Coll Storm

Tell me what you think of this situation...

My boss is also a friend of mine, but sometimes the boundaries between the two have been skewed over the past eight months or so.

I don't know when to take things personally, professionally, or somewhere between the two.

A few weeks ago I was hit with the news of my rapid hair loss. Instead of hearing words of support from her, she took out a particuliarly bad picture of myself, and made fun of it in front of my co-workers. She then told them that I owed money on a bill, and how much I owed on it. I asked her to stop several times, but she didn't do so. She kept going with it. This was after a day where I had a doctors meeting, and then walked a mile to my work place, just to make a meeting that took place afterwork, and that I wasn't paid for.

Being a nice guy... I picked up my belongings, and walked out of the meeting mortified beyond belief. It felt like childhood all over again, but when the bully picked on me... I punched them in the face.

I've also volunteered my time through the past year on countless nights/weekends to do things for work. Through out this year... there have been incidents like the one above, where I have been the butt of the jokes.

Tonight, against my better judgement I went on a wrestling fieldtrip with my work, and her. During our way back, I was asked to call parents to let them know, that we would be arriving soon, and that they should be ready to pick them up.

During one conversation I asked "Hi, is so and so home?" I then said "Hi, so and so... just wanted to let you know that we'll be there at 10pm." I then hung up the cell phone. My boss then decided to remind me that I'm not friends with the parents, and that I should start the conversation with "Hello is so and so there?". I didn't see a major difference between saying "hello" and "hi".

She then gets on the phone to call the next parent, and says, "Hi! so and so... yes we're almost there! See you then! Ok.. bye bye."

I was not amused....

I then noticed that we were getting close to our destination, and that some of the children were sleeping, so I decided to nudge them. She then rips into me, and tells me that I should let them sleep.

That was it... the straw finally broke.

Me: Shut Up!

Her: Excuse me????

Me: S-H-U-T U-P!!!

She did so...

We got there, and she got out of the van. She told me "that if I ever told her to shut up in front of the children again, that I would be fired."

I told her, "that's interesting, since this happened when I volunteered my time."

She said, "you're still on the job."

I said, "Make note of this.... I'm done volunteering"

She then asked for my hand, and I gave it to her. She then told me, "that our friendship is through" and "that she wanted to talk to me inside, right now."

I told her, "Being that all the children have gone home, and I'm not on the job right now, and that we're no longer friends... I'm going home for the night. Have a great weekend!"

I get home, and she sends me an email, telling me she doesn't understand why I blew up at her, that we're going to have a meeting on Monday with the boss, because she doesn't feel safe with me alone. She tells me that I'm always angry at her, and that I need help.

I then emailed her back...

I love how you confuse standing up for yourself, with being angry. If I was angry at you, it would be because of one situation.

I then told her, that during our visit to the library, I told her that I was going to use the restroom. When I came back... my Kindergartners were alone, because she had left.

That's the end of my story. I might not have a job on Monday, but I feel great that I said something, instead of holding it in. Starting right now.... I'm no longer the "nice guy that finished last"!!!

Journeyman

Go in Monday and give the boss the full account of all the shit you've been taking from her, and if you really really luck out, SHE might not have a job on Monday. Then you get promoted to her job, and make lots of money. And then all is well.

Bill O'Rights

I've seen unprofessionalism before, but this takes the frickin' cake. If what you say is true, and can be verified, then she needs to be scouring the want-ads by Monday afternoon.

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Coll Storm

Yes, and no.

Cause of the frienship most things could be taken with a grain of salt.

With the picture incident I asked her several times not to do it, because I was feeling really down about myself, but she had to go through with it, because she's always right/perfect in her own mind.

As for wanting her job. I could do it, but wouldn't want to. Everyone in my work is underpaid, and I'm sure she's included.

I just figured out that either I'll end up quitting, or will be transfered. If I am transfered, then I'll just end up quitting sooner or later, cause I'll be miserable where I'm at.

H12

I probably would have held it it, personally, but I'm proud of ya for lettin' it out on your boss. Don't be ashamed to keep that up, but you might wanna keep your actions a lil' more tame next time.

