My Unholy Pig of a VP - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Shades · 07-17-2004, 12:20 AM

The VP of Engineering at the small startup company I work for is named Craig, and he's the Devil. He's always doing petty little shit to solidify his power base, or whatever. Here's a funny email I saw from him, and just wanted to rant about.

Also, if you have an a-hole of a boss, please share. If you just want to share, skip the rest of this post, it's a breakdown of the email.

As a frame of reference, Indium is the name of a computer that fronts a cluster of four other computers. We intend to use it for large computational models. As of now, it is not finished.

The email is both humorous and outrageous. Craig essentially accuses Andy and Uttam (the leaders of R&D, who are outside of Engineering) of hoarding the Indium computing cluster. I will now break it down line by line:

"The RO [code name for fluid loop] team has been talking about the need to increase processor power which we have available for modeling efforts in Icepack and CFDRC."

For starters, Icepack is a piece of shit. Anything designed and certified by Icepack should be considered little better than napkin engineering. Second, CFDRC has been ESI for about 5 months now. The fact that the RO group apparently doesn't know that means that they aren't keeping their software up to date. Tsk tsk. Oh well, those guys are clueless when it comes to using finite difference methods anyway.

"At this time we run jobs locally and would like the ability to run remotely."

There's this thing called a dependent clause, and it needs a comma after it. And here's some free advice- if you know you're going to be running computationally-intense programs, don't buy everyone a wimpy laptop.

"When we talked about this I was told that they do not currently have access to the Indium machine."

This is totally true. In fact, nobody has access to Indium but me, Andy, and Lee. That's because it's not fully configured yet, and I'm still testing it for Lee. But don't bother to actually ask anyone before launching into a screed, Craig.

"If this is true can we please change this restriction and open up the access to that machine to all users."

I'd first point out that this sentence is missing a comma and is poorly written. Second, this isn't a restriction. The fact that Craig calls it that means that he knows fuck-all about Linux (really just users and UNIX in general), which does not surprise me. And again, the cluster isn't finished yet, so no, it can't be "opened."

"The Indium box needs to be configured to allow individual jobs to be run on one of the various multi processor as well as allowing parallel processing jobs to be run as needed."

Whatever the Hell that means. Christ, if I wrote as poorly as that, I sure wouldn't advertise my third-grade writing level to the CEO of my company (yes this was CCed to him). Actually, I can't even really figure out what that phrase means, it's such a jumble of incomplete thoughts and hanging threads. One wonders if that's reflective of Craig's thinking. There's no such thing as configuring the hardware to allow this kind of thing anyway, which goes back to Craig not knowing dick about computers.

"This may involve installation of Icepack on the back processor boxes and may also require a software update to Indium to manage the jobs."

And it may also require a human sacrifice, who knows? Not Craig, that's for certain. This is total guessing on his part. At any rate, no, it would not require a software update to Indium. I wonder what software exactly he thinks would need upgrading?

"Please let me know when this can be done and who is controlling access to the machine."

You like what he does here? It's no longer a request, he doesn't want permission, he wants to know when it will be done. By asking who's controlling access to the machine, he again tacitly asserts that there's some evil force stopping his group from using the machines. Also, Craig knows damn good and well that Andy has been in charge of Indium (although it's mostly my idea, and I've done practically all of the testing and troubleshooting). This is just another cheep shot from Craig on Andy. What a loser.

"This was a very expensive asset and we need to fully utilize it across the company."

I got tears here, I did. This is for the company! As for it being expensive, that's more of Craig talking out of his ass. Since this was scouted and bought before Craig joined the company, he has no idea how much it cost. Actually, the computers and so on were quite cheep, especially compared to the way Craig throws away money- computers were about 12k, while Craig burns through 200k on a mill that they'll never use. Also, let the whole company, like 15 people, share four computers? Yeah, that'll be REAL fast. Much better than just buying your people some desktops.

Anyway, I thought this email was so awesome, I printed it up and hung it on my fridge.

TM875 · 07-17-2004, 02:48 PM

Sounds to me like your VP really doesn't understand what you're doing. It's not surprising...most upper management has its head up its ass. Sounds to me like this man might run your business into the ground.

Remember - everyone wants everything done yesterday.

sailor · 07-19-2004, 09:56 AM

Go talk to him personally. Explain (non-combatitively) the situation and that in the future you would appreciate his coming to you to sort out any problems he has with your space.

Shades · 07-19-2004, 10:27 AM

Wouldn't work. I'm sort of a special case there, contractor/intern, so I don't really have a lot of pull. Plus, he's already been working on terminating me for about the past one and a half months for asking questions with other engineers about a design he approved. The guy's just a damn toolbox.

sailor · 07-19-2004, 11:12 AM

Try going to another person who does have some say. Another VP, someone over his head, or just another employee that he will listen to.

Yeah, he sounds like a ladder-climbing toolbox to me too.

Dawson70 · 07-21-2004, 09:40 PM

Ya, I can't say I am surprised. I too am an engineer and I have worked with some of the biggest assholes on the globe. The one thing that I have found, many of these people at 'higher" managment rolls, try too hard to justify their position. I have seen some wierd shit in my day and it all rotated around justisfication. I had the roll offered to me once, but I quickly turned it down. Who knows, just wait a few months and you'll have a new VP.

