Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-08-2004, 08:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
Relationship Dilemma

Here is some background on the situation.....

I started dating my girlfriend a little over 5 years ago, I was a senior in high school and she was a freshman in college. We were each others firsts, etc.. About 3 years ago...she cheated on me with a guy she worked with while I was on vacation. I could obviously tell me that something was wrong when I talked to her, and on my 600 mile drive back home, she proceeds to tell me what happend, I become extremely emotional and our relationship ended at that time. This guy she cheated on me with was the complete opposite of myself....slept around alot, had a kid, an overall redneck....During the breakup her college roommate and I discussed the situation on a weekly basis, while I was attempting to get information. Being as emotionally distraught as a I was at the time, I called her house and we began a heated argument, her mom got on the phone and completely bitched me out, after I told her she had no idea what was going on with her daughter because at the time that was the case. Eventually we got back together and have been for 3 years now....of course the marriage issue has come up and as far as im concerned she is the one for me and after her brief relationship with mr. redneck she realized that I was the best thing that has happend to her.

Sorry for the long back ground but here is the current situation...

Together we're great....but her Mom, Sister, and Brother hate me because of what I said when we broke up, so I ruined a great relationship with her folks. I come from a very loving home with great parents who have been married for nearly 25 years, and their familes (moms and dads) all have a great relationship. the other calls the inlaws mom,dad etc... and I've always wanted that to be apart of my marriage and I know i'll never have that relationship with her mom and that truely bothers me. She is one of those people who just can't get over it...true southerner...

Do I just need to wake up and realize that If I marry this girl its just because we love each other and nothing else matters? I guess I just feel like I wanted that whole inter-family expereince, and obviously I wont.

Sorry if this sounds extremely cluttered and confusing, hopefully my point will come across.
__________________
random

Last edited by thebeat; 07-08-2004 at 08:24 PM..
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
I'm curious about how your girlfriend feels about her mom's and siblings' attitude towards you. Has she tried to get them to forgive and accept you?
wonderwench is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:20 PM   #3 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
There have been times when she has expressed that is her family as of right now, and until we get married then all that stuff doesn't matter. I guess her family comes first, she doesn't like it but she feels like their is nothing that can be done, in other words its like her saying something and they let it go in one ear and out the other...very frustrating, but I guess everything can't be perfect...
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:25 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
This raises a warning flag for me. If she is as serious about you as you are for her, I would expect her to take more of a stand on your behalf. Her family's continued illwill toward you is a pattern I would wish to break, if I were in her place. I have an additional concern that she may continue to not support you after the marriage. People generally do not change their habits over night.

I suggest sitting down with her and telling her how much an extended family is important to you and see if she is willing to communicate with her family in support of you.
wonderwench is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
She does take up and go to bat for me, Its her Mom and her Middle sister who do not want to hear what she says, but she respect her mom and her sister because their her immediate family.
__________________
random
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Do you think her behavior will continue once you are married? How would you feel if she continued to listen to her mom and sister put you down after you were married?
wonderwench is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:35 PM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
She actually wants to move away from her family...she feels betrayed at times.....
__________________
random
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:38 PM   #8 (permalink)
Banned
 
Okay then. She is willing to make you a priority over her family. That is a good sign.
wonderwench is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
is it wrong for me to want this "Extended" family in my marriage, I guess its for my future kids, i want them to expereince my extended family support so to speak...
__________________
random
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 08:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
No, it is not wrong. Extended families can be wonderful! You understand that such a family relationship is unlikely with your girlfriend's mom and siblings - so you have to decide if you are willing to live with this.
wonderwench is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 09:09 PM   #11 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
I think its important, yet I think that just because they want to hold something against me for years is childish, I should not risk losing someone I love because of it........if that makes sense
__________________
random
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 09:41 PM   #12 (permalink)
Banned
 
Location: Swooping down on you from above....
Sorry for butting in, but I'll be blunt.....


Fuck her. once a cheater always a cheater, in my opinion. I've been burned by too many so called women cheating on me in the past.
Flyguy is offline  
Old 07-08-2004, 10:14 PM   #13 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Deep South
i have to respectfully disagree with you on that one flyguy...that were too many circumstances involved to jump to such conclusion in my situation, im partly to blame....but we've resolved our differences and we've moved passed this. I can understand where you are coming from and in some aspects I agree with you but i think the situation that cause the inital breakup were a little different...but thats a whole nother post.
__________________
random
thebeat is offline  
Old 07-09-2004, 02:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Kazic's Avatar
 
Location: Fortress of Solitude
Don't agree with that lable either. "Once a cheater always a cheater!" some don't understand the damage they have caused and some do. Its an individual that can make that deceision.

As for you thebeat, you have to look at things from both sides. Does her Mother/Sister understand all of what happened? Do they understand that you were distraught over the fact that she cheated on you? IF they do then its probably not going to change as even though she hurt you. they are standing on her side.
Little will change that. you will have to accept it or move on if that is what you want. I have heard you don't just marry , you marry the family.
__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989
Kazic is offline  
Old 07-09-2004, 10:12 PM   #15 (permalink)
Helplessly hoping
 
pinkie's Avatar
 
Location: Above the stars
You don’t want your children to have a grandma and aunts that bad mouth, or can't stand their father. That might be something to take into consideration too. That's a potential source of marital strife that would also drive a wedge between you two, and confuse your children, if not handled.

I believe that love can conquer all, but that setting healthy boundaries with in the relationship and with others involved is a must.
pinkie is offline  
 

Tags
dilemma, relationship

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:48 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360