My brother is INSANE (rant)
 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Okay, where to start...

I've got an older brother, almost 30 now. He's pretty much the exact opposite of me. Where I am predictable, calm, introverted, and know I have to work for a living, my brother is wild, chaotic, extreme, smokes pot, can't stay in a job for long, and does't know how to handle money.

Needless to say, his life is a mess. He does not have any diplomas besides the lowest form of highschool, despite trying several advanced studies (ranging from electronics to social sciences). In the process, he's acquired a pretty hefty debt to the government. In the process, he's also had internships at the UNESCO, amongst others. But as always, he just gives up - doesn't go there anymore, and doesn't even bother to call.

The same has happened to the jobs he's had - he just decides he doesn't want to do it anymore, and stops going, without even calling them to say so. Of course, he knows it's wrong, he knows he's stupid, but he'll change his ways this time! And if that fails, it's society that's to blame.

In the meantime, he's spending what little money he has on clothes, parties, cigarettes (and occasionally pot), and tons of other things he really can't afford. He does NOT spend it on paying his bills, though - which is exactly what started the current crisis.

For a while now, my brother has had the idea of going abroad, because this country apparently sucks. "There's nothing for me here," he says. Unfortunately, one needs money to travel, which means he hasn't been able to go away for a while now. That is, until last week. After yet another failed job, he just gave up. His money was running out quickly, and all things seemed to go wrong all at once - his bank was threatening to block his loans, his house's owner was threatening to kick him out, his phone service has been cut, and the electricity, gas and water are probably going to be cut soon.

So what does mister smarty-pants do? Empty his house (bring stuff to parents), get the last remaining money out of the bank, and go away. Last monday, he finally took the step, and moved off.

Today, five days later, my parents got a phonecall from my
brother (hysterical, crying) asking them to pick him up in Paris. He hasn't slept in days (spend the time on the streets), he hasn't eaten in two days, and he's broke. My mother called me, and asked me to join my father on the trip, seeing that she's in no condition to travel such distances (she has a muscle disease). I call my boss, and arrange for this, with the boss being pretty annoyed - we'll be short on staff tomorrow thanks to this. I'll probably have to kiss up a lot to smooth things over... (And I feel *very* guilty about it too!)

There... And that was yet another episode in the life of me and my family. In the next episode, we'll discover how my brother gets evicted, ends up living at his friends' houses, and how he slowly ruins his life even more. Oh, and I'll be explaining my family problems to my boss, in the hopes she'll forgive me.

Jeeeeesus.

Maybe what he needs is to hit rock bottom. I know you're family and all, but if he can get his arse to Paris, he can get it out of there as well.

Rescue him this once and then that's it. He is family. However it needs to be put to him that this is the absolute last time you are at his beck and call.

I know your boss is annoyed, but they will survive without you for a day. It is the right thing to do.

You are all tied by blood. This isn't going to go away anytime soon. Look forward to more hijinks.

That sounds like good advice and all, but that's a lot easier said than done. Especially considering that it's...family.

Sorry to sound like an asshole seeing as he is still family and all, but I would leave him stranded in Paris. It's obvoius that all the warnings he has been given and all the obvious signs that he needs to change NOW has fallen on deaf ears.

He needs to be at rock bottom, and work his way back to respectibility, not get bailed out again.

Try thinking of him as your "little" brother, For that is what he actually is. Might give a new perspective on what love and compassion are meant to be. That is not to say you should be the martyr and let anyone walk on you.

Seems you are at a likely crossroads in your relationship with him. Time to decide if he is worth the effort, and if you can learn anything by living the susequent trial period.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for a loved one is say no. At some point he will have to learn to think before he acts, this would be a great time. He's obviously not learned this lesson thus far. If he wants to come home, he needs to get a job and make the money.

Get him to a doctor and make them check if he has ADD/ADHD.

Doesn't hurt to check. If he has it, he could be helped.

I agree with the people who say that people who get that bad should have to dig themselves out of their hole.

Speaking from experience, with my younger brother (who has since become a respectable guy). My sympathies to you, sir.

Stuff like this doesnt just stop trust me i have some family members that are fucked up also and it still hasnt stopped some even hit rock bottom a few tiems now.

Priorities are priorities and family, for me at least, always tops that list.

It's easy to say cut the bastard off, but he's family. If you don't have your family to fall back on when times are tough then what's the point of being here?

Yeah, he sounds like a fuck-up, but really who isn't? I've recently had some problems with my sister. And although I might not want to talk to her, spend time with her, or just be in the general vicinity, I'm not going to let her starve or sleep out on the street.

Hopefully this will be a learning experience for your brother, I hope it works out well either way, but family is family and sometimes you have to do the right thing no matter how hard.

Update: We got him back, after a 7-hour trip there, and a 7-hour trip back. He was really glad to see us, and seems to be ready to change (notice the "seems").

I've offered to help him with his finances, IF he gets, and keeps, a job. I will not be paying off his bills, but will help him maintain control of the money. He'll be calling the companies he owes money on monday, see if he can arrange for a deal - if he can, we can get him back on track.

We've been in this situation before (less extreme, though), and he's made such promises before. We'll see what happens this time - I just hope he really means it.

If thi ssituation has happened before, it will happen again. I just hope that it won't put too much of a dent in your life.

Being the heartless asshole that I am, I would have told him to do something to get himself deported, but not thrown in jail. Being kicked out of a country would be a wake up call.

Also, he sounds like it's worse than ADD, but I can't think of the name of the disorder I'm thinking of.

The situation is already pretty much rock bottom. He slept on the streets for two nights, had no food or money for two days, and did NOT like it at all. This means he'll have another reason not to lose his house. Which in turn means he has another reason to work.

I'm not a heartless asshole, so I won't allow him to ruin his life even further. However, if he fucks up now, I know I'll have tried. I can then honestly say that he is beyond (my) help.

ADD usually brings friends.

I wish you the best of luck with him and truly hope your brother turns things around for himself. And he should be able to having a great brother in you.

Dragon I swear you just described my brother almost 30 cant keep a job plus all the other stuff and you sound like me fed up with it I feel your pain man

It's a "tough love" situation, sounds like. Enable him, and he'll just keep fucking up. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let someone fail. Really. He'll never admit he's got a problem until he has no other choice.

Bipolar Disorder, perhaps?

Before I got my Bipolar Disorder under control, I behaved in a manner to similar to her description above...