Re: How can I stop hating myself?
 

It sucks doesn't it? I get this too and I've always avoided medication because of a deep-seated mistrust of the medical profession. The only thing I can think of to add that hasn't already been said (at least not in this way) is a little lyric from the flaming lips

"When you look inside, all you'll see
Is a self reflected inner sadness
Look outside
I know that you'll recognize
It's summertime"

Rhyme and scantion not too hot, but boy is the philosophy good. Actually a lot of this album (Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots) is really good for putting your head back in the right place.

john henry - thanks - l love that album and will have to revisit it. lt's kind of hard to listen to because it was one of my brother's favorite albums and that song was the one l chose to play at his funeral, but it is a good album to put things in perspective.

Lurkete, I would like to tell you I know what you are going though, but I can't. I was there once myself, but everyperson deals with and feels about a situation differnt then everyone else. What I can do, is make a few pointers about how I came about, and hope that we are similer enough for my advise to be usefull to you. I have to start by saying, that Yakk made a good point, and it's the route I took long long ago. When I was young, I hated myself. I was always trying to fit in, be like everyone else, make people love me. Then I had an eye opening revilation. I fucking hated these people. Why did I compair myself to these people and want them to like me? After that I stopped looking out and started looking in. People are a sad lot when you look at them as a whole. And from what I've seen from you so far, you are better then they are. I know we haven't really said word one to each other, but I've read your posts, and some of what you ahev been though. Lot of people make other good points here. Find a hobby, ect. What works for me when I start really getting down and out is one simple phrase. "I am god". What I mean by that is, there is no one other then me that is responsible for or able to change who I am. I can not pass the buck, I can not point fingers and say "You made me do it". In the end, everything I am and do comes down to me. And there are people out there much more deserving my hate then myself. You are a smart girl, and from what I've seen sexy as hell, I love the hair, BTW. Purple is my fav color, and just a good person over all. I see the makings of god all over you. Don't look to other people for your selfworth. no one can give that to you, at least not any kind that matters, and no one can take it from you unless you let them. I know there are a lot of people here who know you, much beter then I could hope to, and I think they will agree with my assesment of your charms. But not a damn one of us matter in the end. Only you matter, and only you can fix what you see as a problem. All the rest of us can do is give you words of advise, give you an ear when you need it, and hope that you find away to see yourself as the rest of us do. I don't know if any of this helps, but it is all I can offer for now. That and an offer to pm me if you ever just need to talk to someone a little bit out side your normal circle of conversations, or just want someone to rant to. I truely hope you find what it is you need.

I don't know what to say. You seem like a nice person. Don't hate yourself. Try to find humor in the tragicomedy which is life. This is my way of coping anyhow.

But then again -they say there are too many drunks at an AA meeting. So perhaps I shouldn't say anything. It's not like I have excessive wisdom or anything. My self loathing does stop when I laugh however.

I wish I was funnier.

Lurkette, I hope you won't pay to much attention to comments like the one above.
I've been on Zoloft for years. It has changed my life. No, it has saved my life. It hasn't "numb[ed] [my] brain, emotion, life-force, to where [I] just don't have the energy or give a shit about being depressed in the first place."
I am the child of an out-of-control alcoholic and drug addict. My childhood was chaos. I knew no stability. I grew up chronically depressed. I went to therapy for 7 years, which helped me tremendously. Yet, the depression returned. For years I refused to take anti-depression drugs. I reasoned that it was drugs that had ruined my life, so there was no way drugs could help.
To make a long story short, I eventually decided to try zoloft. I can't speak for others, but I can tell you this: It has dramatically improved my life. I've been on it for 10 years. Have I been depressed in those 10 years? Yes. The difference is that I do not stay depressed. Like most people, I have bad days. I no longer have bad YEARS.

Lurkette, does your depression stem from your upbringing?

all thoes dealing with depression of any kind see a docter I say this as someone who ingests a handful of pills a day to combat being bipolor and while it hasnt fixed my lifes problems its made my head work enough to get up and face some of them

It really does take time. Everyone is different too. What are you diagnosed with? Ever tried anything besides the medication you're on?

Don't get discouraged, and stick with therapy. If you feel that something isn't working for you, try something new.

I've been seeing the same shrink for five years now, and major changes have been happening the whole time, over time.

Stick with it. Learning to loves ourselves, when we didn't learn it the first time around takes time.


:icare: