trade in their engagement rings on a larger one if they could afford it (less than half agreed). The majority of the women that said "yes" were divorced 5 years later and something like 95% of the women that said "no" were still married.

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maleficent

If you are working full time, the general rule of thumb is that the ring costs the equivelent of two months salary. It's an investment. Diamonds do not go down in value (as long as it's a good stone)

It's risky buying a diamond online -- you really need to go to a jeweler (and not a place in the mall) one who will give you an appraisal certificate as to the stone's value, as well as the diamond's certifications. You can get a piece of crap stone for 1000 dollars or you can get a beautiful stone for a 1000 dollars.

If you're near a major metropolitan area, take a picture of the ring she wants, and head to the diamond district. Custom made rings aren't that badly priced.

Remember this is FOREVER, don't do it because she wants you do, do it because you want to do it.

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Redlemon

My wife requested a sapphire. I got off VERY easy on this one, even with a platinum setting. Hey, a sapphire was good enough for Lady Di...

kulrblind

Since you're obviously asking for advice here, you're probably not surprised you're getting so much of it.

The 'pride factor' of the ring in question -- any ring, really -- is a combination of how much she enjoys the design of the ring, and what it means to her, as well as how she feels about being engaged to you. Do what you can to make her happy with the ring, and she'll be more than happy when she knows you love her enough to give her something she'll appreciate, not just the 'standard rock-and-metal-symbol-of-engagement.'

You may be surprised at what you learn about rings, diamonds, and metals when you do some research (for instance, platinum has been the product of a lot of hype lately, and isn't always a better choice than, say, 18k white gold). Also, if you check out some gemologists and custom ring makers, you'll find that their prices are probably better than those you'll find in large stores, or online (*gasp*) - maleficent has already alluded to this. Find out all you can about this ring, get as many pictures, descriptions, etc as you can -- and then take it in to someone who does custom work, and who'll work with you (or the two of you, which really makes it even more meaningful to her).

In my own case, we went the "custom" road, but only because we weren't finding what we wanted elsewhere, or we were finding that there wasn't enough selection in diamond clarity and quality to warrant the prices posted at jewellery stores. She had an idea of what the ring would look like (a sketch, which never left the shop), but didn't know when it would be ready, what it would cost, or what it would look like in white gold. Long story somewhat short: she loved it, she loved the process, and with the custom bands we had done, she continues to wear the engagement ring. Also, I didn't break the bank.

Good luck working all of this out. You'll find something that works for both of you, I'm sure.

sherpahigh

There's already a lot of good advice on here. I just wanted to point out that in reality, the diamond prices are set but choking off the supply of them until the costs are high.

I think its General Electric that can now actually manufacture a diamond so good that even diamond experts cannot tell them apart. This is of course a huge concern to the actual diamond industry because it could potentially drop the bottom out of the cost of diamonds.

Also, the above mentioned 2 months salary idea has it's roots in diamond industry marketing which has had some of the most sucessful marketing campaigns out there.

Knowing all that, I bought my fiance a diamond ring in a 18k white gold setting that she loves. It comes down to finding something that she'll be happy with as well as something that's not going to kill your budget in the process.

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thebeat

Thanks for all the great advice....I appreicate it!!

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sapiens

In line with sherpahigh's points, the history of world diamond sales is very disturbing. If you don't want to buy her a diamond, have her read this Atlantic Monthly article.
Have you ever tried to sell a diamond? (I would have put into the body of my post, but it's really long).

sherpahigh

Thanks for the link. That's a great article! I've read a few books on the industry as well. Very interesting industry.

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yakimushi

GUH!

A platinum Tacori Diamond ring

/yakimushi feels bad for thebeat

Hedgehog

I just bought an engagement ring, myself, so I have lots of good advice, and this is straight from my jeweller.

1. Buy the diamond loose , from a wholesaler, or from a jeweller who sells them wholesale. The diamond is 80-90% of the price of the ring. Also, if you buy just the diamond, and the girl breaks up with you before you have the ring made, you can sell it and get your entire investment back.

2. Get the ring custom-made. It doesn't cost much to do this, and you get to tell your fiancee that you had it made especially for her and there is none other like it in the world.

3. Don't necessarily get a large diamond. Getting a ring with 3 smaller stones that add up to the size of a big one is less expensive, and just as visually appealing

4. Don't let someone talk you into a diamond that is flawless. SI grade has no flaws that the human eye can see without magnification. You can get a much larger stone in SI grade for the price you'd pay for VS, or VVS.

5. Diamonds come in custom colors. All the colors of the rainbow. This makes a unique ring and colored diamonds are not graded by GIA, so you can get them cheaper than colorless ones. Go on eBay and search on "colored diamonds" for examples.

6. Don't buy platinum! Platinum used to be very rare, and thus, very trendy. It is not rare any longer now that the cold war is over, yet the price has not come down to match. It is inferior to white gold in every way, yet more expensive. It is softer (scratches easily and stretches), and has less tensile strength (danger of losing the diamond!) than white gold. Jewellers try to make platinum look good to you because it is easier for them to work with. Don't fall for it.

7. The most important aspect of a diamond is the Cut. (Carat, Clarity, and Color are not as important) Ideal cut is what makes a diamond sparkle. Do not settle for "just a few microns short" of ideal. It's all about geometry. An ideal cut diamond will reflect 100% of the light that enters it from the TOP. Less than ideal, and you get less than 100% and the diamond looks dirty all the time.

8. Adding to #7, an ideal cut diamond does not require the sides or bottom of the stone to be exposed to light in order to sparkle, since the reflected light is from the top. This means you can have a solid bezel wrapped around the stone if you wish, or mount it flush on the band. My jeweller told me that an ideal cut diamond can be painted black on the sides and bottom and will still sparkle.