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--Aristotle

moonstrucksoul

what a bitch, i find it hard to believe that you were friends. sorry that you are having all these things thrown at you.

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Coll Storm

I was the type to hold it in, but not any longer. I've been doing that for the past 4 years working there. Funny, cause when I first started the job, my intention was to speak my mind, but noticed that I was ruffling feathers. So, I adjusted it, and fell into the habit of keeping my mouth shut.

Bad habit... you should always speak your mind, even if it upsets a few people. My real friends will put up with it, welcome it, and love that about me.

The other people, that might have thought they were my friends, are the ones that can't handle it.

pocon1

Hashing it out with your boss needed to be done. However, your time and place left a little to be desired. The kids do not need to know about this because is does not concern them. Scheduling a meeting with her and HR or her boss would have been a better way possibly to handle it. But yes, you do need to do something with her.

Coll Storm

I guess the children heard me telling her to "shut up", even though they never told me, and I was right there with them the whole time.

As for my time & place... it had to come out. I've been in other situations before, where she's done the same thing to me. Really... no longer care.

I'll go into work Monday, and deal with the situation, but I'll never do anything for her... or the job again, on my free time.

I just paid for a field trip, out of my own pocket. I've donated at least ten hours of my time this month, and I can't speak my mind...

Fuck that.

Fenton-J-Cool

When I was in school, my friend Drew was kind enough to inform my principal that he was a faggot. Drew is my hero.

P: Drew, what are you doing walking into school this late?
D: You're a faggot, buddy.
P: WHAT?!
D: I said you're a faggot, and I'm going out for a smoke.

He was promptly suspended.

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wra

SecretMethod70

Honestly, I would send a professionally worded e-mail to your boss also explaining the situation. No doubt the other person has, and first impressions mean a lot. I would not acknowledge that you are aware of the likelihood the other person has sent the boss an e-mail already. I would say something along the lines of "I expect that _____ will be contacting you shortly concerning an altercation which we had and I would like to discuss it with you in a private setting." I'd then go over the general details of the overall situation and hopefuly you'll get the chance to go into the specifics on a one-on-one basis in person.

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Chingal0

I never make friends with any of my bosses for this very reason. They get comfortable and feel that they can poke fun, then if you do the same to them they pull rank. It's fucked up, and it happens alot since I'm a nice guy . Seriously tho, people like that suck. It is too bad it had to come to that for you, and I salute you for sticking up for yourself. I learned a long time ago that letting people walk over you gets you nowhere, and it definetly did cost me my most recent job, but who gives a shit. It is just a job.

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Coll Storm

I was actually friends with her, before she became my boss. If she was my boss before hand, we wouldn't have become friends, because I don't allow that in my personal life.

I've already talked to her through email, and she told me that "she no longer feels safe with me alone", because "she thinks that I might get physical with her".

That's how much she knows me. I've never hit anyone in my entire life, unless I was hit first. I'm not a violent person by any means. You can basically come up to me... insult me... my family... my friends... and I would just respond with a big "fuck you". I wouldn't hit anyone.

I'm getting that being a nice guy, does, indeed, cause you to finish last.

I'm done being last.

la petite moi

Sounds awesome!!!

Best thing to do though is when someone is pissing you off, you should keep written evidence of stuff they've said or done. Write it all down.

Coll Storm

I'll start to do that on Monday actually. Already thought of it.

raeanna74

I wish you good luck on Monday. I hope things work out for you and that at least she learns the lesson that she can't treat you in a degrading way. Hope it all goes well.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

mirevolver

You should compile a list of instances where you felt she has crossed the line and/or offended you. Include the names of other people who were present if you can remember. Take that into the meeting on monday and present it to the boss.

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UtterlyConfuseD

Hehe get someone to send her a link to this thread...

dumbnutofak

Stick it to the man!! haha I did that last night as work also Coll... coulda swore I was going to be fired but since I started proving a point about favorites between bosses and co-workers I had one of my bosses appologizing to me.... Don't wanna jack the thread but wanna share


Work @ sears ( NEVER get a job there) in the tool area.

