How come girls always say "you'll never change" when they break up with you? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jesus Pimp · 08-27-2003, 03:19 AM

My ex said it and no my current gf who might break up with me soon is saying it. Ironically I always do change and they want me again, but it's too late. Like WTF? Why are they unwilling to accept my willingness to change?

jimk · 08-27-2003, 05:05 AM

it's been my experience that the ladies are with us 'cause they see potential in us. then after a while they start trying to fix the things about us that annoy them - change us into their perfect ideal.

either they let up or things fall apart & then we've got the knowledge of one more thing that (at least one) chicks want us to do/be.

i guess you just haven't changed quickly enough for their liking - and nothing will light a fire under your ass to change like the idea of not getting laid for an unknown amount of time, right???

homerhop · 08-27-2003, 08:54 AM

you must realise firstly and most importantly WOMEN DON'T THINK LIKE MEN.
They are a law unto themselves, the get us and try to make us "better", not realising that we are quiet happy as we are

Thankfully I met someone who takes me as I am, God knows she tried to change me but gave up when she realised that hell wont make me be something I am not. Plus the fact that I am a stubborn son of a b****

anti fishstick · 08-27-2003, 12:20 PM

ahhhhhh i'm guilty as charged..

i KNOW i can't 'fix' people. i know it's up to them.. are they willing to change? it's not that i try to change them persay, but i do realize the *potential* they have and try to ....help them to change? show them the door? heh. i know it's ultimately up to them to decide what to do with it.

i've learned to find someone that doesn't *need* changing... someone who i can truly appreciate for who they are. and be level with bcos of it.

badflsh · 08-27-2003, 05:08 PM

I have heard that women marry men expecting that they will change and men marry women expecting that they wont.

rogue49 · 08-27-2003, 05:45 PM

Actually, it's irrelevant whether you change or not.

When you are about to break up with them, it's because there is no satisfaction with the current situation

Thus it is not what they want.

And so you won't change, change to what?
Who knows?
They probably don't know themselves.
Or if they do know, it's just not who you are.

They want, what they want, when they want it.
Women can be just as petty & selfish as men.
They just express it differently.

wry1 · 08-27-2003, 06:23 PM

Think of it this way.....

Women are kind of like Bob Vila. For those of you from outside the U.S., he's a pain-in-the-ass remodeling guy who has his own t.v. show. Anyway, women look at a man and they don't see a piece of meat; they don't see a wallet; they don't see a car, or a stereo, or a trust fund.

Women look at a man and see a "fixer-upper".

While men revel in rebuilding classic cars or remodeling a home to their "perfect" place, women do the same thing with the men in their lives. When they realize that the job either is beyond their means, or the man isn't going to change that radically, or they just don't fucking have the time, ****THAT'S**** when they throw the "You'll never change..." line at you and give up.

Personally, I'm looking for a gal a lot like Anti-Fishstick: someone who realizes that I MIGHT change, but that there are no guarantees and is okay with that.

Anti - what are you doing the rest of your life????

hobo · 08-27-2003, 07:21 PM

thanks for the insight you guys have given me. It never occurred to me that women thought that way.

Rodney · 08-27-2003, 08:20 PM

Guys can do the I-can-fix-her thing, too. I met this really nice woman who was perpetually on the edge of disaster -- financially, emotionally, physically, whatever. I decided that I could help stabilize her life, set an example, give her some breathing room; so we moved in together. Didn't work; she was what she was. For a couple of years I spent all my time helping her to maintain, because no matter how good the situation she'd manage to find a way to make it go wrong; and at the end she actually resented me for helping -- felt I was too controlling. So I broke it off. She definitely wasn't going to change.

