Something to say 'thank you' to her parents - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

frozenstellar · 07-06-2004, 04:43 AM

i want to do/give something to my girlfriends parents to say thank you for what will have been the past 6 weeks when i do/give it to them.

the situation is - we've been together for nearly 10months. before i came along, she was with a different guy pretty much every month. before we went out on our first date - her mum said to my gf that she should wait a while before getting involved with someone else, so did her father.

so already i started off on the wrong foot with her folks. but they still let me see their first daughter. many 'glares' were received from her mother, and more subtle ones from her dad, but they relaxed as i stuck around longer. this was still going on around xmas/new year.

fast forward to now. for the past 4 weeks, they've welcomed me to stay constantly over the semester break, except when i go home to go to work 3 days a week, but if i didnt have to, they wouldnt kick me out. they dont charge me board or anything, they ask nothing apart from that we do the house duties while they're both at work. i've been given a set of house keys, if i have to drop off/pick up their 2 younger children, they'll throw me their car keys so not to use my petrol, and will steal my keys so i dont refuse to drive their car.

basically - they're fucking awesome about everything, and see me as part of the family. and i want to do something to say thank you in a big way.

i've spoken to my gf about it - we've concluded that we're going to take them out for dinner to their favourite place, but i want to give them something while we're there, just to really drive the nail home.

....except, what do you give a happily married couple of 25 years who are quite well off?

i dont want to seem ungrateful that they've taken me in, but i dont want to overstep the line and insult them with a voucher for something, or what not. any ideas would be grand.

maleficent · 07-06-2004, 05:40 AM

Picture of you and your girlfriend in a nice frame.

Her folks sound like classy people, the dinner sounds like it would be thanks enough for them, because it's coming from your heart. Send them a card, or send mom flowers expressing how much you appreciate them and all they've done for you.

Journeyman · 07-06-2004, 05:54 AM

Popping the big question would be a pretty nice gift to them. And it sounds like you'd be marrying into some pretty cool in-laws.

But, oughtta know if she's the one, first.

Peetster · 07-06-2004, 06:30 AM

If you decide to propose that night, talk to your girlfriend about it first. It would be a huge bummer for everyone to hear "no".

Prince · 07-06-2004, 10:12 AM

i'd never ever pop the q in front of the parents. especially in this scenario - you'd be asking her to marry you in order to make an impression on them. that's not the motive she's looking for.

then again you didn't bring that one up, so let's drop it.

you could simply thank them, over dinner. say thank you. tell them what you've told us. western civilization or not, there isn't always a need to give something. sometimes the words can really mean more than some item you've bought. just make it heartfelt and don't go overboard.

Cynthetiq · 07-06-2004, 11:07 AM

Maybe some nice home decor type thing to put on the dining room table or a nice picture of the two of you.

a coffee table book of one of their favorite cities or subjects.

fhqwhgads · 07-06-2004, 12:37 PM

A grandchild.

Kidding, of course. Depending on your age, a nice bottle of wine is always appreciated.

la petite moi · 07-06-2004, 01:56 PM

I think you could give them both a big hug, and a note/letter expressing your graciousness.

Stare At The Sun · 07-06-2004, 03:01 PM

I'd say take them out to dinner.

frozenstellar · 07-06-2004, 04:39 PM

firstly, thanks for the ideas.

proposing? i dont think so.

however, i'll talk to my gf about the idea of the photo of us, i think that'd be the best bet.

MSD · 07-06-2004, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by frozenstellar
however, i'll talk to my gf about the idea of the photo of us, i think that'd be the best bet.

If you're home decor-blind, ask her to help you find a frame that will go perfectly on the mantle, table, wherever they would be likely to put it.

lazyaznguy · 07-06-2004, 10:30 PM

Be sure that when you present the gift you let them know how much you appreciate all the great things they've done for you. Tell them some of the stuff you told us. I know you probably know this and were planning on it, but just a reminder.

Oh and the photo thing sounds like a good idea.

ratbastid · 07-07-2004, 05:32 PM

There's no tangible gift that's going to express what you're out to express here. The dinner is a nice touch.

I suggest that at dinner, you lay it right out for them. Really tell them how much you appreciate them taking you into their home and lives, how they've treated you like a family member. Give them all of you, don't be afraid to be emotional with them, really let 'er rip. That's the best gift you can ever really give anybody.

KMA-628 · 07-08-2004, 03:43 PM

A gift of a nice bottle of wine is always classy and gives the impression that you care (picking out a "good" wine takes a little effort and time).

