weird situation with a friend, help - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

AfterBurn · 12-21-2003, 05:24 AM

Ok, me and this guy used to be pretty good friends a few years ago then sort of stopped talking to each other 1 day and that was it for a few years. Now we are sort of friends again and he's been really nice to me and everything but then suddenly he tells me he needs $150 to buy xmas presents for his girlfriend/family. I really don't wanna lend him the money because i don't know if he'll pay me back but I don't wanna break the friendship either. I sort of feel like he's just being nice to me and everything only because he needs the money. Should i actually go along with it and lend him the money or say no and see how he acts?

Peetster · 12-21-2003, 05:36 AM

Only lend the money if:

1. You won't need it back, and
2. It wouldn't kill you if this friend put you back into the "every couple of years" list.

Otherwise, pass.

st33lr4t · 12-21-2003, 07:35 AM

the way i see it is friends and money do not mix. unless its like hitting me up for a $20 so you can buy some beer or something. i only have 1 friend that i would lend that kind of money to. he is the type of guy i can count on for anything. this friend of yours doesnt sound that close to you.

like mentioned above...if you can stand to lose it and NOT hold a grudge or have this feeling in the bottom of your gut everytime you see him pull his wallet out and hand his $$$ to someone else instead of paying you back then lend away. if not pass.

lalakill · 12-21-2003, 08:14 AM

lending money to someone so they can buy other people presents is silly and far from a life or death matter. Thats the only reason I could see EVER lending money to a friend you aren't very close to or even one you are close to.

AfterBurn · 12-21-2003, 02:19 PM

yes, very true. i was pretty bored today so i decided to call him and he says 'call me when you get the money', yeah right.

sillygirl · 12-21-2003, 03:15 PM

yeah, sounds like a GREAT friend! :rollseyes: Screw him anyway. You don't need friends like that.

AfterBurn · 12-21-2003, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by sillygirl
yeah, sounds like a GREAT friend! :rollseyes: Screw him anyway. You don't need friends like that.

yup. he was one of my very good friends in school though. oh well.

Journeyman · 12-21-2003, 07:21 PM

I'da lent him 40 and told him it was all I could spare on account of my own christmas shopping. If he payed it back, neato. If not, it only cost me 40 instead of 150 to find out what a piece of shit he is.

AfterBurn · 12-21-2003, 08:38 PM

Nah i'm not even going to do that, i dont think he's worth $40

Lasereth · 12-21-2003, 10:11 PM

A friend of mine desperately needed $500 to fix his car a few summers ago, so I let him borrow it. He told me that I would be the first person to get paid back (he borrowed like $3,000 from his family and friends to fix a shitcan car that wasn't worth it). Well, since then, he never gave me a dime for a solid year. He paid me $100 once, then $80 another time, and like $100 another time.

A. He said I'd be the first person to get paid. He has TWO jobs and didn't pay me first.

B. He buys stuff all the time. Mainly DVDs, but he buys his girlfriend stuff ALL the time. Again, he said I'd be paid back first ASAP.

My point? If you do lend him the money, make out a fucking contract and have him sign it. I literally make all of my friends sign papers now if they want to borrow money, games, DVDs, etc. I'm glad that my friend has paid a good portion of the money back, but it still pisses me off that I helped him out so much and he didn't follow up on his promise of paying it back.

I personally wouldn't let him borrow it, but if you do, make him sign something!

-Lasereth

irseg · 12-21-2003, 10:53 PM

If I couldn't loan money to someone and trust them to pay it back on their word alone, I wouldn't consider that person a friend to begin with.

Probably goes a long way to explain why I have so few friends, but at least I can count on 'em. Quality over quantity.

ForgottenKnight · 12-24-2003, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by AfterBurn
yes, very true. i was pretty bored today so i decided to call him and he says 'call me when you get the money', yeah right.

If he said that, then he's just using you for cash. Don't give him a cent.

dragon2fire · 12-24-2003, 10:02 PM

yea honestly

this guy is not a friend by the sounds of it

then again maybe your rich enough to not care about your money

with my friends the rule is i will lend you money once but if you dont pay me back you dont get a nother dime

AfterBurn · 12-25-2003, 12:19 AM

Thanks for all your replies, all were very valid points. I decided to lend him $50 and see if he's gonna pay it back, from now on though I won't givehim anything til he pays that back. I probably made a mistake but oh well.

sillygirl · 12-25-2003, 10:47 AM

You're way (nicer?dumber?richer?) than I am... I wouldn't have done it. Friends and money don't mix.

thingstodo · 12-26-2003, 06:36 AM

If he was really your friend he never would have asked to borrow the money. And while I understand the contract concept, I think that is for banks, check cashing stores and loan sharks.

omega2K4 · 12-26-2003, 02:25 PM

This dude (your friend) sounds like a douche.

