frozenstellar

with my final HS results, i'm guarenteed to gain entrance into the university of melbourne, there is no way i can fall short. it's been my dream all year - to study at this university, to be one of the few public school students amongst the rich boys (private school students), just to stick it to them that you dont need money, but instead the drive and determination to succeed.

its not viable to travel to and from uni from home, and its becoming a burden to live at home with parents. so moving to melbourne has become a reality, but i can't help but feel like i'm leaving behind everything i've built up here, espicially the girl i've been seeing the past 4months.

from where i'm living, she's about an hour away. i know it doesnt seem far, but considering i'm barely going to make ends meet, and she hasn't got her license yet, not to mention the trains between our cities are going to be out of service for over a month when i move due to upgrades, i don't know how i'm going to be not being able to see her as much as we have been.

I'm moving on the 5th January, uni doesnt start until march, but i have to move as i have got a job there that requires me to start asap (supermarket slave). only person i know where im moving to is my brother, who i'm living with.

she's upset i'm moving, i wish i didnt have to move - but its out of my hands now - my brother has been paying $60 a week rent extra for the past 6months cuz he knew i was moving up in jan.

what i ask of you - how did you do it? how did you cope with moving away from everything you'd built for yourself? what got you through it? advice on keeping a relationship together over long distances?

i think the main problem is uncertainty as to when i'm going to see her, i hate not being in total control, having everything planned and know whats going on, at what time and why. i hate leaving it til the last minute, relying on others.

Averett

I grew up in New York and went away to college in Virginia (a 12 hour car ride) and it was a great decision for me. It helped me grow and become more independant.

I really didn't have any problems at all. I'm not really all that close with my family so I guess thats part of it. And I made friends quickly, got along really well with my roommate.

As far as long distance relationships, well I've been burned by that. I started dating a guy senior year, and when I graduated, he had to stay there to finish up school. It ended badly...

Since you're only an hour away from eachother it shouldn't be too bad. But really honestly think and talk to her about it. See if you really want to stay together. Don't let yourself miss out on college life. Talk on the phone a lot, use emails and instant messaging. Send letters to her. I used to beg my boyfriend to send me cards and letters, it would have meant so much to me. He never did though.

It will be rough, but long distance relationships can work, if you want it to. Good luck with school and everything

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

quadro2000

I moved 8 hours away from home and to be honest, I had a really rough time of it. I was so close with my friends from high school, and I had a girlfriend that was younger and was staying home...so leaving them was really hard.

Like Averett said, it did teach me about being independent. I made new friends. They didn't replace my old friends, it was just different. It was often lonely but all in all, I'm glad I did it. I wouldn't have gained anything by staying in a "comfortable" static situation.

As for the relationships themselves...it's gonna be really hard, no doubt about it. As long as the two of you are completely honest with each other and want the same thing, you'll get through it. At some point, my girlfriend decided she wanted something different. It stung. But ultimately it was okay. As for my high school friends, we decided it was worth working hard to save our friendships, and here we are, almost ten years later, still the best of friends.

Best of luck.

__________________
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Cynthetiq

i moved away as well, and told my then g/f that we would still see each other, but there had to be realism in our relationship because of the distance.

It's not going to be easy. But then again, life isn't.

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frozenstellar

i'm not too stressed about friends as i am the relationship - 95% of my mates moved away at the start of 2003 for uni, and we've kept in touch, caught up regularly and stuff.

i've spoken to her about it, she wants it to work, as do i. hearing the words 'if things get too difficult because of distance, i'll move up with you and travel back home for uni.' we've promised to continue staying honest to each other, and making a big effort to keep it together.

she originally had plans to study at the university i am - she had these plans before we'd met. its just a shame she fell short on her TER score that she wont gain entrance. if she had the score, she'd be moving to melbourne aswell, which would rock. grr@government for cutting uni funding making it more competitive than ever to get in.

denim

For me, it was easy. I didn't have anything in high school that I really cared about, and I definitely didn't have a woman. It was just a matter of pulling up non-existant roots again. I've done that every few years for my whole life.

You at least have something to lose. Consider yourself fortunate.

sailor

Those feelings are normal. However, dont worry about it. Once you get there, you will be fine--things will be better than you can imagine. You may be a bit homesick for the first couple of months, but that should pass.