07-17-2004, 12:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Shades Insane	My Unholy Pig of a VP The VP of Engineering at the small startup company I work for is named Craig, and he's the Devil. He's always doing petty little shit to solidify his power base, or whatever. Here's a funny email I saw from him, and just wanted to rant about. Also, if you have an a-hole of a boss, please share. If you just want to share, skip the rest of this post, it's a breakdown of the email. As a frame of reference, Indium is the name of a computer that fronts a cluster of four other computers. We intend to use it for large computational models. As of now, it is not finished. The email is both humorous and outrageous. Craig essentially accuses Andy and Uttam (the leaders of R&D, who are outside of Engineering) of hoarding the Indium computing cluster. I will now break it down line by line: "The RO [code name for fluid loop] team has been talking about the need to increase processor power which we have available for modeling efforts in Icepack and CFDRC." For starters, Icepack is a piece of shit. Anything designed and certified by Icepack should be considered little better than napkin engineering. Second, CFDRC has been ESI for about 5 months now. The fact that the RO group apparently doesn't know that means that they aren't keeping their software up to date. Tsk tsk. Oh well, those guys are clueless when it comes to using finite difference methods anyway. "At this time we run jobs locally and would like the ability to run remotely." There's this thing called a dependent clause, and it needs a comma after it. And here's some free advice- if you know you're going to be running computationally-intense programs, don't buy everyone a wimpy laptop. "When we talked about this I was told that they do not currently have access to the Indium machine." This is totally true. In fact, nobody has access to Indium but me, Andy, and Lee. That's because it's not fully configured yet, and I'm still testing it for Lee. But don't bother to actually ask anyone before launching into a screed, Craig. "If this is true can we please change this restriction and open up the access to that machine to all users." I'd first point out that this sentence is missing a comma and is poorly written. Second, this isn't a restriction. The fact that Craig calls it that means that he knows fuck-all about Linux (really just users and UNIX in general), which does not surprise me. And again, the cluster isn't finished yet, so no, it can't be "opened." "The Indium box needs to be configured to allow individual jobs to be run on one of the various multi processor as well as allowing parallel processing jobs to be run as needed." Whatever the Hell that means. Christ, if I wrote as poorly as that, I sure wouldn't advertise my third-grade writing level to the CEO of my company (yes this was CCed to him). Actually, I can't even really figure out what that phrase means, it's such a jumble of incomplete thoughts and hanging threads. One wonders if that's reflective of Craig's thinking. There's no such thing as configuring the hardware to allow this kind of thing anyway, which goes back to Craig not knowing dick about computers. "This may involve installation of Icepack on the back processor boxes and may also require a software update to Indium to manage the jobs." And it may also require a human sacrifice, who knows? Not Craig, that's for certain. This is total guessing on his part. At any rate, no, it would not require a software update to Indium. I wonder what software exactly he thinks would need upgrading? "Please let me know when this can be done and who is controlling access to the machine." You like what he does here? It's no longer a request, he doesn't want permission, he wants to know when it will be done. By asking who's controlling access to the machine, he again tacitly asserts that there's some evil force stopping his group from using the machines. Also, Craig knows damn good and well that Andy has been in charge of Indium (although it's mostly my idea, and I've done practically all of the testing and troubleshooting). This is just another cheep shot from Craig on Andy. What a loser. "This was a very expensive asset and we need to fully utilize it across the company." I got tears here, I did. This is for the company! As for it being expensive, that's more of Craig talking out of his ass. Since this was scouted and bought before Craig joined the company, he has no idea how much it cost. Actually, the computers and so on were quite cheep, especially compared to the way Craig throws away money- computers were about 12k, while Craig burns through 200k on a mill that they'll never use. Also, let the whole company, like 15 people, share four computers? Yeah, that'll be REAL fast. Much better than just buying your people some desktops. Anyway, I thought this email was so awesome, I printed it up and hung it on my fridge.

07-17-2004, 02:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
TM875 Addict Location: Amish-land, PA	Sounds to me like your VP really doesn't understand what you're doing. It's not surprising...most upper management has its head up its ass. Sounds to me like this man might run your business into the ground. Remember - everyone wants everything done yesterday. __________________ "I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

07-19-2004, 09:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	Go talk to him personally. Explain (non-combatitively) the situation and that in the future you would appreciate his coming to you to sort out any problems he has with your space. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

07-19-2004, 11:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
sailor beauty in the breakdown Location: Chapel Hill, NC	Try going to another person who does have some say. Another VP, someone over his head, or just another employee that he will listen to. Yeah, he sounds like a ladder-climbing toolbox to me too. __________________ "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato

07-21-2004, 09:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dawson70 Here to Help My Fellow TFP'er Location: All over the Net....(ok Wisconsin)	Ya, I can't say I am surprised. I too am an engineer and I have worked with some of the biggest assholes on the globe. The one thing that I have found, many of these people at 'higher" managment rolls, try too hard to justify their position. I have seen some wierd shit in my day and it all rotated around justisfication. I had the roll offered to me once, but I quickly turned it down. Who knows, just wait a few months and you'll have a new VP. __________________ "I Finally Finished My Goal....You Can Too! Yippie Ki Ya...

07-19-2004, 10:27 AM	#4 (permalink)
Shades Insane	Wouldn't work. I'm sort of a special case there, contractor/intern, so I don't really have a lot of pull. Plus, he's already been working on terminating me for about the past one and a half months for asking questions with other engineers about a design he approved. The guy's just a damn toolbox.