I never thought I could change anyone again. Finally married a woman who wasn't perfect (neither am I) but who I knew I could live with "as is" the rest of our lives. And guess what? Since then she's changed a fair amount, all for the better, because she loves me and wants our marriage to be good for me. I like to think I'm doing the same thing for her.

skysooner · 08-28-2003, 01:29 PM

That sounds like my marriage. I was completely afraid that my wife would always be "helpless" in a way. I found out that this was partially true (she grew up in a small town) and partially an act. As I helped her grow in confidence, she has grown as a person and in ways that help our marriage.

dimbulb · 08-28-2003, 01:53 PM

ahhhhhh...

my last ex apparently thought i had 'potential'. So many small things i should fix, to turn into the ideal man. From speech to habits.. .etc...
nope... not going to happen. Take me as i am.

anti fishstick · 08-28-2003, 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by wry1

While men revel in rebuilding classic cars or remodeling a home to their "perfect" place, women do the same thing with the men in their lives. When they realize that the job either is beyond their means, or the man isn't going to change that radically, or they just don't fucking have the time, ****THAT'S**** when they throw the "You'll never change..." line at you and give up.

Personally, I'm looking for a gal a lot like Anti-Fishstick: someone who realizes that I MIGHT change, but that there are no guarantees and is okay with that.

Anti - what are you doing the rest of your life????

hmmm i have heard this analogy before...

but you know, i'm NOT ok with that... :P i have to find someone completely compatible with me.. not someone i think has *potential* to change.. i learned that the hard way. hehe. bcos even though i understand that they may not necessarily change, i'll always in the back of my mind want them to.. my last bf had no motivation in life and kind of had this defeat cycle..setting himself up for failure. i just couldn't handle that attitude.. i can deal with a friendship.. but being the psychotic girlfriend.. no thanks.

Aaron0000 · 08-29-2003, 04:15 AM

You'll never change is bullshit. If you dont think your causing any problems by being who you are, then obviously the person just doesnt connect with you and your better off trying to find someone else. If a girl is trying to change you, and there isnt any real problems(abuse-physical or emotional) then she just isnt happy with who you really are.

rodgerd · 08-29-2003, 01:24 PM

Because there are many women who get trapped by the idea that they can change a man; they see his bad points and think, "Oh, I can fix that".

The relationship is therefore evaluated not on who you are, but who you could be. She can't accept your unwillingness to change, because she doesn't want you, she wants a fantasy you.

(Of course, the usual disclaimers apply; not all women suffer from this, some men do, etc).

IMO, good long-term relationships are built on the basis that you look at someone, and ask yourself, "Can I live with this person's flaws forever?" and answer, "Yes".

Marius1 · 08-29-2003, 01:29 PM

Women do tend to think they can train a man after marriage.

Men don't change as such, they just give in for the sake of an easy life.
Then women don't find them exciting anymore as you've become this boring ass person they made you into.
Or if you didn't give in you are a dead loss and a pain.
Either way men can't win.

legolas · 08-29-2003, 09:48 PM

In short, because they know you won't change.

Jesus Pimp · 08-30-2003, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by legolas
In short, because they know you won't change.

Ironically I always do change and they want me again, but it's too late. Like WTF?

Memalvada · 08-30-2003, 02:19 PM

They say that because they're inconsiderate, selfish individuals who would rather have us change, rather than changing themselves to adapt to us...

anti fishstick · 08-30-2003, 04:38 PM

it's all about what *i* want in a relationship. not who i want....

BubblegumTeflon · 08-31-2003, 12:51 PM

Sometimes we do it to see if you cave in. It's the last test because we don't know what to do with you at this point. And when you want to change no matter what and fit to our desires, what does that make you? You become a shell of a person, you're not really there, you have no ground to stand on. . .that's the sign that it's time to move on. It's not what we want, even though it sounds like it. If you don't care about change then that shows something different about you, that you follow your own path.

"Do you believe in fate, Neo?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life."

hehe anti fishstick. . ."I can only show you the door. You must walk through it."

World's King · 08-31-2003, 01:03 PM

Because we never will.

At least I haven't.

a2k · 09-04-2003, 08:51 AM

when they say that you'll never change, just reply:

"Not until I find someone worth changing for."

That'll really make'm mad.

XenuHubbard · 09-04-2003, 10:17 PM

Hey, that's not too bad!
I was told:

"Promise me you will never change!!!"

AFTER SHE BROKE UP WITH ME.

That really messed with my mind.

bundy · 09-04-2003, 11:54 PM

JP,
in all seriousness, i believe this line often has nothing to do with you (meaning the guy) at all.

its code for... I want a change... from you...
or perhaps even...I want someone else

you say you think your current gf may break up with you... i hope thats not the case, but good luck with that anyway.

