What do you do when you see parents beat their kids in public?
 

It really pisses me off when I see this happen. Being a victim of child abuse, I naturally want to do something but I know that I shouldn't get involved. What do you do or recommend doing when in this type of sitution?

Is it an actual beating or discipline? I think some kids need a firm smack everynow and then.. like I look at the way I was disciplined back when I was a littlie and the way kids are today.. we used to get a walloping if we mucked up and that set us straight, today kids just get a yelling at... what's that supposed to do?

But if someones full on beating their kids I'm gonna step in and say "Oi mate.. ya wanna take someone on your own size!!" But if it's just a smack then I'm not gonna worry about it..

I just hand the kid a gun and say "Have at it".

Just kidding, obviously. It depends on the severity of the hit. I have never seen anything that required intervention. I have seen some that seemed close to the line and usually will get their attention and give them a very stern or disapproving look.

I would intervene if I thought it was over the line but I figure if I were to go much further in a questionable situation it might be worse for the kid later on. This way the "parent" gets self conscious about their behavior and may not do it again (in public at least) but isn't confronted and embarrased in front of their child.

As a parent, I really resent people who try to tell us not to spank in public. We rarely do it, but when we do it, there is usually a good reason. I'm also talking about a smack over the clothes on the butt. If I were to actually hit my child, I would expect that people would restrain me. You have to be careful about judging too much in public. It is only going to tick people off when you (especially being younger and likely not having children) are judging them by giving them a look. However if someone crosses a line in public, it is perfectly appropriate to take action.

what do i do?

glare.

am i a parent? no.

but i just can't stand seeing that shit, i don't think it's right.
and i've never *seen* a situation where any type of such physical discipline was appropriate (ie - child puts life in danger)

so yeah..it really disturbs me, to be honest.

It makes me feel incredibly sorry for the kid. If you need to resort to violence to raise your kid, you are a lousy worthless parent. However, there's really not much I can do, so i just stare and feel sorry.

My uncle got in trouble once. His daughter had a rash on her butt. They were at the beach. People saw the redness and thought her parents had been beating her and called the government agency designed to deal with domestic violence (what's it called?). He spent a month trying to get his daughter back.

Be angry. Don't be angry and stupid.

I really wish you would have worded this diffrently. Because if thats what you call me when I HAVE to spank my child. then I got a few words for ya.

First off. Do you have children? Have you ever had to disipline a 2-3 year old

It's kind of funy that this came up today. My wife and I just left our little monster with her sister, over the weekend. (Sister has no kids) Well, 30 some odd hours later and she has no Idea how we cope. She couldn't deal with it.

Please tell me the BEST way to disipline my child? Cause I am dying to know.

Because after all I am lousy worthless parent.

Ditto here, although my kids are older now, a well placed hand across the bottom worked wonders in the discipline area. My wife and I used it sparingly. My kids are well adjusted, getting straight A's in school and are not afraid to talk to/with me or my wife.

Now, if you're talking face slapping and crap like that, then I SAY something. I'm not afraid to put my two cents in. Kids don't deserve that. NO ONE deserves that.

You hit the nail on the head with that one. No pun intened. :)

I find that most people that complain about spanking children either

A) don't have any
B) Have misbehaving brats that destroy other peoples stuff. (Kids down the block.) And can't figure out why Time outs don't work.

Really?

I complain about spanking and I

A) Have one of my own

B) She's always been one of the most well behaved children around. Time outs, when used consistently, work like a charm. Especially if you take the time to discuss with the child why the behavior was wrong.

Discipline has to be consistent and understandable.

I am 100% pro-spanking. If the parents can use other means of letting their kids know that they love them, but their behavior is unnaceptable, there is no reason not to. I have never seen abuse or any form of physical punishment harsh enough to step in in public. If i see someone smack their kids butt, good on em. They are dealing with their kids. Hell, id rather see someone give their kids a good walloping than see a rude misbehaving little shit-head parent letting their kid do whatever they want. There are times im very tempted to go smack their kid for em...but alas, i dont. Anyway, i think spanking is a VERY acceptable and even a preferred method of dealing with your kid at times.

