brknkybrd

I have a confession. I'm almost 28 years old, and...

well, here goes...

I have never kissed a girl.

No, I'm not a loser, I'm a really nice guy, and according to every female friend I've ever asked on a date, I'll "make some girl very happy". Funny how a girl will always say that, and then she won't let me make *her* "very happy".

So, just now, I'm trying very hard to get out of the cycle of negative thoughts. It doesn't help that all my friends have had at least one girlfriend, and that they like to talk about things they do with their girlfriends all the time. I guess I'm just supposed to sit there and smile while they go on about things I've never experienced and possibly never will, I don't know.

What the heck am I supposed to do when they go on about these things?

Sometimes, a friend will find out that I've never had a girlfriend, and they'll ask me, "Why not?"

How in the heck am I to answer that? I don't know why not! Certainly not by choice, that's for sure!

Well, here's the thing: I want to feel better, just relax, and stop spending so much time worrying about this. Next time I'm out with my friends, though, the conversation will, without much doubt, shift to these topics again, and I'll be reminded about what all my friends have (or have had) and I don't (and never have).

How do I deal with it? What do I do when my friends talk about their present and past girlfriends? How am I supposed to stay positive?

__________________
Normal is overrated.

Cynthetiq

It just is what it is. You answer honestly. Don't like the say the answer because you feel embarassed? Why? It's the truth. Would you rather lie?

Thus, you are saying that it hasn't happened for you. Lots of things didn't happen for me too (and I'm still not independently wealthy) until I applied and asserted myself. Here's something that I read to motivate me:

Personal Pledge 32
by Larry Elder

1. There is no excuse for lack of effort.
2. Although I may be unhappy with my circumstances, and although racism and sexism and other "isms" exist, I know that things are better now than ever, and the future is even brighter.
3. While I may be unhappy with my circumstances, I have the power to change and improve my life. I refuse to be a victim.
4. Others may have been blessed with more money, better connections, a better home environment, and even better looks, but I can succeed through hard work, perseverance, and education.
5. I may be a product of a single- or no-parent household, but I will not hold anyone responsible for my present, or allow anyone to interfere with my future. Others succeed under conditions far worse than mine.
6. Some schools and teachers are better than others, but my level of effort, dedication, curiosity, and willingness to grow determine what I learn.
7. Ambition is the key to growth.
8. I will set apart some time each day to think about where I want to go, and how I intend to get there. A goal without a plan is just a wish.
9. "Luck" is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.
10. If suitable role models are not nearby, I will seek them out.
11. A role model is someone who, through hard work and a positive outlook, has achieved.
12. A role model may be a parent, relative, friend, church member, judge, doctor, attorney, businessperson, or someone I've read about in the newspaper or seen on the local news.
13. I will contact role models and seek their advice, guidance, and counsel. People remember when they were my age and are eager to help.
14. I will seek out recommended magazines, articles, books, biographies, videos, and motivational and how-to books, and use them for education and motivation.
15. The light is always green. You cannot go full speed with one foot on the brake.
16. I am always "in school," and I will not waste my summer by failing to read about and speak to people who can inspire me.
17. I will avoid friendship with people who do not share my goals and commitments. Nonsupportive relationships waste time and energy.
18. I will not seek immediate results, as I understand life is a journey and not a destination.
19. I will read a newspaper each day.
20. I will entertain myself in ways that challenge and expand my mind. As someone said, a mind once expanded never returns to its original size.
21. I will pay attention to my diet and overall fitness, as they are the keys to a healthy and productive body and an enthusiastic mind.
22. Drugs are stupid. People who believe in drugs don't believe in themselves.
23. I understand that jobs of the future require more preparation and training than ever, and I am determined to obtain the necessary background.
24. A well-rounded, competent student studies math and science.
25. People are not born "deficient in mathematical ability." Through hard work and dedication, the subject can be mastered.
26. It is essential that I learn to speak and write standard English. This is not "acting white," but acting smart.
27. A strong vocabulary is the key to communication, and I will read books on vocabulary enrichment.
28. I expect sometimes to be teased, even ridiculed. This will not stop me; it will only make me stronger and more determined.
29. I control my body and will not create a child until I am spiritually, psychologically, educationally, and financially capable of assuming this awesome responsibility.
30. Life is difficult. I expect setbacks and will learn from them. Struggle creates strength.
31. Every day is precious, and one without growth is squandered.
32. There is only one me, and I'm it!