Jesus Pimp · 09-05-2003, 12:46 AM

Thanks for all the thoughts, we ended up working things out. Anyway, girls please don't say guys will never change unless you're really sure they'll never change. Mmkay?

08-27-2003, 03:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	How come girls always say "you'll never change" when they break up with you? My ex said it and no my current gf who might break up with me soon is saying it. Ironically I always do change and they want me again, but it's too late. Like WTF? Why are they unwilling to accept my willingness to change? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

08-27-2003, 05:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
jimk Addict Location: Chicago	it's been my experience that the ladies are with us 'cause they see potential in us. then after a while they start trying to fix the things about us that annoy them - change us into their perfect ideal. either they let up or things fall apart & then we've got the knowledge of one more thing that (at least one) chicks want us to do/be. i guess you just haven't changed quickly enough for their liking - and nothing will light a fire under your ass to change like the idea of not getting laid for an unknown amount of time, right??? __________________ raw power is a guaranteed o.d. raw power is a laughin' at you & me -iggy

08-27-2003, 08:54 AM	#3 (permalink)
homerhop Insane Location: ÉIRE	you must realise firstly and most importantly WOMEN DON'T THINK LIKE MEN. They are a law unto themselves, the get us and try to make us "better", not realising that we are quiet happy as we are Thankfully I met someone who takes me as I am, God knows she tried to change me but gave up when she realised that hell wont make me be something I am not. Plus the fact that I am a stubborn son of a b**** __________________ its evolution baby

08-27-2003, 12:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	ahhhhhh i'm guilty as charged.. i KNOW i can't 'fix' people. i know it's up to them.. are they willing to change? it's not that i try to change them persay, but i do realize the potential they have and try to ....help them to change? show them the door? heh. i know it's ultimately up to them to decide what to do with it. i've learned to find someone that doesn't need changing... someone who i can truly appreciate for who they are. and be level with bcos of it. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

08-27-2003, 08:20 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	Guys can do the I-can-fix-her thing, too. I met this really nice woman who was perpetually on the edge of disaster -- financially, emotionally, physically, whatever. I decided that I could help stabilize her life, set an example, give her some breathing room; so we moved in together. Didn't work; she was what she was. For a couple of years I spent all my time helping her to maintain, because no matter how good the situation she'd manage to find a way to make it go wrong; and at the end she actually resented me for helping -- felt I was too controlling. So I broke it off. She definitely wasn't going to change. I never thought I could change anyone again. Finally married a woman who wasn't perfect (neither am I) but who I knew I could live with "as is" the rest of our lives. And guess what? Since then she's changed a fair amount, all for the better, because she loves me and wants our marriage to be good for me. I like to think I'm doing the same thing for her. Last edited by Rodney; 08-27-2003 at 08:24 PM..

08-27-2003, 05:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
badflsh Tilted Location: Oregon	I have heard that women marry men expecting that they will change and men marry women expecting that they wont.

08-27-2003, 05:45 PM	#6 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Actually, it's irrelevant whether you change or not. When you are about to break up with them, it's because there is no satisfaction with the current situation Thus it is not what they want. And so you won't change, change to what? Who knows? They probably don't know themselves. Or if they do know, it's just not who you are. They want, what they want, when they want it. Women can be just as petty & selfish as men. They just express it differently.

08-27-2003, 06:23 PM	#7 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Think of it this way..... Women are kind of like Bob Vila. For those of you from outside the U.S., he's a pain-in-the-ass remodeling guy who has his own t.v. show. Anyway, women look at a man and they don't see a piece of meat; they don't see a wallet; they don't see a car, or a stereo, or a trust fund. Women look at a man and see a "fixer-upper". While men revel in rebuilding classic cars or remodeling a home to their "perfect" place, women do the same thing with the men in their lives. When they realize that the job either is beyond their means, or the man isn't going to change that radically, or they just don't fucking have the time, **THAT'S** when they throw the "You'll never change..." line at you and give up. Personally, I'm looking for a gal a lot like Anti-Fishstick: someone who realizes that I MIGHT change, but that there are no guarantees and is okay with that. Anti - what are you doing the rest of your life????