Plus, it is more of a "mature" gift. They will respect you for it, unless they don't drink at all.

Find out what kind of wine they like. i.e. white, red, etc. Post back if you want suggestions, I'll bet you get quite a few good ideas.

If you can afford it, a real classy move is to make dinner reservations at a nice restaurant. Make food selection suggestions during the courses and ALWAYS pick the approriate bottle of wine for the particular course. If you go to an 'a la carte-type' restaurant, the wine selections will be a little easier as most will be having similar things. Again, post back for suggestions.

KMA-628 · 07-08-2004, 03:46 PM

Hey, I just saw your location.

A good, "local" wine for you is a shiraz by Yellow Tail. Very smooth and well-liked.

Get the reserve, it is a little more but a better gift.

frozenstellar · 07-13-2004, 05:44 AM

well, her dad doesnt touch wine.. so there goes that idea. some great ideas, but i cant afford to go over the top with a really fancy do, student budget doesnt stretch that far. the photo is a great idea, but looking around, they dont have a great deal of photos around the place, very few at all. so we decided against it at this stage.

i asked her what her folks enjoy - mexican. so reservations are made, my gf's going to drive us all in, and should be a great night, and they have no idea at this stage.

i'm back at my house for work, and despite living here for 8 months, it doesnt feel like home anymore (i live with my bro and his gf). its not inviting, all i've heard all night since i finished work is their relationship problems. damn semester starting back up again so soon, dont want to leave!

maleficent · 07-13-2004, 06:02 AM

Her folks sound like decent, classy people.

They won't care where they go to dinner. As long as they are spending time with people they care about, ie their daughter and you.

If I could offer one suggestion, since you are paying for dinner, pick a place that is comfortable for you wallet. You don't want to make her folks uneasy by picking a place that's more expensive than you can afford. They'll enjoy it no matter what.

(bring mom a flower or something at dinner)

animosity · 07-15-2004, 06:35 AM

You are making me miss my EX's parents.... they were like that. I was at there house more than mine last year. I just took them out to dinner every once in a while. I also got her mom flowers once, but decided that wasnt a good idea because I didnt want her dad to have to go get her flowers all the time(her dad and I were good friends).

07-06-2004, 04:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
frozenstellar Without Wings Location: Australia	Something to say 'thank you' to her parents i want to do/give something to my girlfriends parents to say thank you for what will have been the past 6 weeks when i do/give it to them. the situation is - we've been together for nearly 10months. before i came along, she was with a different guy pretty much every month. before we went out on our first date - her mum said to my gf that she should wait a while before getting involved with someone else, so did her father. so already i started off on the wrong foot with her folks. but they still let me see their first daughter. many 'glares' were received from her mother, and more subtle ones from her dad, but they relaxed as i stuck around longer. this was still going on around xmas/new year. fast forward to now. for the past 4 weeks, they've welcomed me to stay constantly over the semester break, except when i go home to go to work 3 days a week, but if i didnt have to, they wouldnt kick me out. they dont charge me board or anything, they ask nothing apart from that we do the house duties while they're both at work. i've been given a set of house keys, if i have to drop off/pick up their 2 younger children, they'll throw me their car keys so not to use my petrol, and will steal my keys so i dont refuse to drive their car. basically - they're fucking awesome about everything, and see me as part of the family. and i want to do something to say thank you in a big way. i've spoken to my gf about it - we've concluded that we're going to take them out for dinner to their favourite place, but i want to give them something while we're there, just to really drive the nail home. ....except, what do you give a happily married couple of 25 years who are quite well off? i dont want to seem ungrateful that they've taken me in, but i dont want to overstep the line and insult them with a voucher for something, or what not. any ideas would be grand.

07-06-2004, 05:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Picture of you and your girlfriend in a nice frame. Her folks sound like classy people, the dinner sounds like it would be thanks enough for them, because it's coming from your heart. Send them a card, or send mom flowers expressing how much you appreciate them and all they've done for you. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-06-2004, 10:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	i'd never ever pop the q in front of the parents. especially in this scenario - you'd be asking her to marry you in order to make an impression on them. that's not the motive she's looking for. then again you didn't bring that one up, so let's drop it. you could simply thank them, over dinner. say thank you. tell them what you've told us. western civilization or not, there isn't always a need to give something. sometimes the words can really mean more than some item you've bought. just make it heartfelt and don't go overboard. __________________ Who is John Galt?