Personally, i have found that the "lousy worthless parents" are the ones who dont know how to use violence appropriately. Words and threats mean little to a child once they figure out you will not enforce it.

I don't have any kids, but I've been around enough of them (several nanny jobs) to know that each kid is different, and that they'll respond to different things. I also believe though, that if you're spanking your kid hard enough that it hurts your hand, you're spanking too hard. I won't spank out of anger. I will spank to make a point. Hitting out of anger never got anything across to me as a kid, and I dealt with plenty of it.

And I fully agree.

But Time outs only work part of the time. She has no fear.

I just realized my mistake in just making a blanket statement like I did.
I appologize.

That's about the most frightening thing I've read in a long time. Appropriate violence? I'm surely misunderstanding something here.

There are other ways to discipline children. Unfortunately most of them take a little more effort on the parents part than hitting the kids.

Hey, no problem. I've been guilty of it as well.

Just one of those polarizing topics.

I shake my head at them and dare them to say something. If they say something, I have been known to let them know what I think. Don't beat your kids in public because it makes everyone around you uncomfortable.

Someone above used the term "violence" in the terms of spanking their children. I was simply carrying that terminology through to my post. By violence i meant spanking in general.

spanking is a spliiery slope if you ask me

you dont want to reinforce the behaivor that lead to the spanking

ie your child gettting the attetion they wanted by misbehaving

i think like most things in life in moderation it can be effective as a form of disapline the key is making sure that the child understands why they are being punished

Too soft, some of you. Kids need to know their place, and they need to know it from a tender young age. Talking back is not part of the program. Watching TV when you have work to do is not part of the program. Staying out past curfew is not part of the program. Running around the restaurant screaming and laughing is not part of the program. You will sit down and behave, unless the parents tell you otherwise. If not, there will be consequences. Kids need to know that.

I've seen the kids that don't. The ones that think they're invincible. The ones with no humility and no respect for anything. The ones with foul mouths and bad attitudes. The ones that just don't "give a fuck." Well, you can either make them give a fuck now, or they can learn it when they're staring down the business end of a semi-automatic.

Oh, and just a few years ago I was the kid being disciplined. So no, I'm not the abusive parent trying to hold on to their morals.

Beating and spanking are two different things.

I was spanked as a child.

I deserved it when it happened. It made me a better person and I love and respect my parents because, not despite, of it.

And I shall willingly discipline, up to and including spanking, my own children.

Mr Mephisto

No, you're the obvious non-parent.

Am I right? :)

I think if you need to result to spanking or hitting, you don't know how to raise your kids.

Like someone said above, unless you have kids and have been through the trials that go with it, it is a bit bold to be saying that you don't know how to raise your kids if you have to resort to spanking. There are at least a few situations that require it. I have 2 completely different children. The first is a trial. He has what is called Asperger's syndrome which is a form of high-functioning autism. It is not classical autism in the sense that he is turned outwards. In fact he is very social, but he doesn't always know how to respond appropriately (i.e. he doesn't learn social rules the way that others do). I won't go into a bunch of detail unless people want to know about it. My youngest is just a normal little boy (although a bit bull-headed).

My oldest was spanked frequently as a 3 year old until we realized that a combination of punishments worked the best. A combination of time out, removal of his computer, and spanking has proven to be the best remedy for him. He is doing well in school, and other parents frequenly rave about what a good kid he is. I won't go into other parents in our neighborhood who won't punish their kids appropriately and who we have had in our house. They were little monsters until we laid down the law for them (and I'm not referring to spanking other people's kids) when they are in our house. These are just normal kids whose parents don't discipline them in any way. When you provide them a framework in which to act, they respond very well. Our oldest (now 7) receives a combination of reward (earns stars on a chart when he does things that we want him to do which he can then trade in for things he wants to buy) and a combination of punishment (time out, spanking (over the clothes and usually just once), removal of computer/tv rights, and one of the most effective is the hold his chin while we get down on his level to explain in his face the bad behavior he has just done). What has happened is that we spanked roughly 10% of the level we used to do, because he knows how to behave (and we rarely have to go to that level). The 4 year old only has to be threatened with it (I recall spanking him twice lightly) since he knows what the consequences are.