08-27-2003, 07:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
hobo Archangel of Change	thanks for the insight you guys have given me. It never occurred to me that women thought that way.

08-28-2003, 01:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	That sounds like my marriage. I was completely afraid that my wife would always be "helpless" in a way. I found out that this was partially true (she grew up in a small town) and partially an act. As I helped her grow in confidence, she has grown as a person and in ways that help our marriage.

08-28-2003, 01:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
dimbulb Riiiiight........	ahhhhhh... my last ex apparently thought i had 'potential'. So many small things i should fix, to turn into the ideal man. From speech to habits.. .etc... nope... not going to happen. Take me as i am.

08-29-2003, 04:15 AM	#13 (permalink)
Aaron0000 Crazy Location: CA	You'll never change is bullshit. If you dont think your causing any problems by being who you are, then obviously the person just doesnt connect with you and your better off trying to find someone else. If a girl is trying to change you, and there isnt any real problems(abuse-physical or emotional) then she just isnt happy with who you really are.

08-29-2003, 01:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
rodgerd Psycho Location: Wellington, New Zealand	Because there are many women who get trapped by the idea that they can change a man; they see his bad points and think, "Oh, I can fix that". The relationship is therefore evaluated not on who you are, but who you could be. She can't accept your unwillingness to change, because she doesn't want you, she wants a fantasy you. (Of course, the usual disclaimers apply; not all women suffer from this, some men do, etc). IMO, good long-term relationships are built on the basis that you look at someone, and ask yourself, "Can I live with this person's flaws forever?" and answer, "Yes".

08-29-2003, 01:29 PM	#15 (permalink)
Marius1 Loser Location: Wales	Women do tend to think they can train a man after marriage. Men don't change as such, they just give in for the sake of an easy life. Then women don't find them exciting anymore as you've become this boring ass person they made you into. Or if you didn't give in you are a dead loss and a pain. Either way men can't win.

08-29-2003, 09:48 PM	#16 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	In short, because they know you won't change. __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

08-31-2003, 01:03 PM	#21 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Because we never will. At least I haven't. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

08-30-2003, 02:19 PM	#18 (permalink)
Memalvada Psycho Location: South of the border	They say that because they're inconsiderate, selfish individuals who would rather have us change, rather than changing themselves to adapt to us... __________________ "The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK) Last edited by Memalvada; 08-30-2003 at 07:26 PM..

08-30-2003, 04:38 PM	#19 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	it's all about what i want in a relationship. not who i want.... __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

08-31-2003, 12:51 PM	#20 (permalink)
BubblegumTeflon Insane	Sometimes we do it to see if you cave in. It's the last test because we don't know what to do with you at this point. And when you want to change no matter what and fit to our desires, what does that make you? You become a shell of a person, you're not really there, you have no ground to stand on. . .that's the sign that it's time to move on. It's not what we want, even though it sounds like it. If you don't care about change then that shows something different about you, that you follow your own path. "Do you believe in fate, Neo?" "No." "Why not?" "Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life." hehe anti fishstick. . ."I can only show you the door. You must walk through it."

09-04-2003, 08:51 AM	#22 (permalink)
a2k Crazy Location: Seattle	when they say that you'll never change, just reply: "Not until I find someone worth changing for." That'll really make'm mad.

09-04-2003, 10:17 PM	#23 (permalink)
XenuHubbard Cute and Cuddly Location: Teegeeack.	Hey, that's not too bad! I was told: "Promise me you will never change!!!" AFTER SHE BROKE UP WITH ME. That really messed with my mind. __________________ The above was written by a true prophet. Trust me. "What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and paranoid". - SB2000

09-04-2003, 11:54 PM	#24 (permalink)
bundy . Location: Tokyo	JP, in all seriousness, i believe this line often has nothing to do with you (meaning the guy) at all. its code for... I want a change... from you... or perhaps even...I want someone else you say you think your current gf may break up with you... i hope thats not the case, but good luck with that anyway. __________________ Ohayo!!!

09-05-2003, 12:46 AM	#25 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	Thanks for all the thoughts, we ended up working things out. Anyway, girls please don't say guys will never change unless you're really sure they'll never change. Mmkay? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.