Cheer up--you are about to leave for what should probably be the greatest four years of your life.

__________________
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato

pyraxis

I left my bf behind when I moved away to college and we're still doing fine 2 and a half years later. It's quite possible to pull off a long distance relationship. You'll probably have to get used to spending less time with each other, but between cellphones, instant messaging, and webcams, you can still do a lot of things together. Try to find as many things as you can that you both like doing, but can still be done over a distance... watching the same movie on TV for example, or online games, or whatever works for you. Talk as much as you can, make sure you're still involved in each others' lives.

Oh, and check out greyhound bus routes, they can be pretty cheap, and an hour apart isn't very far.

Good luck

__________________
"Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind." -Emerson

dragon2fire

you have some hard choices to make here


do you really want to be with this woman long trem


it will mean a level of trust likely not yet in the realtionship

if you do love her that much then do everything you can to keep the lines of commuctatieion open with her when you move away


online chatting is your friend

also listen to the other people who posted here they seem toknow what they are talking about

papermachesatan

I went to a college for one semester where it was a 24 hour drive away from home. I just flew home for Thanksgiving break.

I experienced some homesickness but I had a lot of fun as well. I miss not being able to live on campus actually.

frozenstellar

we've spoken about it more - we're both more comfortable about it than a week ago, which is good. i think its we've put it all in perspective, to the great help of an ex believe it or not.

i'm looking forward to it - my brother is going part time at work, whilist his girl is going fulltime not long after i get up there next week, so i'll have someone to kick it with before uni starts when my girl isnt there.

frozenstellar

well, i've moved, 2 days ago. its been great guns so far - havent had a moment alone (be it my bro or his gf have been home), so it hasnt been lonely times. i've started my job, good people. not people i'd see outside of work - but good people none the less. they have tons of respect for me - they asked about my highschool results, the highest any of them have ever heard of.

the hardest part was leaving home, backing out the driveway after seeing mum bawl her eyes out. that hurt, really hurt. had to pull over after leaving my street so i could pull myself together without pulling my car out infront of traffic.

tomorrow i'm driving home to pickup some stuff i forgot - and pick my girl up, she's coming up til sunday, which is great .

hard to say how things are going to be - havent been here long enough to worry about it, but just thought i'd give you an update as to how things are going.

numist

Things in the long distance are hard. When I first got together with my g/f she lived an hour and a half from me. I started driving a lot. Considering that we met right before my first year of college (a year and a half ago) I was moving away, as you have.

I live over 500 miles away from her now, an 8 hour drive if you speed on the freeway. The phone was our best friend, followed by the post and online chat. After a year and a half we are still very close - she is very strong, and over the time of being apart I've realized how much I want to be with her for the rest of my life. Large distances can do one of two things, through testing your resolve: it can break up the relationship or it can seal it.

An hour isnt a deathly distance, you do have weekends and 3-day weekends, so you wont be without her that much. My g/f and I won't be seeing each other until the last week of february, when she drives down here to visit for a week.

The rate your going, homesickness is the worst thing you will go through. Theres always a bit of g/f withdrawal when you first realize you wish they were there and they arent, but in the end, you are close enough that you can still see her on relative demand.

My apologies for this being so damn long.

brandon11983

I know it has to be done, but I have mixed feelings about moving away from home. I am very excited about going back to school and living with my best friend in Chicago, but I also feel like I am going to be very homesick. I just don't want to see the my home life fall apart in my absence. I would like to visit home often.

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Well behaved women rarely make history.

macmanmike6100

I went almost 3000 miles from New York to Los Angeles, leaving behind a vast, intricate social network, including a girlfriend of a year and a half.

I did it with the support of my family. I did it with confidence in my ability to handle anything, even if it was a somewhat exaggerated claim. I also did it realizing that there are resources to help me at the university and, again, that my family would help me, too.

Concerning friends, I did nothing close to burning bridges. I maintained those relationships (via phone and email) that I felt worthwhile. I made sure to make my presence known when I went home for breaks and summers. I pretty much did my best to maintain the "best of both worlds."

I did keep in touch with my girlfriend. She and I were always mentally resonant, so she understood. Now, we are quite good friends.

Nothing's easy, though, and I can say that these past 3 years have been quite a ride. But you know that.

Good luck, and stick it to 'em.