Hope this helps. The one I'm having made will be ready at the end of the month, and I'll post a pic here if I can.

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thebeat

Product: Tacori Diamond Platinum Semi-Mount 1/2ctw
Item # 18504241
Regular Price: $3,700.00


wow, um...this may sound strange, but thats not as bad as I would have initially thought :O

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Alyssa

I was in a jewelry store a couple days ago and the jeweler pointed out the Tacori brand. I wasn't to blown away by the style of the rings...sort of antiquish looking. He did say that a platinum is better and more expensive than white gold because eventually white gold starts to turn a little yellow. Platinum (not being a gold) will always stay white in color.

LewisCouch

The price doesn't seem out of line, however, I would like to address a couple of other points. First off, platinum rings are quite lovely when they are polished. One of the inherent problems with platinum is that it tarnishes and scratchs easier than gold, however, it is much more durable. Also, it is necessary for a jeweler to polish it properly. The Tacori band/setting is quite complex with many small areas that will be difficult to keep shiny. I suggest you compromise with your fiance by having the band made in white gold, and the center stone setting in platinum. The center stone setting will be much more durable than gold if you have it made in platinum, thus requiring fewer trips to the jeweler to have the points secured.
Here's a link to examine the difference between durability and scratch resistance. By the way, my wedding band is solid platinum and very heavy. I have it polished every six months and it looks great! Good luck with your choice.

http://www.ganoksin.com/borisat/nena...durability.htm

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Rubyee

This makes me wish I was engaged.

Your girlfriend is lucky enough what with being proposed to- she should be happy with whatever she gets.

You should get what you can afford, what you want to get, and what you feel comfortable getting. If you don't feel comfortable spending that much on an engagement ring, don't.

Just so you know, how well you do with this ring will set you up for all future jewelry buying events.

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kulrblind

Note that it's only 0.5 carat total weight, divided over two (three?) stones. The cubic zirconia in the picture is a 0.25 carat, so who knows what they really mean. Either way, that's not very much diamond. One wonders about the diamond cut/colour/clarity. It seems to me that most of this ring's price is in the platinum band, with the diamonds being something of an afterthought. Mind you, the vendor a jewellery company, not a diamond company, so I shouldn't be surprised.

My guess is that you could have that done custom (if the machine-made band design could be replicated) for about 60% of that price, and get to choose the actual diamonds (and the cut, if you don't like the princess cut shown) that are included in the settings.

You may not get the free gift wrapping, though!

Hedgehog

I have to refute what LewisCouch says. Platinum is not more durable than white gold. It is a softer metal, and therefore bends much more easily and scratches more easily and does not hold it's shine. I have my info from a very reputable jeweller who refuses to use it for ethical reasons.

Platinum is being pushed by unethical jewellers for several reasons:

1. People can be duped into paying more for it, even though the jeweller gets it cheaper than white gold.

2. It's softer, and therefore easier to work with for the jeweller.

3. It requires more frequent polishing, thereby bringing you back to the jeweller more often.

This is why all the cheap jewelry stores at the mall have nothing but platinum rings.

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LewisCouch

Please take the time to read the following excerpt from the link I provided in my earlier post. This article was written by Jurgen J. Maerz, who is a highly respected authority on platinum. His credentials are quite impressive.

I believe Hedgehog, in an effort to help, is confusing the issue of durability with malleability and scratch resistance.

From the article:

"There is a major difference between durability and scratch resistance. Platinum is very durable. When scratched, the scratch actually displaces the metal, leaving ridges on the edges of the scratch. This is where durability comes in. Whereas other precious metals, if scratched, lose metal, and thus wear down, Platinum does so at a much slower rate. This is why finishes on other pre_cious jewelry wear off, prongs wear down and the rings actually become thinner and may even wear through with time. Because many gold products, white or other wise, are plated, and plating is creating a hard skin, they seem to have more scratch resistance than Platinum. But soon the plating 'wears off and the material scratches in daily wear.

With Platinum, this is a different story. Many pieces from the turn of the century have engravings that look like new, beads that hold stones appear to be just made and the overall signs of wear seem insig_nificant on Platinum jewelry. A Platinum wedding band will last a life time.

As Platinum scratches, it will develop a patina-like appearance that will last. This is the reason why many designers prefer satin finishes, brushed and sand-blast finishes over the bright polished look.

Polished Platinum especially the iridium alloys, Will display a bright natural white color. In spite of daily wear and scratching, this finish will endure for a long time."

Having worn a very heavy platinum band (iridium alloy) for several years, I can tell you that the information posted above is fact and having my ring polished every six months is really not a bother.

Good luck with your purchase!

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"The gift of liberty is like that of a horse, handsome, strong, and high-spirited. In some it arouses a wish to ride; in many others, on the contrary, it increases the desire to walk."

-- Massimo d'Azeglio

ShaniFaye

My philosophy...I cannot justify wearing jewerly that the money could WAY better be spent on....such as new furniture for the house...I giant king size 4 poster bed that Im dying for etc

Dave bought me a 13 dollar "engagement" ring, mainly becuase all our friends asked "let me see the ring" hahah I dont need something that would make 4 of my mortgage payments to know he loves me and is committed to me

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RainbowBright

First of all to clear up some confusion women generally wear their engagement rings the rest of their lives, they usually add a wedding band to the ensemble when they get married. Some women wear a different ring when they get older and more prosperous.

As for me I was sure I knew what I wanted until my boyfriend (now husband) took me shopping and I found a different ring that I absolutely fell in love with. I have seen many rings that are very similiar to that ring, maybe she would be happy with a less expensive brand?

Forever

I picked out a sapphire, as well - white gold, oval sapphire with two smaller (1/4 carat?) diamonds on the side. Beautiful, and the now-fiancee got off easy - $400!