Family friends came in and bought $3400 worth of appliances from me the other day... GOT yelled at cuz "it wasn't my area".

So we had a special sale today... 10% off. Well I got there receipt to do a sales adjust, same as EVERY OTHER employee had done during the day.

Needed a approval and boss approving it was the same who yelled at me earlier. I was like I wanna do a sales adjust and he was like no I wont do it, yet his employee( i have diff boss) did it earlier and he approved it and I told him that wasn't right, he needed to do it just to make it fair. And he said no, I'll take care of solan and i was like yea whatever...

then he got onto me for selling appliances and said he could really get onto me so I was like go ahead and he got all pissy and ran to bob (my boss)..... proceeded to try yelling at me on the floor til I stopped and was like "Can we be a little more professional and go into your office?"

so we went in there office and I was like, u guys have favs...such as ryan and solan who do **** and dont get a word said to them but when i do i have 3 people yelling @ me... wtf?


Then I could see it in his face that he knew I was being discriminated and he was like I'm sorry for yelling at you and changed the subject....


:-D

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If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is a man who has so much as to be out of danger?

Cynthetiq

document.
document.
document.

and document some more.

document everything. If you don't know why you are documenting it all.... then by all means... don't bother.

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k1ng

So Coll Storm, How did everything go on Monday?

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raeanna74

Yes I can back to check it out. Hope your doing good. Let us know the outcome.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Coll Storm

Update:

I got called into a meeting this afternoon with my boss, and her supervisor. We hashed things out. I asked for a transfer to another site, but was told there weren't any openings. ( Mind you they have help wanted ads posted everywhere for that location )

I was then handed a written warning. I disagreed with some of the things in it, and mentioned that. Told them I didn't understand how I could be written up, when I was on my time, not theirs, but it was because it was done in front of the children.
I told them that it was the last time I'll ever volunteer my time, and they said it was up to me, to make that decision, and that it wasn't related to my work. They mentioned, that they hope I change my mind, because the children and parents will wonder why I'm not there.

I was told that she doesn't trust me personally at this point ( same way I feel about her ), but that she wants me in charge next week, when she goes away.

My question: Why would you want someone in charge that you don't trust?

I then let everything out, that I've been holding in. They asked me what my decision was, and I responded that "I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't." They asked me what I meant, and told them that if I stay, I'll be miserable, because of her, but if I leave I'll be away from the thing that I love doing most... working with children.

They basically didn't fire me, but tried to make me realize that I'm probably not going to get better than this. See... they don't know me. The one thing that I do have is confidence in myself to find, and land, a better job. Kudo's to them for trying to strong-hold me, but it's not working.

I'm in a situation where I'm more upset about losing the friendship, then I am at losing the damn job.

Someone... a friend of mine told me this, and suddenly everything made sense. He told me "why don't you just try taking the little blue pill, and see what happens?"

I think it might be time for me to try the pill.

Opinions are appreciated.

SecretMethod70

Well, I don't know what your resume looks like, but if that particular job doesn't add much to it and you're OK with not using them as a reference (that's up to you), then I would leave, and give them little to no notice. Perhaps - if you're capable at the time - right in that week where they want you in charge.

Of course, I'm the type of person that if you cross me I become a vindictive asshole. These people don't sound like they deserve professionalism.

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

rockzilla

I think you've already lost the friendship, and therefore the worst possible scenario has already happened, right? So what more do you have to lose?
Leave.
If you stay, the higher-ups know that they can bend you over whenever they want. Before you know it, they'll be threatening you with written warnings when you don't put work in off the clock. If you get pushed around once, you'll get pushed around again.
Do you have any FYM? (Fuck You Money) If you do, use it.
You're gonna be miserable if you stay, since I assume you'll still be working for the same boss. Get your resume out there with a quickness.

onetime2

Absolutely. It's time to move on.

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raeanna74

I wish you good luck. I can totally understand your frustration. My superior has screwed my over this past month and I don't have my part time position anymore. The betrayal is the most painful part of it. I hope you can find a better job soon and shake their dirt off your feet as you walk out the door. You'll be better off then. Prayers and hugs.