I don't have children, so consider my opinion on this topic with that in mind.

Are there people out there that cross the line of punishment/beating?
Yes. oh god yes.

Does everybody who spanks in public deserve to get in trouble for it?
No.

Should parents spank?
YES YES YES.
Kids, if left unchecked are unruley and uncontrollable. A child's mind is not fully developed. A child's mind does not respond to/understand a "stern talking to". A child's undeveloped mind responds to pain. Thus the spank for punishment for bad behavior.
Just like you can't expect a child's body to be able to lift heavy objects, you cannot expect a child's mind to be able to process adult reasoning and logic. Spank them. They learn.

Since you still spank and threaten spanking regularly, it doesn't sound like a very effective form of discipline.

There is a difference between spanking & beating your kid.

Spanking i don't have a problem with. Beating your kid is something i think parents do out of frustration at not having any control over thier kids.

Spanking your kid is something you do when he/she does something that you have clearly told them not to do and they still do it cause they think it's funny.

I am not talking repeatedly slapping the ass, Just one tap to let them know that what they are doing is not funny and is wrong. I also don't mean to slap them so they cry, Just enough so that they know what they did is wrong.

I think one of the problems these days with kids is that they can't be disciplined like kids were back in the 50's or 60's.

They know they are just going to get "A Slap on the wrist" So why not just do it anyways.

I have actually talked to older guys who grew up in the era where teachers were aloud to hit too. They also agree that this is one of the problems with today's youth...They are protected in so many ways...And the ones that cause all the shit know it.

Talk is cheap. Spanking works. Properly applied punishment builds character. I honestly don't know a single person (in real life) that doesn't agree with this. That this debate is even occuring surprised me, really.

It's not really a debate. It seems to be a bunch of folks (with kids; without kids) making blanket statements and relating stories of their own experiences to validate their opinion that their way is the right way and the opposition are obviously bad parents.

Children are little people and like people certain things work for some and other things work for others. You've got a well behaved child? Good for you. Will you're self-proclaimed "fantastic parenting skills" and "mad disciplining skillz" translate the same for everyone? Probably not.

Different kids respond to different discipline. I think disciplining a child is a balance of the two. Sometimes it's enough to sit them down and sometimes a slap on the hand or ass is required. That's just my opinion; I am no more qualified than anyone else who has posted on this to quantify a particular method or approach. However, the question seems to be asking for opinion and that's what I posted.

For the record. Discipling your child in public is never my business. Beating a child in public, however, will warrant my attention.

What's the difference? Anything you wouldn't do or say to a big burly white guy (or me) is probably something you shouldn't do or say to your children. Just because their "yours" doesn't mean they don't deserve the same courtesy as everybody else.

Kyo has it right. The threatening to spank doesn't work unless they know what it feels like. For the youngest, all my wife actually has to say is, "Do you want me to get daddy?". That's all it takes. He is the one that has been barely spanked.

Sipsake said that spanking isn't a very effective form of punishment. What form of punishment is? We use a variety and adapt them to what works at the moment. It all depends on what they have done and what their mood is as to what will be effective.

I usually ask the parent if they want any help...

Seriously, it's none of my business. I don't make assumptions about what has transpired up until the point that I see somebody spank their kids.
I don't have kids, but I know it's hard to enforce discipline.
When I was in high school, the teachers were allowed to spank the kids with rather large planks of wood...some teachers had special paddles with holes drilled, so they could really get some speed on the sucker. Did it work? Mostly. And we're talking 18 year-old children here.
Usually spanking works best as a deterrent, I think. Just the sight of the paddle would make kids behave.
Heck, my mother spanked me once...
Once.

Just don't let your rage take control. That's the key. And be consistant. Remember that you love them.