07-06-2004, 11:07 AM	#6 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	Maybe some nice home decor type thing to put on the dining room table or a nice picture of the two of you. a coffee table book of one of their favorite cities or subjects. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

07-08-2004, 03:43 PM	#14 (permalink)
KMA-628 ....is off his meds...you were warned. Location: The Wild Wild West	A gift of a nice bottle of wine is always classy and gives the impression that you care (picking out a "good" wine takes a little effort and time). Plus, it is more of a "mature" gift. They will respect you for it, unless they don't drink at all. Find out what kind of wine they like. i.e. white, red, etc. Post back if you want suggestions, I'll bet you get quite a few good ideas. If you can afford it, a real classy move is to make dinner reservations at a nice restaurant. Make food selection suggestions during the courses and ALWAYS pick the approriate bottle of wine for the particular course. If you go to an 'a la carte-type' restaurant, the wine selections will be a little easier as most will be having similar things. Again, post back for suggestions. __________________ Before you criticize someone, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you.......you're a mile away.......and they're barefoot.

07-06-2004, 05:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
Journeyman Like John Goodman, but not. Location: SFBA, California	Popping the big question would be a pretty nice gift to them. And it sounds like you'd be marrying into some pretty cool in-laws. But, oughtta know if she's the one, first.

07-06-2004, 06:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	If you decide to propose that night, talk to your girlfriend about it first. It would be a huge bummer for everyone to hear "no".

07-06-2004, 12:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	A grandchild. Kidding, of course. Depending on your age, a nice bottle of wine is always appreciated.

07-06-2004, 01:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	I think you could give them both a big hug, and a note/letter expressing your graciousness.

07-06-2004, 03:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
Stare At The Sun Eh? Location: Somewhere over the rainbow	I'd say take them out to dinner.

07-06-2004, 04:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
frozenstellar Without Wings Location: Australia	firstly, thanks for the ideas. proposing? i dont think so. however, i'll talk to my gf about the idea of the photo of us, i think that'd be the best bet.

07-06-2004, 10:30 PM	#12 (permalink)
lazyaznguy Upright	Be sure that when you present the gift you let them know how much you appreciate all the great things they've done for you. Tell them some of the stuff you told us. I know you probably know this and were planning on it, but just a reminder. Oh and the photo thing sounds like a good idea.

07-07-2004, 05:32 PM	#13 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	There's no tangible gift that's going to express what you're out to express here. The dinner is a nice touch. I suggest that at dinner, you lay it right out for them. Really tell them how much you appreciate them taking you into their home and lives, how they've treated you like a family member. Give them all of you, don't be afraid to be emotional with them, really let 'er rip. That's the best gift you can ever really give anybody.

07-08-2004, 03:46 PM	#15 (permalink)
KMA-628 ....is off his meds...you were warned. Location: The Wild Wild West	Hey, I just saw your location. A good, "local" wine for you is a shiraz by Yellow Tail. Very smooth and well-liked. Get the reserve, it is a little more but a better gift. __________________ Before you criticize someone, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you.......you're a mile away.......and they're barefoot.

07-13-2004, 05:44 AM	#16 (permalink)
frozenstellar Without Wings Location: Australia	well, her dad doesnt touch wine.. so there goes that idea. some great ideas, but i cant afford to go over the top with a really fancy do, student budget doesnt stretch that far. the photo is a great idea, but looking around, they dont have a great deal of photos around the place, very few at all. so we decided against it at this stage. i asked her what her folks enjoy - mexican. so reservations are made, my gf's going to drive us all in, and should be a great night, and they have no idea at this stage. i'm back at my house for work, and despite living here for 8 months, it doesnt feel like home anymore (i live with my bro and his gf). its not inviting, all i've heard all night since i finished work is their relationship problems. damn semester starting back up again so soon, dont want to leave!

07-13-2004, 06:02 AM	#17 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Her folks sound like decent, classy people. They won't care where they go to dinner. As long as they are spending time with people they care about, ie their daughter and you. If I could offer one suggestion, since you are paying for dinner, pick a place that is comfortable for you wallet. You don't want to make her folks uneasy by picking a place that's more expensive than you can afford. They'll enjoy it no matter what. (bring mom a flower or something at dinner) __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-15-2004, 06:35 AM	#18 (permalink)
animosity on fire Location: Atlanta, GA	You are making me miss my EX's parents.... they were like that. I was at there house more than mine last year. I just took them out to dinner every once in a while. I also got her mom flowers once, but decided that wasnt a good idea because I didnt want her dad to have to go get her flowers all the time(her dad and I were good friends).