Let us know when you find something.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Coll Storm

I wouldn't just up, and quit on them. I've been there for four years, and my work experience there is valuable to me in several ways. I'm not just going to up, and quit on them.

My goal right now is to just go in, do my job, and then go home.

I've sent her an email. I'm going to find out where our friendship is going, or is it truely over. If it's over, then I'm going to seek a new job, cause I can't work this way.

I'm also having a friend of mine call into the other place, that I wanted to transfer over to. If they tell him that there are openings, then I know they lied to me, and are trying to keep a leash on me.

I'm just very unhappy right now with everything.

fypon

What reasons have they given you not to walk out on them?

This would be possible but I dont think your going to be happy in the long run. The damage is done. If it were me I would be looking to work elesewhere.


I can't say that any person I would consider a friend would ever act the way she has.

Good luck whatever you path you choose.

SecretMethod70

Are there people who are even higher up than the person you two met with? Could you possibly appeal to one of them?

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

Jam

yeah what reason to stay there?

my last job which eneded about a month ago was really shitty, the boss would make fun of me in a couple languages to make himself feel like a big man and i worked like 230 hours a month with no set time for the end of the day, just when i was done, i was one of the what 2 people he trusted to drive his brand new truck (5ton) and yet some after school kid who worked in the warehouse made more then me... so i decided whatever its paying me alot since i work so much, i will just go to work, do my job, come home, much like your planning, but it doesnt work out. see one day i had to leave at 5, i asked a week in advance he said no problem. 5 rolls around that day and i let him know im leaving , no your not theres afire going and im not babysitting it (we were burning a burn pile we collect behind the warehouse), i replied with "well im leaving so im not babysitting it either" then i left and he called home (im 19) and was swearing at my mom about me and was going to fire me, then he changed his mind. when i went in the next morning i went in the office waited for him to get off the phone, put my company jacket on the chair in front of the desk and told him i wad done. i remeber him saying, oh uhh welll i dont know if ive done something wrong, but uh... anyways . if they give you shit they will keep giving you shit. and eventually youll have enough of it, i just wished i had more FYM but ohwell

Journeyman

You shouldn't do this, but it would be pretty hilarious if you called HIS mom and cussed at her about how you were quitting as her son's employee, and then later changed your mind.

Jam

haha yeah, lol

Coll Storm

I just came on to find this thread, and update it. I've decided to stay, but not for the friendship. I'm there for the kids & their families, but that's about it.

She's on vacation this week, and I'm finding out all sorts of things about her, and that I'm not the only person there that she has ticked off. It's at the point where people are also taking a step back, and it directly relates to her.

She's also in for a rude "welcome back", because her boss doesn't like the fact that she planned things that take people away from the site for the next two weeks. Her boss directly asked me about it, and I told her that it wasn't my idea, that it had been planned a month before this by her, and that she has done it before.

If I was still a friend.... I would have covered her ass. Now... I just want to see it fired.

EVIDENT

This thread, "I told my boss to shut up tonight, and it felt great!!!" was just above a thread that was titled, "What should I do?".

After reading them in order, I thought, "start looking for another job".

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" " - Silent Bob

Coll Storm

I'm looking, believe me I'm looking. It's just the easiest thing to find right now in the Boston job market.

My stress on the job has virtually been eliminated, because I haven't been doing any kind of extra after-hours work.

I spend eight hours in work, and then I leave. No more, no less.

denim

How are your boss and her boss taking that? Just curious.

macmanmike6100

I suggest you RUN as fast as you can from her and that job. Doesn't sound like it's worth it to me...I would seriously consider that for yourself. Let us know and good luck.

BigTruck1956

everything i have to say has already been said....
so all i got is good luck with it all man. I sure as hell wouldn't stay in that situation but this is just me talking !

keep us updated on how it all works out!

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G5_Todd

what a crock of shit......you told her to shut up ....so she doesnt feel safe.....


she is full of shit....she knew she was wrong and you called her on it making her look like and ass and she didnt like it....


i worked with people that have gotten into fights with each other and it was just a mutual thing and tensions got built up....but they never tried to pull the i dont feel safe alone with you.....

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