Now the original question... what i do when I see someone beating a kid in public: I cringe and get out of that store as fast as I can. I can't handle screaming and/or any sort of violence directed towards children. I experienced too much of it myself.

i absolutely agree with you here.
i was spanked as a kid, and i know i deserved it.
and i´ll spank my kids (when i have them) if they deserve it. as long as they know and understand why.

i don´t think i´ve ever seen someone really beat their child in public. so i don´t realy know what i´d do.
if i do see someone going too far with their child, then i assume that i´ll be outraged. would i stick my nose into their business, i doubt it - since i just don´t know the background.

It depends on the 'level' of discipline, and what the kid was doing, and how long I had to put up with it.

My reaction has varied from "Jeez - now there's an asswipe that should be sterilized" to "It's about fuckin' time there, Job."

That's not to say I wouldn't intervene if I thought actual abuse was taking place (which has never happened yet).

I got spanked liberally as a child and I cannot wait to have kids so I can smack them around a bit... ;)

j/k -- In all seriousness I completely agree with Mr Mephisto on this one.

Let's see 3 year old jumping on bed tell him to stop he keeps jumping Get him off bed and he gets back on and jumps again scream at him and he keeps jumping now do I let him jump and maybe faal and hit head or break somthing or do I give him a good swat on his butt to stop him I feel swat on the butt is better than an broken bone

I saw a father start to hit his son repeatedly in a grocery store once, so I grabbed him by his fist, slammed him up against the wall, and neutralized him until the police arrived. The man was arrested, and it turns out he went back to jail and the son was taken into custody by the grandparents who lived out of state.

Theres a big difference between discipline and abuse. Two things I will NOT tolerate and WILL intervene in is a child getting abused in public, and a woman being struck by a man under any circumstance.

out of curiousity, was he hitting the kid, or spanking on the ass repeatidly?


this is where i think you both are wrong. obviously, not all kids are the same, and some just talking to works... but not all. i was spanked when i was a kid... i'm 24 now, and the last time i was spanked i was probably 4, maybe 5. my dad would put me over his knee, slap my clothed ass a few times, sometimes i would cry, sometimes i wouldn't.

i used to run across busy streets, right though traffic. i did that twice, where he spanked me after the first time, i did it again. he spanked me a second time after he saw me do it again, i NEVER did it again. now, the shit that i tried to pull as a kid that didn't fly with my parents and led to spanking didn't happen again. sometimes it woudl take me more than once to learn it, but i did learn it.

after i was 5 and they stopped spanking me, all the shit that i would get punished for doing (lying, fighting with my brothers, bad mouth, etc), i would get sent to my room, no tv, shit like that. and guess what? it did nothing. i learned that if they punished me, even for 2 weeks stretches of grounding with no tv, i could count on them to eventually give in a let me off. or i'd ride the sentence out. either way, i wasn't afraid of them and knew that they really couldn't do anything to me since they wouldnt' hit me, what did i have to fear?

spanking = good;
abuse = bad;

there's a line, as long as you don't cross it, it's good.

but back to the orignal question, unless it was clear abuse, i'd do nothing about a parent spanking their kid. what's abuse to you and what's abuse to me are two different things, and as long as the child is not being hurt beyond the moment of pain from the spanking, then it's not abuse. if the parent is leaving marks, cutting, brusing, or breaking the bones of the kid, then that's abuse. but... anyways... you get the idea...

No Mael, he had grabbed the child by his neck, and then started getting very verbal and struck the child repeatedly in the head, definitely hard enough to where it would have hurt even a grown man. The surveillance tapes agreed.

I don't know which I hate worse...seeing a parent spank a child in public (which I think is tacky, although I don't presume to know anything about parenting) or seeing a four year old throw a tantrum because he/she isn't being getting what he/she wants. I've never seen anyone straight-up beat a child, although I have seen some pissed off kids throw some pretty mean punches at their parents.

I haven't decided how I'm going to handle the "to spank or not to spank" issue when I have my own kids. It's a difficult decision that there is no decisive answer to...