Harshaw · 12-26-2003, 03:18 PM

I lent someone 500 dollars to pay off a speeding ticket. I did it knowing that I would never see the 500 again. Not because I didn't think she was good for the loan, but just because that way I don't have to worry about hounding her for it. I think she has paid most of it back.

Only loan money you don't want back just in case. Oh and your friend sounds like a jerk. Save that money to do something fun with other friends.

tinfoil · 12-27-2003, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AfterBurn
yes, very true. i was pretty bored today so i decided to call him and he says 'call me when you get the money', yeah right.

Yup, you're a far nicer person than I am. After that comment I would have told him to find it elsewhere.

isis · 12-27-2003, 04:38 PM

I only lend money to people I know for sure will pay me back somehow. People who call me out of the blue/talk to me once a year - they're lucky if they get a nice handshake. I hate moochers.

Boo · 12-27-2003, 08:19 PM

I only lend money to myself. Then I can blame myself for not paying myself off.

If someone had a true need for money, I usually give what I can. I don't however expect it back. I do however expect the same should I ever get into money problems.

Rarely do I give the total amount a person says they need. If you are in money problems and consistently get bailed out. You won't learn how money works.

Loaning money to family or friends is a bad idea. Nobody wins. I gift of an amount of money, however small, may strengthen the relationship.

IMHO,
A person should NEVER EVER borrow money for gifts. If you can't afford to give material items, then bake cookies, shovel their driveway or mow their lawn. People that would think less of you for this are not your friends anyway.

I had a guy working for me that was flat broke and Christmas was coming. His wife was putting HUGE pressure on him. THe year before she put over $2000 on credit for their 2 kids' presents. The kids were very young and would have a great time opening empty boxes. Throw in a couple stuffed animals, some coloring books, a plastic toy and they would have been plenty happy.
He talked his wife into it. He finished paying off the x-mas dept of $2000 18 months after. He also talked his wife into creating a Christmas fund. He learns quick. Pay cash.

obelix · 12-31-2003, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Journeyman
I'da lent him 40 and told him it was all I could spare on account of my own christmas shopping. If he payed it back, neato. If not, it only cost me 40 instead of 150 to find out what a piece of shit he is.

amen to that. you just saved me a minute because i was going to type nearly the exact same thing :P

12-21-2003, 05:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	weird situation with a friend, help Ok, me and this guy used to be pretty good friends a few years ago then sort of stopped talking to each other 1 day and that was it for a few years. Now we are sort of friends again and he's been really nice to me and everything but then suddenly he tells me he needs $150 to buy xmas presents for his girlfriend/family. I really don't wanna lend him the money because i don't know if he'll pay me back but I don't wanna break the friendship either. I sort of feel like he's just being nice to me and everything only because he needs the money. Should i actually go along with it and lend him the money or say no and see how he acts? __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

12-21-2003, 02:19 PM	#5 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	yes, very true. i was pretty bored today so i decided to call him and he says 'call me when you get the money', yeah right. __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

12-21-2003, 03:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	yeah, sounds like a GREAT friend! :rollseyes: Screw him anyway. You don't need friends like that. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

12-21-2003, 08:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	Nah i'm not even going to do that, i dont think he's worth $40 __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

12-21-2003, 10:11 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	A friend of mine desperately needed $500 to fix his car a few summers ago, so I let him borrow it. He told me that I would be the first person to get paid back (he borrowed like $3,000 from his family and friends to fix a shitcan car that wasn't worth it). Well, since then, he never gave me a dime for a solid year. He paid me $100 once, then $80 another time, and like $100 another time. A. He said I'd be the first person to get paid. He has TWO jobs and didn't pay me first. B. He buys stuff all the time. Mainly DVDs, but he buys his girlfriend stuff ALL the time. Again, he said I'd be paid back first ASAP. My point? If you do lend him the money, make out a fucking contract and have him sign it. I literally make all of my friends sign papers now if they want to borrow money, games, DVDs, etc. I'm glad that my friend has paid a good portion of the money back, but it still pisses me off that I helped him out so much and he didn't follow up on his promise of paying it back. I personally wouldn't let him borrow it, but if you do, make him sign something! -Lasereth __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

12-21-2003, 05:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
Peetster Right Now Location: Home	Only lend the money if: 1. You won't need it back, and 2. It wouldn't kill you if this friend put you back into the "every couple of years" list. Otherwise, pass.

