How to make people want to talk to you
 

How do you make people want to talk to you? I have a terrible time initiating conversations and I'd like to know how to get other people to start it instead.

Shave your head.. :hmm:

Personally.. I think that IF you want people to talk to you that you have to talk to them these days. I used to have a terrible time initiating the conversation as well.. now it's a breeze, I just go up to them and say 'Hi how are ya?' Trust me it gets easier ;)

once you start, it gets easier. I find a great way to meet people is in public situations with seating, wait around till people seat themselves and then approach who you would like to talk to and ask them, do you mind if I sit here? if they respond positivly, it's an open invitation for conversation. I use it all the time on the ferry, just yesterday I met a very hot blonde this way and in the end she got curious about what I was drawing and wanted me to show her my work.

It's all about pretext...

Well with most people it's about pretext. You need to have some way of legitimately beginning a conversation. NotMinus' suggestion about seating is a good one. You can also ask for the time or directions.

Or if something unusual or noteworthy occurs nearby you could comment on that, or ask their opinion.

Or if two people are talking, you can make a comment on their discussion.

In reality I believe most people don't mind being approached, in fact most people would be happy if somebody began a random conversation with them.

Thanks for the responses. I know I like to have people just approach me and start a random conversation, I guess it makes sense that others would too.

Be careful with that one...some people will not be happy if you've openly been eavesdropping. If their conversation seems meant to be heard by others then I'd say its ok but I wouldn't listen on on somoene's conversation in a public places (I know we all do it at some point but..) and then jump in with what you think. That might cause hostility toward you more than friendliness.

I get into a hell of a lot of conversations with random people who comment on my conversations. Generally because I speak quite loudly and openly, and about things everyone has an opinion on. I'm one of those people everyone's like: 'Shut the fuck up man.'

So my conversations tend to go:

Me: 'Dude! I'm telling you, there is no way Vader would have beaten Harry Callahan, or Paul Kersey for that matter.'

Friend: 'Man, come on, it's Vader, he's the second baddest man in the galaxy.'

Me: 'Man, what kind of shitty galaxy are we talking here, I'm telling you, Dirty Harry would have simply capped Vader in the head with his 45' Magnum, the most powerful hangun in the world.'

Random person: 'You guys watch too many movies.'

Me: 'Oh, well who would you back then? Surely, you have to admit Vader's soft, his final act in Jedi proves he's not truly badarse.'

Random person: 'Harry Callahan wouldn't have done the same, thing, niether would Paul Kersey!'

Friend: 'Aha!'

Me: 'I can't even hear what it being said, you're not even talking sense anymore, you're mad, mad I tell you! Firstly, Harry Callahan has no son, why, because he's too busy killing mofo's like Vader to get his mack on with chicks, and secondly, if Paul Kersey even had a son, he would have been brutally murdered by Vader, and then Kersey would have dispatched him with a 357.'



Of course, I'm a mutant freak movie nerd, so I talk wayyy too much.

i go in to sports bars and talk sports


and as many of you know its usally basket ball


thats the sport in bars in indiana

That's hilarious Kostya...

ask the person something about themselves... everyone loves to talk about themselves....

I have this problem too except that I get bored easily talking to people who don't have similar interests in me or interest in me talking to them.

Were you being sarcastic?

It's just very hard to tell from text, frankly, in my opinion, they ought to have a sarcasm font, something subtle, but still identifiable.

I used to have this problem. I was really shy and people seemed to not be interested in anything I was saying. It would go so far as people leaving a room when I walked in. Then one day... after reading countless books on social skills and self help I figured it out. I needed to wear pants.

I second this idea. Maybe, after a little chit chat and you know their names, say that you like their shoes or fashion and ask them were they got them. That could start an interesting conversation, actually.

I wear pants everyday! Can you recommend some good social skills books?

Carry around a giant rubber duck.

have big boobs.

"How to Win Friends and Influence People"
by Dale Carneghie

Dale is a self help/inspirational writer. I read this book and was surprised that there is some real common sense things in there that help you realize your potential to be a contributing member of society.

One of the best ways to communicate is to talk about other people's interests.

In his book Jeff Foxworthy said he was in a bar with some singer's manager when he noticed the guy was wearing two different boots. When he asked the guy why, he said it was because he'd go to places and women would always come up to ask "Why are you wearing two different boots" and they would start the conversation.

I think the main thing is just to appear friendly (i.e. say "Hi") and talk about something the other person cares about.

Of course, if they're complete strangers, it can be difficult to get the necessary context. I've struggled with this problem since I was a kid and still haven't figured it out. :(

Bingo. I'm horribly shy around new people and I used to dread group events where I didn't know anyone, till someone told me to do this. Sometimes you hit a dud who only gives 1-word answers, but frankly, you're then dealing with someone who's even more socially inhibited than you are and you don't have to worry about being the reticent one! Most people will gladly talk about themselves, and if you're paying attention you can ask follow-up questions till the cows come home.

Look people in the eye and smile. Nobody will ever talk to you if you are just stairing at your feet.

drive around with a bumper sticker that says "Lose weight fast, ask me how!"

I find the trick is to just ask about peoples days, anything around you, about a popular movie or something. EVen if youve seen the movie or whatever ask anyways then you wont be so clueless in a conversation and can comment on things :). Treat it like a game.

You know...although this book is really quite a simple and straight forward read...it does make quite a few good suggestions that are as true today as they were when he originally began teaching his seminars. Timeless really...

here is a tip hold your head up look confident in social settings and just be yourself


you will get noticed

my personal favorite way to get people to talk to me randomly is to carry my walking stick around w/me. I'm 21 and carry a walkingstick and i obviously dont need to to stand up.

My point is, carry or do somethe unusual, if you stick out, people will come talk to you about it. It sounds stupid but it works beause they come talk to you about the weird thing, then you've got them, you can stear the conversation to whatever you want, since they're already talking to you.

and now, i'm not going to say why i carry it. :)