Laurence A. Elder December, 1994

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

present_future

If ever there was advice to live by, that's it right there.
Thanks for sharing Cynthetiq.

__________________
The only thing I'll ever ask of you... you gotta promise not to stop when I say when.

fnaqzna

Paying for it is always an option.


A joke! A joke!

:::OshnSoul:::

yup, cynthetic summed it up pretty well.

You are the driver of your life.
There's no excuses.
Go out into the world.
Be bold.
BE YOURSELF.

Don't be hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, and there's no rush. But don't be afraid to meet people and have fun.

Johnny Rotten

Ya know, all the self-help aphorisms in the world can't help when they crumble in the moment of action and you're stuck like a deer in the headlights. No offense meant to Cyn, that's all great stuff. But I think would be more effective is a plan of action.

Pick a girl you see around every once in a while and ask her if she'd like to go out for a cup of coffee sometime. "Sometime" is the key thing here--keep it casual. Go out for that coffee, and if things go well, let it wait it marinate for a few days and ask her if she'd like to go for lunch "sometime." If things go well, marinate again, then ask her out to dinner. At the end of the night, you may get that kiss when you walk her to her door. If not? Wash, rinse, repeat, until you hit that goal. You're still young and you have plenty of time to go through this. Keep in mind, though, that you don't want to ask someone who already considers you "just a friend." Start with a clean slate. And when asking someone out for a dinner date, ask in the middle of the week, no later than Wednesday. Don't want to sound like you have nothing better to do, or have poor planning, or are desperate.

The point is, keep moving. Don't let yourself stop and stew about it. If you start getting blue, go out and hang with a friend, or watch a movie, read a book, or do something creative. Maybe you like to cook, or garden, or work on your car. A hobby.

__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

CheeseButtons

Meet new people...chances are if you haven't found someone in your circle of friends to get with...then it's not going to happen.

__________________
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

brknkybrd

So, how do I feel positive?

What can possibly be good about me?

I'm twenty-freaking-eight and I haven't been kissed -- that pretty much proves that I'm not as good as my friends

You all on this board talk likes its really easy, like getting laid is just another thing

IT'S NOT EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it were, I wouldn't be here

I'm not actually that interested in "getting laid" -- at this point I'll settle for a kiss

I guess it's just another stupid fantasy

EDIT: No.

No.

I refuse to talk so negatively.

This is what I will do:

For the next several months, there is something I'm going to change.

Here it goes (*big sigh*):

I am not looking for a girlfriend.

I want to concentrate on being a better friend and having more control over my mood swings. I've got to follow my friends' advice, and write about this sort of stuff in a dairy.

I meet new people all the time. My circle of friends is always getting bigger, because my friends introduce me to more friends.

It's better for me to not look for more than friendship right now.

You know, this feels a bit like giving up. But it's not, really (I sure hope not, anyway). The simple fact is, if I were to get into a relationship now, I would likely become completely co-dependant.

So that's why I'm making this change, and deciding not to look for a while.

Geesh, I'm a hetero guy and I sound just like some girls I've known...

Anyway, I've got my diary to write, so I'll update this thread in a couple weeks.

__________________
Normal is overrated.

Bamrak

brknkybrd,

Relationships do not define you.

It's like the saying the watched pot never boils. If you're trying too hard to find a relationship it won't happen. Just relax, your own advise of focusing on yourself is a good idea.

iamnormal

Say to yourself
I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!