12-21-2003, 07:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	the way i see it is friends and money do not mix. unless its like hitting me up for a $20 so you can buy some beer or something. i only have 1 friend that i would lend that kind of money to. he is the type of guy i can count on for anything. this friend of yours doesnt sound that close to you. like mentioned above...if you can stand to lose it and NOT hold a grudge or have this feeling in the bottom of your gut everytime you see him pull his wallet out and hand his $$$ to someone else instead of paying you back then lend away. if not pass.

12-21-2003, 08:14 AM	#4 (permalink)
lalakill Upright	lending money to someone so they can buy other people presents is silly and far from a life or death matter. Thats the only reason I could see EVER lending money to a friend you aren't very close to or even one you are close to.

12-21-2003, 07:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
Journeyman Like John Goodman, but not. Location: SFBA, California	I'da lent him 40 and told him it was all I could spare on account of my own christmas shopping. If he payed it back, neato. If not, it only cost me 40 instead of 150 to find out what a piece of shit he is.

12-21-2003, 10:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
irseg Junkie Location: Florida	If I couldn't loan money to someone and trust them to pay it back on their word alone, I wouldn't consider that person a friend to begin with. Probably goes a long way to explain why I have so few friends, but at least I can count on 'em. Quality over quantity.

12-24-2003, 10:02 PM	#13 (permalink)
dragon2fire Junkie	yea honestly this guy is not a friend by the sounds of it then again maybe your rich enough to not care about your money with my friends the rule is i will lend you money once but if you dont pay me back you dont get a nother dime

12-25-2003, 12:19 AM	#14 (permalink)
AfterBurn Psycho	Thanks for all your replies, all were very valid points. I decided to lend him $50 and see if he's gonna pay it back, from now on though I won't givehim anything til he pays that back. I probably made a mistake but oh well. __________________ smoking weed everyday keeps the doctor away

12-25-2003, 10:47 AM	#15 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	You're way (nicer?dumber?richer?) than I am... I wouldn't have done it. Friends and money don't mix. __________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

12-26-2003, 06:36 AM	#16 (permalink)
thingstodo A Storm Is Coming Location: The Great White North	If he was really your friend he never would have asked to borrow the money. And while I understand the contract concept, I think that is for banks, check cashing stores and loan sharks. __________________ If you're wringing your hands you can't roll up your shirt sleeves. Stangers have the best candy.

12-26-2003, 02:25 PM	#17 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	This dude (your friend) sounds like a douche. __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

12-26-2003, 03:18 PM	#18 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	I lent someone 500 dollars to pay off a speeding ticket. I did it knowing that I would never see the 500 again. Not because I didn't think she was good for the loan, but just because that way I don't have to worry about hounding her for it. I think she has paid most of it back. Only loan money you don't want back just in case. Oh and your friend sounds like a jerk. Save that money to do something fun with other friends. __________________ This too shall pass.

12-27-2003, 04:38 PM	#20 (permalink)
isis Insane Location: In the Woods.	I only lend money to people I know for sure will pay me back somehow. People who call me out of the blue/talk to me once a year - they're lucky if they get a nice handshake. I hate moochers.

12-27-2003, 08:19 PM	#21 (permalink)
Boo Leave me alone! Location: Alaska, USA	I only lend money to myself. Then I can blame myself for not paying myself off. If someone had a true need for money, I usually give what I can. I don't however expect it back. I do however expect the same should I ever get into money problems. Rarely do I give the total amount a person says they need. If you are in money problems and consistently get bailed out. You won't learn how money works. Loaning money to family or friends is a bad idea. Nobody wins. I gift of an amount of money, however small, may strengthen the relationship. IMHO, A person should NEVER EVER borrow money for gifts. If you can't afford to give material items, then bake cookies, shovel their driveway or mow their lawn. People that would think less of you for this are not your friends anyway. I had a guy working for me that was flat broke and Christmas was coming. His wife was putting HUGE pressure on him. THe year before she put over $2000 on credit for their 2 kids' presents. The kids were very young and would have a great time opening empty boxes. Throw in a couple stuffed animals, some coloring books, a plastic toy and they would have been plenty happy. He talked his wife into it. He finished paying off the x-mas dept of $2000 18 months after. He also talked his wife into creating a Christmas fund. He learns quick. Pay cash. __________________ Back button again, I must be getting old.