Why do I always feel hurt when people are busy? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jesus Pimp · 10-11-2003, 10:29 AM

I understand people have their own lives and get busy sometimes. But why is that I feel hurt, when my friends or even my gf say they're too busy to talk to me or hang out. When I'm busy I make an effort to get back to my friends. Am I craving too much attention? How do I deal?

lurkette · 10-11-2003, 10:34 AM

Realize that it's not about you.

If they're not making an effort to get back to you, and you suspect that there's something other than just being busy behind it, just ask them. Ask if you've offended them or if there's something you're doing that bugs them.

But mostly, I'd suspect it's just that people really are busy and not everyone is terribly conscientious about how their actions affect other peoples' feelings.

Kyo · 10-11-2003, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jesus Pimp
I understand people have their own lives and get busy sometimes.

I don't think you really do, otherwise you wouldn't be hurt. My opinion is that you are too sensitive, taking things like this personally. People often don't have the time or simply aren't in the mood to deal with others. Find something to do alone, or go make yourself useful.

Rubyee · 10-11-2003, 04:49 PM

It happens. People have so many things to do that they simply don't have time for socializing. I know that with me, I get home from work at night and feel like sitting in front of the tv or a good book and just being left alone.

You may want to start making future plans, instead of doing everything "spur of the moment."

sexymama · 10-11-2003, 06:39 PM

Why not try asking your gf (and maybe your closest friends) when they can get back to you? Especially with your gf it seems fair to say something like, "I was really looking forward to time with you -- do you think you could call me back when you are done? (or in an hour?) Or, when she isn't busy, have a conversation to explain to her how you desire time with her and that you understand her being busy; but that you would feel better if you knew when you could call back or when she would call you back.

In-the-meantime, know this isn't about you. We have very busy lives and "putting off those we love" is one of the by products.

Oh, another idea is to get involved in what she is doing so that you can be included more.

yellowgowild · 10-12-2003, 09:34 AM

The spanish have a saying, "hace falta tener cojones."

Doos · 10-14-2003, 06:10 AM

Get busy yourself and then you can ignore them.

BentNotTwisted · 10-14-2003, 07:23 PM

Do you have unrealistic expectations of their time? How far in advance do you try to make plans? You need to be understanding if you have a few hours to kill and you call someone and they are busy. That's life. If you expect others to consistently drop what they are doing in an instant and make time for you, you will lead a very disappointing life. If you try to make plans days or weeks in advance and you still can't get the time of day from friends/gf then it's time to move on and find new friends.
On the other hand, you shouldn't be so quick to stop what you are doing and accomodate friends just because they call. Relationships are a two way street. If a friend expects you to drop what you are doing with only a moments notice and won't do the same for you, then it's time to reassess the freindship and see if you are being taken advantage of.

10-11-2003, 10:29 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	Why do I always feel hurt when people are busy? I understand people have their own lives and get busy sometimes. But why is that I feel hurt, when my friends or even my gf say they're too busy to talk to me or hang out. When I'm busy I make an effort to get back to my friends. Am I craving too much attention? How do I deal? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard. Last edited by Jesus Pimp; 10-11-2003 at 10:31 AM..

10-11-2003, 10:34 AM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Realize that it's not about you. If they're not making an effort to get back to you, and you suspect that there's something other than just being busy behind it, just ask them. Ask if you've offended them or if there's something you're doing that bugs them. But mostly, I'd suspect it's just that people really are busy and not everyone is terribly conscientious about how their actions affect other peoples' feelings. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

10-11-2003, 04:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	It happens. People have so many things to do that they simply don't have time for socializing. I know that with me, I get home from work at night and feel like sitting in front of the tv or a good book and just being left alone. You may want to start making future plans, instead of doing everything "spur of the moment." __________________ You don't know from fun.

10-11-2003, 06:39 PM	#5 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Why not try asking your gf (and maybe your closest friends) when they can get back to you? Especially with your gf it seems fair to say something like, "I was really looking forward to time with you -- do you think you could call me back when you are done? (or in an hour?) Or, when she isn't busy, have a conversation to explain to her how you desire time with her and that you understand her being busy; but that you would feel better if you knew when you could call back or when she would call you back. In-the-meantime, know this isn't about you. We have very busy lives and "putting off those we love" is one of the by products. Oh, another idea is to get involved in what she is doing so that you can be included more. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

10-14-2003, 06:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
Doos Crazy Location: South Africa	Get busy yourself and then you can ignore them. __________________ Don't be alarmed, I'm an African. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

10-12-2003, 09:34 AM	#6 (permalink)
yellowgowild Psycho Location: Tampa	The spanish have a saying, "hace falta tener cojones."

10-14-2003, 07:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
BentNotTwisted Optimistic Skeptic Location: Midway between a Beehive and Centennial	Do you have unrealistic expectations of their time? How far in advance do you try to make plans? You need to be understanding if you have a few hours to kill and you call someone and they are busy. That's life. If you expect others to consistently drop what they are doing in an instant and make time for you, you will lead a very disappointing life. If you try to make plans days or weeks in advance and you still can't get the time of day from friends/gf then it's time to move on and find new friends. On the other hand, you shouldn't be so quick to stop what you are doing and accomodate friends just because they call. Relationships are a two way street. If a friend expects you to drop what you are doing with only a moments notice and won't do the same for you, then it's time to reassess the freindship and see if you are being taken advantage of. __________________ IS THAT IT ???!!! Do you even know what 'it' is? When the last man dies for just words that he said... We Shall Be Free